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Conspiracy Theory


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#1 Gonch

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 08:09 PM

It has been confirmed today that MI5 are looking into allegations that the RFL want to ensure that Deluded Haven RLFC are relegated into the outer hemisphere of professional RL

Several weeks ago they received a complaint from an anonymous source (rumoured to be Alan Goodloss or Short Sirkett) which they decided to investigate.

 

Certain parts of the investigation have been leaked to the press and include:

 

Matt Thomason was kidknapped before todays game and the ref today wasin fact Paul Penrice in movie make up.

Jarrad Stack hasn't really left to join the police, he is a terminator model T1000, has killed Samir Tahouri and has taken his place in the haven squad to cause dissent within the ranks

Shaun Ainscough and Brett Seymour have been given free passes to Crosbys fish n chips and the name on the credit card is M Fryer.

Derwent park has pits dug which only town players can spot and avoid.

Dr Marwan Cotter is in fact a double agent and is still a 100% Townie.

 

Further evidence was collected today when Haven complained that the dugout was so small that only their head coach could fit in it.

Haven superstar winger Spongebob squarepants also confirmed that the pass for the winning NON try was 70 yards backwards which really does indicate that in fact Haven are correct and that everyone in the country is against them and it is a matter of National security that they are relegated a division, in fact the RFL invented the BP system just to ensure that this is so.

 

This has left many of the obese ones in utter confusion, after celebrating the NO try by soiling their tanga briefs  they were brought to earth with a nasty bump when ref Paul Penrice blew for a forward pass, they were last see driving past the Travellers rest in the sunshine bus throwing faeces laden undercrackers at the Merry revellers basking in the glory of a town victory.

 

They now move on to Batley at home next week, but rumours from the haven fans say that Lord Lucan is playing stand off flying jimmy hoffa is playing on the wing for Batly because "assa t'RFL ev chenged rules eh marra like so that we gar doon like eh coz nee yan likes us eh"

 

Additionally  Osama bin Laden is reffing the game as he is not really dead, apparently he has issued a fatwah against the town of whitehaven several years ago.

This is known to be true as I quote Charlo's knicker sniffer has been heard to mutter  "them planes assa, wurnt ment to hit them twin toors eh assa, they wuz garn for T'beacon but them arabs assa cudnt hit a coooows arris wid a banjo"

 

I think we can all agree as Town fans that Haven have a valid point and that we should, in fact, hand them all our points gained so far this season as it is only fair.

 

I'm now off through the door at the back of my wardrobe to vist my best friend Aslan

 

peace out

 

Gonch

 

 

(PS Did you know Phil Veivers was the second gunman on the grassy Knoll and Dave Bowdens name is a pseudonym, his real name is Elvis Aaron Presley)

 

 


"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."


#2 DavidM

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 08:17 PM

I can't wait for the new series of conspiracy files... Two hour special on this one .

#3 Sticklebricks

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 08:43 PM

Pure gold.marra. Nice one. Up the town

#4 town4me

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 08:44 PM

Ha ha ha I feel sorry for the poor referee who gets the Jam v batley he is on a hiding to nothing

#5 anok4u

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 08:45 PM

I hope veivers tweets him just for spite ha
go **** yasell ya little **** gain NL1 then take ya **** out ya dads **** then speak proper rugby talk. you jameating little spotty ****...itchy waa waa 2008...

#6 DavidM

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 08:47 PM

It'll be some game that one

#7 unicorn106

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 08:49 PM

It has been confirmed today that MI5 are looking into allegations that the RFL want to ensure that Deluded Haven RLFC are relegated into the outer hemisphere of professional RL

Several weeks ago they received a complaint from an anonymous source (rumoured to be Alan Goodloss or Short Sirkett) which they decided to investigate.

 

Certain parts of the investigation have been leaked to the press and include:

 

Matt Thomason was kidknapped before todays game and the ref today wasin fact Paul Penrice in movie make up.

Jarrad Stack hasn't really left to join the police, he is a terminator model T1000, has killed Samir Tahouri and has taken his place in the haven squad to cause dissent within the ranks

Shaun Ainscough and Brett Seymour have been given free passes to Crosbys fish n chips and the name on the credit card is M Fryer.

Derwent park has pits dug which only town players can spot and avoid.

Dr Marwan Cotter is in fact a double agent and is still a 100% Townie.

 

Further evidence was collected today when Haven complained that the dugout was so small that only their head coach could fit in it.

Haven superstar winger Spongebob squarepants also confirmed that the pass for the winning NON try was 70 yards backwards which really does indicate that in fact Haven are correct and that everyone in the country is against them and it is a matter of National security that they are relegated a division, in fact the RFL invented the BP system just to ensure that this is so.

 

This has left many of the obese ones in utter confusion, after celebrating the NO try by soiling their tanga briefs  they were brought to earth with a nasty bump when ref Paul Penrice blew for a forward pass, they were last see driving past the Travellers rest in the sunshine bus throwing faeces laden undercrackers at the Merry revellers basking in the glory of a town victory.

 

They now move on to Batley at home next week, but rumours from the haven fans say that Lord Lucan is playing stand off flying jimmy hoffa is playing on the wing for Batly because "assa t'RFL ev chenged rules eh marra like so that we gar doon like eh coz nee yan likes us eh"

 

Additionally  Osama bin Laden is reffing the game as he is not really dead, apparently he has issued a fatwah against the town of whitehaven several years ago.

This is known to be true as I quote Charlo's knicker sniffer has been heard to mutter  "them planes assa, wurnt ment to hit them twin toors eh assa, they wuz garn for T'beacon but them arabs assa cudnt hit a coooows arris wid a banjo"

 

I think we can all agree as Town fans that Haven have a valid point and that we should, in fact, hand them all our points gained so far this season as it is only fair.

 

I'm now off through the door at the back of my wardrobe to vist my best friend Aslan

 

peace out

 

Gonch

 

 

(PS Did you know Phil Veivers was the second gunman on the grassy Knoll and Dave Bowdens name is a pseudonym, his real name is Elvis Aaron Presley)

:tongue:  :tongue:  Class



#8 bobg

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 09:03 PM

Nice one Gonch (haha) love it.

#9 bobg

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 09:03 PM

Nice one Gonch (haha) love it.

#10 anok4u

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 09:04 PM

We all know everything about haven is awesome (stadium, fans, wingers who think they're awesome) but if they do go down will they still be the pride of Cumbria?
go **** yasell ya little **** gain NL1 then take ya **** out ya dads **** then speak proper rugby talk. you jameating little spotty ****...itchy waa waa 2008...

#11 Hate the rec

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 09:49 PM

It has been confirmed today that MI5 are looking into allegations that the RFL want to ensure that Deluded Haven RLFC are relegated into the outer hemisphere of professional RL

Several weeks ago they received a complaint from an anonymous source (rumoured to be Alan Goodloss or Short Sirkett) which they decided to investigate.

 

Certain parts of the investigation have been leaked to the press and include:

 

Matt Thomason was kidknapped before todays game and the ref today wasin fact Paul Penrice in movie make up.

Jarrad Stack hasn't really left to join the police, he is a terminator model T1000, has killed Samir Tahouri and has taken his place in the haven squad to cause dissent within the ranks

Shaun Ainscough and Brett Seymour have been given free passes to Crosbys fish n chips and the name on the credit card is M Fryer.

Derwent park has pits dug which only town players can spot and avoid.

Dr Marwan Cotter is in fact a double agent and is still a 100% Townie.

 

Further evidence was collected today when Haven complained that the dugout was so small that only their head coach could fit in it.

Haven superstar winger Spongebob squarepants also confirmed that the pass for the winning NON try was 70 yards backwards which really does indicate that in fact Haven are correct and that everyone in the country is against them and it is a matter of National security that they are relegated a division, in fact the RFL invented the BP system just to ensure that this is so.

 

This has left many of the obese ones in utter confusion, after celebrating the NO try by soiling their tanga briefs  they were brought to earth with a nasty bump when ref Paul Penrice blew for a forward pass, they were last see driving past the Travellers rest in the sunshine bus throwing faeces laden undercrackers at the Merry revellers basking in the glory of a town victory.

 

They now move on to Batley at home next week, but rumours from the haven fans say that Lord Lucan is playing stand off flying jimmy hoffa is playing on the wing for Batly because "assa t'RFL ev chenged rules eh marra like so that we gar doon like eh coz nee yan likes us eh"

 

Additionally  Osama bin Laden is reffing the game as he is not really dead, apparently he has issued a fatwah against the town of whitehaven several years ago.

This is known to be true as I quote Charlo's knicker sniffer has been heard to mutter  "them planes assa, wurnt ment to hit them twin toors eh assa, they wuz garn for T'beacon but them arabs assa cudnt hit a coooows arris wid a banjo"

 

I think we can all agree as Town fans that Haven have a valid point and that we should, in fact, hand them all our points gained so far this season as it is only fair.

 

I'm now off through the door at the back of my wardrobe to vist my best friend Aslan

 

peace out

 

Gonch

 

 

(PS Did you know Phil Veivers was the second gunman on the grassy Knoll and Dave Bowdens name is a pseudonym, his real name is Elvis Aaron Presley)

Class :party:



#12 GeordieTownie

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 09:57 PM

Awesome big lad!

#13 GeordieTownie

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Posted 03 August 2014 - 10:12 PM

Need to get in here more often big lad.

#14 Hate the rec

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Posted 04 August 2014 - 06:27 PM

The conspiracy theory thickens, now Look North sports section and the Border news dont show yesterdays match, their all now against the Haven and dont want to show Spongebobs try ;) everyones against them, I could cry.



#15 town4me

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Posted 04 August 2014 - 07:19 PM

The comments on the back of tonight's haven fanzine are hilarious.i was nowhere near the pass to sponge bob so couldn't possibly comment, so how would the haven bench have been able to clearly see it? Wow some real sour grapes going on there.

Edited by town4me, 04 August 2014 - 07:21 PM.


#16 Keith T

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Posted 04 August 2014 - 07:58 PM

Just been looking at the photos of the match on the Whitehaven 2010 Facebook page.     The 3rd photo on the top line shows Southernwood making a pass to the wing and he is about one foot over a white line that can be seen running through about halfway up his boot.    The 2nd photo shows Calvert catching the ball and the white line is about 2 metres behind him in line with Shacks right foot (he was on the speedway track).   I don't know if that was from the try that Calvert was credited with or the one that was disallowed but whichever I think it looks well forward.


I remember when .............................

"It is impossible not to feel a twinge of sympathy for Workington Town, the fall guys this season for the Super League's determination to retain it's European dimension, in the shape of Paris. While the French have had every assistance to survive, the importance of having a flagship in a heartland area like West Cumbria has been conveniently forgotten." - Dave Hadfield - Independent 25th August 1996.


#17 Derwent

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Posted 04 August 2014 - 08:06 PM

There's a photo on Mark Fryer's Facebook page of Tierney's no try, looks a good 6 inches inside the line.

Workington Town. Then. Now. Always.


#18 DavidM

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Posted 04 August 2014 - 08:08 PM

We won , three points , another one ticked off . Moving on .

#19 OttO

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Posted 06 August 2014 - 07:45 PM

LOl... they're now accusing Town fans of bribing the ref!!!


"i hate workington town fans with a passion they are the biggest cry babies in rl and boy do they get jealous easy"- Choccy 2012

"if it wernt for me they would have nowt at all to talk about" - Choccy 2012

#20 Monkeydo

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Posted 06 August 2014 - 09:35 PM

Matt Thomasson has given up twitter due to the amount of abuse he was getting




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