A titter before christmas and the season
Posted 21 December 2012 - 10:21 PM
'To hear is to obey oh master'
His legs fell off.
Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:41 PM
O K the man says give me 1 million pounds .
your wish is granted , but your wife gets 2 million pounds says the genie .
What is your second wish says the genie .
Give me a tropical island with a luxury mansion on it says the man .
O K says the genie but your wife gets 2 islands .
The genie asks what is your final wish .
The man replies beat me half to death.
Posted 22 December 2012 - 08:18 PM
Posted 22 December 2012 - 09:05 PM
Posted 23 December 2012 - 04:27 PM
1. An elderly lady walked into the recreation room of a nursing home with her fist clenched and held high. She shouted 'If any man can guess what I have in my clenched fist he can have sex with me.' A bored voice muttered 'An elephant' 'Near enough' she replied, dragging him off.
2.An old guy was fed up of his kids and grandkids not coming to see him at Christmas even though he always sent each one of them a large cheque. They didn't even say thank you. This year it was different. The house was full of children and grandchildren all clamouring around him. His wife asked how it had happened. 'Easy' he said 'I sent the cheques out as usual but I didn't sign them.'
3.A couple were sitting at their dining room table. 'Just fancy' the elderly woman said. 'We've been doing this for 50 years. 'Do you remember in the old days when we did it naked, I know let's do it again-NOW' They both undressed. The woman gasped ' Do you know my breasts are as hot for you as they were all those years ago!' 'I'm not surprised 'said the man ' You've got one in your coffee and the other in your soup.'
See you, Col.
Posted 26 December 2012 - 08:55 PM
Just one before I pack my bags.
Two old guys sat talking. First one: 'I ache all over I am really feeling old' Second old guy: Oh I feel like a new born baby' 'Really?
'Yes I have no hair, no teeth and I have just wet myself'.
Posted 28 December 2012 - 08:35 PM
A man has an appointment with a specialist
He walk into the consulting room and puts down a note. It reads:
'Can't speak please help'
The specialist considers for a moment and then tells the man to put his appendages on the table.
The man thinks this is strange but the doctor is a specialist. So he does so.
The doctor then picks up a large mallet and brings it down with all his force.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA' shouts the man
'Very good' says the specialist. 'An excellent result. Come back tomorrow and we will try 'B',