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Gonch

Breaking news Havens Floodlight Failure Mystery solved!

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Cumbria police are tonight holding a press conference to confirm that the mystery behind Whitehavens embarrassing live on TV floodlight failure has been solved.

It was originally thought that the club had sold the cabling to the power station to pay for the signing of new 74 year old PNG international prop Rodney Trotter, but subsequent investigation showed that the cabling was still in place.

It was club stalwart Jimmy clem that first alerted local police to a strange occurence a few days after the event which led to the mystery being solved.

Jimmy now picks up the story:

"Well assa I sed til t'cops that A noticed that there wuz nowt left int vending machine an a mean nowt like, it ad just bin stocked up eh! well it didn't add up eh, so a lucks in it and it wuz fulla 10 bob bits eh, so a garz inta leccy room and ere wuz Calvin tied up n gagged, n apart fray Fridays that isnt normal ya naw eh! so a rang em up n telt them eh"

An unnamed detective from the CSI Kells unit filled our reporter in with the rest of the details

"once Mr Clem had contacted us the truth began to dawn. we put 2 and 2 together and realised that someone had assaulted Mr Calvin and stolen the 50p pieces for the meter and helped themselves to the contents of the vending machine and that led us to our Chief suspect Head coach Jimmy Gardner.

We conducted as search of Mr Gardners office and found an empty money bag, 172 used chocolate bar wrappers and 47 empty packets of crisps. It was also noticed that Mcdonalds drive through was closed that evening so hunger was a real motive.

We now consider the matter closed as the club have declined to press charges but in future will make sure that Jimmy is well fed prior to admitting him to the ground.

Haven Fanzine

Mar 8th 2013

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At last the mystery is solved,I have been lying awake at nights agonising over Havens embarrassment.!!!

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