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After having dug to a depth of 10  feet last year, Canadian scientists found  Traces of copper wire dating  back 200 years and came to the conclusion that  Their ancestors already  had a telephone

A horse is in the pub having a few drinks when he spots a donkey in the corner, so he nips over to have a natter The donkey asks "What do you do for a living?" The horse replies " I run on the fl

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A mother was shocked to see her son at the top of the stairs eating smarties, picking up the cat, and licking it, and moving down a step, and repeating. She asked him what was he doing, he replied that he was practising for being a grown up, popping pills, eating pussy & moving on.

BANNED AGAIN?

Edited by Bleep1673

Where were you last Thursday?

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My worst joke got me banned from the Conquest Hospital Staff club.

Boy walks up to his mum, "Nana has a Prawn", Mum asks "What do you mean?"

"Come and see".

They walk into the bedroom and Nana is asleep legs akimbo, mama says "No, that is not a prawn, it is her Clitoris".

The boy says, "Well it tastes like a prawn"

Where were you last Thursday?

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"Men will be proud to say 'I am a European'. We hope to see a day when men of every country will think as much of being a European as of being from their native land." (Winston Churchill)

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"Men will be proud to say 'I am a European'. We hope to see a day when men of every country will think as much of being a European as of being from their native land." (Winston Churchill)

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1 hour ago, Futtocks said:

 

Thanks for posting this twitter account, I've found what I'm doing for the rest of the afternoon! 😂

I especially liked, "Rescuers learn that the exotic bird they found was actually a seagull covered in curry" 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Edited by The Hallucinating Goose
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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband, mentioning the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: " Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty...You're crazy to go to Rome .. so how are you getting there?" "British Airways," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "British Airways?" exclaimed the hairdresser.. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their Flight Attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome‘s 'Tiber River called Tesse” "Don't go any further. I know that place Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump." "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this trip of yours. You're going to need it........" A month later, the woman came in to the hairdressing shop. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome: "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job. Now it’s a jewel. The finest hotel in the city. As they too, were overbooked, they apologized, offering us the owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn’t get to see the Pope “ "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured The Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, explaining the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, - if I'd be so kind to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me" "Oh, really! What'd he say ?" He said: "Who the hell did your hair?"

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Ron Banks

Bears and Barrow

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Many years ago John Lennon was sat on his front door step.  In front of him a little Beatle scurried past.  Lennon being a bit philosophical said to the little Beatle ‘Hey little Beatle just slow down and chill out’.  The little Beatle looked up and said ‘I sure will, thank you’.  Then Lennon looked at the little Beatle and exclaimed ‘Do you know that we named our band after you’.  The little Beatle looked at Lennon quizzically and said ‘What, Eric!’.

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