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27 minutes ago, voteronniegibbs said:

That sounds interesting, which part of the bird were they from? did you pan fry or oven cook them?

There was a bit of a craze in the Nineties for shops stocking kangaroo and ostrich. The latter is, as Bearman says, quite beefy, but with a closer texture and very lean.

Edited by Futtocks

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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24 minutes ago, voteronniegibbs said:

I'm intrigued. Is this, like a fillet steak or a slice of smoked salmon, something that has all the flavour needed to enjoy it, without adding extras to the pan?

When I've had it, it was cut like a beef fillet steak, so I just seasoned it and fried it.

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Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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10 hours ago, voteronniegibbs said:

That sounds interesting, which part of the bird were they from? did you pan fry or oven cook them?

They were described as "fillet" but other than that I don't know. I grilled them on my Fire Mountain  bbq.

I find it really convenient and have also been using it for fish. It takes 5 minutes from lighting the 250g of charcoal to being ready to cook. When I have finished cooking I simply lift up the thing up and move it into my shed and leave it to go cold.

Ron Banks

Midlands Hurricanes and Barrow

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9 hours ago, voteronniegibbs said:

I'm intrigued. Is this, like a fillet steak or a slice of smoked salmon, something that has all the flavour needed to enjoy it, without adding extras to the pan?

I am sure you would enjoy it.

Ron Banks

Midlands Hurricanes and Barrow

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An interesting new range of wines from Marks'n'Sparks: https://www.marksandspencer.com/l/wine-shop/wine-beer-and-spirits/found-range 

The ones I've tried so far are very good, and refreshingly different. 

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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During my clearance from my flat that I was being evicted from, my charity helper & I realised that my chip pan needed destroying, there was about half an inch of grease on the OUTSIDE, when I was asked the age, I suggested 30 years old. So we binned it, suggesting I buy a deep fryer. But they are £60-90.

Fortunately I was walking past a charity shop, and saw an almost new Lidl Fryer for £20. It had been PAT tested, but I think that was the only time it had been out box. Result?

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On 15/06/2021 at 15:08, Futtocks said:

An interesting new range of wines from Marks'n'Sparks: https://www.marksandspencer.com/l/wine-shop/wine-beer-and-spirits/found-range 

The ones I've tried so far are very good, and refreshingly different. 

The Feteasca Regala, a Romanian grape variety, is a real discovery! Just the thing for a sunny day.

However, I'll be having red wine tonight, as I'm making a rabbit and prune casserole. While getting my second jab*, I spotted an Irish butcher's down the road, and they have a good variety of stuff, including farmed rabbit. 

I also bought a pound of pork topside, which is going in a Mexican spice rub (chilli, cumin, cocoa & thyme) before a long slow cook.

*on the day of the jab, I bought a kilo of goat from another nearby shop, and curried it. I will be visiting that neighbourhood again. Not just for this, but there are three decent fishmongers there too. It seems to be a street of food shops from all nations.

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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On 26/06/2021 at 17:32, Futtocks said:

The Feteasca Regala, a Romanian grape variety, is a real discovery! Just the thing for a sunny day.

However, I'll be having red wine tonight, as I'm making a rabbit and prune casserole. While getting my second jab*, I spotted an Irish butcher's down the road, and they have a good variety of stuff, including farmed rabbit. 

I also bought a pound of pork topside, which is going in a Mexican spice rub (chilli, cumin, cocoa & thyme) before a long slow cook.

*on the day of the jab, I bought a kilo of goat from another nearby shop, and curried it. I will be visiting that neighbourhood again. Not just for this, but there are three decent fishmongers there too. It seems to be a street of food shops from all nations.

This all sounds wonderfully tasty, Futtocks.  Do you take orders?

I am sure the rabbit and prune casserole will have kept you going...as it were!

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I saw this, so of course I had to buy one, just out of curiosity. I'll report on the joys or horrors later.

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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12 minutes ago, Mumby Magic said:

For some reason I've been eating cous cous everynight.

That could get a bit samey if you don't vary the accompanying ingredients and/or the cooking liquid. 

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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On 01/07/2021 at 11:28, Futtocks said:

I saw this, so of course I had to buy one, just out of curiosity. I'll report on the joys or horrors later.

You know, that wasn't bad! Like a self-contained chicken katsu curry. A budget item, so it could be done better with higher-quality ingredients, but the notion is sound.

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Beef brisket, slow-cooked with tomato, 'nduja, shallots, smoked garlic, red wine etc. Served with celeriac remoulade and M&S bubble & squeak cakes.

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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I've been kicking some ideas around for a parody of Iron Chef Japan with a couple of friends. Of course I got carried away and wrote a whole episode. Here it is...

Black screen with Brillat-Savarin quote "Tell me what you eat, and I'll tell you what you are."

Kenji Fukui: “Five years ago, a man's fantasy became a reality in a form never seen before; Kitchen Stadium, a giant cooking arena. The motivation for spending his fortune to create Kitchen Stadium was to encounter new original cuisines which could be called true artistic creations. To realise his dream, he secretly started choosing the top chefs of various styles of cooking, and he named his men the Iron Chefs; the invincible men of culinary skills. Basically, it’s pro wrestling with added lobster.”

Chairman Kaga’s voice-over: “If my memory serves me correctly, our latest contender yada yada yada…”

B&W footage of a very intense man slicing something in a very intense manner.

Picture of gigantic mega-hotel that looks exactly like the one in the previous episode, and the one before that.

The Chairman’s voice-over intensifies.

Photo-montage of very intense man, each time looking older, balder and more stressed.

Opening sequence, ending with Chairman Kaga taking a big bite of a yellow pepper and trying not to retch too obviously. As always, he fails.

Logo WHOosh...

…Logo whoOSH

Interchangeable female guest judge is introduced. She titters, flicks her hair and giggles, while everyone wishes they’d booked Keiko Saito instead.

Mmm… Keiko Saito…

Interchangeable male guest judge is introduced. He’s a baseball player. He’s also quite boring, but forces a smile at Fukui’s laboured quips.

Yukio Hattori and his giant throbbing brain is introduced, “always a pleasure”.

Applause smatters.

Introducing Chairman Kaga, dressed in an understated outfit of purple lamé catsuit, dodo-feather boa, gloves that shoot laser beams, patent-leather shoes with goldfish in the heels and a cravat made from the finest Iberico ham.

Introducing the challenger. He is either the head chef of some shiny Tokyo humungo-hotel, or he used to be, or he will be soon.

Everybody’s favourite heel, Toshiro Kandagawa, kicks down the studio door, moons the assembled audience and does the rabbit ears behind Chairman Kaga’s head.

Kandagawa: “This boy’s the real deal! He’s gonna kick some sorry Iron Chef ass for the noble cause of real Japanese cooking!”

The challenger looks a little embarrassed by this outburst and mumbles “I’ll win for sure… yes.”

Introducing the Iron Chefs – the thinking woman’s crumpet Hiroyuki Sakai, Masaharu Morimoto (loud verbal abuse from the Ota Faction), Chen Kenichi and his Big Effing Knife… oh, and Masahiko Kobe. Because nobody ever chooses Kobe, his platform immediately begins to descend again, before the challenger actually makes his choice. He sulks, while the other Iron Chefs try not to smirk at Morimoto’s ludicrously short and practical hat.

The challenger is asked to choose an Iron Chef. It is Sakai! ‘Mr Boombastic’ by Shaggy plays as the Delacroix of French cuisine descends to the floor of Kitchen Stadium. Many items of lingerie are flung.

Kandagawa, brandishing his latest knife that’s actually longer than he is tall, conducts the Ota faction on a chorus of “who ate all the pies?”. Morimoto’s bottom lip quivers almost imperceptibly.

The Chairman appears to be having a seizure. Oh hang on, he’s just revealing the ingredient. Yes, it’s velociraptor!

The Chairman’s voice-over: “Ah, velociraptor. If my memory serves me correctly, it is said that the very finest meat comes from the perineum of this much-prized berserk killing machine. Those with taste and distinction recognise that other highly-valued parts of this ruinously expensive bipedal Cuisinart are the sweat glands. Now, let me repeat that again… always serve the grundle and the pits.”

The cameraman tries to position the winged green “Kaga” logo on the challenger’s chin, like a silly beard, but the challenger has seen the show before and weaves from side to side like a boxer. The spoilsport.

“ALLEZ CUISINE!” suffers another fatal mangling.

The Iron Chef and the challenger try to subdue four enraged but delicious velociraptors. Many assistants are killed, and some are partially eaten. No matter; Gourmet Academy can always train more.

Fukui: “So, the ingredient is velociraptor. Hattori-san, what can you tell me about this little-known white meat?”

Hattori: “Don’t make it angry. You wouldn’t like it if it was angry. Also, it goes well with cabbage and bacon.”

Logo WHOosh...

…Logo whoOSH

A discussion begins among the judges and, as always, is disrupted by a breathless “Fukui-san?”

Ohta swigs another gallon of Red Bull and reels off a list of ingredients in five seconds flat “garlic-ginger-celery-ketchup-soy sauce-armadillo bladder-winter melon-champagne-tennis balls-parsley-cilantro-weltschmerz-lotus root-umeboshi-galoshes-veal stock-salt-and-tilefish, pant pant pant...”

Interchangeable female guest judge: “I like food, tee hee hee.” She simpers and flicks her hair again.

Interchangeable male guest judge (surreptitiously peeking at the notes he made on his shirt cuff): “could he be making a chawanmushi?” Someone  makes a chawanmushi most weeks, so he’s playing safe here.

Fukui: “Fire in the hole!” No, not a dish being flambéed, but Kandagawa has mischievously lit one of his farts and ignited Sakai’s gloriously camp toque.

Ohta: “FUKUI-SAN!”

Fukui: “Eff me, that was loud – what do you have for us?”

Ohta: “The challenger says he’s aiming to present five dishes, while Sakai told me to ###### off.”

Fukui: “Five dishes, eh?”

Hattori: “###### off, eh? Heh, heh, heh.”

Both chefs switch on their rice cookers, which excites the commentators far more than a white plastic box with an LED on the front really should.

Iron Chef Sakai twinkles at the laydeez. Millions of Japanese women of a certain age swoon in front of their TV sets.

Interchangeable female guest judge: “Ooh, look at the challenger! He’s just beheaded an underling for slicing a mushroom one angstrom too thick.”

A voice from backstage yells “use some XO Sauce”. Sakai ripostes “have you got shares in that bloody stuff, Chen?”

The ice cream maker is started up. Yep, one of ‘em is making dinosaur ice cream, not because he should, but because he can.

Interchangeable female guest judge ”Ewww, tee hee hee.”

Interchangeable male guest judge: “What the fu... I mean, how intriguing.”

Sakai adds foie gras and caviar to all the dishes. Even the dessert. He winks at the camera, the scamp.

The challenger expertly skins and guts a meerkat. Not because he needs it for a recipe; he just hates those bloody annoying adverts.

Something is sliced very fine, then something else is too, then both are wrapped in something else.

Hattori: “Oh, I get it; he must be planning to steam this. No, I think he’s going to grill it. No… steam it.” The challenger fries it instead and all ambient sound in the studio is temporarily drowned out by the sound of furiously grinding teeth.

Watching in the audience, a bored Rokusaburo Michiba takes out his paintbrush and idly doodles an exquisitely artistic cock’n’balls. Pubes and all – an Iron Chef doesn’t cut corners.

The hour is up, and Ohta is in like Flynn with the colour-coded microphone.

Challenger: “That was an hour? You’re kidding! Uh, I think I did okay.”

Sakai: “Wow, that was tough. Especially before we killed the damn things.”

Logo WHOosh...

…Logo whoOSH

At least one of the dishes is grey and jellied and, as always, looks like Cthulhu’s smegma. There’s something else in an earthenware pot that could be primordial soup. One of Sakai’s dishes is physically impossible to convey to the table without it collapsing under the weight of its own chichi-ness.

Weedy novelist Tamio Kageyama is a guest judge this episode and, as always, gets a Woody Allen voice in the English dub. A grinning Kandagawa sneaks up behind and gives him a wedgie.

Another guest is usually Shinichiro Kurimoto, a man who magically appears whenever a free lunch is being served. You’d never guess he was a politician, would you?

Interchangeable female guest judge: “This is… good! Tee hee hee.”

The guest judges tuck in and talk at length about balance, depth and beautifully subtle flavour combinations, while actually thinking “free food, hell yeah!” Meanwhile, Kishi glowers at her plate and ingests a molecule’s worth of the dish before saying something that contradicts everyone else’s opinion.

A guest judge congratulates the challenger for removing all traces of odour from his dishes, then panics because he thinks he’s got COVID-19. Kaga allays his fears by reminding him that this is 1996.

Logo WHOosh...

…Logo whoOSH

Chairman Kaga does a quick recap

Fukui: “Who takes it? Whose cuisine reigns supreme? Who thinks this isn’t as fixed as a North Korean popularity contest where one of the contestants is Kim Jong-Un?”

Chairman Kaga announces that the winner is… the Iron Chef! Everyone pretends to look surprised.

It is revealed that Gauleiter von Kishi has marked it 19/17 for the Iron Chef. Basically, she thought Dreamboat Morimoto was going to get picked in this episode and she’s damned if she’s going to bother changing the score she wrote down on the train to the studio.

Roll credits.

Edited by Futtocks

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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On 01/07/2021 at 11:28, Futtocks said:

I saw this, so of course I had to buy one, just out of curiosity. I'll report on the joys or horrors later.

I would accompany that with a side helping of these

Rennie Peppermint | Heartburn &Indigestion Tablets | Rennie

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I recently realised I hadn't had cannelloni in years. Quickly remedied this month.

Version 1 - filled with ricotta, white crab meat and chopped king prawns. Nice, but I'd add more seasoning if I did it again.

Version 2 (last night) - filled with a sort of beef ragu. Very tasty and satisfying. You can't beat the classics.

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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