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And another shamelessly nicked...

Walking down the street with my wife when she suddenly stopped and turned to me saying "You haven't even been listening have you?"

I thought to myself, "That was a rather strange way to start a conversation."

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2 hours ago, Old Frightful said:

And another shamelessly nicked...

Walking down the street with my wife when she suddenly stopped and turned to me saying "You haven't even been listening have you?"

I thought to myself, "That was a rather strange way to start a conversation."

We've all been there. It's a man thing.


Ron Banks

Bears and Barrow

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AXA PPP. Idiots if they don't want me.

HRH Sussex screw them

Both are joke's

As are Gardner's of Patricroft


Sex and Money are like Oxygen

They're not important until you're not getting enough.

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"When in deadly danger, when beset by doubt; run in little circles, wave your arms and shout"

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On 14/01/2020 at 14:17, ckn said:

 

Might be some clit priced ones on ebay.


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How do you brainwash a copper? Using a bidet.


Sex and Money are like Oxygen

They're not important until you're not getting enough.

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''Doctor, doctor what's wrong with me, I keep singing like Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin...''

''Unfortunately you have the Croonervirus.''

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Ever since it was brought to my attention that you can say “Covid-19” to the tune of “Come on, Eileen,” I’ve been unable to read it any other way.

 

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want
So tell me what you want, what you really really want
I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna
I really really really wanna 9 pack of Andrex quilted, a bottle of Carex hand gel, two tins of tomatoes, and a 500g bag of pasta please.

 

Panic buying of toilet paper ... so it seems that what we fear the most about Covid-19 is the inability to wipe our @rs#s.

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Jam Eater  1.(noun. jam eeter) A Resident of Whitehaven or Workington. Offensive.  It is now a term of abuse that both towns of West Cumbria use for each other especially at Workington/Whitehaven rugby league derby matches.

St Albans Centurions Website 

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That whole business where a country splits up leaving a communist one and a democratic one. That always confuses me. Apparently I'm in need of some Korea advice.

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11 hours ago, Nomad XIII said:

That whole business where a country splits up leaving a communist one and a democratic one. That always confuses me. Apparently I'm in need of some Korea advice.

Well, if you're thinking of taking up comedy as a career, my advice is, "Don't give up the day job." 😎


Rethymno Rugby League Appreciation Society

Founder (and, so far, only) member.

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On 01/01/2020 at 05:33, Adelaide Tiger said:

Just finished reading a good book ‘Dollop in the Road’ by G G Dunnit. 

What has Captain Kirk and Andrex got in common.  They both get rid of Klingons!

What did spok find down the toilet of the Enterprise

 

 

the captains log 

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skft-710406603a50cec5157871c9952e1e55.jp


"When in deadly danger, when beset by doubt; run in little circles, wave your arms and shout"

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A forklift driver at the Nestle factory dropped a pallet of chocolate bars on himself and was trapped underneath them for 2 days!!

Apparently, everytime he yelled "the Milkybars are on me", everyone just cheered..

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Four legs good - two legs bad

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My mate was in a right state the other day , asked him what was up , and he said "Can`t get any toilet rolls ,so i had a look round couldn`t get anything as a substitute , so have to make do with using lettuce leaves ,  and that`s just the tip of the iceberg " .

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at least the DFS sale has actually ended now


the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but the crows are just as black

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There I was, driving Tommy Thomson's two tone, truly terrific ten ton Thames Trader truck, transporting ten tons of turquoise and tangerine twin tinted toilet tissue from Teddington to Timothy Whites and Taylors at 33 Thistle Terrace, Tewkesbury at twilight on Thursday. Then I got stopped by the police, who wanted to know why I was taking all that stuff to Timothy Whites and Taylors at 33 Thistle Terrace, Tewkesbury at twilight on Thursday. “Easy” I said, ”They’re our sole agents.”


Four legs good - two legs bad

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Apologies in advance....

Dyson have delivered the first of their ventilators to the NHS. A spokesman confirmed that they were in use and the patients on them were said to be 'now picking up well'.

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Two horses talking to each other. One keeps boasting by saying he has raced on the flat in the Derby, the Oaks and the St.Ledger as well as over jumps at Cheltenham and in the Grand National.

The second horse gets fed up and decides to try and take him down a peg or two.

So he invites the boaster to his stable where he has put up a picture of a zebra.

On arrival the first horse asks about the picture to which the second horse says "Oh, that's just me when I played for Juventus" !

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Sad news has just reached me Marty Pellow from Wet Wet Wet has just been diagnosed with arthritis........... He feels it in his fingers he feels in in his toes ......


Four legs good - two legs bad

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I was in isolation watching some adult entertainment online the other day when all of a sudden my mum walked in the room, not the best way to find out what she does for a living!

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the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but the crows are just as black

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when your a big fat greedy flicker "life is like box of chocolates" neither are gonna last very long


the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but the crows are just as black

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