“I spent the first six months in rehab feeling like I’d lost my identity. I just felt sick, thinking who am I now if I was no longer Faye the rugby player.”
KEEP THE FAYE-TH
SATURDAY, June 5th 2021. Friday, May 26th 2023.
Two dates almost two years apart, but two days which St Helens star Faye Gaskin is not likely to forget in a hurry.
The former – the day a freak injury sustained while celebrating a teammate’s try almost ended her career. The latter – a Player of the Match performance in her first 80 minutes of action in 720 days.
Throw a hamstring injury into the mix and the 30-year-old has certainly had some dark days to contend with over the last few years, but running out onto the Headingley pitch to face Leeds Rhinos in front of the Sky cameras, made those 24 months of heartache, pain and hard work finally feel worthwhile.
“I was back with the club in pre-season, around December, and had been signed off and ready to go for the start of the season, but then in March I tore my hamstring and that set me back another 15 weeks,” said Gaskin, who made her return to action at the Women’s Rugby League Nines festival, before coming off the bench in the Challenge Cup victory over Warrington Wolves.
“It was so frustrating. I had just spent a year and a half doing rehab and had got so close to getting back out there, then did that and it was so bad I was close to needing another operation.
“But I just thought to myself ‘it’s only 15 weeks’, whereas with the previous injury, I had been told I may never play again. I could cope with another 15 weeks, but it was a lonely place to be back out there doing rehab on my own.
“Week 14 of my recovery was the weekend of the Nines and because I had hit all my markers physio and strength-wise, I was able to get back a bit earlier.
“I think the Nines format did help when it came to getting back out there. Coming back from the hamstring we were unsure if I’d play much because it is so fast and I did my hamstring in first place by sprinting. But the rolling subs allowed Matty (Smith – St Helens coach) to give me some time across all three games.
“The Nines probably came at the perfect time for me. It gave me a chance to show what I could do and although each game was shorter, they were still very intense and very fast. You have to make one on one tackles, no one coming in as backup, get back and then attack, really fast.
“It was a bit of a shock to the system, but I really enjoyed it and got some decent minutes under my belt. That then helped going into the Challenge Cup game against Warrington, when I came off the bench and did about 60 minutes before then being told I would start against Leeds.
“When Matty told me I was going to start against Leeds I just knew I had to take the opportunity with both hands. I wasn’t going to fear that I would get injured, I was just going to be out there playing with my best mates again.
“I’d worked hard to get that shirt back, so there was a sense more of relief as well.
“I hadn’t played 80 minutes for nearly two years, and the game is very different now since then, so we knew I might have had to come off at some stage because of fitness. But I felt good out there and my family were there too so it was a very special moment.
“I was nervous, but I knew had a good team around me and that we would work as a squad.
“It was such an intense game and we performed so well, that after the game I took a deep breath and thought ‘wow, the season has started for me now and it’s time to push on’.
Perhaps what has made the last two years so tough for Gaskin is that the injury felt so innocuous at the time.
As Danielle Bush went in for a try after 15 minutes of the Challenge Cup Final against York, Gaskin ran in to celebrate with her teammate, jumped up and landed awkwardly. She knew quite quickly that something wasn’t right, but had no idea what news would come her way a couple of days later.
After leaving that York game on crutches, she then had to watch on as her teammates added the League Leaders Shield and Grand Final to that Challenge Cup victory that year, and again the following season when they successfully defended their Challenge Cup crown.
Any injury is hard for a player to deal with, so it was perhaps no surprise that one of this severity had an impact on other aspects of Gaskin’s life. Not only did it affect her career as a PE teacher, it also caused many struggles with her mental health.
As a sport, rugby league is lucky to have the RL Cares charity for times like this. Times when players are struggling to adapt to what may be their new normal or their new way of life and Gaskin was quick to praise the charity for their support as she was handed the Player of the Match medal after the 38-18 win over Leeds.
“When I landed just felt like someone had winded me, so I had no idea just how bad it was.
“When I looked down at my knee it was pretty swollen so at first I thought it was dislocated and trying to put it back in and thought I would try to run it off. But as I stood up my leg gave way and I knew something wasn’t right.
“But as much as the leg felt weak on the outside, my knee joint itself didn’t feel weak. We initially thought I had damaged the meniscus and was waiting for a private consultation.
“There was a two-week wait for that, but then around three days later my full leg went blue and purple, so I went to the hospital. That was when they found the fractures on the lateral tibia. That’s where the top of the tibia and knee joint connects together and holds everything in place.
“I had fractured that in three or four places, so I quickly went from walking into to the hospital with my knee giving way to being in full leg brace and in wheelchair. If I had carried on walking on it, I would have done more damage.
“That was followed by surgery to pin and plate it all together and make it stable again.
“When I was originally told the injury might end my career I thought it was a joke – I couldn’t believe it.
“The doctor said I’d get the rehab done fine but running I may never be able to take the impact again because it would be too painful and there was nothing more they could do about that.
“So I spent the first six months in rehab feeling like I’d lost my identity. I am a PE teacher so I wouldn’t be able to do my job, I wouldn’t be able to play sport again. I just felt sick for six months, thinking who am I now if I was no longer Faye the rugby player.
“I’d never really struggled like this before.
“I was brought up in quite a tough environment where you didn’t really show emotion or cry, you just got on with things.
“I’ve always been resilient, but sometimes you still need someone to talk to and when your mum and dad are pretty much caring for you 24-7 and having to help you to the bathroom, they’re the last people you want to burden with with your struggles.
“I ended up meeting Darren through RL Cares and at first it was hard work for him because although I’d asked for help, when I got it I said I didn’t need it anymore. But I did.
“I’ve had some traumatic things happen in my life – I lost my best friend through suicide, and I didn’t realise the effect that had had on me. So then to be told as well that I was going to lose my career to a stupid injury, it was really tough.
“But from the time he spent with me and the techniques he gave me, I learned a lot about myself.
“He helped me flip things around and think that as long as I was able to functionally move, go to the gym, pick a bag of shopping up off the floor then actually I can get on with my life.
“I might just not be Faye the rugby player anymore, but I might be something different.
“As my rehab went on, I started to think in my head that I was going to play again. Things were going ok and I was hitting all my markers. The only thing I couldn’t really do was straighten my leg or bend it fully. But then I hit a bit of a wall and was getting bad pain in the back of my knee and that’s when I got in touch with RL Cares and thanks to them started looking at things differently and looking on the positive side.
“So when I was back in the gym with my friends and functionally moving again I started asking ‘why can’t I play again?’
“I knew the surgeon wouldn’t agree, so when I saw him a few weeks ago he said he couldn’t believe I was back playing, I just laughed and said: ‘I told you I would.”
In the longer term, former England international Gaskin knows she will have to give up the game at some stage and get further surgery on her knee, but for now, she is concentrating on having a successful season with St Helens, and then whatever else happens from this autumn onwards will happen. The half-back is putting no extra pressure on herself after achieving her most recent goal – to be back out on the pitch in the ‘Red Vee’.
“Due to all the metal work in my knee, I can’t fully straighten or flex it properly and I have been told that I will need a knee replacement sooner rather than later.
“I asked the surgeon if I can at least see this season out because I just want to play. But the surgery will be done in terms and when I’m ready for it – if that’s in 12 months, 18 months, 30 months then that’s when it’s ready. Because I’m still only 30, they don’t want to do it too early but there is the chance of arthritis setting in because of the angle of the knee.
“Every time I play, I know the impact on my knee is probably quite severe so that is why I’m leaning towards the replacement sooner rather than later, but for now I am just going to push through it and keep going.
“I have always said that I just want to see this season out, but knowing me if we get a bit of success and get a bit of silverware at the end of the year I’ll probably keep playing on.
“Wembley is such a special place and to have the Challenge Cup Final there this year will be incredible. I’ve always said until I get to play there I’m never retiring, so hopefully we can get there this year.
“It is always an honour to pull on an England shirt if get the chance but I’ve only been back for a few games so I haven’t really thought about that yet.
“There are some outstanding young half-backs coming through, like Caitlin Casey at Leeds and they probably need to be prioritised and pushed forward.
“If Stu Barrow (England coach) has a conversation with me about getting back in the England set up, then he does but for now I just really want to play well for St Helens. That’s my priority.”
Photo: Bernard Platt
First published in Rugby League World magazine, Issue 486 (July 2023)
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