Jump to content


Rugby League World Issue 400 - Out Now!

RUGBY LEAGUE WORLD MAGAZINE - ISSUE 400 - OUT NOW!
84 pages, 38 years of history from Open Rugby to the present day.
Click here for the digital edition to read online via smartphone, tablet and desktop devices including iPhone, iPad, Android & Kindle HD.
Click here to order a copy for delivery by post. Annual subscriptions also available worldwide.
Find out what's inside Issue 400
/ View a Gallery of all 400 covers / WH Smith Branches stocking Issue 400
Read Jamie Jones-Buchanan's Top 5 RLW Interviews including Marwan Koukash, Lee Briers, Gareth Thomas, Steve Ganson & Matt King OBE


League Express

Podcast

Photo
- - - - -

bad news


  • Please log in to reply
42 replies to this topic

#21 rover n out

rover n out
  • Coach
  • 1,590 posts

Posted 23 September 2012 - 08:43 AM

2 irishmen doing a house clearance...one finds a mirror and looks at it and says...i know him ?

the other said give it here.....looks at his mate and says....its me ya daft sod !!

Edited by rover n out, 23 September 2012 - 08:44 AM.

Twenty minutes before a gig, he dons the suit and walks out as though he's on his way to a caning from the headmaster, Except its Angus that does the whipping!!

#22 Phil Stone

Phil Stone
  • Coach
  • 3,836 posts

Posted 23 September 2012 - 12:29 PM

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.Talk about Dyson with death.

#23 oldrover

oldrover
  • Coach
  • 5,950 posts

Posted 23 September 2012 - 12:49 PM

had lunch at morrisons today. i had liver and onions followed by coffee an d biscuits. liver was offal, biscuits were nice.
joe mullaney is a god
the only good tiger is a stuffed tiger

Posted Image

#24 jamescolin

jamescolin
  • Coach
  • 3,087 posts

Posted 23 September 2012 - 02:14 PM

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.Talk about Dyson with death.


If that is the spectre that came to see you that is on your site you should be pleased with her you could only be a gainer. You still haven't told us who it is.

#25 jamescolin

jamescolin
  • Coach
  • 3,087 posts

Posted 23 September 2012 - 02:52 PM

Two blondes walk into a building. You'd have thought at least one of them would have seen it.

#26 Bob Crowther

Bob Crowther
  • Coach
  • 2,661 posts

Posted 24 September 2012 - 12:55 PM

Good 4 a laugh


Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador" . "###### that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says what makes you think that He says I then says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!"

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkas saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!

Some one else please take over now put them all in a book sell them raise funds or may pay us not to.

Flog em to Billy Pearce

#27 Ackydave

Ackydave
  • Coach
  • 127 posts

Posted 24 September 2012 - 09:47 PM

My mates secretary is dyslexic

She gave him the best blow job ever this afternoon
He'd sent her an e-mail asking her to sack his cook....

#28 Ackydave

Ackydave
  • Coach
  • 127 posts

Posted 24 September 2012 - 09:48 PM

Flog em to Billy Pearce


Where do you think we got 'em from Bob?

#29 gettingold

gettingold
  • Players
  • 12 posts

Posted 25 September 2012 - 07:08 PM

A wife says to her husband "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He says "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair."

#30 jamescolin

jamescolin
  • Coach
  • 3,087 posts

Posted 25 September 2012 - 07:32 PM

I rang a number the other day the answer phone said'If you want marijuana press the hash key'

#31 jamescolin

jamescolin
  • Coach
  • 3,087 posts

Posted 27 September 2012 - 03:56 PM

A man applies for a top sales job. His qualifications are superb but he has an afflication. He winks continually. The interviewer tells him that he would get the job if he didn't keep winking as it didn't go with the company standards of employees conduct. The man replied if he took two aspirins the winking stopped. That's great the interviewer replied, and asked the man to show him. He started emptying his pockets and took out loads of condoms and finally found the aspirin he was looking for. He took two and the winking stopped. The interviewer was inpressed but made the point that pockets of condums didn't go with the companies profile and customers would be upset at such a sexy man. The man explained he wasn't a philanderer and was happily married. He was then asked why he had so many condums in his pocket. With a sigh he blamed the chemists. He asked the interviewer what he thought would happen if when you went into the chemist you asked for some aspirin and winked!

#32 Ackydave

Ackydave
  • Coach
  • 127 posts

Posted 28 September 2012 - 10:19 PM

My wife laughed when I told her I was going to make a car out of sphageti.

She wasn't laughing when I drove pasta.........

#33 gingerover

gingerover
  • Players
  • 4 posts

Posted 02 October 2012 - 10:12 AM

two biscuits walking down the road, one says to other 'where you live then?' other replies 'i arent telling you, you will nick me washing'

Edit use of text speak

Edited by Maureen T-k, 02 October 2012 - 08:41 PM.


#34 Ricardo Taylor

Ricardo Taylor
  • Coach
  • 1,134 posts

Posted 02 October 2012 - 11:19 AM

Went to the doctors this morning, told him i felt like a pair of curtains, well pull yourself together

#35 jamescolin

jamescolin
  • Coach
  • 3,087 posts

Posted 02 October 2012 - 08:37 PM

A man applies for a top sales job. His qualifications are superb but he has an afflication. He winks continually. The interviewer tells him that he would get the job if he didn't keep winking as it didn't go with the company standards of employees conduct. The man replied if he took two aspirins the winking stopped. That's great the interviewer replied, and asked the man to show him. He started emptying his pockets and took out loads of condoms and finally found the aspirin he was looking for. He took two and the winking stopped. The interviewer was inpressed but made the point that pockets of condums didn't go with the companies profile and customers would be upset at such a sexy man. The man explained he wasn't a philanderer and was happily married. He was then asked why he had so many condums in his pocket. With a sigh he blamed the chemists. He asked the interviewer what he thought would happen if when you went into the chemist you asked for some aspirin and winked!

I have just noticed that under my name it says 'no warning points'. Does that mean I have been hit by a train? Or have I been crossing someone? Should I be carrying a notice 'Care here comes Colin Smith'
Explain please!

#36 Maureen T-k

Maureen T-k
  • Moderator
  • 5,114 posts

Posted 02 October 2012 - 08:43 PM

I have just noticed that under my name it says 'no warning points'. Does that mean I have been hit by a train? Or have I been crossing someone? Should I be carrying a notice 'Care here comes Colin Smith'
Explain please!


Just think yourself lucky
Im Fev and im proud

#37 gettingold

gettingold
  • Players
  • 12 posts

Posted 03 October 2012 - 06:22 PM

Sorry folks pantomine cancelled no jack n beanstalk this year at bradford almbra the gaint says he can't smell the blood of an english man anymore.

#38 oldrover

oldrover
  • Coach
  • 5,950 posts

Posted 05 October 2012 - 01:02 PM

a report in todays mirror states that researchers have discovered that homosexual men have considerably larger willys than straight men.................OMG I'M GAY.
joe mullaney is a god
the only good tiger is a stuffed tiger

Posted Image

#39 Robin Evans

Robin Evans

    Robin Evans

  • Coach
  • 9,857 posts

Posted 05 October 2012 - 02:16 PM

aye - wi gathered wi them shoes ya wear!
"I love our club, absolutely love it". (Overton, M 2007)

#40 oldrover

oldrover
  • Coach
  • 5,950 posts

Posted 05 October 2012 - 03:24 PM

aye - wi gathered wi them shoes ya wear!

i asked for that dint a
joe mullaney is a god
the only good tiger is a stuffed tiger

Posted Image




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users