Futtocks
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Posts posted by Futtocks
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On BBC4 right now, a documentary about the artist M.C.Escher. So far, very good indeed.
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The House of Marbles, Devon.
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Listening to some Garfunkel & Oates tracks on YouTube. They are comedy music duo Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci, who have both had appearances on (and written for) 'The Big Bang Theory'.
Some of the lyrics are very much NSFW, especially 'The Loophole'. Funny, though.
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Finally given up on Opera's new, dumbed-down Chrome-like browser and reverted to Opera v12.17 (the last 'classic' version). I'd forgotten how fast the internet could be!
Meanwhile, some of the original Opera staff are working on Vivaldi, a browser that may end up being the real successor to Opera. It is currently very clunky indeed, but there is definitely some promise in their goals.
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TISWAS, with Legs & Co. getting flanned.
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You're not confusing BSM with BSE are you?
He's a good read - a sort of British Bill Bryson.
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The new Stuart Maconie book The Pie at Night is, like Bill Bryson's work, full of odd facts.
Did you know that the Wimpy chain of burger bars was, at one time, owned by the British School of Motoring? Me neither...
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BTW, I have recently experimented with using soda water instead of plain. I'd always thought whisky/brandy and soda was a hopelessly old-fashioned way to drink spirits, but with soda water so cheap, it was worth trying out.
Well, I wouldn't drink it that way all the time, but it really does change the drinking experience. The amount of soda water is small (the same as with still water), but the slight effervescence is interesting in the nose and on the tongue.
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They were out of the Highland so I'm currently supping the Taste the Difference Speyside.
I'll write my review before I lose the ability to type: superb.
(Needs a bit of ice IMO to draw out the flavour but it's a decent drop.)
My local branch only stocks the Highland. Grr.
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The Nits - Quest. A bonus disc of unreleased songs from the mid-Nineties. Some very good tracks, some a bit sketchy.
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Just taken delivery of Squeeze's new studio album, the first one since the late 80s.
I love it but then I'm a massive fan.
I think they are vastly underrated and are great live. I've seen them in full band format, as a 2-piece with just Chris Difford and Glenn Tilbrook and also solo.
The songs on the new album were written for the BBC comedy 'Cradle to Grave', hence the album name.
I've only heard the title track, which I do like.
The TV series also has Peter Kay attempting a Sarf Landan accent. Well, bless him for trying, but...
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I reckon even the smoking remains of the LibDems are laughing at that turnout.
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I'm currently dipping in and out of a huge Stephen Leacock Kindle omnibus. He was a Canadian humorist in a similar style to Mark Twain or S.J.Perelman. It's good, but best to be read a few stories at a time.
In between sessions of Leacock, a bit of the Jeeves omnibus, 'Engel's England' (a travelogue by Matthew Engel, visiting all the English traditional counties) and I've just started a re-read of the Reginald Perrin books.
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After finally conceding to the fact that my legs and lungs no longer want to work efficiently enough for me to carry on playing the
sport of my choice I got into reading fiction again for the first time since school. I had been given a Kindle and discovered Flashman and read the whole series and a few more of GMF's books, so to find that there may be an unpublished novel of his is great news to me, thanks for the link CKN. I am looking forward to the day that it is published if it comes to that.
I have read a few similar to Flashman and find them to have copied GMF's style and content to the edge of legality and one writer even has the cheek to continually discredit his character while ripping off the content.
The Sharpe series is my read of the moment, excellent research and writing by Bernard Cornwell.
If you liked the Flashman books, then his other really recommended works are 'Quartered safe out here' and the three McAuslan books.
Just below that, I'd put 'Black Ajax' and possibly 'Mr American'.
Some of his other books are not so great. Some are actually bad. Buyer beware!
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I've recommended it before, but Sainsbury's own label Highland single malt is just crazy value for money.
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On the boat back from Belgium and they had some truly ordinary whiskies at supposedly amazing prices. I settled for something 20cl that actually had an age on it: Jura 10.
It's bobbins*. Don't bother.
(* = For the price you'd expect better. You could have Famous Grouse for less and enjoy it more.)
Jura used to be hard to find, but it's everywhere now. And discounted in supermarkets more often than not.
It isn't a special whisky, at least not these days.
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A precursor of a much more famous TV sketch.
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Give this a try - I reckon it ain't bad at all.
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'Zardoz' was a total mess of a film. Very odd, but also laughable at the same time.
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This sheep was found yesterday on the outskirts of Canberra and yielded 40.45kg of wool. The previous world record was a NZ sheep found wild in the bush named Shrek, which yielded 27kg.
Shrek even made it into the news in the UK.
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Manos: The Hands of Fate.
Joe Schmoe, wife, whiney sprog and poodle are driving. And driving. And driving. And driving. And... you get the picture. This movie has the pacing of continental drift. At one point, an out-of-control singer comes on the radio, making things worse.
Searching for a Lodge where they were supposed to stay the night, they pass a young guy and gal in a parked sportscar, who are swigging liquor and sucking face. A building appears, with a small and peculiar man standing in front. Joe Schmoe expresses the sentiment that "maybe this would be a good place to stay the night". Joe has never ever seen a horror movie. And is a prize boofhead to boot.
The small and peculiar man is Torgo, acolyte of "The Master" and he is just a mass of physical and facial tics. He appears to have nicked Gandalf's staff and is very unwelcoming. The Schmoes still decide to stay the night.
Upon entering the house, they are confronted with what appears to be a portrait of the long-dead corpse of Arthur ('Allo 'Allo) Bostrom and a big scary dog. This is, apparently, the Master. The Schmoes still decide to stay the night.
The poodle escapes, and is found dead. Then Torgo makes a seriously weird pass at Mrs Schmoe who reacts in glacial time. Then the irritating sprog vanishes, only to appear with a big scary dog. The Schmoes still decide to stay the night.
Meanwhile, the kids in the sportscar are still exchanging saliva. Torgo, who intends Mrs Schoe to be the Master's next wife, clonks Joe on the noggin and ties him up. The Schmoes no longer have any choice in whether to stay the night.
After about an hour into the film, the Master finally wakes up in a dungeon with his first six wives. Will something exciting actually happen? Probably not. While performing 'The Hayne Plane', he recites a prayer to a statue of Manos, who looks like a bust of the Mekon. His wives all wake up and start complaining. Then, as the Master departs, they argue and all start beating each other up fairly randomly, to a John Coltrane-lite soundtrack.
The Master confronts Torgo and tells him that, although his wives were in suspended animation, they were aware of him creeping into the crypt and fondling them. Torgo tells the Master that he wants Mrs Schmoe for himself. A wife of the master finds Joe, snogs him, then starts hitting him. Meanwhile, some of the other wives are still fighting each other to the sound of frenetic Hard Bop. Coltrane must be tiring out some time about now.
Getting seriously miffed at all the domestic strife, the Master decides to sacrifice his tallest wife. And Torgo. Cue "liturgical dance" and two wives trying to slap Torgo to death. When that doesn't seem to be working fast enough, the Master burns off Torgo's hand and laughs. Then stops. Then starts again.
The Schmoes finally decide to leave. Then Joe shoots a rattlesnake and they decide to go back. I repeat, they decide to GO BACK! Yep, back to pervy Torgo, his satanic Master, the fighty wives and a hellhound. The cops hear the shots and decide to investigate. Then they decide not to. In the house, the Master confronts the Schmoes, now out of focus, but with his satanic pooch. He does 'The Hayne Plane' for the fiftieth time in this celluloid abortion. Joe Schmoe fires two shots. Black screen.
Then the movie appears to start AGAIN, as two entirely new characters drive through the desert for what seems like three hours. They pass the sportscar with the snogging kids, who are still at it (some kind of record attempt?) Arriving at the house, Joe Schmoe welcomes them as the new acolyte of the Master. Wifey and brat are now tied up in the dungeon, in a sort of undead state. Torgo, who ran off into the desert sans hand, is presumably now suing his agent.
In short, TripAdvisor, I give this hotel a solid three out of five.
Soon to be released on Blu-Ray, for God's sake. This was a film made by a fertiliser salesman. For a bet...
...which I assume he lost.
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The New Zealand cheese ball "Black Sheep" is now on BBC i-player. Genetically modified killer sheep cause mischief and death. Similar in style to the offerings of the Childrens Film Foundations films of the 60' and 70's, youngsters battling against the forces of ruthless corporatism but with more sheep related gore.
Sounds like similar NZ humour to Peter Jackson's early films Bad Taste and Brain Dead. Both are quite wonderfully disgusting.
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Timur Vermes - Look who's back. The year is 2011, and Adolf Hitler wakes up in Berlin, smelling of petrol, no older than he was at the end of WWII. In the modern world, he is mistaken for a brilliant impersonator who never breaks character and is given a slot on a TV comedy show.
This is a pretty funny satire, told entirely from Hitler's viewpoint, and well worth a read.
The cheesy B-Movie thread
in Any Other Business / Any Other Sports
Posted
Today, the MST3K-riffed version of 'Gorgo', a British attempt at the Godzilla genre. Only with a plot that's like the idiot b'stard son of King Kong and Beowulf.
A salvage ship is washed up at what appears to be Brigadoon-on-Sea, presided over by a grumpy Samuel Beckett look-a-like. They provoke the unconvincing monster, but manage to capture it and take it to London to show in the circus. However, Gorgo's mummy comes to get him back, trashing the British Navy in the process.
In a refreshing change from the Toho films, it's London's turn to get pulverised this time, with extras from 'Oliver!' falling to the ground behind (badly) superimposed falling polystyrene rocks.
In a word, crud. In two words... still crud.