Uninteresting Trivial Facts

[Bleep1673]

 Questions you just can't answer



Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the disabled Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
 

[Bleep1673]

Did you ever stop and wonder......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains onall fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on.......

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

[Bleep1673]

I accidentally clicked "Yes" to Amazon Prime, if I want to cancel it the Primary contact is a physically posted letter to Luxembourg, it's only much later in the email do you see a link to do it by email.

[Bleep1673]

They say they get everywhere......

I was playing on Googlemaps, and thought about street view for Vladivostock in far Eastern Russia, and on examination, there was an Irish Pub! Trinity Irish Pub was it's name.

[Futtocks]

25 minutes ago, Bleep1673 said:

They say they get everywhere......

I was playing on Googlemaps, and thought about street view for Vladivostock in far Eastern Russia, and on examination, there was an Irish Pub! Trinity Irish Pub was it's name.

There's even an Irish bar in Pyongyang.

See also this: https://www.bonappetit.com/drinks/article/the-10-farthest-flung-irish-pubs-in-the-world 

Edited February 13, 2020 by Futtocks

[Shadow]

48 minutes ago, Futtocks said:

There's even an Irish bar in Pyongyang.

See also this: https://www.bonappetit.com/drinks/article/the-10-farthest-flung-irish-pubs-in-the-world 

Have I told the story of my favourite Oirish Pub?

If I have I'm going to tell it again.

Mrs Shadow and I were in California and booked into a motel somewhere between Santa Barbra and Los Angeles and wandered off down the road to a recommended bar for some food and beer. 

It was of course an Irish Bar and the barmaid explained to me how th owner was a genuine Oirish feller with family in Cork and how they followed all the Oirish traditions of er St Patricks Day and watching Hurling on TV. Oh and probably having fiddle di dee background music.

She handed me an "Ale Menu" and wondered why I was so amused.

"I'll have one of those please" I said pointing at the menu, "and can you explain it's significance in Oirishness?"

Apparently a Black and Tan is a traditional Oirish drink. I'm sure Martin McGuinnes and Eamon De Valera enjoyed them as much as I did as we all toasted the Duke of Wellington's health. 

Edited February 13, 2020 by Shadow

[Bleep1673]

So on Monday 17.02.20 I am due my Universal Credit, and this close to payment day my electric, which is a pre-pay meter, is usually very low, so to save electricity I went for a free day out touring the Kent countryside by bus (I have a Disabled Concessionary pass, no, not because I am Northern), at 10.10 I got the number 2 bus which took me to Ashford, which, more or less, follows the A28, cutting off to go through some of the villages close to it, and a 10 minute wait at Tenterden, then I had a 30 minute wait for the 10X which as the X might hint could be an express bus to Maidstone. Well if this was the express, I have no idea how long the standard bus would take, Just over an hour and twenty minutes, and a lot of pauses while the timetable catches up, we finally arrive in Maidstone, just as the number 7 to Tunbridge Wells pulls out of the stop in front. Now I have got this before, and it usually takes about 60mins, but I then saw behind the 10X, a number 6 to Tunbridge Wells, so I got on that instead, I honestly thought I was on a magical mystery tour of the Kentish High Weald, we went through villages I had never heard of, and some that I had, but thought they were miles off track, which they were, it took me nearly 2 hours to get to Tunbridge Wells, I then had a 30 minute wait for the 254 to Hawkhurst, which then turns into the 304 back to Hastings, however when it arrived, 15 mins late, I discovered why it was late, it was the school run bus, and it was rammed with noisy (Sweary Delete)'s. Nine and a half hours journey, after which I went and had some food and went to a meeting.

When I came back I wondered how low I am on Electricity, so I went to the outside bunker where all the meter's are, to discover I still had over £10 on there. I Could've stayed in watching Loose Women, Jeremy Kyle, and Homes Under the Hammer after all.

After all that, none of you gives a monkey's toss anyway.

[Futtocks]

55 minutes ago, Bleep1673 said:

I Could've stayed in watching Loose Women, Jeremy Kyle, and Homes Under the Hammer after all.

Lucky escape!

[tonyXIII]

17 hours ago, Bleep1673 said:

I Could've stayed in watching Loose Women, Jeremy Kyle, and Homes Under the Hammer after all.

Is the Kyle show still on? I thought he'd been sent to Coventry.

Is Coventry anywhere near Tunbridge Wells?

 

[Bearman]

37 minutes ago, tonyXIII said:

Is the Kyle show still on? I thought he'd been sent to Coventry.

Is Coventry anywhere near Tunbridge Wells?

 

Tccchh, Tcccchh 

Yours Disgustedly

Coventry

[tonyXIII]

This is what gets up my nose with the Irish and Scots. They all bang on about how wonderful Ireland and Scotland are, but 99% of the buggers live somewhere else, mostly England. If Ireland and Scotland are so wonderful, why don't you live there?

[Bleep1673]

1 hour ago, tonyXIII said:

Is the Kyle show still on? I thought he'd been sent to Coventry.

Is Coventry anywhere near Tunbridge Wells?

 

Politically? No. Geographically? No. Mentally, Yes.

[Bob8]

On 13/02/2020 at 15:45, Shadow said:

Have I told the story of my favourite Oirish Pub?

If I have I'm going to tell it again.

Mrs Shadow and I were in California and booked into a motel somewhere between Santa Barbra and Los Angeles and wandered off down the road to a recommended bar for some food and beer. 

It was of course an Irish Bar and the barmaid explained to me how th owner was a genuine Oirish feller with family in Cork and how they followed all the Oirish traditions of er St Patricks Day and watching Hurling on TV. Oh and probably having fiddle di dee background music.

She handed me an "Ale Menu" and wondered why I was so amused.

"I'll have one of those please" I said pointing at the menu, "and can you explain it's significance in Oirishness?"

Apparently a Black and Tan is a traditional Oirish drink. I'm sure Martin McGuinnes and Eamon De Valera enjoyed them as much as I did as we all toasted the Duke of Wellington's health. 

 

33 minutes ago, Johnoco said:

Black and Tan was drunk by British soldiers and is a bit of an insult.

The most bizarre Irish bar I went in was in Tunisia. It was called something typically Irish like O’Malleys or similar. It was run by some Germans and there was pretty much nothing Irish about it. Very strange indeed. 

I had had offers of a black and tan in the USA back in 2010 with no-one noting the cultural insensitivity. But, I do recall when someone offered a round of Irish Car Bombs, that someone noticed that it might be a bit insensitive.

I assured them I took it in the spirit intended.

[Bob8]

8 minutes ago, tonyXIII said:

This is what gets up my nose with the Irish and Scots. They all bang on about how wonderful Ireland and Scotland are, but 99% of the buggers live somewhere else, mostly England. If Ireland and Scotland are so wonderful, why don't you live there?

Indeed.

Bloody immigrants!

[Futtocks]

They get around... even in the future!

[longboard]

4 hours ago, Bob8 said:

 

I had had offers of a black and tan in the USA back in 2010 with no-one noting the cultural insensitivity. But, I do recall when someone offered a round of Irish Car Bombs, that someone noticed that it might be a bit insensitive.

I assured them I took it in the spirit intended.

Whiskey would have been involved then.

[Bob8]

Just now, longboard said:

Whiskey would have been involved then.

Someone else was buying the round. I was not about to stand on principle.

[longboard]

1 minute ago, Bob8 said:

Someone else was buying the round. I was not about to stand on principle.

More Powers to your elbow.

[graveyard johnny]

I have never seen a Chinese chimney sweep

[Clogiron]

47 minutes ago, graveyard johnny said:

I have never seen a Chinese chimney sweep

I wouldn't go to China to watch one at present, too risky.

[Bleep1673]

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2020/feb/23/david-ayres-zamboni-driver-goalie-nhl-maple-leafs-hurricanes

[DavidM]

23 hours ago, Clogiron said:

I wouldn't go to China to watch one at present, too risky.

You’ll get a flight and hotel room ok 

[Bleep1673]

On 15/02/2020 at 18:53, Bob8 said:

 

I had had offers of a black and tan in the USA back in 2010 with no-one noting the cultural insensitivity. But, I do recall when someone offered a round of Irish Car Bombs, that someone noticed that it might be a bit insensitive.

I assured them I took it in the spirit intended.

In early 1990#s I was working for an agency, and they sent me to the Royal Victoria in Belfast, on the first Thursday one of the guys took me out for a drink, while we were sitting there, a pot was passed round "For the Boys", my host passed the pot without contributing, and said to me, "Drink up, shut up, we're leaving", what neither of us realised was it was a republican bar, and with my northern English accent, I might be taken for a squaddie, with a very short life expectancy. We left and found a friendlier bar.

[Futtocks]

Playing the gamedesign Mah-Jongg browser game and handsomely ahead by about 15,000 points... and the computer declares the rarest hand in the game, 13 Orphans.

48,000 points in a single hand and game over.

Grr.

[Wolford6]

They've painted the rusty radiator in the Lord Clyde.

 

 

 

Edited March 10, 2020 by Wolford6