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Futtocks

How to speak fluent Rugby League

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Please, add your own contributions. It will help new fans feel at home if they can quickly master the patois.

WE are robust, physical and direct.
THEY are a bunch of dirty thugs.

WE have a defensive line that moves up fast.
THEY are permanently offside.

TRY FOR US WITH NO VR: About time the referee trusted his own judgement, just like the good old days.
TRY FOR THEM WITH NO VR: For God's sake, the technology's there for a reason. This isn't the 1950s, you know!

WE put players through with crisp, flat passes.
THEY chuck it a mile forward. Every time!

OUR 'experimental' kit is a bold and brave design choice.
THEIR 'experimental' kit makes my eyes want to vomit.

WE boo the opposition kicker because we are passionate and want our team to win.
THEY boo the opposition kicker because they have no class or sportsmanship.

OUR home-town referee is overcompensating in an attempt to appear impartial.
THEIR home-town referee is their team's 14th man.

WE SIGN A VETERAN AUSSIE: bags of experience, and a proven leader.
THEY SIGN A VETERAN AUSSIE: never was any good, and now only fit for the knacker's yard.

WE TACKLE round the chest or shoulders.
THEY TACKLE like a bunch of Borneo head-hunters.

PENALTY AGAINST US: Just have a word, ref. Common sense and all that.
PENALTY AGAINST THEM:  You will be taken from here to the place from whence you came and there be kept in close confinement until the day, and upon that day that you be taken to the place of execution and there hanged by the neck until you are dead. And may God have mercy upon your soul.

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COMMENTATORS never stop banging on about refereeing decisions, long after the incident is past.
WE FANS will never let an injustice pass without comment, even if it takes up 20 forum pages of "It was! It wasn't! It was! It wasn't! It was! It wasn't! It was! It wasn't! It was! It wasn't! It was! It wasn't!"

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Coach ... analyst ... player ... reporter - any phrase with ‘ game plan ‘ in makes you sound a sage when you really don’t know what to say . Like ‘ they must stick to the game plan ‘ or we lost coz ‘ we didn’t stick to the game plan ‘

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‘ I always think he’s  underrated ‘ ... he’s not as  bad as he’s made out .... ‘ sort it or I tell you I may take further action ‘ I am sinking fast here and don’t know what to do 

Edited by DavidM
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OUR HOOKER SCORES FROM CLOSE RANGE: Momentum.
THEIR HOOKER SCORES FROM CLOSE RANGE: Double movement. Blatant.

VR RULES OUT TRY FOR US BECAUSE OF OBSTRUCTION: This petty nit-picking is what's wrong with the modern game. Drop that official down to NCL for the rest of the season!
VR RULES OUT TRY FOR THEM BECAUSE OF OBSTRUCTION: Letting that sort of thing go is what's wrong with the modern game. Well done to the ref for adhering to the laws of Rugby League.

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OUR KICKER MISSES THE POSTS: Sun in his eyes, and a gale blowing.
THEIR KICKER MISSES THE POSTS: Ha ha, what a donkey!

PLAYER INTERCEPTS AND GOES 100m TO SCORE: Jiffy calls it "a sim-pel, sim-pel try".
PLAYER JINKS THROUGH THE DEFENCE TO SCORE: Jiffy calls it "poo-er, poo-er defending".

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THE KIWIS WANT TO TRAVEL BY PLANE: You know, 99% of all aeroplanes crash. Mate, it's scientifically proven!
THE KANGAROOS WANT TO TRAVEL BY PLANE: Safer than crossing the road. Mate, it's scientifically proven!

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‘ I actually thought the ref wasn’t  to bad today ‘ ... we won 

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20 minutes ago, DavidM said:

Coach ... analyst ... player ... reporter - any phrase with ‘ game plan ‘ in makes you sound a sage when you really don’t know what to say . Like ‘ they must stick to the game plan ‘ or we lost coz ‘ we didn’t stick to the game plan ‘

See also "game management".

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Just now, DavidM said:

‘ I actually thought the ref wasn’t  to bad today ‘ ... we won 

I DON'T WANT TO BLAME THE OFFICIALS: I will be coiling one out on the referee's front doorstep under cover of night very soon.

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1 minute ago, Futtocks said:

I DON'T WANT TO BLAME THE OFFICIALS: I will be coiling one out on the referee's front doorstep under cover of night very soon.

I think this thread  might run nicely 

Edited by DavidM
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‘ he’s won a penalty , he’s clever ‘ .... blatant cheat .  ‘ he’s not a dirty player ‘ .... he’s cleaned someone out ... ‘ he’s a good player ‘ Terry O Connor on everyone .... ‘ they were brave and had a dig , never gave in ‘  we won 80-0

Edited by DavidM
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THE REF WON'T LET THE GAME FLOW: Our players are acting like dicks.
LAYING DOWN THE LAW IS THE ONLY LANGUAGE PLAYERS WILL UNDERSTAND: The opposition's players are acting like dicks.

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12 hours ago, Futtocks said:

 

OUR home-town referee is overcompensating in an attempt to appear impartial.
THEIR home-town referee is their team's 14th man.

 

Every England/GB loss ever.

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Ridiculous Law - penalty against us

Best Law Ever - penalty to us.

 

Holding Down - opposition.

Trapped Arm - us.

 

 

 

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NON-AUSTRALIAN PLAYS MATCH DURING INTERNATIONAL WINDOW: They are wilfully risking his life by making him play too often in a short period.
AUSTRALIAN BACKS UP 3 DAYS AFTER ORIGIN: Total legend, mate! The toughness that makes it the greatest game of all.

Edited by Futtocks
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I am leaving for the challenge - They have offered me loads of money.

I am leaving to broaden my experience - I've been sacked.

I have had offers from the NRL - Give me more money or I am off

I am delighted to be extending my contract - The NRL thing was a bluff and nobody else wants me.

 

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Stuart Cummings - by the laws of the game that shouldn't be given

Video ref Decision - Try 

 

Stuart Cummings - The rules changed this year which mean this should be a try

Video ref decision - No Try

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"The referees have a difficult job.= This clown is useless

VR gives a try...

Defending Coach " Technology is killing the game. The referee should make the decision"

Attacking Coach "It's the 21st century we have the technology we should use it

VR refuses a try...

Attacking  coach "Technology is killing the game,. The referee shoild make the decision.

Defending Coach " Its the 21st century we have the technology we should use it

Edited by Bearman

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We apologise to our viewers if they heard some " Industrial" language there = the producer in the sound truck is ranting at the camera man again.

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We apologise to our viewers if they heard some " Industrial" language there =

That mouthy cockney is back on the field.

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You can put your house on him kicking this. 

"Well I never, to be fair he doesn't miss many from that range".

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28 minutes ago, Bearman said:

We apologise to our viewers if they heard some " Industrial" language there =

That mouthy cockney is back on the field.

We apologise for any unsavoury language— yes I know you’re sick of that and say take it or leave it but my boss tells me to say it under the nanny state strictures our country proudly leads the way in 

Edited by DavidM

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THERE'S A BRACING DAMPNESS IN THE AIR AT THIS FIRST ROUND CUP GAME: The BBC cameraman's chamois leather is wet through and we can't see what's going on any more. And one of the wingers has drowned.

Edited by Futtocks
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I actually heard an NRL sideline reporter say this - i wouldn’t blame the crowd for staying at home this evening it’s a frosty 14 degrees ..... SOFT Aussies or what 

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