He’s one of London’s most famous exports, and he has a certain way with words which means you might want to cover your ears if you’re of a nervous disposition whenever he’s around, but braver souls can read on to find out what LMS thinks of jellied eels and rugby union…
Futtocks: How the #### have you managed to ####### cut back on the ####### swearing, when you do your ####### interviews after a #### match? It must be ####### difficult, considering your reprehensible ###### habit of saying filth like #### and #######?
It has always just been a slip of the tongue. But now I put my hands behind my back and pinch my hand or arm really hard so I remember not to swear. That’s how I get away with it.
Mr Plow: What’s your favourite swear word?
It’s the bad one and the one no one up here likes, but it’s the one I say all the time. It’s the See You Next Tuesday one and it usually has ‘fat’ before it too. That’s my go-to one.
Pigeon Lofter: Do you get recognised whilst going to the shops (assuming you do go shopping) in Rugby League land?
I do – but it’s never down the fruit and veg aisle that I get stopped, it’s always near the chocolate or biscuits.
Quinskolar: How do you cure your jellied eel and pie and mash addiction?
Jellied eels can go and get f***ed, I don’t like them, but pie and mash I can’t do without. Whenever I go down south I will drop the wife and kids off and then shoot round the corner to probably one of the best pie and mash shops around. Three pie, two mash, loads of vinegar – that’ll do me lovely.
northamptoncougar: Do you consider yourself the angriest cockney alive today?
I’m not angry, I’m just loud and I swear a lot so that’s why people will think I’m angry. But really I’m a happy fella.
Old Frightful: How long did it take you to understand anything that Johnny Vegas says without subtitles?
Johnny’s alright, he’s a good guy and he actually gets easier to understand after he’s had a drink so that’s better.
flyingking: There is a road sign in St Helens that points to “Tourist Attractions” without specifying what lies in wait for the prospective tourist. Do you know what these mysterious attractions actually are?
Well there is ‘The Dream’, ‘The Glass Factory’, ‘Langtree Park’ and ‘Carr Mill Dam’ must be one surely. So there’s four.
Man of Kent: You are a product of the London school system. If you could do one thing to get more London lads and lasses playing Rugby League what would it be?
One thing I would do is to try get rid of rugby union so everyone has to switch to Rugby League! But seriously, they have got it good down there now and the game is in enough schools. But it’s a shame it’s not much bigger because it’s a great sport. There is so much choice for kids down there so it’s hard to get them to Rugby League.
Mr Frisky: Have your childhood mates been converted to Rugby League fans?
Yeah a lot of them have and some of them came up to watch last year’s Grand Final. It was good to have them there. I always get text messages from the wishing me good luck and stuff so at least they know there is a sport up here.
Irish Saint: When representing Ireland, who was your toughest opponent and who was your favourite Irish teammate?
We played Italy and PNG in the 2017 World Cup so I didn’t really have a clue who I was playing against and who the players were. James Tedesco played for Italy in that tournament. He wasn’t the toughest player but he was the pinnacle of rugby over there and everyone kept harping on about him, even though he didn’t do anything. As for favourite teammate it has to be my roomie through that tour – Oliver Roberts. We had some good fun in that room.
Click: Do you still want to represent Ireland in the future, or is your representative career over?
I’m getting to that age where I am getting to old, especially with all these youngsters coming through. But if I got selected again it would be an honour, because that’s my mum’s heritage. It would be great to represent that again because we did give it a good go in the World Cup in 2017.
flyingking: What is it like to play in Papua New Guinea?
It was definitely an experience. It was one of those things you will never be able to recreate. The noises were amazing. They are such a Rugby League orientated country, they live and breath it. No matter who was getting tackled, or who was running over someone else, they were cheering no matter what. It was an amazing experience and I’ll never forget it.
Click: Would you ever consider finishing your career back at the Broncos for one season?
I don’t know if Wardy would have me! So probably not. I’ll probably be staying up North now. Been here 10 years, so I’ll probably stay camped up here with all my kids, the wife and the dog.
Clogiron: As you approach the end of your career what are your plans for the future – is union a option or are you a proper Leaguie?
It won’t be union, I’ve never played that before so I wouldn’t have a clue what I’d have to do or where I had to stand.
I’ll carry on for as long as the body can stick together or until they make a really good pill that repairs the body really quickly – then I’d go on forever.
@emma_tr4_rhinos: How did you become interested in Rugby League?
By pure chance really. A school teacher told me they were having trials down at London Broncos for their under 16s team and said I should go. My dad took me down to it and I haven’t looked back since.
@championship_rl: What is your first Rugby League memory at amateur or professional level?
It was the trial to get picked for the Broncos Under 16s. It was the first time I had ever touched a rugby ball at 14 or 15. I met Phil Jones that day and also had a fight with someone on the other team.
@craig_lawson6: Which Rugby League team did you support when you were younger?
No one. I didn’t have a clue what Rugby League was when I was young. It was football and Millwall all the way for me.
@abuchananfans: What is the most memorable match you have played in?
I always remember my debut against Wigan. I came off the bench that day and always remember it. Then there are the Grand Finals in 2014 and 2019. They’re the games I always think about.
@amy_essexgal: What is your favourite away ground to play at?
I do like going to Wigan, purely for all the Saints fans that go in the away end. When they are on song, we’re on song. And it’s quite funny when that stadium’s quite quiet an all you can see at one end are the Saints fans singing and cheering.
Joshua Brown: What’s your favourite try celebration?
I don’t really have any, my face just takes over and gets a mind of its own. And my hands go up in the air. It just makes me look like I’m doing a monkey impression, but I’m just so happy that I’ve scored.
This feature was first published in Rugby League World, Issue 468, April 2020