Here's an update (see, I'm providing a public service here, I watch this stuff so you don't have to).
Nadine Dorries MP has perhaps surprisingly not been voted to do every trial, though she can now put 'eating an Ostrich anus on national television' on her CV which will no doubt impress the whips on her return to the House of Commons. It was the anus of a dead Ostrich, I ought to point out here. ITV hasn't sunk that low yet.
A hapless former soap star (Rosie Webster, Corrie fans) has eclipsed Nad in the 'being relentlessly bullied by the people who vote on these kind of shows' stakes by having to do six consecutive trials for no other reason that she is pretty rubbish at them, which means she wins no food and her fellow Slebs have to live on rice and beans, which means they get grumpy and fall out with each other a lot.
Former Doctor Who Colin Baker doesn't get much to do on account of him being exceedingly well-rounded these days (unlike his Tardis, he is bigger on the outside) and he is in his 70s, but he's nice to everyone and should win simply on account of him being a former Doctor Who. Biased, me? Of course!
'TV funnyman' Brian Conley has left the, ahem, 'jungle' due to an unexplained illness. Poor him. He didn't do much anyway apart from smoke and not make people laugh.
The others are made up of people who were once in that thing that you never watch, a sportsman (boxer David Haye) who would be good at the trials and thus never gets picked to do any, a chirpy American who was apparently in that group with her off of X Factor who sang 'Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me', Janine from Eastenders (don't mess with her, she'll push you down a mountain), and Limahl. Yes, Limahl. From Kajagoogoo. That's an 80s pop band, not a remote Aussie village (though it could be both, I suppose).
I almost forgot Eric Bristow. He's really good at adding up in his head, and smoking. He can actually do both at once.
You don't know what you're missing!
