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#1 grumpyoldram

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 08:17 AM

Bored so I've put these corny jokes on.

 
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a Vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death?
                                        ---------
Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."
"Really, ..." says Mick "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
                                        ----------
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!  At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
                                        ---------
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid...then I was petrified.
                                        ----------
The wife has been missing a week now.  The Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I went to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
                                        ----------
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
                                        ----------
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin.
Three hours later and they're still walking about with it.
I thought to myself, they've lost the plot ....
                                        ----------
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!
"Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."
                                        ----------
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
                                        ---------
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
                                        ---------
I start a new job in Seoul next week.
I thought it was a good Korea move.
                                        ---------
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."
                                        ----------
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said:  'English speaking Doctor'.
I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'
                                        ---------
 

 

 

 



#2 Kelsey The Ram

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 02:41 PM

That last one made me laugh
"Are you tryin' to mug me off in front of my pals?"

#3 Piggy's mate

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Posted 09 July 2013 - 05:02 PM

Ooh let me guess you must be a Dewsbury fan!


Now where did I leave that pointy thing that bloke Damocles gave me, I've work to do!


 

BATLEY BULLDOGS RLFC :bb:


#4 grumpyoldram

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Posted 10 July 2013 - 08:16 AM

Ooh let me guess you must be a Dewsbury fan!

Yeah I know, terrible aren't they - I had to leave the good ones off in case they offended you sensitive souls across the valley.



#5 Piggy's mate

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Posted 10 July 2013 - 01:41 PM

I found the majority of them funny but to say only the last one made me laugh shows either a lack of humour or somthing else completly!

Now where did I leave that pointy thing that bloke Damocles gave me, I've work to do!


 

BATLEY BULLDOGS RLFC :bb:


#6 Wakefield Ram

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Posted 10 July 2013 - 07:20 PM

Well they made my wife, my son and myself laugh.

Thanks

#7 Bi11

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Posted 10 July 2013 - 07:57 PM

Ok,tongue in cheek, no flak please.

 

A chap went into a pet shop and asked for budgie paint.

 

"What do you mean budgie paint"? asked the shop owner.

 

"I want to paint my budgie in the colours of my favourite Rugby team, red amber and black"

 

"If tha does that tha'll kill it" said the shop owner.

 

"If that's your attitude I'm off to Wickes"

 

Two weeks later they met on the terracing at Owl Lane.

 

"How's the budgie"

 

"Dead"

 

"I telled thee that painting it would kill it"

 

"Nah, wasn't the paint, it was the blow torch"



#8 grumpyoldram

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 08:19 AM

Ok,tongue in cheek, no flak please.

 

A chap went into a pet shop and asked for budgie paint.

 

"What do you mean budgie paint"? asked the shop owner.

 

"I want to paint my budgie in the colours of my favourite Rugby team, red amber and black"

 

"If tha does that tha'll kill it" said the shop owner.

 

"If that's your attitude I'm off to Wickes"

 

Two weeks later they met on the terracing at Owl Lane.

 

"How's the budgie"

 

"Dead"

 

"I telled thee that painting it would kill it"

 

"Nah, wasn't the paint, it was the blow torch"

 

I found it funny - there'll be one or two won't know what a blow torch is though. ;)



#9 Hugh Jarce

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 08:58 AM

I found it funny - there'll be one or two won't know what a blow torch is though. ;)

 

Plus some will find it cruel to Budgie's 

 

Or offensive to supporters of teams with other colours

 

Or sexist because it was a Chap

 

Or showing a bias to one DIY chain

 

Or.......... :rtfm:


"Life's tough.......It's even tougher if you're stupid." - John Wayne


#10 Blind side johnny

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 10:36 AM

Plus some will find it cruel to Budgie's 

 

Or offensive to supporters of teams with other colours

 

Or sexist because it was a Chap

 

Or showing a bias to one DIY chain

 

Or.......... :rtfm:

 

 

............nothing to do with RL in general or DRLFC in particular.

 

 

I am one of those people.


Believe what you see, don't see what you believe.


John Ray (1627 - 1705)

#11 grumpyoldram

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 02:53 PM

............nothing to do with RL in general or DRLFC in particular.

 

 

I am one of those people.

Well thank god it was a light hearted posting - god knows what the response would have been if I'd mentioned third world poverty. Let me know when there's something to smile about regarding rugby full stop. :roulette:



#12 Bi11

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 05:02 PM

............nothing to do with RL in general or DRLFC in particular.

 

 

I am one of those people.

I thought that you were going to ask how I knew that you had a budgie



#13 grumpyoldram

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 06:39 PM

I thought that you were going to ask how I knew that you had a budgie

My dad wouldn't let me have a pet - unless you count the triffid. :shout:



#14 Blind side johnny

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 06:59 PM

Well thank god it was a light hearted posting - god knows what the response would have been if I'd mentioned third world poverty. Let me know when there's something to smile about regarding rugby full stop. :roulette:

 

 

If you can be Grumpy then I can be Grouchy!

 

 

 

:codemafia:


Believe what you see, don't see what you believe.


John Ray (1627 - 1705)

#15 grumpyoldram

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Posted 11 July 2013 - 07:03 PM

If you can be Grumpy then I can be Grouchy!

 

 

 

:codemafia:

 

They're a bug gar are piles aren't they ? ;)






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