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So i’m lying in bed , all the lights off to save energy , and i hear a noise downstairs …i get up and shout down “ who’s there “ . A voice says “ im a burglar , I’ve broke in and I’m looking for money “ . 
“ OK “ I say , “ give me a minute and I’ll come and help you to look “

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Last month, the UN conducted a worldwide survey. The only question asked was, “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”
The survey was a huge failure. Why? Well...
a) In Africa, they didn't know what ‘food’ meant.
b) In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what ‘honest’ meant.
c) In Western Europe, they didn't know what ‘shortage’ meant.
d) In China, they didn't know what ‘opinion’ meant.
e) In the Middle East, they didn't know what ‘solution’ meant.
f) In South America, they didn't know what ‘please’ meant.
g) And in the USA, they didn't know what ‘the rest of the world’ meant.

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May be an image of 2 people and text that says "Ellis @TidyTuanzebe saw on on I couldn't believe what Countdown today, it was just bang out of order. BNGA A B N G VOWEL"

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                                                                     Hull FC....The Sons of God...
                                                                     (Well, we are about to be crucified on Good Friday)
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May be an illustration of indoor

                                                                     Hull FC....The Sons of God...
                                                                     (Well, we are about to be crucified on Good Friday)
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Not exactly a joke, but from this week's Private Eye:

Elizabeth Truss is an anagram of Sizeable Thrust

It might be worth someone posting this on the Politics Thread. I'm banned for supporting Brexit and telling unwelcome truths.

 

Edited by Wolford6

Under Scrutiny by the Right-On Thought Police

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7 hours ago, JohnM said:

Went to Boots for deodorant. The assistant asked "Ball or aerosol?"

"Neither", I replied. "it's for my armpits."

It works better with a Swedish accent.

 

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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