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2014 predictions


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#1 ckn

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Posted 01 January 2014 - 01:34 PM

Rugby oriented:

 

- Wigan win Minor Premiers, Huddersfield SL champions.  Warrington runners up, Warrington fans realise finally that this is going to be the case for the next 100 years or so.

- Bradford survive the year but just and get a berth in the new reorganised 2015 SL.  They celebrate the reinstatement of their full TV money by giving all the players a Christmas bonus of a 2p sweet and a free glass of water, players are told to bring their own cups.

- London Broncos disintegrate on relegation.  Widnes officially recognised as the league's new soft southerners.

- The RFL cannot decide who else gets relegated so organises a four-way death-match fight-off between Cas, Wakey, Widnes and Salford.  Unfortunately, Cas's lack of strength in depth sees them relegated but not before critically weakening both Wakey and Widnes, Salford just shrug and buy in more players with the reduced player costs on their books.

- Toulouse come to the bargaining table with a £100m TV contract, promises from the entire Aussie national team to sign on minimum wage terms and fans pledge to buy enough season tickets to fill the entire stadium for every game.  The RFL reject their license application because one of the directors once got a parking ticket.

 

Non-rugby stuff:

 

- A senior Lib Dem backbencher defects to the Labour Party, the others don't but mainly because they've no spine.  Charlie Kennedy joins Sarah Teather in announcing he's retiring from politics in 2015 because all the Lib Dem ministers are disguised Tory weasels, Ming Campbell announces he plans to still be an MP in 2050 after cutting a deal with Stanley Gene for access to his longevity treatments.

- The Scots win independence but only because the No campaign is so smug in their opinion poll lead that they don't bother turning out to vote.  The Tories rejoice at a near permanent majority government in Rump-UK for the next 20 years.  Maggie Thatcher resurrects herself to take over the Tory party and her first act is to change the hunting laws, while still saving the foxes, by using unemployed and food bank claimants as the hunt targets, IDS cries publicly in joy.

- Nigel Farage gets sacked as UKIP leader for saying too many nice things about non-English people.  Godfrey Bloom takes over and the Daily Mail rejoices that there's finally a leader that speaks sense.

- A mass hypnotisation on a popular TV show accidentally wipes out the conditioning affecting football fans that they're actually watching an entertaining sport rather than a bunch of overpaid primadonnas who really aren't that good.  English football collapses overnight.  Sky TV bills go down to £10 a month to reflect the removal of the football subsidisation.

- The government announces a change to the Bedroom Tax, instead of a punitive cut to benefits they force people to house asylum seekers in their spare rooms.

- The French government announces a 99.9% tax for anyone earning over £10 an hour.  Everyone under this rate is given a state subsidised domestic staff of cook, cleaner, butler and driver while their working conditions are reduced to having to work on Monday and Tuesdays between midday and 2pm with a 90 minute lunch.  The French unions go on strike over their workers being exploited by having to work so soon after the weekend.

- Yellowstone finally blows and kills us all, the Mayans realise that their calendar was two years out.

 

Forum stuff:

 

- John finally loses it and perma-bans half the people who post on the Cross-code, Community and NCL forums.

- Maggie realises she's been conned and resigns as main forum moderator after getting yet another frothy mouthed PM for daring to tell someone off for being abusive and offensive.

- JohnM confesses that he's really Ed Balls and has been trolling us for all these years.

- The Parksider confesses that he's really Uncle Mo and has been trying to get us to see sense while incognito.

- The forum posters decide to change their forum names to real-life names and realise that over half the forum is full of SL players.


Arguing with the forum trolls is like playing chess with a pigeon.  No matter how good you are, the bird will **** on the board and strut around like it won anyway


#2 JohnM

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Posted 02 January 2014 - 09:59 AM

Two of my own.

 

1. The nation finally realises the debt of  gratitude it owes to its older citizens

2. Yvette Cooper finally realises who really has been making her happy all these years.



#3 markleeds

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Posted 02 January 2014 - 10:48 AM

More companies will continue to blame the downturn/economy for thier poor performances, ignoring the fact their business models is outdated by 20 years.

Rugby League will still be a great sport to watch no matter how bad the fans claim things are.




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