Futtocks

Wests 10:12 Eels at FT. Tough game.

Wests v Eels has been very physical so far. After an early try each, they've been locked at 6 all for most of the match.

Don't interrupt the conspiracy theorists while they're breaking the rules of the thread. They won't thank you, you know.

Wigan 20:0 St Helens at the final hooter. Saints got seriously close at times, and Matt Peet will be pleased that none of those chances paid off.

Might depend on the results you wanted. And it might not. But London's madcap improvisation beating Hull FC, followed by St Helens being nilled (so far) will do it for me.

Ooh, has Sam Walters dodged the nudie run? Yes, he has!

Good for the game, bad for the conspiracy theorists. aka "Good"

He's been fast-tracked, due to Elton's injury. Maybe it is a bit soon for him, but by God he's got both pace and talent!

He's never been superstar material, but he's always been a reliable and valuable team player. That attempted pass/offload looked a bit flaky by his standards.

He's usually more dependable than that.

That was a nailed-on St Helens try. But no.

Kaide Ellis' second effective kick. Who does he think he is, Barry Ward?

Sironen on the bench, not wearing his playing kit (not like that you dirty sods), so he's out of rest of the game.

While my Guitar gently weeps, played on the Chapman Stick.

Newcastle Knights, Catalans Dragons and Warrington.

Farrimond with a cheeky kick-and-chase.

Marshall opens the scoring. That's a familiar sentence.

Peter Noone was always an iconoclast.

Brian, I don't think it'll be a 13 minute round of applause.

No Liam Farrell.

Shaun Wane on crutches?

Never mind, they've ejected the Hull FC fan from the control room who was trying to make the match null and void.

Sprinkler sneak attack!

I see the "plan" is working.

Neeson looking for a career reinvention, after years of gruff stage-whispery joylessness? Will there be three jump-cuts per second in every action scene, as is his wont? Pamela Anderson might be an inspired choice, or might be awful, I really don't know. But it's the script that'll really make or break it. Parody movies these day are a very different thing to the days of Police Squad! and the first Naked Gun movie. Pop-culture references have taken over from written or staged jokes, because the latter take hard work to create.