Uninteresting Trivial Facts

[hindle xiii]

Internet law says this thread is now dead.

 

Well done Craig!

[ckn]

Nothing to do with this thread or AOB:

 

"Don't feed the trolls Craig, really stop it... You should know better by now..."

[Grollo]

I am off to my best mate's wedding tomorrow. He's made the poor girl wait more than 10 years but finally asked the question last year. Should be a good day.

Maybe he wasn't sure.

[Tiny Tim]

Nothing to do with this thread or AOB:

 

"Don't feed the trolls Craig, really stop it... You should know better by now..."

 

Perhaps you could impose a daily word limit on said poster.

[ckn]

I've been given two tax penalties today.  I'm in trouble now as I really have no idea how I will pay them.

 

They were £0 and £0 respectively for not filling in Corporation Tax returns for my subsidiary company.

 

Seriously though, how do you pay £0?

[gingerjon]

 

 

Seriously though, how do you pay £0?

 

That was a joke on Outnumbered.

[Tiny Tim]

I've been given two tax penalties today.  I'm in trouble now as I really have no idea how I will pay them.

 

They were £0 and £0 respectively for not filling in Corporation Tax returns for my subsidiary company.

 

Seriously though, how do you pay £0?

 

Ask if you can pay in installments over the next 6 months.

[ckn]

I had a nap when I got home from work as I'm feeling a bit rough... I had a dream that the UK had been invaded and the bad guys* were about to assault London, I was in charge of the defences and I couldn't get sense out of David Cameron and Boris Johnson in meetings to talk about it, they were just sitting facing each other making meaningless "mhnah mhnah" noises**.  It turned into a Stalingrad like siege where I sacrificed every one of the inhabitants of Tower Hamlets as cannon fodder to save the eastern boundaries of London with Ken Livingston and the recently deceased Bob Crow as my quite brutally ruthless Commissars.  The most surreal part was Nick Clegg leading a suicide charge of rather tatty cavalry into Richmond to save the last few Lib Dem voters.

 

It's amazing how screwed up the mind can get when you're not feeling well...

 

* some random generic furriner types I think, not identified in my dream

** although that's not much different from real life...

[timtum]

My nose is becoming expensive.

 

Time to ease back on the wine consumption.

 

I have a six o'clock rule, but tend to run riot after that….

[ckn]

The second (and last) phase of my physical MoT finished today with my doctor's appointment to go over the results of my echocardiogram. The view of the reviewing consultant and the GP was that my heart is in better shape than most 20 year olds'.

 

The GP's words: "very low cholesterol, very good heart condition, very good cardiovascular system, excellent blood works, nice low pulse, all you need to do is lose 2 stone and you'll be in admirably good shape for someone in their early 40s". I'm officially "overweight", not "obese" thankfully...

 

All part of my plan to live until I'm at least 200...

[ckn]

I had my steak...

[Zagrebred]

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the disabled Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

 

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains onall fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on.......

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

[Zagrebred]

I've been given two tax penalties today.  I'm in trouble now as I really have no idea how I will pay them.

 

They were £0 and £0 respectively for not filling in Corporation Tax returns for my subsidiary company.

 

Seriously though, how do you pay £0

Write a cheque, if you still have a cheque book, and, obviously, ask for a receipt.

[ckn]

Sometimes I wonder if anyone who says "Luck of the Irish to ya!" has ever read a history book...

[Tiny Tim]

Sometimes I wonder if anyone who says "Luck of the Irish to ya!" has ever read a history book...

I assume that they were referring to the 6 nations.....

[MikeW]

I hate IBM

[ckn]

I hate IBM

That's uninteresting and trivial because everyone does.  It's a bit like saying that there's seven days in a calendar week.

 

That said, HP are doing their damnedest to catch up with IBM within their services department.

[stimpo-and-kat]

That's uninteresting and trivial because everyone does. It's a bit like saying that there's seven days in a calendar week.

That said, HP are doing their damnedest to catch up with IBM within their services department.

I like taking money from IBM

[ckn]

My car is in for yet more work.  NSF wheel bearing is sounding like a rusted old bike dynamo.  My local Audi dealership yet again is the most competitive of the quotes.  £210 including a few nice-to-have extras.

[timtum]

What a nice quack, the first time I have been to a doctor's surgery with 5 framed RL jumpers around the walls, and a Sydney Roosters mascot on the desk.

 

On the downside, blood pressure of 195 over 110.  Pills for the rest of my days.

 

Back to the doctor for further chatting about the current state of RL in France, followed by a brisk enquiry into the state of my health.

 

BP down to 140 over 80.  Hurrah.  I also seem to have misplaced 2.5 kgs.  Can't quite fathom out where from.

[ckn]

My car is in for yet more work.  NSF wheel bearing is sounding like a rusted old bike dynamo.  My local Audi dealership yet again is the most competitive of the quotes.  £210 including a few nice-to-have extras.

I've also worked out that the car needs its gearbox oil changing.  It's never had it done and is about 40,000 miles over its recommended schedule.  Confusing service specs mean that it's listed as "additional work" when I was under the impression it was caught under one of the other categories.  I expect the oil to come out of the thing to be black sludge...

[Griff9of13]

Last night while watching the Wire Wigan game we were served our beers by John Parrott's daughter.

Edited March 21, 2014 by Griff9of13

[Wolford6]

There is a new Welsh-symbols  £1 coin ... circular not faceted.

[stimpo-and-kat]

I may have allowed my cat to eat curry sauce. Im dreading the smell later...

[WearyRhino]

There is a new Welsh-symbols £1 coin ... circular not faceted.

Is it a burning cottage?