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Funeral plans


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It seems every advert in the afternoon is for a funeral plan. Judging by the numbers of plans out there someone must be buying them.

Some years ago after looking at the cost of them I looked at other options.

I took a gamble that neither my wife or myself would pop our clogs and I made a direct debit of £50 month for Premium Bonds. Along the way a dribble of £25 bonus' have added to the pot. Not only is the money sitting ready I COULD call on it if it was a rainy day.

Worked for me.

 

Ron Banks

Midlands Hurricanes and Barrow

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5 hours ago, Bearman said:

It seems every advert in the afternoon is for a funeral plan. Judging by the numbers of plans out there someone must be buying them.

Some years ago after looking at the cost of them I looked at other options.

I took a gamble that neither my wife or myself would pop our clogs and I made a direct debit of £50 month for Premium Bonds. Along the way a dribble of £25 bonus' have added to the pot. Not only is the money sitting ready I COULD call on it if it was a rainy day.

Worked for me.

 

My plan is to live forever.

"I am the avenging angel; I come with wings unfurled, I come with claws extended from halfway round the world. I am the God Almighty, I am the howling wind. I care not for your family; I care not for your kin. I come in search of terror, though terror is my own; I come in search of vengeance for crimes and crimes unknown. I care not for your children, I care not for your wives, I care not for your country, I care not for your lives." - (c) Jim Boyes - "The Avenging Angel"

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I guess that most of us will be leaving what we can (eg. A house) to our children. If they can't find a few thousand out of that to stick me in the fire, then I guess I didn't do a good enough job of raising them.

Whatever, as Shadow says, it won't be my problem.

Rethymno Rugby League Appreciation Society

Founder (and, so far, only) member.

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7 hours ago, Johnoco said:

It’s June Dad! 

F*CK OFF! ?

With Halloween coming up I decided to go to my local fancy dress shop to see if I could get a Dracula costume. After a few minutes the assistant handed me a Hull KR shirt asking "Is this suitable?", I replied "I think you may have misheard me, I said I wanted to look like a count."
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Not even read the thread. I'll be dead. I want Gangnam style, moving on up and spirit in the sky played along with ten of my own worst jokes. My sons will be covered financially for it. I went to my 2nd cousins funeral recently (one of eight family and frineds whose passed the year and second oldest at only 71) and her wake went on till 11pm.Disco and Elvis/karaoke tribute. Surreal but bless her.

Like poor jokes? Thejoketeller@mullymessiah

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Be wary if you take up an offer from a smaller independent. My late father (along with many others) was ripped off to the tune of £4500 by a loathsome crook who subsequently went to jail.

I was in the process of leaning on the guy by turning up on his doorstep at regular intervals, when I was told to back off by the police and trading standards.

He was raided the following week, it was found he'd been pocketing charity "in memoriam" donations and stockpiling remains in his garage in addition to the "funeral plan" scam.

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My will stipulates no religious service is to be held and my body is to be left to science.

I got a letter from Leeds University Medical School acknowledging my bequest.

However, the letter also stated that there is no guarantee that it would be accepted.

Bloody cheek!

?

Under Scrutiny by the Right-On Thought Police

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On 18/11/2019 at 19:47, Bearman said:

Let me know how it works out?

So far, so good.

"I am the avenging angel; I come with wings unfurled, I come with claws extended from halfway round the world. I am the God Almighty, I am the howling wind. I care not for your family; I care not for your kin. I come in search of terror, though terror is my own; I come in search of vengeance for crimes and crimes unknown. I care not for your children, I care not for your wives, I care not for your country, I care not for your lives." - (c) Jim Boyes - "The Avenging Angel"

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At Uni I roomed with a couple of medical students, who successfully deterred me from ever considering leaving my body to science. Anyway, I'm pretty sure my body is far too knackered to be of interest.

And when they found our shadows

Grouped around the TV sets

They ran down every lead

They repeated every test

They checked out all the data on their lists

And then the alien anthropologists

Admitted they were still perplexed

But on eliminating every other reason

For our sad demise

They logged the only explanation left

This species has amused itself to death

No tears to cry no feelings left

This species has amused itself to death

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Used to have an advert on local radio for a funeral directors' that said you could have your funeral any way you wanted. Did think of ringing them and asking for a quote for the full Viking ! Body on longboat floated out into North Sea then set alight by a flaming arrow ! Often wondered what their response would have been ?

On a different note, when MIL died I had to arrange her funeral and still not sure what undertaker meant by 'we have a date for the burial but there's a bit of a wait, however we have put in for a cancellation' ?

My wife complains I selfishly stop her fulfilling her true ambition -

she really wants to be a rich widow

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23 hours ago, BJW said:

 

On a different note, when MIL died I had to arrange her funeral and still not sure what undertaker meant by 'we have a date for the burial but there's a bit of a wait, however we have put in for a cancellation' ?

Leeds fans; halfway through last season.

Under Scrutiny by the Right-On Thought Police

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I play in a quiz league and one of our prominent members died a couple of years ago. Burial was booked for (I think) 1pm. I couldn't get to the service but I dashed to the cemetery from work and only the cemetery officer was present. It was absolutely chucking it down so we sheltered under a tree and waited ... and waited. After half an hour the cemetery officer said she'd have to check with HQ but would otherwise have to order the JCB driver to fill the hole in. She came back and said the funeral had been cancelled.

Just then, a couple of cars turned up; I stopped a big bloke driving the front one and said something like "Don't bother getting out and getting soaked, the burial has been cancelled". He said "It had better not be. I'm the priest and I've just conducted the service!".

The cemetery officer delayed the reinstatement of the hole. It turned out that the family/undertaker had cancelled the original burial time because it was realised that the funeral service would be extremely well attended. It had been re-booked for a short while later but only the cancellation had been relayed over the phone to the cemetery officer.

Our former quiz player was  Scottish and a kilted piper played the lament. The burial took place in a torrrential downpour and we all got absolutely soaked. The piper played from beneath the canopy of the tree.

Bradford at its finest.

?

 

 

 

 

Under Scrutiny by the Right-On Thought Police

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