for goodness sake...can we have at least one thread where grown men don't go off on one about something and nothing----in the big scheme of things
Joke thread
Started by
Futtocks
, Nov 30 2009 11:41 AM
515 replies to this topic
#21
amh
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Posted 04 December 2009 - 08:59 PM
Whilst I do not suffer fools gladly, I will always gladly make fools suffer
Comment is free, but facts are sacred. - C. P. Scott
That's the problem with opinions, everyone's got one....That's the good thing about opinions, everyone's got one.
'the girl with the ?!*?! or whatever?'
Comment is free, but facts are sacred. - C. P. Scott
That's the problem with opinions, everyone's got one....That's the good thing about opinions, everyone's got one.
'the girl with the ?!*?! or whatever?'
#22
Exiled Townie
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Posted 04 December 2009 - 09:27 PM
QUOTE (l'angelo mysterioso @ Dec 4 2009, 08:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
that wasn't what you quoted.
all I've done is ask you to tell these jokes
all I've done is ask you to tell these jokes
Yes it was, although I did quote the whole of this " Basic guideline to posting jokes on here - the butt of the joke must be a white male heterosexual protestant (all the better it's American - and extra 'right on' Brownie points). Any deviation from this shibboleth will result in the appearance of the self-righteous and an overload of political correctness on this board. but thought that by reading my post, anyone would have realised what bit I was on about.
QUOTE (amh @ Dec 4 2009, 08:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
for goodness sake...can we have at least one thread where grown men don't go off on one about something and nothing----in the big scheme of things
Once again a woman shows us the error of our ways.
Advert break nearly over, back to NCIS. No more posts from me on the self righteous.
"In left-wing circles it is always felt that there is something slightly disgraceful in being an Englishman, and that it is
their duty to snigger at every English institution"
"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
St Albans Centurions Website
#23
amh
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Posted 04 December 2009 - 09:31 PM
QUOTE (Exiled Townie @ Dec 4 2009, 09:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Once again a woman shows us the error of our ways.
Advert break nearly over, back to NCIS. No more posts from me on the self righteous.
Advert break nearly over, back to NCIS. No more posts from me on the self righteous.
I'm half watching that too...I nearly came back and deleted or to post an apology....sorry for nagging
Whilst I do not suffer fools gladly, I will always gladly make fools suffer
Comment is free, but facts are sacred. - C. P. Scott
That's the problem with opinions, everyone's got one....That's the good thing about opinions, everyone's got one.
'the girl with the ?!*?! or whatever?'
Comment is free, but facts are sacred. - C. P. Scott
That's the problem with opinions, everyone's got one....That's the good thing about opinions, everyone's got one.
'the girl with the ?!*?! or whatever?'
#24
l'angelo mysterioso
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Posted 04 December 2009 - 09:57 PM
QUOTE (Exiled Townie @ Dec 4 2009, 09:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yes it was, although I did quote the whole of this " Basic guideline to posting jokes on here - the butt of the joke must be a white male heterosexual protestant (all the better it's American - and extra 'right on' Brownie points). Any deviation from this shibboleth will result in the appearance of the self-righteous and an overload of political correctness on this board. but thought that by reading my post, anyone would have realised what bit I was on about.
Once again a woman shows us the error of our ways.
Advert break nearly over, back to NCIS. No more posts from me on the self righteous.
Once again a woman shows us the error of our ways.
Advert break nearly over, back to NCIS. No more posts from me on the self righteous.
so there are no such jokes then.
in which case what are you on about?
there are those among us
who think that life is but a joke
who think that life is but a joke
#25
blackknight
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Posted 05 December 2009 - 03:30 PM
Back to the jokes.
My wife fell down an escalator yesterday.
It took half an hour to reach the bottom.
My wife fell down an escalator yesterday.
It took half an hour to reach the bottom.
#26
goldcard
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Posted 06 December 2009 - 08:28 PM
QUOTE (blackknight @ Dec 5 2009, 03:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Back to the jokes.
My wife fell down an escalator yesterday.
It took half an hour to reach the bottom.
My wife fell down an escalator yesterday.
It took half an hour to reach the bottom.
And your joke?
Wires record breaking 10 match run: L 16-17 ; L 34-36 ; L 24-44 ; L 20-38 ; L 8-46; L 14-26 ; L 20-40 ; L 22-48 ; L 14-20 ; L 8-60. Thanks Jimmy.The Glamour Club. Apparently.
Captain Morgan Trophy Holders.(I still think we have the British Coal 9's trophy hidden somewhere, too...)
Ooooh, the Challenge Cup!!! Thank you Tony.....
And again!!!
Tipping Competiton Challenged Shield Winner 2010
Captain Morgan Trophy Holders.(I still think we have the British Coal 9's trophy hidden somewhere, too...)
Ooooh, the Challenge Cup!!! Thank you Tony.....
And again!!!
Tipping Competiton Challenged Shield Winner 2010
#27
Chairman M
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Posted 06 December 2009 - 08:47 PM
What do you call a terrorist from Ibiza?
Allsummer Bin Largin'
Yeah I know and coat already got.
Allsummer Bin Largin'
Yeah I know and coat already got.
#28
ExiledChemic
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Posted 06 December 2009 - 10:52 PM
QUOTE (l'angelo mysterioso @ Dec 4 2009, 05:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
there must be loads
let's be hearing them
let's be hearing them
Do you never ever get tired of being so damn sanctimonious all the time? Who appointed you to the job, or are you an internet quango?
On The Outside Looking In
#29
ExiledChemic
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Posted 06 December 2009 - 10:54 PM
What games console would an epileptic Scot get for Christmas?.........................................
A Wii fit!!
A Wii fit!!
On The Outside Looking In
#30
ExiledChemic
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Posted 06 December 2009 - 10:55 PM
QUOTE (amh @ Dec 4 2009, 08:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
for goodness sake...can we have at least one thread where grown men don't go off on one about something and nothing----in the big scheme of things
He's obvoiusly not grown up, bullies usually are the most immature self loathing individuals in the class.
On The Outside Looking In
#31
ExiledChemic
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Posted 06 December 2009 - 10:59 PM
Woman in a high class jewellers shop. Sees a rock she really likes so bends over to get a better look, gaspsat it's beauty and rather embarrasingly farts at the same time.
'How much is this one' asks the woman.
'Madam' says the jeweller, 'If you farted at the sight of it, you would sh!t yourself if I told you the price'
'How much is this one' asks the woman.
'Madam' says the jeweller, 'If you farted at the sight of it, you would sh!t yourself if I told you the price'
On The Outside Looking In
#32
l'angelo mysterioso
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Posted 07 December 2009 - 08:12 AM
QUOTE (ExiledChemic @ Dec 6 2009, 10:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Do you never ever get tired of being so damn sanctimonious all the time? Who appointed you to the job, or are you an internet quango?
I asked some one to tell a joke of a kind that is apparently prevalent.
there are those among us
who think that life is but a joke
who think that life is but a joke
#33
l'angelo mysterioso
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Posted 07 December 2009 - 08:26 AM
QUOTE (ExiledChemic @ Dec 6 2009, 10:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
sanctimonious
are you sure? have you looked it up? You did struggle with it a bit previuously.
there are those among us
who think that life is but a joke
who think that life is but a joke
#34
RP London
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Posted 07 December 2009 - 10:23 AM
gents this is a joke thread can we possibly keep it like that?
#35
Shadow
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Posted 07 December 2009 - 10:30 AM
Two parrots on a perch.
One says "can you smell fish?"
One says "can you smell fish?"
God Rides a Harley but the Devil rides a Ducati!
#36
l'angelo mysterioso
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Posted 07 December 2009 - 10:35 AM
QUOTE (RP London @ Dec 7 2009, 10:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
gents this is a joke thread can we possibly keep it like that?
exactly
there are those among us
who think that life is but a joke
who think that life is but a joke
#37
tim2
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Posted 07 December 2009 - 12:18 PM
Velcro. What a rip off.
I saw a TV on sale in Curry's for £10. I asked the assistant "Why is that so cheap?" Assistant replies "Volume is stuck on full". I had to buy it - I just couldn't turn it down.
© Tim Vine
I saw a TV on sale in Curry's for £10. I asked the assistant "Why is that so cheap?" Assistant replies "Volume is stuck on full". I had to buy it - I just couldn't turn it down.
© Tim Vine
North Derbyshire Chargers - join the stampede
Raising money for Prostate Cancer UK - ran the Spire 10 mile in August and the Worksop Half Marathon in October - more to come in 2013
Raising money for Prostate Cancer UK - ran the Spire 10 mile in August and the Worksop Half Marathon in October - more to come in 2013
#38
Stevo
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Posted 07 December 2009 - 12:24 PM
Although I don't personally subscribe to the theory that there's a sucker born every minute, I still pay the newsagent's bill every month.
It's not a question of coming down to earth, Mr Duxbury. Some of us, Mr Duxbury, belong in the stars.
#39
l'angelo mysterioso
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Posted 07 December 2009 - 12:27 PM
QUOTE (tim2 @ Dec 7 2009, 12:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Velcro. What a rip off.
I saw a TV on sale in Curry's for £10. I asked the assistant "Why is that so cheap?" Assistant replies "Volume is stuck on full". I had to buy it - I just couldn't turn it down.
© Tim Vine
I saw a TV on sale in Curry's for £10. I asked the assistant "Why is that so cheap?" Assistant replies "Volume is stuck on full". I had to buy it - I just couldn't turn it down.
© Tim Vine
there are those among us
who think that life is but a joke
who think that life is but a joke
#40
tim2
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Posted 07 December 2009 - 12:47 PM
More from Tim Vine:
When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely... It's a basic skill isn't it...."
"Exit signs - they're on the way out aren't they?." "I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.''
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely... It's a basic skill isn't it...."
"Exit signs - they're on the way out aren't they?." "I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.''
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
North Derbyshire Chargers - join the stampede
Raising money for Prostate Cancer UK - ran the Spire 10 mile in August and the Worksop Half Marathon in October - more to come in 2013
Raising money for Prostate Cancer UK - ran the Spire 10 mile in August and the Worksop Half Marathon in October - more to come in 2013
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