Dear Diary

[Bleep1673]

Why do men go to the barbers for a shave? Do they not trust themselves with a razor in their hand? I was taught how to shave by my Dad when I was aged 16. 

I went to the barbers today & spent 1.5 hours watching 2 men have a haircut & a shave, ffs use a decent razor & it will be smoother than a dolphins smooth bits.

Does anyone on here waste a barbers time & customers by getting a shave by a barber? 

[Spidey]

40 minutes ago, Bleep1673 said:

Why do men go to the barbers for a shave? Do they not trust themselves with a razor in their hand? I was taught how to shave by my Dad when I was aged 16. 

I went to the barbers today & spent 1.5 hours watching 2 men have a haircut & a shave, ffs use a decent razor & it will be smoother than a dolphins smooth bits.

Does anyone on here waste a barbers time & customers by getting a shave by a barber? 

I can quite happily shave my face, however don’t trust myself with my head. So now and again would get a Turkish shave as a treat 

[Bleep1673]

11 minutes ago, Spidey said:

I can quite happily shave my face, however don’t trust myself with my head. So now and again would get a Turkish shave as a treat 

It was a face shave, by a Kurd.

[Bleep1673]

Blooming Clocks going back. Didn't notice it yesterday with my daughter visiting, but today my belly says it is dinner time at 5pm, so I cook my dinner/tea then (let's not argue again over what the evening meal, if you get on, is called. Call Marcus Rashford).

[Bleep1673]

After having a Section 21 eviction notice served on me in February, I successfully appealed against it after the March Lockdown was enforced, I have been trying to move from the middle of June, but I keep coming up against the same excuses. I am not working, so i need a guarantor, who is a home owner. Most of the people I know down here rent. I have offered 6 months rent in advance, but the agents are not interested.

So unless I find a housing association flat in the next 6 months, I will be homeless. At least the weather might be warmer.

[Bleep1673]

24 hours after an Islamic attack in Nice, Turkey gets hit by an earthquake, God has answered your stupidness.

[JohnM]

Dear diary, what a day its been

Dear diary, it's been just like a dream
Woke up too late. Wasn't where I should have been
For goodness sake, what's happening to me?
Write lightly, yours truly, dear diary.....

No. Woke up early, not moody or bluesy.......

Had 2 new tyres fitted...at the current rate of travelling , they should last 4 years or more!

[The Hallucinating Goose]

I think I read and watch too much crime and detective fiction cos whenever I see a chest freezer I always think the same thing.

Just watching an old escape to the country, the presenter is showing a couple around a half renovated holiday let, they go in the kitchen and all that is in there is a range, a table and chairs and a chest freezer. I immediately think, 'there's a body in that freezer'. 

[JohnM]

Dear Diary, today's Sunday, today's Sunday, Sunday is church...

...Is everybody happy? You bet you life we aaaaare!

[Bleep1673]

On 08/11/2020 at 09:43, JohnM said:

Dear Diary, today's Sunday, today's Sunday, Sunday is church...

...Is everybody happy? You bet you life we aaaaare!

Except because of Covid regulations, you can't attend. 

"Party of 13 Mr Christ? Sorry, it's been cancelled by the Government, we can do two tables of 6, and Mr Iscariot can sit on his own, over there." Michaelangelo takes two pictures, and leaves Judas off the Cistine Chapel picture.

[The Hallucinating Goose]

I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt that someone had stolen both of my sheds but left behind almost all of the contents! 

[Farmduck]

On 25/11/2020 at 18:31, The Hallucinating Goose said:

I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt that someone had stolen both of my sheds but left behind almost all of the contents! 

You need better surveillance.

[bobbruce]

You two quack me up. 
 

it’s to early for a coat I’ll get my dressing gown. 

[Wiltshire Rhino]

Today I was inducted into Swindon St George's Hall of Fame. I know it ain't much but I'm proud about it.

[The Hallucinating Goose]

I was rather offended today! I was going about my own business, riding my bike to the local aldi, when a van pulled up next to me with a sign on it, "Wide Load Escort Vehicle", and for a little time drove alongside me! I was so close to jumping off my bike, pulling the bloke out of the van and belly bouncing him into next week when I realised he was just trying to park up where I was cycling past.

[Clogiron]

1 hour ago, The Hallucinating Goose said:

I was rather offended today! I was going about my own business, riding my bike to the local aldi, when a van pulled up next to me with a sign on it, "Wide Load Escort Vehicle", and for a little time drove alongside me! I was so close to jumping off my bike, pulling the bloke out of the van and belly bouncing him into next week when I realised he was just trying to park up where I was cycling past.

It was probably the shock of seeing a Goose riding a bike that confused him

[The Hallucinating Goose]

4 minutes ago, Clogiron said:

It was probably the shock of seeing a Goose riding a bike that confused him

Well sometimes I don't wanna fly in a V honking! 

[The Hallucinating Goose]

I bought my brother a set of 5 hot sauces for Christmas. Just been to his and had tea with him. After, we decided to open all the sauces and drink a teaspoon of each one in ascending order from 1 flame to 5 flames. Bad idea. I understand why it said don't do exactly what we did on the packet. It was painful. I thought I was dying. 

[The Hallucinating Goose]

You know your life is incredibly boring when you realise you've been sat in the bath for 10 minutes, not washing yourself but rather tutting and shaking your head at all the grammatical errors on the packaging of all the bath products that you've been reading with intense interest. It's probably worth considering suicide when you seriously think about ringing the aldi customer service and reporting these grammatical mistakes. 

[Northern Eel]

11 hours ago, The Hallucinating Goose said:

You know your life is incredibly boring when you realise you've been sat in the bath for 10 minutes, not washing yourself but rather tutting and shaking your head at all the grammatical errors on the packaging of all the bath products that you've been reading with intense interest. It's probably worth considering suicide when you seriously think about ringing the aldi customer service and reporting these grammatical mistakes. 

Grammatical mistakes everywhere in this. I’ll hop in the bath and make a list!  

[Bleep1673]

May 3rd could be the last time in a long while that I have a bath, as my Section 21 Eviction notice expires, and there is nothing around here to rent,

[Spidey]

This time last week we were doing the last bits ready to put our house on the market, today it’s sold and we’ve had an offer accepted on our new one. The housing market is crazy at the minute

[JonM]

14 hours ago, Spidey said:

This time last week we were doing the last bits ready to put our house on the market, today it’s sold and we’ve had an offer accepted on our new one. The housing market is crazy at the minute

Good luck!

My aunt and uncle decided last month to retire an downsize to the countryside and both handed in their notice at work. Less than three weeks later, they'd sold their house, bought one in the New Forest and actually completed and moved in.  Not sure where you find solicitors that work at that speed...

[Spidey]

2 hours ago, JonM said:

Good luck!

My aunt and uncle decided last month to retire an downsize to the countryside and both handed in their notice at work. Less than three weeks later, they'd sold their house, bought one in the New Forest and actually completed and moved in.  Not sure where you find solicitors that work at that speed...

Wow!  We’re in a small chain so I doubt it will move that quickly. We actually struggled to get a solicitor as some were not taking on clients. I’m only got ours due to a family member already being a client 

[Bearman]

We last moved house on the day that Charles married Diana.I put some cardboard boxes of stuff we didn't need into the loft.

Last April because of Covid l9 lockdown I finally got round to sorting it out. It all went to the local hospice charity shop.