HawkMan

7. CONFETTI CHECK AOK When the wife of a SHADO officer, Lieutenant Grey, gives birth, Straker's put in mind of events from a decade earlier, when he was still with his wife Mary. Having recently established SHADO, the responsibility and degree of commitment put a heavy strain on the marriage. Mary saw him visiting another woman but it was professional, not sexual, and due to the secret nature of SHADO, he was unable to tell her the truth without jeopardising the organisation 8. ESP John Croxley is a man with Extra Sensory Perception, which enables him to read the minds of other people, although he regards it as a curse and has sought medical aid. One day, following a dog-fight with a UFO craft, The UFO crashes into and destroys Croxley's house, at the same time causing the death of Croxley's wife. Holding Foster responsible for his bereavement, Croxley uses his powers to read Foster's mind and find out all about SHADO, which he intends to destroy.

5. THE SQUARE TRIANGLE Liz Newton and her lover Cass are planning the murder of Liz's husband Jack. A UFO craft lands near to her remote woodland cottage and an alien gets out to explore the surroundings. The murder plot goes wrong as the alien gets in the way. SHADO become involved in a moral dilemma. 6. THE DALOTEK AFFAIR A meteorite lands on the Moon following an abortive UFO attack and the Moonbase's video and radio links with SHADO fail. Foster suspects that Dalotek, a private mining company with a nearby base whose operations are opposed by Straker, may have accidentally been using the SHADO frequency. A further blackout causing a fatal crash of a SHADO vehicle brings Dalotek into SHADO's line of fire.

3. FLIGHT PATH Paul Roper is a SHADO technician with a pretty, younger wife and aliens have threatened to kill her unless he passes on to them cryptic computer co-ordinates, the possession of which will allow them to make an undetected attack on the Moonbase. Colonel Freeman discovers what Roper has been doing and Roper asks for the opportunity to make amends by undertaking a dangerous mission to the Moon to stop the attack 4. CONFLICT Lunar Module 32 is destroyed when a limpet craft operated by the aliens attaches itself to its side and causes it to enter Earth orbit at too steep an angle, by which it burns up in the atmosphere. The craft had been hiding behind space debris. Straker wishes to launch a program to clean up all space debris believing it could be used by UFOs. However, General James Henderson believes such a program will cost too much and believes SHADO as a separate entity should be disbanded.

U.F.O 1. IDENTIFIED SHADO - an acronym for Supreme Headquarters Alien Defence Organization - is located beneath a supposed film studio in the English countryside and run by Commander Straker, who poses as a film producer. When an Unidentified Flying Object attacks a plane in which Straker's deputy Colonel Freeman is travelling it is shot down and investigated. The body of an alien is found and discovered to have transplanted human body parts, seemingly from a trio who disappeared in nearby woods a decade earlier. It is part of the alien plan to take to harvest human organs. 2. EXPOSED Colonel Paul Foster is a test pilot whose aircraft is accidentally caught up in a battle between an Unidentified Flying Object and a SHADO rocket. Foster's plane is shot down and his co-pilot is killed. When he comes round in hospital nobody will believe his fanciful story of what he saw. Until he is made an offer that he cannot refuse, namely an invitation to join SHADO and donate his skills or, quite simply, death.

The Minister as portrayed by John Barron didn't get where he was then without being a recurring character in Doomwatch. 1990 is a very disturbing series, it's gives me an uneasy feeling seeing Britain portrayed as a fascist state with a very casually nasty "antagonists " up against Woodward's heroic Kyle. Previous NHS institutes turned into brainwashing and torture centres, secret police driving people to suicide. I started shouting at the screen at the bas tards of the PCD when I first watched it, it got me hooked.

Catweazle is at the lake edge, a tree trunk at 45 degree angle juts out into the water. Catweazle lays out all his possessions on the tree. Which includes a harmonica, a roller skate, a light bulb. C( holding toad and lantern) " Touchwood see the treasures I have gleaned. Now Touchwood prepare for the great journey " He ties all his possessions into a bundle tied to a stick, and holding the lantern enters the water, wading up to his waist. Carrot runs up to the waters edge. Ct " you pinched dad's present!" C " he has the scrying glass " Ct " that's not the point, give it back" C " I have need of it, to protect me against the Normans " Ct " you're off your head" C " they will fear it" Ct " what are you doing, are you fishing or something " C " NIPBONE! I return to my own time and my cave in the great forest" Ct " don't be silly, come out, you're mad" C " I am not mad " Ct " yes you are, you're completely potty, the whole thing is a delusion, like thinking you're Napoleon " C " I am Catweazle " Ct " come out, it can't work Catweazle stop making a fool of yourself " C " nay" Ct " alright go on, disappear " C " salmy dalmy adonay " Nothing happens, Ct " you'll have to do better than that" Catweazle looks to the heavens, C " O spirits of the Earth, fire, air and the magic spirit of water, I charge thee.." Catweazle drops lantern in water, he dips under the water to try and retrieve it, but emerges empty handed. Suddenly something is happening, Catweazle is fading, getter fainter. Ct " Catweazle something is happening to you, you're melting " C " then it is beginning " Ct " but...but..you can't, I mean nobody can it's impossible " C " a foolish word" Ct " you're going all misty" C " nay, it is thou, thou are like smoke, thy world fadest fast" Catweazle is getting fainter and fainter. Ct " then it's true!! EVERYTHING " C " aye thy doubter, thy disbelieving dreg, farewell " Carrot is beginning to cry! The bravado slipping away. Ct " don't go yet" C " too late Nettleface" Ct ( tears running)" please Catweazle." C " nay.....Carrot " Carrot is losing it as Catweazle used his nickname for the first time. Ct " will you stay a bit longer?" C " 900 years I've waited( waving) farewell " Catweazle fades to nothing, he's gone. Ct " will you come back one day?" Silence...just the eerie still of the lake, a few bird noises, but otherwise silence. Carrot trudges away, head bowed, he stops for one last look at lake....his friend is gone...never will Carrot see him again. THE END OF SERIES 1

Catweazle meanwhile has found the lantern in its box, he then sees his crystal ball on a table that Carrot confiscated when he took the sack. Catweazle smiles, he has an idea. In the dining room Flo is laying the table when Carrot and Dr. Matthews come in. F " you didn't tell me you naughty boy" Ct " what about?" F " you're friend the ghost, I followed him upstairs to your bedroom Edward" Ct ( alarmed) " excuse me" Carrot runs out. Carrot enters the bedroom and immediately sees Catweazle under the bed, he lies down facing him Ct " I'M FED UP WITH YOU! breaking and entering, pretending to be a ghost. I said you could have your things back, couldn't you wait " C " I will go,I will go" Sam's voice " Carrot " Ct " Sam?" S " your dad's coming down for tea, can you give me a hand" Ct " okay Sam, shan't be a sec. Listen Catweazle wait until we're all having tea, then creep out through the front door. Find somewhere else to live, the Welsh mountains anywhere, ( firmly) but keep away from this house" Carrot picks up his cardboard box and leaves. Catweazle, very upset, almost whines, his friend Carrot, not friendly now. All are having tea in the dining room Flo lights the candles on the birthday cake. F " 41,42 43,44, and 45" Everyone claps, Sam stands and gives his present to George. S " here you are Mr Bennett " G " that's very nice of you Sam" He opens it to reveal a copper machine part that goes in one of the farm machinery. Ct " he made it himself " J " did you really?" G " I always thought you should be an engineer, thank you Sam." Flo gives her present, George opens it, to reveal a knitted jumper, a very very large one" F " many happy returns dear, I do hope I've made it big enough " G ( laughs) " yes I think so Flo, thank you" Carrot puts his box down in front of his dad. G " gosh what's this" Ct "it's for the farm, you'll never guess " George takes out....the crystal ball. Carrot's mouth drops in astonishment. G " Carrot you're a genius, I think it's terrific. It's the most original thing I've ever been given " J " I think it's lovely " Sam wants to say something, S " but...I thought " G " every farmer should have one" J " you won't need the weather forecast now will you." Ct " you like it!?" G " course I do it's marvellous"

Carrot enters kitchen carrying sack, Flo is once again finishing icing her cake. F " what have you got there dear?" Ct " dad's birthday present " F " it's very large" Ct " I've got other bits and pieces too" Catweazle opens hayloft hatch and climbs down. He creeps quietly into kitchen, passed the unsuspecting Flo busy at her cake, and into hallway. He is about to climb stairs when he hears voices , he opens closest door, the tv room, and hides. Carrot and Doctor Matthews come down and meet Flo walking along hallway. Ct " just taking the doctor to Heather Cottage " F " Heather Cottage, oh yes they used to keep bees there. Ct " they still do" F " why don't you come back and have some tea with us?". J " thanks as a matter of fact I've just been asked" F " splendid " Carrot and Jane leave as does Flo. Catweazle opens door of tv room and slowly climbs stairs. Flo stops her walk back to the kitchen, a feeling she has,she returns to hall, just in time to see Catweazle going upstairs, she follows . Catweazle is in Carrot's bedroom looking for lantern, Flo enters. F ( excited) " oh...I knew you were here....After all these years" Catweazle takes out his witch knife and waves it about and says words in Latin. F " I can hear you...( joyfully)..I can really hear you " C " I am invisible " F " no you're not , it's a beautiful materialisation " C " invisible " F " I can't even see through you, you are clever" Catweazle dejectedly puts knife away back in sheath around his neck. C " nothing works " F " don't say that, I'm here to help" C " help?" F " you poor earthbound thing you" C " I must return " F " yes you must, you really must. It's horrid for you stuck here like this. You've been on the astral plane for too long" C " I have nowhere " F " I know, it's terribly bad for you. You've always been so shy before, I've seen you several times since I was a girl. And there was that time with that nun one Christmas in the cellar. I don't suppose you bump into her often." C " where is the boy?" F " do you mean Edward?" C " our paths have divided " F " has he seen you?". C " many times " F " oh...must run in the family " C " where is the magic lantern?" F " it was thrown out" C " what sayest thou?" F " wasn't very safe, blew all the fuses. Fancy you remembering that, must be all of forty years ago. Still I suppose time doesn't mean much to you" Catweazle moves closer to Flo. C " harken to me" F " yes?" C " soon I shall be gone" F " you mean forever ?" C " aye" Sam is heard from landing, S " Miss Bennett " F " that's Sam, don't vanish yet" Flo leaves to see Sam outside on the landing. S " could I see the boss ?" F " ssshhh....ssshhh " S " sorry?" F "I've got something to show you, empty your mind" S " eh?" F " it will be very vague " S " what will?" Flo leads Sam into Carrot's bedroom, but of Catweazle there is no sign. F "..oh ...he's gone" S " Carrot?" F " no Sam, the ghost " S " oh, you've been seeing him again Miss Bennett " Catweazle is still there, hiding under the bed. F " we had a long talk" S " erm..that's very nice" F " we did Sam , we really did" S " I gotta see the boss" Sam knocks on door and enters George Bennett's room. S " Mr Bennett, about the separator, I reckon this could be the problem" He hands George a small machine part, they both study it. F " I've been talking to the ghost George in Carrot's bedroom " G ( examining part) "yes you could be right Sam " F " it was as real as real. I'm sure he'll bring us luck " George and Sam continue to natter. F ( shouts upset) " oh GEORGE!! You never listen " G " er Flo..call us when tea is ready, I'm coming down "

Carrot carrying his cardboard box, has joined Catweazle in the hayloft and is rather angry. Ct " what have you been up to. I thought I told you to stay away from the yard. ( grabs helmet)..that's Sam's " C " it is to protect me" Ct " what else have you pinched?" Carrot sees an old mail sack,, its full of stuff Catweazle has collected, he goes to look inside it, Catweazle grabs it. C " tis mine...tis mine all mine" Carrot grabs it back and pulls out of it a bicycle pump. Ct " so that's where it went. I've been looking for this everywhere " C " give it to me " Ct " only if you promise to keep away from the house and stop pinching " C " soon I shall be gone" Ct " that's not a bad idea" Carrot takes a banana out of his back pocket, Ct " here" C " aha....thank you " Catweazle starts eating, Ct " where?" C " what sayest thou?" Ct " where are you going?" C " back to my own time , ( points to box)..what has thou there?" Ct " dad's birthday present " Carrot takes lantern out of box and switches it on, Catweazle in awe as the beam of light plays around loft. C " electrickery?" Ct " yes that's right....here" Catweazle takes light and sweeps arc beam around loft. Then shines it in Carrot's face. Ct ( shielding eyes) " hey...careful" Catweazle looks in awe at Carrot flinching from light. C " it will drive away the Normans " Carrot takes light back, Ct " careful don't want it broken " C " give it to me " Ct " course not, it's for dad" C " I beg thee" Ct " no Catweazle " C " I beseech thee" Carrot puts lantern away in box" C " art thou my brother?" Ct " wish you stopped calling me your brother, you're too old to be my brother " C " come I will bargain with thee" Ct " oh no,I'm not swapping " Catweazle pulls slipper out of sack. C " see" Ct " you've got a nerve.....that's mine!" C " tis mine" Ct " hand it over......I'm going to have a good sort through this lot" Carrot takes sack, C ( angry) "thou jackdaw " Ct " look who's talking, don't worry you'll get it back, I don't want your stuff. I keep you out of trouble, clothe you, feed you, look after you, then you turn round and pinch half my things" Ct ( shouts) " go go! Before I blast thee" Ct " alright I will " Carrot puts box in sack then picks up sack and starts climbing down ladder to yard. C " YOU ARE A NOTHING I SEE YOU NOT" Ct " GO JUMP IN A LAKE!!" When Catweazle is alone, C " aye thy young fox I will, when I have thy trickery lantern "

George Bennett is in bed, foot in plaster, attended to by Flo, carrying a tray with a cup of tea on it. F " anything else dear?" G " yes, I want to get up" F " oh dear, you were just like this with chicken pox." G " chicken pox?" F " when you were nine " G " nine?..really Flo you can't possibly remember that " F " I can, of course I can George, mother let me stay up and read you Treasure Island. And it was then that I first saw the Hexwood ghost, don't you remember?" G " oh yes...the Hexwood ghost..er..Flo?" F " yes dear?" G " thanks for coming down " F " well one can't desert a brother when he's put a fork through his foot" Bud Tingwell is George, Hilda Braid is Flo. Catweazle has climbed down from the hayloft, the upper tier of the barn, out of a side hatch, down a ladder and into the yard. Carefully making sure he is not seen, he runs into an outhouse, where Sam keeps various tools for the farm. Catweazle looks for his " magic weapon ", he sees a welding helmet, and picks it up in awe. C " the helmet of Barackiac " He puts helmet on and leaves outhouse. Geoffrey Bayldon is Catweazle. In the farmhouse kitchen, Flo is busy icing a cake, when Carrot enters carrying a cardboard box with the lantern in it in one hand and a small milk churn in the other. Ct " here it is " F " thank you dear" Flo takes churn over to kitchen sink and looks out of window and let's out a deep breath " aaahhh" Catweazle is in the centre of the yard ,welding helmet on. Ct " what's the matter?" F " sorry dear I've seen it again " Ct " seen what?" The doorbell suddenly rings, F " that'll be the doctor " Flo leaves, Carrot goes over to window just in time to see Catweazle removing helmet and running back to hayloft. George in bed reading when there's a knock on the door. G " come in" F " George it's the doctor" G " come in old chap " Flo enters with a pretty female doctor much to George's surprise. J " hello Mr. Bennett I'm Jane Matthews " G " er...how do you do" J " didn't Doctor Bullfinch tell you" G "no, what" J " I'm his new partner " G " oh..I see" J " he doesn't seem to have mentioned I was coming to anyone " G " well...he is getting bit vague isn't he?" J " yes...now then let's have a look at that foot" Eileen Moore is Dr Jane Matthews.

SERIES 1 FINAL EPISODE 13. THE TRICKERY LANTERN Recently two events have changed Catweazle's immediate future. He has lost his water tower home in the woods after Carrot's dad George ordered Sam the farmhand to lash a plank of wood up against the ladder leading up to the tower after Carrot was discovered in the tower. Meaning Catweazle has now been hidden by Carrot on the farm itself, in the hayloft. Secondly Catweazle has realised water, ie the lake is the way home. He came by water and surely that can carry him home. Catweazle is at the lake's edge, holding his toad Touchwood. C " see Touchwood, it is the way we came, and the way back. And yet I fear it, so cold so deep. Courage....courage Catweazle, come Touchwood " He slowly wades into the water, walking knee deep, then stops. C " what of the evil Normans? A magic weapon. I will beg one from the young sorcerer...( smiles)...a magic weapon" Sam and Carrot are in the barn, Carrot is showing Sam an electric lantern, a powerful torch, the beam of light shining as Carrot demonstrates it. Ct " it's got a terrific beam" S " your dad will like that " Ct " hope so" S " how's his foot" Ct " not hurting so much " S " when's the doctor coming?" Ct " should be here now, said he'd be here after lunch " S " time that old fella give it up if you ask me, your dad would do better calling a vet." Neil McCarthy and Robin Davies are Sam and Carrot.

Doomwatch dvd available and occasionally an episode appears on YouTube before it's quickly taken down. At present the opening episode is up on YT,hurry before it goes ! 1990 is on YouTube too, episode 1 below.

7. Young Sparks "Kyle'll be back to normal in about an hour. Until then he'll probably show an amusing tendency to tell the truth." Groups of dissidents, once-divided in their opposition to the Public Control Department, are putting aside their differences in a bid to bring down the bureaucratic machine in a consolidated movement. Meanwhile, Skardon increases his pursuit of Kyle, whom he believes he can break and thereby shatter the plans of the opposition. 8. Whatever Pleases The Prince "We always said there'd be Peace Crimes Trials one day ... We're winning now. There'll have to be a purge of the PCD soon." The dissident assault on the Public Control Department has been successful, but the public suicide of a cell member has resulted in world condemnation of Britain's policies and the PCD being plunged into bitter in-fighting. Have Kyle and the dissidents finally won? Will Skardon and the PCD fall for good, and if they do will the cure prove worse than the disease? THE END

5. Hire And Fire "If Kyle can uncover those extortionists where an expert PCD man failed, he is obviously implicated with them." When workers fall prey to an extortionist network collecting money in exchange for their continued silence, Kyle's involvement attracts the attention of PCD controller Skardon, who recognizes an opportunity to eliminate the network and the thorn in his side in one stroke. 6. You'll Never Walk Alone "The authorities have refused me an exit visa for the Chess Championship because they fear I might not come back." Having lost his job as the home affairs correspondent at The Star, Kyle is reduced to covering the European Chess Championship. While there, he meets the chess prodigy Philip Ross, an old friend from the early protests against the dictatorship who has turned into a PCD hack. His victories have resulted in him being hailed as a national hero, becoming known as one of Skardon's Lions. In the meantime, three dissidents plot to take Lynn hostage but Kyle informs her of the plan in advance. Kyle then convinces Ross' American opponent Cyrus Asher to challenge him to a game in New York City before warning Lynn that Ross may plan to remain in the United States as he always takes his family with him when he travels. The dissidents manage to take Lynn hostage, albeit briefly, as she promptly rescued. They question Kyle's loyalty. Kyle advises Ross to tell Asher that he wants to play him in the US but that the authorities refuse to grant him an exit visa since they fear that he won't return to Britain. Ross makes an announcement to that effect on television and the transmission is immediately cut off. Skardon threatens to send him to an Adult Rehabilitation Centre if it happens again. This shakes Ross to the core.

3. Trapline "Who are we out to nail? Careguard, the Home Secretary or Skardon and the PCD?" Jim Kyle is in trouble - he has fallen into the hands of Police Commissioner Hallam. The question is, will Hallam hand Kyle over to the PCD or is Hallam working on his own? 4. Ordeal By Small Brown Envelope "Authorised Systematic Harassment has enormous potential. The slow and noiseless steamroller of the State. The daily brown envelope dropping on the mat". The Public Control Department, in response to more dissident remarks printed in the underground press from Kyle and Tony Doran, devise a plan to turn the heat up on the pair by employing a systematic campaign of Authorised Systematic Harrassment (ASH). Using all the bureaucratic mechanisms at his disposal, Skardon launches a tirade of officialdom against both men, which succeeds in pushing Doran and his wife to breaking-point.—

8. Non- Citizen After the Kyle Trial fiasco, Skardon takes his revenge by turning Kyle into a Non-Citizen: stripping Kyle of his ID and Union cards, freezing his bank account and seizing all his assets. With no home, no car, no job, no money, only the clothes on his back and his family missing (and a bugged Non-Citizen ID card so the PCD can track him), Kyle is forced to wander the streets in what seems like a hopeless attempt to survive, especially when he is constantly and sadistically harassed by Skardon and Inspector Nichols. His only hope is that Dave Brett and black marketeer Sammy Calhoun can find him before his mind and will are permanently broken.— Series 2 1. Pentagons There's good news and bad news in Britain. The good news: Home Secretary Dan Mellor has been replaced by Kate Smith, and a "pentagon" - one of a growing army of dissident groups - is preparing to take on the hatred PCD. The bad news: the PCD's new Deputy Controller is Lynn Blake, Jim Kyle's former romantic interest, and her first job is the exposure of "Faceless", Kyle's source within the PCD. 2. The Market Price "This mate of yours is a shark. With his jaws into whole cargoes. Petrol. Fags. Booze. Grub. It's up to us to nanny him?". When availability of food in the supermarkets steadily vanishes, Kate Smith's government turns its attention to black marketeers profiting from illicit supplies. Ministry of Food MP Peter Greville feeds Kyle information about the matter, but soon both he and his family become the focus of suspicion from the Public Control Department.

4. Decoy "This is an island prison. Getting us all together is one thing. Getting us out is something else". High-profile political adviser Doctor Sondeberg, a man responsible for the rising fortunes of a variety of presidents, pays a state visit to the United Kingdom on a fact-finding mission to understand the workings of the Public Control Department. However, his motives are far more covert than first appearances. Meanwhile, Dave Brett persuades Kyle to obtain permits to allow them to travel around the country to advance his deal with underworld figure Sammy Calhoun - a deal which involves a motorised caravan as a passport for top academics to flee the oppressive regime of the PCD. 5. Voice From The Past The age of the common man seems to be degenerating into the age of the common denominator". When the Public Control Department take steps to shut down an underground newspaper peddling dissident stories critical of the regime, Kyle provides assistance to its publisher, Avery, in a bid to prevent their interference. 6. Whatever Happened To Cardinal Wolsey The Ombudsman's Court supposedly exists to hear and review appeals by citizens and consists of a tribunal of judges, but every appeal is rejected despite the legitimacy of the claim. However, one judge, Philip Carter, is determined to fight the corrupt legal system and continually votes to uphold legitimate claims despite always being outvoted by the Chairperson and a weak-willed third judge. Angered by Carter's defiance, the Attorney General demands that Skardon and the PCD find a way to silence Carter. The PCD's plan: a campaign of threats and intimidation against Carter's pregnant wife, who has already miscarried twice. With the help of an American news colleague, Kyle tries to find a way to help the Carters, but the PCD's sadistic Inspector Jones may have already struck too hard at Mrs. Carter. 7. Witness Dr. Alan Vickers, whom Kyle and Brett helped escape, has been campaigning throughout the United States to get public and world opinion to force the PCD to let his wife and daughter emigrate. The problem is that in his speeches he may have let clues drop that may lead Skardon and the PCD to Kyle. When the PCD go after Kyle's family and a plot to frame Kyle blows up in the PCD's face, Delly Lomas goes to America to persuade Dr. Vickers to return to England to testify against Kyle in return for exit visas for his wife and daughter. Soon Kyle finds himself on trial with the man he helped as the main witness against him .

1990 starring Edward Woodward Late 1970's BBC Series about a dystopian Britain under the control of fascist government. Woodward plays Kyle , underground journalist and agitator. 1. The Creed Of Slaves "Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants. It is the creed of slaves" (William Pitt). Home Affairs correspondent Jim Kyle, a journalist for one of Britain's three remaining newspapers, provides secret assistance to people trying to escape the repressive regime. His activities continually bring him into contact with the Public Control Department, its tools of bureaucratic repression and its ruthless Controller Herbert Skardon. However, Kyle's current attempts to help a doctor struggling to help his asthmatic daughter leave the United Kingdom may be hampered by Kyle's ambiguous personal relationship with Deputy PCD Controller Delly Lomas. 2. When Did You Last See Your Father "We don't make laws, we only carry them out". Despite the Home Secretary's abolition of all exit visa appeals, Kyle successfully helps Doctor Vickers leave the United Kingdom, but without his wife and daughter. Dr. Vickers invests his hopes in the international law which states that his family can join him one month later, provided he can attain residency status in another country. However, the Public Control Department are determined to seal up any possible legal loopholes to block Vickers' efforts and in so doing put an end to Kyle's interference - permanently. 3. Health Farm "...no barbed-wire, no strait-jackets, no padded cells. After all, this is 1990". When the Public Control Department send union leader Charles Wainwright to the United States of America to promote their cause, the plan backfires disastrously when his speech is littered with dissident criticisms of the bureaucratic nightmare the United Kingdom has become under the stewardship. When he returns home, the PCD are quick to repay the compliment by sending him to an Adult Rehabilitation Centre, a place where offenders against the state (political activists, murderers, thieves, etc) are sent for "correction" under a combination of drug therapy and severe treatments which change their way of thinking. Kyle determines to interview Wainwright and infiltrates the centre, unaware the PCD are ranging their forces against him...

At the dining table, G ( sniffing milk jug) " oh dear" Sk " something wrong?" G " I'm sorry but this milk seems to have turned " Mrs Skinner sniffs it and agrees, Sk " oh dear..right I'll get some more" George picks up his orange juice and drinks, Mrs Skinner returns with fresh milk. G " er....I don't think I want any cornflakes now after all" Mrs Skinner bangs jug down on table trying to stay calm. Sk " would you like more orange juice, I don't much care for the stuff myself " Mrs Skinner hands George her glass of juice, the doctored one, Carrot with look of horror as his Dad puts glass towards mouth. G " oh that erm black pudding that was good" He realises the emphasis might imply nothing else she's cooked was good. G " I mean ...that was good" Sk ( to Arthur) " would you like your eggs dear" A " yes Mum" G " I'd like mine too if I may" George is about to drink juice, when Carrot desperate for a diversion knocks his glass of juice over table. G " you clumsy fool" Ct " sorry Dad" G " get a cloth" George now sniffs at glass of juice, Sk " what is it now?" G " I'm not sure" Mrs Skinner takes glass and drinks the lot! Sk " it all comes from the same bottle you know, nothing wrong with it at all " In the barn Catweazle is jubilant, C " now thou enchanted be, let thy crooked tongues wag thee" Mrs Skinner puts a plate of scrambled eggs in front of George, it looks revolting very runny. G " er...I'm sorry Mrs Skinner but suddenly I don't feel hungry" Mrs Skinner picks up her empty glass and hurls it across room smashing against wall and let's rip. Sk " MEN! YOU GREAT BULLY. YOU THINK YOU'RE LORD OF THE MANOR DON'T YOU" G " look here Mrs Skinner" A " I think she's having one of her turns" Arthur looks flustered. Sk " YES, YOU'D HAVE HIM DOWN THE MINES IF YOU COULD, DOWN THE MINES" G " eh ?" Sk " I'VE WORKED MY FINGERS TO THE BONE FOR YOU " G " don't be ridiculous you've only been here a week" A " Mum please " Sk ( to Arthur)" Shut up, ( to George) so now I'm ridiculous am I?" Carrot is trying hard not to laugh. G " you better go and calm down Mrs Skinner " Sk " I AM PERFECTLY CALM" George stands up, Sk " KEEP AWAY FROM ME, YOU DARE TOUCH ME AND I'LL GO STRAIGHT TO THE POLICE " G " you're hysterical " Sk " how dare you, it's as well for you Arthur isn't a little bit bigger" A " what!!" Sk " DON'T ANSWER BACK " A " I didn't say anything " Sk " YOU DID YOU DID" G " I've had enough of this " Sk " YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH " G " YOU BETTER GO" Sk " DON'T WORRY I'M GOING. I'M NOT STAYING HERE A MOMENT LONGER. Come on Arthur, poor little boy. You wait till my sister in Margate hears of this. Poor Arthur, never would have brought you here if I'd known we'd be treated like this " They leave, Carrot mustn't laugh, his Dad looks annoyed in the extreme. Ct " what are you going to do Dad?" G " get them out of here as soon as possible" Carrot runs into barn excitedly, Catweazle eager for news. Ct " we did it, we did it " C " we are avenged?" Ct " they're already packing, it's fantastic" C " their tongues were loosened?" Ct " you're not kidding, what's in that stuff?" C " pennycress, bloodroot, toadflax, and wormwood " Ct " no wonder it worked, got all your bits and pieces?" C " aye my brother " Ct " I'll take you to your new castle" Catweazle with his sack of belongings follows Carrot across farmyard to ladder on the side of barn leading to hayloft. Carrot goes first, Catweazle hand his sack up to Carrot as he climbs ladder, but slips and falls into water tank next to barn. Catweazle is submerged for a second or two, then stands up in tank. Sam walks into yard, Carrot pops his head into barn out of Sam's eyeline. Catweazle suddenly disappears !! Winks out of view, for a second or two , then comes back. Catweazle " winks" out of view again, as Sam turns the corner and walks passed the tank, Catweazle then winks back into view again. Carrot pops his head out of hayloft hatch , then down ladder and helps Catweazle out of tank and into loft. Catweazle sits mesmerised, as if in a trance, then snaps out of it Ct " are you alright, did Sam see you?" C " water always water" Ct " what d'you mean?" C " the Earth, the sky , all was water. There was a moment my brother, such a moment, I was alone, the Earth melted away" Ct " don't worry everything's alright, we got rid of them, I'll be back" Carrot climbs down into yard and runs up to Sam. Ct " SAM SAM THEY'RE GOING " S " Who?" C ( shouting joyfully )" the Skinners, they're going" Alone in the hayloft Catweazle strokes his beloved toad, C " a fish out of water Touchwood, a fish out of water....water...( suddenly realising)..of course, thou fool Catweazle, thou fool, water, there lies thy magic, there lies our way home!" Catweazle laughs joyfully, the way home is clear to him now. THE END

Sam goes into the barn, Carrot follows. S " I thought you had more sense than to choose a place like that" Ct " what are you going to do Sam?" S " I'm going to make sure no one else can get up there" Ct "do you have to do it now?" S " well you heard your Dad, now where did I put that plank" Sam leaves barn, Carrot is about to follow when he hears croaking, Touchwood? Ct " Touchwood?" C" boy" Ct " Catweazle, what are you doing here?" C " I've come to avenge Touchwood, where is the young snake ?" Ct " helping Dad, his mum's in the kitchen getting breakfast " C " tis well" Catweazle hand Carrot a milk bottle with a brownish liquid in it. C " see" Ct " what is it?" C " the wisdom of Solomon " Ct ( sniffing)" pongs a bit" C " tis as thou wished, thy father shall see them as they are. Give them a drink of this and they will speak from their black hearts " Ct " it's not poisonous?" C " nay, it will draw out their poison, now I shall return to my castle " Ct " no you can't, you can never go back" C " never go back!?" Ct " you couldn't get up there, Sam's fixing the ladder so no one can get up" C ( exasperated) " nothing works! Where can I go" Ct " the hayloft is about the only place, it's a bit risky but we'll have to chance it" The sound of the returning tractor is heard Carrot runs out. Carrot hides the bottle behind his back as George and Arthur return, and get down off the tractor. Ct "Dad?" G " just showing Arthur around " Ct " can I help" G " no, and stop moping about, go and give Mrs Skinner a hand with breakfast, we'll be about 5 minutes " In the kitchen Mrs Skinner is beating eggs in a bowl when Carrot walks up to her. Sk " what do you want? Don't stand there staring, I can't bear it" Ct " I've come to help you Mrs Skinner " Sk " that's a change, where's Arthur " Ct " he's helping Dad" Sk " is he indeed, your father expects a lot from us I must say....well go on, lay the table." Carrot gets cutlery out of drawer and opens fridge and takes out bottle of orange juice. In the dining room he pours juice into each glass. Then picks up Catweazle's potion in the milk bottle. From the kitchen Mrs Skinner calls out, Sk " by the way Edward, you know that turtle of yours" Ct " it's not a turtle it's a tortoise " Sk " well whatever it is, it's not very hygienic keeping it in your bedroom, I've put it in the cellar " Carrot pours potion in the glass meant for Mrs Skinner but before he pours some for Arthur, Mrs Skinner comes in, Carrot quickly hides bottle. Sk " it's ready, go and call them in" Carrot goes into yard , Ct " Dad Arthur breakfast ready"

Arthur and George next morning are on the tractor, Carrot looking miserable as sin, Arthur a smirk on his face. Sam in his old banger of a car drives into yard for another days work. S " morning Mr Bennett " G " morning Sam" S " morning Carrot " No response, S " what's up with him?" G " he's in disgrace, know where he's been going?" S " no where?" G " up in the old water tank" S " he ain't!?" A " Arthur caught him up there last night" S " well it ain't safe, you ought to thank your lucky stars it didn't come down around your head" G " exactly, apparently he's been using it as a hideout all summer" S " I tell you what , I've got a 6 foot plank, I'll lash it to the bottom, stop anyone going up there" G " good idea, come on Arthur let's go." The tractor sets off , George turns to Carrot. G " as far as you're concerned the woods are out of bounds"

Outside in farmyard Arthur is hiding behind wall, as Carrot comes out of house. Carrot opens his school satchel, Touchwood is inside, he gets on his bike and pedals off. Mrs Skinner enters living room, Sk " Mr Bennett can I have a word , that is if you're not busy of course " G " no Mrs Skinner what is it?" Sk " I don't want anymore unpleasantness you see, and I don't think we can stay on if there's going to be anymore trouble . I don't think my nerves could stand it" G " Mrs Skinner, Carrot's a good boy really " Sk " I've had rather a lot of trouble in my life, with my husband going off and all" G " please Mrs Skinner it'll be all straightened out" Inside Castle Saburac, Catweazle's water tank home he is agitated as he searches for Touchwood. C " oh Touchwood where art thou, thy crawling belly ache." Carrot descends ladder, C " ah, tis the boy" Catweazle opens his book of spells and nonchalantly hums, pretending not to have missed Carrot, who places Touchwood on the opened book. Ct " here" C ( delighted) " Touchwood!" Ct " he was at the farm. You owe me ten bob and a telescope " C( to Tw) " scallion, why did thou stray" Ct " if he's going to wander off, (laughs) you better get him a lead" C " where has thou been " Ct " schools started again " C " has thou brought more firesticks?" Ct " you never listen do you, I said school started again. And we've got the Skinners " C " tis a plague?" Ct " I'll say, I wish I knew how to get rid of it " C " has thou no cure" Ct " it's people Catweazle " C " oh....there's no cure for people " Ct "Dad's new housekeeper and their son, a couple of creeps" C " they creep!?" Ct " I'd just like Dad to hear what they say behind his back, he'd soon chuck them out " C " let us plague them with demons " Ct " I think the demons would get the worst of it , well I better get back" C " thou has changed my brother " Ct " school uniform yeah, it's just that the holidays are over " C " nay , the days of holly are yet to come " Ct " I'll try and get here tomorrow " C " thou will not forget the firesticks " Ct " if I can make it" C " thou will bring bananas?" Suddenly a noise is heard, someone is climbing up ladder into tank. Ct " quick hide!" Arthur climbs down into tank, A "said I'd find you didn't I " Arthur looks disgustingly at surroundings , Catweazle hidden from view. A " what a dump, what d'you want to come up here for? I'm going to tell your Dad about this right now. This is the end of your little hideout mate "

Arthur enters dining room, G " hello Arthur " A " Mr Bennett " G " glad school is over for the week?" A " oh yes" G " where's Carrot?" A " don't know Mr Bennett, I told him it was tea time and everybody would be waiting " Sk " such a good boy" A " I tried to make him come with me but he just ran off" G " did he?" The smirking lying sod sits down! Mrs Skinner gets the food for her Arthur as Carrot walks in. Ct " sorry I'm late" ( he sits) A grimacing Mrs Skinner has to get up to get Carrot's food, which she bangs down in front of him. A " where d'you put him Eddie?" Ct " that's my business " G " put what?" A " Eddie found a frog by the gate" Ct ( shouts) " stop calling it a FROG, IT'S A TOAD " G " you'll have to do something about your temper my lad" Sk " temper temper " A " I found him really but Eddie's given me his telescope for it, and ten bob" G " for a toad! Whatever for?" A " just didn't want me to have it did you Eddie " Carrot grabs Arthur by the lapel with one hand while clenching fist with the other. G " CARROT THAT'S ENOUGH. Go to your room" Carrot leaves glaring at Arthur. Sk " are you alright dear" A " yes I think so" Sk " I can't have your son bullying Arthur like that, you know he isn't strong " G " he won't Mrs Skinner I'll see to that " Arthur gets up, G " where are you going Arthur?" A " to see Eddie " G " I'd leave him alone for a while if I were you" A " well I'd like to find out why I've upset him" G " got more patience than I have." The smirking Arthur enters Carrot's room. A " I've come for my telescope and the ten bob" Carrot hands them over, Ct" get out of my room" A " what are you going to do with it Eddie?" Ct " what?" A " the frog" Ct " that's my business " A " take it to your hideout?" Ct " what d'you mean" A " in the woods somewhere isn't it " Ct " I haven't got a hideout " A " yes you have, Sam said you have, says you're always going off somewhere in the holidays. Said you'd take me along" Ct " look you've got the telescope, now get out" A " alright I can take a hint, you think you're so high and mighty, but I'll show you, you see if I don't "

In the barn, Ct " look Arthur I'll buy him off you" A " no dice, it's not for sale, it's my frog" Ct " ten bob" A " how much ?" Ct " ten bob" A " you ain't got ten bob, Mum said you Bennetts have got nothing except for the farm, and that's falling to bits" Ct " then why did you come here then" A " wasn't for choice I'll tell you that. You're stuck up you are, and so is your Dad" Arthur a seemingly nasty boy, picks Touchwood up by the back legs and bounces him up and down in the air. Ct " don't do that!" A " frogs can't feel anything, they're cold blooded " Ct " how about my telescope " A " what d'you mean?" Ct "you can have it if you give me Touchw...the toad, and ten bob" A " you're barmy " Ct " I mean it, well?" A " done...here " Carrot takes Touchwood and runs off. Freddie Foote is Arthur. In the farmhouse kitchen, George is at the dining table and his new housekeeper Mrs Skinner plonks a plate of food down in front of him. She is a rather severe looking woman. G " thank you Mrs Skinner, yes it's just what Carrot's needed, someone of his own age living on the farm." Sk " you'll find Arthur is such a helpful boy, ever so conscientious " G " how's he getting on at school?" Sk " hard to say after one week, he's so shy , takes after me of course. All very sensitive in our family, especially my brother although we don't get to see poor Sid that often" George isn't eating the food in front of him. Sk " do you like black pudding?" G " erm...yes very nice" George tentatively starts the meal. Patricia Hayes is Mrs Skinner.

S1 E12 - THE WISDOM OF SOLOMON Catweazle is alone in the woods picking berries, he stops, a sad look on his face. C " 9 days Touchwood and still the young sorcerer comes not, I choke in this unknown world. A fish out of water Touchwood (looking)...Touchwood...Touchwood where art thou?" Geoffrey Bayldon is Catweazle. Touchwood, Catweazle's toad is on the ground at Hexwood Farm, in the middle of the yard. A schoolboy in uniform on bike rides into the yard, not Carrot, but a kid named Arthur. He sees toad and picks it up. Carrot also in school uniform rides in. A " hey look at this bloody great frog" Ct " frog?...that's a toad " Carrot recognises it and tries to pick it up, Arthur grabs it pushing Carrot over, and runs towards the barn. Ct ( shouts) " what d'you think you're doing " Carrot enters barn, Arthur is sitting on bale of hay with Touchwood. Ct " come on hand it over" A " not likely, I saw it first" Ct " please" A " no I want him" Ct " what for?" A ( grinning) " experiments " Robin Davies is Carrot. George Bennett and Sam are at the other end of the yard, Sam attending to Lulu the tractor. G " boys should be back soon, I wonder if teas ready." S " boss I know it's none of my business, but are they going to be here for long?" G " well now it's term time, I've got to have someone to look after the house. You just have to grab who you can get these days. You don't like her do you?" S " well it's not just the way she talks to me, that's just plain ignorant. But I reckon she's got a funny look about her. My mum's cousin had a horse that looked liked that, we had to shoot it!" Bud Tingwell is George, Neil McCarthy is Sam.