What are the most disgusting RL ground toilets you've ever used?

[The Hallucinating Goose]

At my local football team, we are currently in the process of building some new toilet blocks.

At the moment we have just a single portaloo around the pitch and toilets smaller than that in the clubhouse; two urinals where there is so little space you are touching shoulders with the man next to you and so much rust and limescale that your liquid does not run away and so eventually fills up the porcelain and drips all over the floor. 

Next to these is a cubicle that is even smaller than the portaloo where to close the door, you basically have straddle the toilet and lean back as far as you can. There is also no lock on the door and the door doesn't fit into its frame, meaning you have to hold it shut with your foot. The toilet itself has a seat that is stained yellow and so much limescale under the waterline, you can't be sure whether skids have been left behind by the fat guy who vacated it before you wedged yourself in. 

In total, the men's toilets are at a push, a metre square.

So, we know there are some pretty rundown grounds in our game but are there any with toilets worse than those described above?  

[CanaBull]

I still get horrible flashbacks to the Odsal troughs in the shed as a kid in the 70’s, stale ######, stale beer and stale, old fat blokes.

That and the abomination where my Dad played cricket next to Cutler Heights Lane in Bradford (Pitts st was it?), ended up finding some long grass to pee in usually instead of gipping in the outhouse. 

[doc]

As an employee of the countries best known drainage companies I've seen some sights.

Including overflowing toilets at Wembley in 1981!

Also at Tattersfield, where I could have a pee and still watch the game through the big hole in the wall.

[sam4731]

The timing seems about right. Roughly part way between the end of the international season and next year's season beginning.

Boredom has officially set in.

[Vyvyan]

Half a drainpipe. One end nailed to the wall.  The other pointing into a blocked gutter.  Ankle deep.  

Behind the shed at Thrum Hall.

 

[M j M]

The river caves at Central park. 

[Damien]

All the old school grounds were pretty terrible.

[JohnM]

Misinterpreted the "old school", as follows.

1957-1962.  My secondary school (building) was old. The "toilets" were outdoors. There were no doors on the WCs. Worse even than the disgusting and disgraceful facilities of Central Park.

[The Hallucinating Goose]

2 hours ago, JohnM said:

Misinterpreted the "old school", as follows.

1957-1962.  My secondary school (building) was old. The "toilets" were outdoors. There were no doors on the WCs. Worse even than the disgusting and disgraceful facilities of Central Park.

Most of the time the bogs at my school had either been smashed and broken off the wall or set fire to.

Edited December 22, 2025 by The Hallucinating Goose

[The Hallucinating Goose]

8 hours ago, sam4731 said:

The timing seems about right. Roughly part way between the end of the international season and next year's season beginning.

Boredom has officially set in.

Just thought the topic would be a laugh mate, seen as toilets are the development at the sports club I'm involved in.

Edited December 22, 2025 by The Hallucinating Goose

[Tommygilf]

Cas...

[JonM]

5 hours ago, JohnM said:

Misinterpreted the "old school", as follows.

1957-1962.  My secondary school (building) was old. The "toilets" were outdoors. There were no doors on the WCs. Worse even than the disgusting and disgraceful facilities of Central Park.

My primary school had open air/ outdoors boys toilets similar to those found in RL grounds - brick wall + gutter. The girls toilets were much newer, but several generations of boys had discovered that it was just about  possible to wee over the wall into the girls toilets. (1980s, not 1950s...)

[And you tell that to the youth of today and they won't believe you etc.]

[The Blues Ox]

Thrum Hall. The walk of ######.

[The 4 of Us]

River caves back of the Popular stand at Wigan were a sight for sore eyes and sinuses, but worst I’ve stood in were the Hilton Park toilets derby day when they were literally flooded ankle deep. 

[dkw]

Derwent park wall on a warm (ish) day was quite something.....

[Just Browny]

3 minutes ago, dkw said:

Derwent park wall on a warm (ish) day was quite something.....

This is my recollection of Wilderspool too, pretty eye watering on a summer's day. One brick in a gully that had been an aiming point for thousands.

[Griff]

Threepenny Stand.

I'll leave it at that.

[Click]

Has to be going to the toilets at Belle Vue about 15 years ago.

That felt disgusting just going near

[Simon Hall]

Craven Park, Barrow probably about 1995. It was a wall at the back of the stand you could look over while using and still watch the game. My dad went in just before half time and there was a bloke leaning against the wall, curling out a length of dirty spine, he finished and wiped with the match programme. My dad went for a pee, walked out to leave then stood in what the man had left on the floor, then another bloke stood in it as well to which my dad says "I've just done that". Nearly gets chinned until he explains it wasn't him who's DONE that, it's him who's stood in it as well.

Spend the entire second half trying to clean it off his shoes. 

Enjoy your breakfast.

[LeytherRob]

10 hours ago, Damien said:

All the old school grounds were pretty terrible.

Especially in Summer/dry weather, when there was no rain to 'flush' the toilets the stink would be right across the terracing on a hot day when the beer was flowing.

[Sports Prophet]

Or worse still, most disgusting ground toilets you refused to use?

[Chronicler of Chiswick]

River Caves are up there with the worst but there are a lot of contenders - remember Blackpool Borough with disgust and the ones at Wembley by the walkway into the ground where the male members of the various coach parties used to head for as soon as the coach door opened.

[Curly perm]

Behind the old east stand at belle vue, up until recently. A brick room with barely any light that was obviously built in times where everyone weighed 10st max, so some blokes struggled to escape the horror through the very narrow passageway in/out. 

[Blind side johnny]

Behind the Long Stand at Crown Flatt where all you had was a grass bank. The rising steam at half time was a glory to behold.

[Dave W]

2 hours ago, Simon Hall said:

Craven Park, Barrow probably about 1995. It was a wall at the back of the stand you could look over while using and still watch the game. My dad went in just before half time and there was a bloke leaning against the wall, curling out a length of dirty spine, he finished and wiped with the match programme. My dad went for a pee, walked out to leave then stood in what the man had left on the floor, then another bloke stood in it as well to which my dad says "I've just done that". Nearly gets chinned until he explains it wasn't him who's DONE that, it's him who's stood in it as well.

Spend the entire second half trying to clean it off his shoes. 

Enjoy your breakfast.

They were terrible and, thankfully, long gone. You could eat your lunch in the new ones now - as opposed to merely getting rid of it.

Edited December 22, 2025 by Dave W