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The Hallucinating Goose

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Posts posted by The Hallucinating Goose

  1. 3 hours ago, blackknight said:

    I arrived early at the restaurant and the manager said "Do you mind waiting a bit".

    I said "No". 

    "Good" he said. "Take these drinks to table 9".

    Funnily enough I came on this thread to post a restaurant based joke. 


    A mucky, bedraggled and generally rundown man is sat in a restaurant and sees a beautiful woman sat on her own. She's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen so he calls the waiter over and asks for a bottle of champagne to be delivered to the woman. 

    The waiter takes the bottle over and when the woman looks over at the man he offers her the most charming smile she's ever seen. She takes a pen out of her bag and writes on a napkin, 'thank you for the champagne but in order for me to accept it you have to have a Mercedes in your garage, the keys to a mansion in your pocket, millions in your bank account and 7 inches in your trousers'. 

    The waiter takes the message to the man. He reads it and writes a reply which the waiter promptly delivers to the woman. She opens the napkin and reads what the man has written, "remember that most people are not initially what they appear to be. I may look in a rough state but I actually have a ferrari, a lamborghini, a porsche and an Aston in multiple garages across multiple mansions in Paris, London, the Mediterranean and the Caribbean, and I have billions in the bank not just millions but nothing would make me cut 3 inches off for anyone no matter how beautiful they are. Just send back the champagne!"

  2. I've just found out there is a 5th book in the Kingsbridge series being released this year. Set at the end of the 18th century it moves the story of Kingsbridge on another 200 years and includes themes to do with the early years of the industrial revolution and the rise of Napoleon. 

    The novel is called, 'The Armour of Light'. Details here: https://ken-follett.com/books/the-armour-of-light/

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  3. On 08/01/2023 at 22:15, The Hallucinating Goose said:

    I started the Kingsbridge Quartet tonight with 'The Evening and the Morning'. I read the first two chapters. Wow! It was exciting! I think I may get through the Ken Folletts I'm planning on reading a lot quicker than I initially thought. 

    I finished 'The Evening and the Morning' tonight. I absolutely loved it! I'm not a quick reader usually and am rather astounded I finished a 900 page book in just over two weeks. This should highlight how much I enjoyed this first volume in the series. 

    Tomorrow I start with 'The Pillars of the Earth' and I can hardly wait! 👍

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  4. I know there's just the odd person on here that likes a drink so I thought I would share a bit of trivia that might come in handy for a pub quiz. 

    In 1933, the Gottfried Krueger Brewing Company of New Jersey, USA began producing the first canned beer. Due to the risk of canning pressurised beverages, the American Can Company installed the equipment to manufacture it for free and they did an initial run of just 2,000 cans of what they called Krueger's Special Beer, which they sold to employees and their families. Due to an overwhelmingly positive response, canned beer went into full production and on this day in 1935 went on sale to the general public. And the rest is history. 😉🍺

  5. Let me pose a seemingly strange question; Who wins in a battle between cavalry and naval warships? 🤔

    On this day in 1795, French Hussars achieved the extroadinary feat of charging across the frozen Zuiderzee and capturing a fleet of 14 Dutch ships and 850 guns frozen at anchor in Den Helder, Holland. 

    It is the most well known example of the very rare occurance in history of cavalry going up against warships, and indeed winning the day. 

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  6. 15 minutes ago, Futtocks said:

    Was the question just about men's Cricket? Because I think the women's team have Test status.

    Ah, that might be the answer! It didn't state specifically mens and/or womens cricket, it was just, "name a test cricket nation that does not have a 'W' in its name". I think you've solved it! 

    Edit. According to wikipedia, the Dutch women's team have only played one full test in their history, that being in 2007 against SA but I guess that is good enough for a BBC quiz show so I'll leave it there. 

  7. Richard Osman's House of Games has just claimed that the Netherlands are a test cricket nation.

    I'm not a massive cricket fan but I am pretty sure that is not the case. However I was made to look like a right penis when one of the Goose household said Netherlands as an answer and I corrected them only for the programme to state I was wrong. 

    I'm not losing my mind am I? The Netherlands are not a test nation are they? Or has this just completely passed me by? 

  8. 2 hours ago, hw88 said:

    Classic C4 programme on last night - Know Your S***.

    The C4 stable just love programmes about sex and the nether regions. Anything for ratings.

    Wonder if they'll do a programme called Know Your Feet? All about the exciting world of chiropody. Everything you need to know about fungal toe infections, fallen arches, bunions and many other foot related medical ailments. Probably not as it won't have that certain titilation factor that's attached to ones private parts.


    I've watched some interesting documentaries about sex on C4. One highlight was 'The German Mega Brothel' which was a documentary about a huge brothel in Cologne and an in depth look into prostitution in general in Germany and how it fits into everyday life for so many people, with the oldest profession being legal there. A very interesting study of one less publicised aspect of German society. 

  9. 1 hour ago, Shadow said:

    Begs the question why you sit through them if you find it so tedious, most modern TVs are fitted with an 'off' setting.

    There are plenty of modern day comedies that are as good as if not better than the ones you quoted. 
    Off the top of my head, Ghosts (UK & US versions), The Cleaner, Motherland, Man Like Mobeen, Young Sheldon, Fleabag

    It did seem a rather extreme response to me saying I aren't getting on with one particular sitcom. I don't like Our Flag Means Death which is evidence for all modern comedy being rubbish apparently... 

    I love The Cleaner and Motherland. My favourite sitcom of all time is probably Detectorists. Other modern comedies I love include Derry Girls, The IT Crowd, Peep Show, Plebs, The Inbetweeners to name just 5 more. So that's 8 I love just off the top of my head. 

  10. 11 minutes ago, hw88 said:

    Most modern 'comedy' is about as funny as having ones teeth pulled without anaesthetic. I sit through most comedy shows without laughing once although a few are mildly amusing.

    The days of Steptoe, Porridge, Likely Lads (both incarnations), OFAH, and the like are long gone.

    There are plenty of comedies from the 21st century that I love, this one just wasn't for me. 

  11. On 09/01/2023 at 06:29, The Hallucinating Goose said:

    I watched the first episode of 'Our Flag Means Death' last night. Not sure what I really thought of it, had a couple of little chuckles. I'll stick with it and see how it develops. 

    I've given up on this. Not my sort of thing. Far too cringeworthy and slapstick for me. 

  12. How often is Love Island on tv? I was watching itv yesterday and there was an advert for a new series of it. Now I don't know if it's cos I work with a lot of women and they never shut up about love island but I got the impression the last series had only just ended. ITV do churn out some rubbish. 

  13. 15 hours ago, graveyard johnny said:

    Try watching celebrity mastermind - that really is who's that? never heard of them stuff and these people can't even answer questions most 7 year olds would be able to answer - total insult and waste of licence payers money 

    I think what gets me the most about celebrity quiz shows, Mastermind probably the prime example, is that the questions are so obviously made easier and they still can't get them. Not just the general knowledge either but their own specialist subjects and yet they still only get 3 or 4 right. And they also seem to be able to pick much easier subjects; one on that last episode had the film The Breakfast Club as their specialist subject. A normal contestant would never be allowed to pick a single film as their subject. 

  14. 1 hour ago, Futtocks said:

    In an upcoming episode of QI, it will probably be revealed that the flat cap was invented in Deptford or Hackney. :kolobok_wink:

    Apparently the style of a flat cap can be traced back to the 14th century where it first appeared in Northern England and was originally known as a bonnet. 

  15. 20 minutes ago, Stirlin said:

    Apologies , such a beautifull city they are migrating from down south , my local The Rook & Gaskil brew their own beer in the cellar under the name Three Non Beards .

    Don't get me wrong, York is my second favourite city in the world and I do love the place, its just been a year or so since I've been there and there did seem to be a massive influx of hipsters. We had it here in Hull a few years ago as well but we built a specific hipster district around Humber Street and the marina and they're all just contained down there well out of the way. 

    • Like 1
  16. 39 minutes ago, JohnM said:

    Combine the content of the two previous posts and the forum wins again! 👍

    Which school will be the first to offer a maths  syllabus that  includes snooker, darts, buying a round, splitting a restaurant bill, working out how much paint to buy whilst working out winnings on an accumulator (whatever that is) ? 😃

    "Every school should have a snooker club". My campaign slogan for when I run for public office.

    Its a good way to get kids engaged in maths cos you've got the mental maths side of it and also the working out of angles and a scientific element in judging the balls' running speeds and bounce and force of impact. 

  17. 4 minutes ago, Madrileño said:


    Note to self: Will avoid. 

    Tell you what, you haven't seen bearded hipster weirdos until you've been to York. That's where I was heading on the bus and I haven't been for quite a while. Jesus the hipster explosion in that city is almost unbearable. I went up to a burger van at one point to get some dinner and the burgers they were doing were in pink bread buns... Obviously I didn't buy one and just went to a bakery instead and got a few of pasties. 

    • Haha 1
  18. I've always been rather skilled when it's comes to mental maths but that wasn't necessarily school that taught me that skill but my undying love of snooker which I've religiously followed since I was about 10. I can just look at a number of random balls on a snooker table and calculate the total in seconds. Always a useful skill to have. I'm also rather adept at converting minutes into hours because of my lifelong obsession with film and thus the working out of running times. 

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