WELL, this is it!
This isn’t just my final column in this great newspaper – you won’t hear or see me interviewed any more.
No more podcasts, no more media appearances. This page is the final act of an association with the wonderful sport of Rugby League that has dominated my life.
So, why am I going?
I was diagnosed with brain damage in March 2023 and have kept it a closely guarded secret until now. The symptoms, which I will share with you, are horrendous. I’ve been told I will end up with dementia, so the time has come for me to walk away from the game and to concentrate on my health.
I can trace my problems back to December 2019 when I had an operation to fix a detached retina in my left eye. But it wasn’t successful. Five or six days later, it felt like my head was going to explode. I needed seven more operations and three laser procedures.
Eye pressure should be between five and 23 mmHg (millimetres of mercury), yet my recordings were 82, 79, 78, 68, 67, 58, 44 and 40 which were quite literally off the chart. The hospital told me I should be on the floor, crying out in pain with those readings.
At times, it felt like my head was going to explode and my eye was going to pop out, so in September 2022 I approached the consultant to ask them to remove the eye because I couldn’t go on living like this. I’d already had 56 hospital visits.
The plastic surgeon agreed the eye was knackered – his words! Removal was the only answer to stop the retina continually detaching and to sort out the pressure. Life with only one eye is difficult, but I’ve adjusted pretty well, I think.
Subsequent health problems have included headaches, migraines, forgetfulness, anxiety and lack of concentration, all of which led to my brain-damage diagnosis in March ‘23. Those symptoms are now part of my day-to-day life. My partner, Alison, is now my carer.
I used to think a migraine was just a strong headache. Now I know what they’re really like, and they are horrendous. When one comes on, it’s the end of the day for me. I have to go to bed and be in complete darkness. They are intolerable. You don’t realise how bad they are until you get them.
I was asked recently if I’d seriously considered suicide. The answer is no, but I have very low moments when I wonder if I’m a burden and whether my family would be better off without me. And then I snap out of it, but those moments worry me.
I’m on daily medication, but life has to go on. Like I said, my problems go back to December 2019, and I realise, of course, that’s when Rob Burrow received a far worse diagnosis than me. His story is devastating, and it’s one that makes me realise that, by comparison, I am lucky.
I have my grandkids – Olivia (13), Isaac (11) and Reuben (8) – that I want to see grow up to be great people just like Danielle, my daughter, and Jonathan, my son. Hopefully I’ll be there with them when they buy their first pints!
Thanks to the many
RUGBY LEAGUE has been my life since I was eight, starting at Clapgate Middle School where the legendary Mr Harry Jepson introduced me to the game.
Roy Dougal was my first coach. He was brilliant with all the boys. Then it was on to Parkside High School, where John Ball and Ken Bond were great with me.
I played for Hunslet Parkside where the coach Ron Tinker was sensational for everyone in our unbeatable team. I captained the BARLA Under-19s on a fabulous tour of New Zealand in 1983 under coaches Ken Everson and Ray Clark, who were superb with all the lads.
Most of you will know about my professional career. I was proud to play for Hull FC, Leeds, Huddersfield, Doncaster, Bramley, Balmain Tigers and Western Suburbs. Coaches I owe so much to include Arthur Bunting, Frank Stanton, Malcolm Reilly, David Ward and Dean Bell, and I will always be grateful to the legendary Keith Barnes and Rick Wade for getting me to Balmain and Wests.
I’d have never believed I’d play over 500 professional games, including 46 for Great Britain. I went on four Lions tours and captained Great Britain 13 times. Just reading that back makes me feel so proud.
I feel lucky to have played in an incredible era, and I was team-mates with so many legends.
David Topliss, Knocker Norton, Mick Crane, Lee Crooks, Trevor Skerrett, Dave Heron, Colin Maskill, Dave Creasser, Paul Dixon, Karl Fairbank, Karl Harrison, Ellery Hanley, Joe Lydon, Martin Offiah, Henderson Gill, Andy Gregory, Shaun Edwards, Shaun Wane, Bobbie Goulding, Mike Gregory, Harry Pinner, Tony Myler, David Watkinson, Paul Newlove, Gary Connolly, Martin Dermott, Kevin Ward, Des Drummond, as well as my Australian team-mates Peter Sterling, Wayne Pearce, Benny Elias, Steve Roach, Paul Sironen, Garry Jack, Cliff Lyons, Andrew Ettingshausen, Craig Coleman and Brad Izzard – thank you for being such great team-mates and for making my career.
Apologies to the many of you I’ve missed off, but there just isn’t room!
Of the many great players I came up against, the King, Wally Lewis, was the best of all, although the mercurial Brett Kenny pushes him very close.
I’ve always enjoyed my relationship with the media, and I’ve loved expressing my opinions in columns like this. I owe Martyn Sadler, the editor of this newspaper, a huge debt of gratitude for giving me a column for 13 years and for never once telling me what I could or could not write. That’s how it should be. Martyn and League Express have done so much for Rugby League.
As well as Martyn, Arthur Brooks, Peter Wilson, Brian Batty, Paul Harrison, Martin Richards, Dick Tingle, Peter Smith, Harry Edgar, Dave Hadfield, Ray French, Harry Gration, Richard de la Riviere and Doug Thomson were all great to deal with. The latter two have ghost-written these columns down the years, so thank you to them for that.
And to the supporters of this great game – from Hull to Sydney, from Auckland to Port Moresby, from Toulouse to Cumbria – I hope I put a smile on your faces along the way. I played the game instinctively. I tried to be creative and skilful. I loved going for interceptions and I loved chipping over the defence. I just wanted to be the best I could be every time.
I love meeting fans at games, at social functions – even in Asda! I’ve never said no to an autograph request or a selfie, and I never will. Fans are the lifeblood of Rugby League.
One reason I’m not too sad to be finishing this column is the sport just doesn’t excite me any more. The on-field product isn’t anywhere near as entertaining as it should be. And off the field everything is so sanitised that if you’re not permanently “on message” and 100% “positive” about everything, then there’s no room for you. Balanced critical analysis has been driven out of English Rugby League by a governing body and clubs simply for the selfish reason that they don’t appreciate scrutiny.
That said, it’s been great fun stirring things up when needed. But if Rugby League ever wonders why it isn’t a bit more popular, then maybe it needs to consider whether having 95% of its journalists and ex-players on the telly acting as little more than cheerleaders is possibly a tad boring.
You can’t sell a sport based solely on what happens on the field. You also need characters, debates, stories, opinions, laughs and even a few controversies, but for reasons I’ll never understand, Rugby League stamps those things out.
My TV career was ended by Maurice Lindsay, who got me kicked off both BBC’s Super League Show and Sky’s Boots ‘n’ All programmes for being too controversial. That still makes me laugh. Would that happen in one of the big sports? Of course not! Football and cricket value their Roy Keanes and their Geoff Boycotts because those sports recognise the ability of those guys to get people talking.
But I don’t expect my advice to be taken now!
The final piece of my final column has to be about my mum and dad, because if it wasn’t for their constant support, you’d have never heard of me. Thank you mum, I love you always.
To finish my last-ever column, here are the words from my late dad that have always inspired me.
“Don’t you worry about anybody, son, let them worry about you,” he said to me just before I faced Mal Meninga and Gene Miles on my Ashes debut in 1984. Gee, thanks dad! I’d like to think I have always followed your advice.
Since I met Harry Jepson aged eight to now, aged 59, I’ve loved every single minute of my involvement in the game.
Goodbye, Rugby League. It’s been a hell of a ride!
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