Eurovision 2026

[Bedford Roughyed]

Not sure we are winning this year...

 

[Bostik Bailey]

We need to get the Lancashire Hotpots to do the gig

[Maximus Decimus]

I thought it was not that bad when I first heard it.

Ever since it was released, our odds have just collapsed though... always the way with jokey acts. Hard to predict if they'll work or not.

[Futtocks]

News from Ireland: while millions of viewers across Europe tune in to the Grand Final from Vienna on Saturday night, RTÉ (who have withdrawn from Eurovision over the Gazan genocide) will be airing a certain episode of Father Ted instead.

[graveyard johnny]

11 minutes ago, Futtocks said:

News from Ireland: while millions of viewers across Europe tune in to the Grand Final from Vienna on Saturday night, RTÉ (who have withdrawn from Eurovision over the Gazan genocide) will be airing a certain episode of Father Ted instead.

the Pat  Mustard one? 

[Maximus Decimus]

2 hours ago, Futtocks said:

News from Ireland: while millions of viewers across Europe tune in to the Grand Final from Vienna on Saturday night, RTÉ (who have withdrawn from Eurovision over the Gazan genocide) will be airing a certain episode of Father Ted instead.

I love Ireland and I used to live there, but they love a good protest that won't actually do anything. I used to live in the back-end of nowhere and there was always protesting going on usually about Israel or collusion or something. I remember one particular one where they blocked the main street of the town by lying down on the floor to protest about Gaza. This was like in 2011. I'm sure Israel was shaking in its boots. 

They'll likely still mostly watch on the BBC anyway. 

[Maximus Decimus]

A bigger issue for me is the inclusion of Angela Scanlon. I might boycott for that reason, I just don't understand how she has become flavour of the month - she is utterly charmless and false!

[Hopie]

5 minutes ago, Maximus Decimus said:

I love Ireland and I used to live there, but they love a good protest that won't actually do anything.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunnes_Stores_strike

From little acorns...

[Maximus Decimus]

10 minutes ago, Hopie said:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunnes_Stores_strike

From little acorns...

How many acorns do ###### all?

Back to the competition, Sweden's is a banger even if the line 'you're in my head, my heart, my body parts' is somewhat suss...

[gingerjon]

3 hours ago, Futtocks said:

News from Ireland: while millions of viewers across Europe tune in to the Grand Final from Vienna on Saturday night, RTÉ (who have withdrawn from Eurovision over the Gazan genocide) will be airing a certain episode of Father Ted instead.

Yup, good lads the Irish.

Invented boycotting, of course.

Are we doing the 'pretending that Israeli song is just organically popular in the phone vote' this year?

I have it on in the background but haven't really paid too much attention. What I would say is that they are really emphasising the live singing in the sound mix - don't think it's been that clear or significant in recent years.

[Maximus Decimus]

10 minutes ago, gingerjon said:

Yup, good lads the Irish.

Invented boycotting, of course.

Are we doing the 'pretending that Israeli song is just organically popular in the phone vote' this year?

I have it on in the background but haven't really paid too much attention. What I would say is that they are really emphasising the live singing in the sound mix - don't think it's been that clear or significant in recent years.

Could be a couple of things. Lot of flat vocals, and they must have a rule about autotune. The amount of normal performances that have autotune now, it sounds weird not hearing it. 

Regardless of where you stand on Israel's participation, it's got so awkward that it would be a relief all round if they didn't get through or withdrew. You could almost hear the chants over the singing at one point. 

[gingerjon]

2 minutes ago, Maximus Decimus said:

Could be a couple of things. Lot of flat vocals, and they must have a rule about autotune. The amount of normal performances that have autotune now, it sounds weird not hearing it. 

Regardless of where you stand on Israel's participation, it's got so awkward that it would be a relief all round if they didn't get through or withdrew. You could almost hear the chants over the singing at one point. 

Yes, it's really odd and I think they must have had (not OTT) auto tune in previous years because it's standing out this year so far.

Israel could do what Russia did (before they invaded Ukraine) and send songs and attitudes that actually make it seem like they are good guys with a bad government. Instead, they have leaned into being very overtly "nah, you're either with us or against us". It is a major distraction now and not a pleasant one, whatever your view.

[Futtocks]

SEMI-FINAL 1

• Moldova: shouty patriotism, plus a women in a big red dress singing consistently sharp. 
• Sweden: Felicia and her mask represent the Rutabagans with My System, which is... competent.
• Croatia: vocal group Lelek serve up some folky witchiness and Eastern European vocal harmonies. I rather like this.
• Greece: "zany" dullard.
• Portugal: a sedate song from an amiable vocal group who all seem to share the same XXL shirt size. They sound a lot better together than individually.
• Georgia: Junior Eurovision winners aged 10, back with a big pile of "la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la" blah. Time to concentrate on your grown-up careers, guys.
• Italy: like an Eighties British sitcom caricature of an aging Italian lounge lizard.
• Finland: Linda Lampenius/Brava, who marketed herself as "The Pamela Anderson of the Violin" about 30 years ago, plus a bare-chested bloke who looks like a second-division footballler who's gone a bit emo. The song is passable in a second-rate way.
• Montenegro: ooh, she looks angry! So do her backing singers. If anything about her actual song catches my ear, I'll let you know (tumbleweed).
• Estonia: Vanilla Ninja, aka Three Non-Non-Blondes (and a bloke). An uncomplicated and perfectly adequate powerpop band, so they are unlikely to make the Grand Final.
• Israel: the "tricky" one. A man in full leather delivers a soupy and derivative ballad. Some audience shouting.
• Germany: "I'm a fire fire, you're a liar liar" is currently heading the running for the most inane lyrics of tonight.
• Belgium: you can't even say "and here come the Belgians" anymore because of woke or Yewtree or something. The song's got a better chorus than verse, so it could go okay.
• Lithuania: tonight's first full-on arty entry. Silver body paint, a cod-operatic delivery and Zal Cleminson's shoulderpads (one for the teenagers, there).
• San Marino: Senhit (her third crack at the title), featuring Kent's own Ragazzo Giorgio. Unapologetic, brash dancefloor material. It didn't have to be any good and it wasn't. Boy George did not seem particularly enthused.
• Poland: since missing out on the COVID-cancelled Eurovision a few years ago, Alicja has made giant strides... and she's wearing them tonight!
• Serbia: like Jim Steinman's bloody awful Dracula musical, only without the tunes.

Semi-Final 1 casualties: Estonia, Georgia, Montenegro, Portugal and San Marino.

Edited May 13 by Futtocks

[Maximus Decimus]

38 minutes ago, Futtocks said:

SEMI-FINAL 1

• Moldova: shouty patriotism, plus a women in a big red dress singing consistently sharp. 
• Sweden: Felicia and her mask represent the Rutabagans with My System, which is... competent.
• Croatia: vocal group Lelek serve up some folky witchiness and Eastern European vocal harmonies. I rather like this.
• Greece: "zany" dullard.
• Portugal: a sedate song from an amiable vocal group who all seem to share the same XXL shirt size. They sound a lot better together than individually.
• Georgia: Junior Eurovision winners aged 10, back with a big pile of "la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la" blah. Time to concentrate on your grown-up careers, guys.
• Italy: like an Eighties British sitcom caricature of an aging Italian lounge lizard.
• Finland: Linda Lampenius/Brava, who marketed herself as "The Pamela Anderson of the Violin" about 30 years ago, plus a bare-chested bloke who looks like a second-division footballler who's gone a bit emo. The song is passable in a second-rate way.
• Montenegro: ooh, she looks angry! So do her backing singers. If anything about her actual song catches my ear, I'll let you know (tumbleweed).
• Estonia: Vanilla Ninja, aka Three Non-Non-Blondes (and a bloke). An uncomplicated and perfectly adequate powerpop band, so they are unlikely to make the Grand Final.
• Israel: the "tricky" one. A man in full leather delivers a soupy and derivative ballad. Some audience shouting.
• Germany: "I'm a fire fire, you're a liar liar" is currently heading the running for the most inane lyrics of tonight.
• Belgium: you can't even say "and here come the Belgians" anymore because of woke or Yewtree or something. The song's got a better chorus than verse, so it could go okay.
• Lithuania: tonight's first full-on arty entry. Silver body paint, a cod-operatic delivery and Zal Cleminson's shoulderpads (one for the teenagers, there).
• San Marino: Senhit (her third crack at the title), featuring Kent's own Ragazzo Giorgio. Unapologetic, brash dancefloor material. It didn't have to be any good and it wasn't. Boy George did not seem particularly enthused.
• Poland: since missing out on the COVID-cancelled Eurovision a few years ago, Alicja has made giant strides... and she's wearing them tonight!
• Serbia: like Jim Steinman's bloody awful Dracula musical, only without the tunes.

Semi-Final 1 casualties: Estonia, Georgia, Montenegro, Portugal and San Marino.

To be fair, I didn't think it was a great standard either with few standouts.

Sweden was probably the best. None of the ones that went out will be missed IMO. Finland's could've easy gone through but it seemed very dated.

As someone who rather sadly listens beforehand, it is interesting to see which ones are better live and which aren't. I thought Israel's was a dud but he actually performed it well. Lithuania's similarly was captivating.

As for Boy George it was just weird. You have a global popstar, albeit from years ago, and you get him to come and speak for about 25 seconds at the end.

 

[Futtocks]

Semi-Final 2 clashes with Huddersfield v St Helens on the BBC.

[Maximus Decimus]

Turns out our entry is a bit of a legend.

Edited May 13 by Maximus Decimus

[Maximus Decimus]

Better quality semi-final tonight.

Absolutely pains me to say but Australia nailed it and this could be their year.

I've spent my whole life having them be way better at rugby than us, and now I have to accept them being better than us at Eurovision every year

[gingerjon]

1 hour ago, Maximus Decimus said:

Better quality semi-final tonight.

Absolutely pains me to say but Australia nailed it and this could be their year.

I've spent my whole life having them be way better at rugby than us, and now I have to accept them being better than us at Eurovision every year

I will be hearing the Aussie song for the first time in the final. I am worried.

Ours has gone from having really potential to being forgettable and I'm not really sure how. My feeing is you like it at first and expect it to grow but there's just not enough there (performer or song) to make that happen.

We'll get less than 12 from the public vote whereas I thought we stood a chance when it came out.

[Eddie]

I’ve often wondered what would happen if we entered a band like Oasis into Eurovision. Probably still hardly any votes. 

[Futtocks]

49 minutes ago, Eddie said:

I’ve often wondered what would happen if we entered a band like Oasis into Eurovision. Probably still hardly any votes. 

They'd have to come up with a song with broad modern appeal instead of a Nineties Slade retread aimed at middle-aged British blokes in bucket hats. They would also need to do an absolute ton of PR/engagement groundwork like Sam Ryder did. I can't imagine Oasis being prepared to put in that effort (or even try at all).

Any Eurovisoin failure for an established name is also a hit to their wider commercial standing (not to mention their massive sleb egos).

Morrissey has, on a couple of occasions, claimed he could win the competition easily... but has never got round to actually volunteering his services. Can't think why. 

Edited May 15 by Futtocks

[JonM]

4 minutes ago, Futtocks said:

Morrissey has, on a couple of occasions, claimed he could win the competition easily... but has never got round to actually volunteering his services. Can't think why. 

Would be funny to see him not turn up because the hotel had been a bit noisy the night before or something.

[Futtocks]

Slightly belated, but Demi-Final 2 went as follows.

• Bulgaria: headbanging clown dancers. The chorus appears to be about bunga-bunga or maybe bhangra, but it doesn't fit the rest of the song at all.
• Azerbaijan: Jiva is wearing a cocktail dress, weeping blood and singing a wafty ballad. I sense a big chorus coming up... and here it is. Nurse, the screens!
• Romania: the song is called "Choke me" and it looks like it wants to be "edgy". The scene onstage could be described as the Met Gala done by Temu. Some cod-operatic honking noises add to the effect.
• Luxenbourg: Eva Maria has a cute overbite and a violin. A coherent song would ideally be the vital third ingredient. Ah well.
• Czechia: this lad's voice has a decent tone, but is sloppy on the quieter stuff. A maudlin ballad with a big finish.
• France: is it painfully arty? Yes. Is it trying far too hard? Yes. Is there more opera-lite singing? Yes. Are the dancers dressed in black and all scowly? Yes, yes, it's the French.
• Armenia: Gangnamian Style. Psy's lawyer's will be in touch.
• Switzerland: the song's called "Alice". Who the feck is Alice? A bit too arty to succeed.
• Cyprus: a Londoner who's been on Love Island. Maybe we'll finally see her hidden talent. Nope, a relentlessly beige performance that's predicted to do well.
• Austria: the hometown boy with a Paul Stanley-esque eye star and Bacofoil body armour is delivering something that sounds like it could turn into "Da da da" by Trio at any moment.
• Latvia: the first VERY SERIOUS ballad in this second semi-final. She sounds like a caffeinated theremin in the chorus.
• Denmark: wow, he has an aquarium full of people doing the pelvic thrust exercise from the 1986 slasher flick Killer Workout!
• Australia: Delta Goodrem aka the-one-from-Neighbours-that's-not-Mike-or-Bouncer with a fairly ordinary power ballad.
• Ukraine: Leleka. Glad she's back from orbit. She appears to be wearing the opposite of Old Man Steptoe's fingerless gloves. I kind of like this, but it's probably not a prime Eurovision contender.
• United Kingdom: spud of face, vertical of hair. Some people think this is good. So I'm told. Payola means we'll endure this again on Saturday anyway.
• Albania: Zlatan, the chainmail years. Carl Orff's lawyers are going to skin him alive.
• Malta: resting stalker-face Aidan says "hello". Leather waistcoat, leather trousers & cowboy boots. All topped with floofy hair and an offensively weak song. Needs punching.
• Norway: middle-distance running legend Henrik Ingebrigtsen in pleather dungarees pretends to be part of a band. He has all the requisite tattoos, but total effect is kind of flat.

Watching the final from their hotel rooms: Azerbaijan, Luxembourg, Armenia, Switzerland and Latvia.
 

[Eddie]

3 hours ago, Futtocks said:

They'd have to come up with a song with broad modern appeal instead of a Nineties Slade retread aimed at middle-aged British blokes in bucket hats. They would also need to do an absolute ton of PR/engagement groundwork like Sam Ryder did. I can't imagine Oasis being prepared to put in that effort (or even try at all).

Any Eurovisoin failure for an established name is also a hit to their wider commercial standing (not to mention their massive sleb egos).

Morrissey has, on a couple of occasions, claimed he could win the competition easily... but has never got round to actually volunteering his services. Can't think why. 

Yes I understand that Oasis wouldn’t want to do it, but my point was what would happen if we entered a genuinely good song, like Oasis used to churn out in the 90s. If they’d never made wonderwall but made it now and entered it, for example. 

[Futtocks]

3 minutes ago, Eddie said:

Yes I understand that Oasis wouldn’t want to do it, but my point was what would happen if we entered a genuinely good song, like Oasis used to churn out in the 90s. If they’d never made wonderwall but made it now and entered it, for example. 

Britpop did not travel well, let's remember. Even if you actually like Wonderwall, which is quite the trudge.

Plus the Gallagher brothers were too arrogant to put in the hard work and break the American market properly, so why would they try for a one-off event like Eurovision?

[Eddie]

8 minutes ago, Futtocks said:

Britpop did not travel well, let's remember. Even if you actually like Wonderwall, which is quite the trudge.

Plus the Gallagher brothers were too arrogant to put in the hard work and break the American market properly, so why would they try for a one-off event like Eurovision?

You’re missing my point, I won’t labour it though. I could have said I Bet you look good on the dance floor by the arctic monkeys, or anything really, I wasn’t suggesting that Oasis would enter Eurovision