Cult TV Thread- Classic Children's TV Series

[HawkMan]

Carrot enters kitchen carrying sack, Flo is once again finishing icing her cake.
F " what have you got there dear?"
Ct " dad's birthday present "
F " it's very large"
Ct " I've got other bits and pieces too"
Catweazle opens hayloft hatch and climbs down. He creeps quietly into kitchen, passed the unsuspecting Flo busy at her cake, and into hallway. He is about to climb stairs when he hears voices , he opens closest door, the tv room, and hides. Carrot and Doctor Matthews come down and meet Flo walking along hallway.
Ct " just taking the doctor to Heather Cottage "
F " Heather Cottage, oh yes they used to keep bees there.
Ct " they still do"
F " why don't you come back and have some tea with us?".
J " thanks as a matter of fact I've just been asked"
F " splendid "
Carrot and Jane leave as does Flo. Catweazle opens door of tv room and slowly climbs stairs. Flo stops her walk back to the kitchen, a feeling she has,she returns to hall, just in time to see Catweazle going upstairs, she follows .

Catweazle is in Carrot's bedroom looking for lantern, Flo enters.
F ( excited) " oh...I knew you were here....After all these years"
Catweazle takes out his witch knife and waves it about and says words in Latin.
F " I can hear you...( joyfully)..I can really hear you "
C " I am invisible "
F " no you're not , it's a beautiful materialisation "
C " invisible "
F " I can't even see through you, you are clever"

 

Catweazle dejectedly puts knife away back in sheath around his neck.
C " nothing works "
F " don't say that, I'm here to help"
C " help?"
F " you poor earthbound thing you"
C " I must return "
F " yes you must, you really must. It's horrid for you stuck here like this. You've been on the astral plane for too long"
C " I have nowhere "
F " I know, it's terribly bad for you. You've always been so shy before, I've seen you several times since I was a girl. And there was that time with that nun one Christmas in the cellar. I don't suppose you bump into her often."
C " where is the boy?"
F " do you mean Edward?"
C " our paths have divided "
F " has he seen you?".
C " many times "
F " oh...must run in the family "
C " where is the magic lantern?"
F " it was thrown out"
C " what sayest thou?"
F " wasn't very safe, blew all the fuses. Fancy you remembering that, must be all of forty years ago. Still I suppose time doesn't mean much to you"

Catweazle moves closer to Flo.
C " harken to me"
F " yes?"
C " soon I shall be gone"
F " you mean forever ?"
C " aye"
Sam is heard from landing,
S " Miss Bennett "
F " that's Sam, don't vanish yet"
Flo leaves to see Sam outside on the landing.
S " could I see the boss ?"
F " ssshhh....ssshhh "
S " sorry?"
F "I've got something to show you, empty your mind"
S " eh?"
F " it will be very vague "
S " what will?"
Flo leads Sam into Carrot's bedroom, but of Catweazle there is no sign.

F "..oh ...he's gone"
S " Carrot?"
F " no Sam, the ghost "
S " oh, you've been seeing him again Miss Bennett "
Catweazle is still there, hiding under the bed.
F " we had a long talk"
S " erm..that's very nice"
F " we did Sam , we really did"
S " I gotta see the boss"
Sam knocks on door and enters George Bennett's room.
S " Mr Bennett, about the separator, I reckon this could be the problem"
He hands George a small machine part, they both study it.
F " I've been talking to the ghost George in Carrot's bedroom "
G ( examining part) "yes you could be right Sam "
F " it was as real as real. I'm sure he'll bring us luck "
George and Sam continue to natter.
F ( shouts upset) " oh GEORGE!! You never listen "
G " er Flo..call us when tea is ready, I'm coming down "

Edited March 11 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Catweazle meanwhile has found the lantern in its box, he then sees his crystal ball on a table that Carrot confiscated when he took the sack. Catweazle smiles, he has an idea.

In the dining room Flo is laying the table when Carrot and Dr. Matthews come in.
F " you didn't tell me you naughty boy"
Ct " what about?"
F " you're friend the ghost, I followed him upstairs to your bedroom Edward"
Ct ( alarmed) " excuse me"
Carrot runs out.
Carrot enters the bedroom and immediately sees Catweazle under the bed, he lies down facing him

Ct " I'M FED UP WITH YOU! breaking and entering, pretending to be a ghost.
I said you could have your things back, couldn't you wait "
C " I will go,I will go"
Sam's voice " Carrot "
Ct " Sam?"
S " your dad's coming down for tea, can you give me a hand"
Ct " okay Sam, shan't be a sec. Listen Catweazle wait until we're all having tea, then creep out through the front door. Find somewhere else to live, the Welsh mountains anywhere, ( firmly) but keep away from this house"
Carrot picks up his cardboard box and leaves. Catweazle, very upset, almost whines, his friend Carrot, not friendly now. 

All are having tea in the dining room Flo lights the candles on the birthday cake.
F " 41,42 43,44, and 45"
Everyone claps, Sam stands and gives his present to George.
S " here you are Mr Bennett "
G " that's very nice of you Sam"
He opens it to reveal a copper machine part that goes in one of the farm machinery.
Ct " he made it himself "
J " did you really?"
G " I always thought you should be an engineer, thank you Sam."
Flo gives her present, George opens it, to reveal a knitted jumper, a very very large one"
F " many happy returns dear, I do hope I've made it big enough "
G ( laughs) " yes I think so Flo, thank you"
Carrot puts his box down in front of his dad.
G " gosh what's this"
Ct "it's for the farm, you'll never guess "
George takes out....the crystal ball.
Carrot's mouth drops in astonishment.
G " Carrot you're a genius, I think it's terrific. It's the most original thing I've ever been given "
J " I think it's lovely "
Sam wants to say something,
S " but...I thought "
G " every farmer should have one"
J " you won't need the weather forecast now will you."
Ct " you like it!?"
G " course I do it's marvellous"

Edited March 11 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Catweazle is at the lake edge, a tree trunk at 45 degree angle juts out into the water. Catweazle lays out all his possessions on the tree. Which includes a harmonica, a roller skate, a light bulb.

C( holding toad and lantern) " Touchwood see the treasures I have gleaned. Now Touchwood prepare for the great journey "
He ties all his possessions into a bundle tied to a stick, and holding the lantern enters the water, wading up to his waist.
Carrot runs up to the waters edge.
Ct " you pinched dad's present!"
C " he has the scrying glass "
Ct " that's not the point, give it back"
C " I have need of it, to protect me against the Normans "
Ct " you're off your head"
C " they will fear it"
Ct " what are you doing, are you fishing or something "
C " NIPBONE! I return to my own time and my cave in the great forest"
Ct " don't be silly, come out, you're mad"
C " I am not mad "
Ct " yes you are, you're completely potty, the whole thing is a delusion, like thinking you're Napoleon "
C " I am Catweazle "
Ct " come out, it can't work Catweazle stop making a fool of yourself "
C " nay"
Ct " alright go on, disappear "
C " salmy dalmy adonay "
Nothing happens,
Ct " you'll have to do better than that"

Catweazle looks to the heavens,
C " O spirits of the Earth, fire, air and the magic spirit of water, I charge thee.."
Catweazle drops lantern in water, he dips under the water to try and retrieve it, but emerges empty handed. Suddenly something is happening, Catweazle is fading, getter fainter.

 

Ct " Catweazle something is happening to you, you're melting "
C " then it is beginning "
Ct " but...but..you can't, I mean nobody can it's impossible "
C " a foolish word"
Ct " you're going all misty"
C " nay, it is thou, thou are like smoke, thy world fadest fast"
Catweazle is getting fainter and fainter.
Ct " then it's true!! EVERYTHING "
C " aye thy doubter, thy disbelieving dreg, farewell "
Carrot is beginning to cry! The bravado slipping away.
Ct " don't go yet"
C " too late Nettleface"
Ct ( tears running)" please Catweazle."
C " nay.....Carrot "
Carrot is losing it as Catweazle used his nickname for the first time.
Ct " will you stay a bit longer?"
C " 900 years I've waited( waving) farewell "
Catweazle fades to nothing, he's gone.
Ct " will you come back one day?"
Silence...just the eerie still of the lake, a few bird noises, but otherwise silence.

Carrot trudges away, head bowed, he stops for one last look at lake....his friend is gone...never will Carrot see him again.
THE END OF SERIES 1

 

Edited March 11 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

   SERIES 2 EPISODE 1

THE MAGIC RIDDLE

ENGLAND 1066
Catweazle back in his own time has quickly fallen foul of the evil Normans. He is languishing in a dungeon of a castle. The Norman Baron who has imprisoned him walks down the stone steps to the dungeon accompanied by a guard. He opens a viewing port in the door to speak to Catweazle .

Baron " well sorcerer?"
Catweazle " nay, not well, I have the bone ache "
B" has thou success, my life depends on it"
The guard opens the door , the Baron enters ,Catweazle is on the floor, with him his toad Touchwood and pieces of lead. The Baron picks up a piece,
B (angry) " lead, still lead"
C " aye, nothing works"
Geoffrey Bayldon is Catweazle Moray Watson the Norman Baron

B " I have promised thee, turn this into gold and I will set you free"
C " but master I have tried and tried again "
B " thou art a magician?"
C " verily I am?"
B " with magic powers?"
C " aye mighty lord "
B " then use them, give me power"
C " what power master?"
B " the power of gold. I must have gold "
The angry Baron chucks lead away ,
B " thou will stay here until you make gold"
The Baron leaves, the door slammed shut.

Catweazle sits dejectedly on the floor.
C " thy great Norman lump, I cannot make gold if I try to doomsday. ( to toad) What power has gold Touchwood, I seek the power to set us free. So we may fly from this castle and never...( smiles) fly..from this castle ."
Catweazle excited reaches for his magic book which is in the dungeon with him. Also on the floor is a circle he has drawn, a chalk circle, the circle is made up of crude diagrams representing the twelve zodiac signs.
C ( turning pages) " cursing, disappearing, aha here, flying. ( reading) The power to fly as the birds doth. Stand in thy zodiac ring and say"
Catweazle follows instructions from book and stands in chalk circle.
C " O spirits that rule the great circle of stars, grant me the power to fly, by the sign of the ram.."
Outside the guard walks down the stairs to the dungeon, as Catweazle finishes his spell,
C " by the sign of the centaur, the scorpion and the goat. ( continues reading out loud)..now thy has the power. Get thee to a high place, leap into the air and fly. If thou does not fly it is thy bad luck. What does that mean?"
Guard's voice" food"
Through the door portal the guard passes food to Catweazle.
C " does thy fear me hobface ?"
G " no!"
C " I can become invisible, thinner than air, tis true, I swear it. Wouldst thy like to see?"
Guard nods,
C " close this hatch, and count to ten and I shall vanish"
Guard closes hatch and counts, on his fingers, he ain't that bright!"
He then opens portal, Catweazle is gone. He gingerly enters dungeon , and doesn't see Catweazle standing on ledge over doorway.

 

Suddenly Catweazle leaps down, runs out and slams door shut.
C " aha...thy Norman fool"
Guard panicking " hey stop stop, help let me out "
The Baron and his men are alerted by the noise. Catweazle runs up steps, to top of castle, guards in pursuit. He reaches the top, outside on the parapet he stares down at the moat 40 feet below.
C " I think this is high enough "
The soldiers arrive, led by the Baron who draws his sword, ready to run Catweazle through.
C " Norman fools, does thou not not know that I can fly as doth a bird."
Catweazle leaps off parapet straight down into the moat.

Edited March 11 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Catweazle emerges from under the water.
C " aaarrgghh, I have not flown then twas my bad luck."
He looks up ,The castle is gone, completely, just woods, no castle at all.
C " urgh..water...water.."
He clambers out of moat, then the realisation hits him.
C " Touchwood, again I have not flown, but time has"
Catweazle walks to some bushes that surround the moat and peers through.

A large house, a mansion is before him. Two stories high, but very long. This is the stately home of Lord and Lady Collingford, Kings Farthing. Beautiful manicured lawn surrounds the mansion. A gardener rides an electric mower, Catweazle gasps, it's the guard from 1066, another man nattily dressed in a tweed suit approaches the gardener, it's The Baron!! Catweazle realises these are descendants, 900 years after his time.
Lord Collingford waves to Groome the gardener who stops the lawn mower.
LC " Groom first party are arriving at 3.15, Americans, you better get changed "
G " yes m'Lord "
Moray Watson and Peter Butterworth are Lord Collingford and Groome.

Lord Collingford and Groome enter the hallway of Kings Farthing.
G " long or short tour m' Lord?"
LC " that depends on how many there are Groome "
Catweazle enters hallway as Lord Collingford and Groome depart. Creeping as quiet as he can he notices a suit of armour on display, momentarily fearful until he raps chest with knuckle to hear hollow sound.

As you would expect the hall is beautifully furnished, a stately home indeed. There's a portrait on the wall looking remarkably like Lord Collingford, but in Victorian garb, another descendant, or ancestor to his Lordship. Suddenly a noise, a door opens, a woman enters the hall, a housekeeper perhaps. Catweazle ducks down behind the stairs, unfortunately his beloved Touchwood choosing an inopportune moment leaps out of Catweazle's pocket of his robe and hops onto the stairs and straight into a dustpan sitting on the bottom stair.
Before Catweazle can grab him, the housekeeper Mrs Gowdy picks up dustpan and ascends stairs. Catweazle slowly follows her up.

Edited March 11 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Lady Collingford has been on the phone in the drawing room as Charles, Lord Collingford enters.
LC " customers?"
LyC " hope so Charles"
L " another season like last season and we'll be selling the place Dotty"
LyC " I'm sure it's going to go terribly well, you mustn't worry"
LC " I just wish I knew how to make money "
Elspeth Gray is Lady Collingford.

A coach load of American tourists have arrived and gathered in the hallway. Groome now in uniform addresses them.
G " good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I should like to welcome you to Kings Farthing, home of Lord and Lady Collingford and home of the collection of military relics dating back to the Norman conquest "

Meanwhile Mrs Gowdy has arrived at a bedroom, she is at a cupboard full of blankets, sheets and other linen. The room is well furnished, she has just checked everything is okay for when the Collingford's son arrives shortly. Catweazle opens door gingerly, sees Mrs Gowdy and quickly ducks down beside bed. Touchwood is no longer in dustpan but has leapt out and on top of chest of drawers. Luckily Mrs Gowdy doesn't see, and she leaves, locking door behind her.
Catweazle grabs toad and goes to door, but can't get out.
C " Touchwood we are trapped thou pumped up wart!"

Meanwhile Groome is showing the tourists the portrait in the hallway.
G " Lord Alfred Collingford who rebuilt Kings Farthing in 1852 was something of an eccentric. It is said he found the old dungeons of Farthing Castle below the house where he dabbled in black magic "
A taxi arrives at the main entrance to the house, out steps young Cedric Collingford, 13 years old , home from boarding school.

In the drawing room Cedric greets his parents and plonks down his luggage which includes musical instrument.
LC " what have you got there Cedric?"
Cd " a cello "
LC " but you've already got a violin a piccolo and a French Horn "
Cd " yes, but I haven't got a cello "
LyC" had a good term dear?"
Cd " yes Mother "
LyC " hasn't he grown "
Mrs Gowdy enters,
MG " hello Cedric, nice to have you home"
Cd " hello Mrs Gowdy"
MG " hasn't he grown, want something to eat?"
Cd " can I go and unpack first"
Mrs Gowdy gives Cedric the key to his room.
MG " I always lock up now the season has started"
Cedric picks up suitcases and heads upstairs.
Gary Warren is Cedric, Gwen Nelson is Mrs Gowdy

Edited March 11 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Cedric enters his bedroom, Catweazle hiding under the bed. Cedric puts cases down and heads straight to a wall, he grips a seemingly innocent looking decorative column, in plaster mould and twists it clockwise and a secret panel opens in the wall. Cedric disappears inside priest hole.
Catweazle slides out from under bed, goes up to column and twists it and follows into secret room. From there loads of stairs leading down into the darkness.
Catweazle gasps in a mixture of horror and curiosity, he recognizes the place. IT'S WHERE HE WAS LOCKED UP in 1066.
The stone steps, leading to the dungeon, cobwebs all over the place now. He comes to the dungeon door and slowly enters.

Cedric is kneeling down on the floor, surrounded by a chalk circle of zodiac signs, not Catweazle's circle of 1066, but a more recently drawn one. The same portrait of Lord Alfred in the hallway is here too, and on the wall strange symbols written in chalk.
Cedric spins round to see Catweazle, who falls to the floor begging.
C " mercy, harm me not"
Cd " who are you how did you get down here?"
C " Touchwood was lost"
Cd " touch who?"
C " Touchwood my familiar, has thou no familiar?"
Cd " no I don't think so. There's a way in from outside is there?"
C (noticing circle )" ah...tis the zodiac "
Cd " where is it, the way in I mean"
Catweazle notices the magic book Cedric is holding.
C " wondrous wondrous "
Cd " are you listening "
C " you are indeed a mighty magician "
Cd " what did you call me"
C " mighty magician "

Cd " no this is Lord Alfred's hideaway my great great grandfather "
Catweazle sees a mound of earth against the wall.
C " why does thou dig?"
Cd" it's a secret "
Catweazle notices writing on wall.
C " yes...yes.."
Cd " Lord Alfred must have done it, so you'd have to be a magician to read it "

 

C " it is the language known as Malachim. It says, twelve are they that circle round, if power you seek they must be found, look for where the thirteenth lies, mount aloft the one who flies"
Cd " who are you!?"
C " I am Catweazle, the riddle is simple Owlface, it is the flying spell "
Cd " flying spell?"
C " the twelve that circle round"
Cd " you mean the zodiac?"
C " aye, we must find each one, and then the thirteenth "
Cd " whatever is that?"
C " as yet I know not, then we shall fly"
Suddenly Catweazle is pained,
C " aaarrgghh "
Cd " what is it?"
C " my thumbs pr ick danger. Thy father comes for thee "
Cd " how do you know ?"
C(points to forehead) " I see him with the eye of time. Get thee hence"
Cd " what about you"
C " GO...GO"
Cedric runs out , a bit reluctant, leaving this strange visitor alone in his secret hideaway.

Edited March 11 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Lord Collingford brings the cello into the bedroom , Cedric got out of the priest hole just in time.
LC " teas ready"
Cd " I was just coming "
L " I've brought up the fiddle"
Cd " cello....thanks "
LC " everything sorted out?"
Cd " think so"
The two of them leave.

In the hallway, Groome and the tourist party,
G " that concludes the tour of the house, teas are on sale in the tearoom, turn left at the end of the corridor."
The tourists walk off, Cedric and Lord Collingford watch them go, Cedric points up to portrait of Lord Alfred.
Cd " do you think there are still any magicians today?"
LC " shouldn't think so"
Cd " he believed in magic didn't he?"
LC " Lord Alfred yes, apparently he tried to fly"
Cd " fly?"
LC " using magic spells of course, off the top of a cliff"
Cd " what happened?"
LC " I'm afraid gravity won"

Catweazle alone in Cedric's bedroom sees the washbasin and is fascinated by it. He turns taps on , water pours out , plug is in position and basin fills up. Next he picks up toothpaste tube, curiosity...what is this? He removes top and looks in awe as toothpaste squeezes out of top , and all over antique looking chair next to basin. Catweazle studies toothpaste,
C " a white worm"

He looks up, Touchwood is sitting on the basin tap croaking alarmingly, water is overflowing the basin and going all over the floor.
C " water I command thee to stop, salmy dalmy adonay "
A bemused Catweazle picks up Touchwood, backs away and opens priest hole and disappears inside.

 

Cedric and parents are having tea,
LC " you've not written much this term "
Cd " I've written half an opera "
LyC " we meant to us darling "
Cd " no, sorry "
LC " music is alright for a hobby, but you don't want to get too wrapped up in it "
LyC " would be nice if you could find a friend who lived reasonably nearby "
Cedric sits and holds teacup , when a drop of water drips down into tea, then another, then another. They all notice, Cedric looks to ceiling as water is dripping down.
Cd " oh no, excuse me"
Cedric runs out,
LC ( sighs) " when does next term start?"

Up in bedroom Cedric runs in and turns taps off, he then sees secret panel ajar , he opens it to see Catweazle looking sheepish.
Cd " YOU BLITHERING IDIOT...I could kill you"
C " nay kill me not"
Cd " you ought to be locked up"
C" not again "
The door opens,Catweazle jumps back into secret entrance , as Lady Collingford enters and sees mess.
LyC " oh Cedric "
Cd " sorry mother I'll clean it up"
Catweazle comes out when Dotty leaves.
Cd " what d'you mean...not again?"
C " I come from the time of the Normans. They imprisoned me but I escaped "
Cd ( humouring) " did you"
C " tis my second journey here...see I know thy magic "
Catweazle goes over to the light switch,
C " tis electrickery..( switches on light) shine tiny sun..see...teach me thy magic and I will teach thee mine"
Cd " my magic?...Lord Alfred's room..don't you dare tell anyone "
C " did I not read you the flying spell?"
Cd " yes but this is the 20th century, if I want to fly I get on a plane "
C " nay not a plane, a mountain or high place, but first we must find the 13 signs"
Cd " listen, I'll be as potty as you in a minute, you go and find the thirteen signs and when you've got them come back and show me how well you can fly"
C " thy will not help me?"
Cd " I don't know, now come on....and be quiet "

Edited March 11 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Cedric and Catweazle quietly descend stairs to hallway, Catweazle notices on the wall near the bend on the stairs an ornamental skull of a ram on display. Catweazle leans across bannister trying to reach it,
Cd " Catweazle..no.."
Catweazle tumbles head over heels over bannister and crashes into hatstand and ends up in a heap on the floor much to Cedric's amusement.
Cd " serves you right"
Footsteps are heard, Lord and Lady Collingford run in, no sign of Catweazle, only Cedric looking guilty.
LC " what an earth's happened?"
Cd " I sort of fell"
LyC " are you alright darling?"
LC " you've wrecked this hatstand, fooling about I suppose "
LyC " never mind it wasn't very pretty"
LC " you really are doing very well for your first day home"

LyC " Charles! He could have been hurt"
LC " my father bought that stand"
LyC " now come along, let's all go outside for a nice game of croquet. You can take us on Charles "
LC ( smiling) " okay dear, come on Cedric, put that ram's head down, let's join your mother "
They all leave, and Catweazle emerges from the tall grandfather clock where Cedric hid him.

C " I thank thee Owlface "
Catweazle picks up ram's head and runs out of Kings Farthing.
Cedric quickly comes back,
Cd ( opens clock panel) " Catweazle?"
He then sees his strange new friend running across lawn towards woods. He gives a little shake of his head and smiles and rejoins parents out back playing croquet.
Catweazle reaches woods, takes Touchwood out of his pocket and shows him ram's head ornament.
C " see Touchwood, the great quest has begun, the sign of the ram, we must find them all , then we shall fly."
the end

Edited March 11 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S2 E2 - DUCK HALT

Catweazle recently having time travelled to the 20th century for a second time, is outside King's Farthing, the ancestral home of the Collingfords, it is early morning and Catweazle runs up to the mansion looking for a way in. He spies a half open ground floor window, pulls it up and climbs in. His destination is Cedric's bedroom, the boy Catweazle encountered recently in a secret cellar below the house.
Catweazle quietly enters the bedroom, Cedric is asleep, a ticking clock next to the bed shows 5 am. Catweazle moves over to a pillar, by turning this slightly he unlocks the secret panel that gives access to stairs that lead down to the cellar. He is about to climb through when a hand is put on his shoulder, Cedric is awake.
Cd " just a minute"
CW ( kneeling) " mercy thy master."
Cd " will you shut up. I'm getting very fed up with you"

CW " do not be angry."
Cd " but you can't keep coming here."
CW " show me thy secret chamber and thy magic book."
Cd " no!"
CW " has thou forgotten?"
Cd " what?"
CW " the flying spell, the magic signs of the zodiac"
Cd " you mean great great grandfather's rhyme."
CW " 12 are they that circle round, if power you seek they must be found."
Catweazle opens a rag bundle he is holding to reveal the ornamental ram's head he acquired recently from the hallway of King's Farthing.
CW " see, sign of the ram, now I seek the sign of the bull."
Cd " jolly good, you get a bull and you'll be flying before you know it"
Cedric puts on his glasses and picks up bedside clock.
Cd " 5 o'clock! I don't get up till 8"

CW ( puzzled) " tat tat tat...why does it go tat tat."
Cd " well it wouldn't be much good if it didn't would it. Don't you really know what a clock is?"
CW " nay, it is magic."
Cd " tells you the time, you know, time to get up, time to eat, time to go to bed."
CW " this thing tells thee so?"
Cd " yes"
CW " does thou obey?"
Cd " of course."
CW " why? I rise when I wake, eat when I hunger, sleep when I weary.( prods at clock) I fear thee not, thy tatting tyrant."
Cd ( smiles) " you slay me"
CW " never, I am thy friend, is there any food?"
Cd " this isn't a hotel you know. Think I better get my father."
Cedric moves to door,
CW " what of thy secret chamber?"
Cedric turns back looking worried,
Cd "you wouldn't tell would you?"
A smile crosses Catweazle's face, he realises he has a bargaining position.
CW " ah...ha ha"
Cd " you wouldn't dare"
CW ( humming) " hhmmm hhmmm "
Cd " alright I promise I'll give you something to eat, come on"
CW " where shall I go?"
Cd " how about back to your Norman times"
At the front door, Catweazle steps out,
CW " where shall I live?"
Cd " have you really nowhere?"
CW " nay"
Cd " see those trees over there."
CW " aye"
Cd " wait for me there, I'll bring you some food"
CW " when?'
Cd " after breakfast."
CW " you will not fail me?"
Cd " see it wet, see it dry, cut my throat if I tell a lie."

Catweazle pulls a face of puzzlement then runs off to trees at edge of property, a few hundred yards away.

Edited March 12 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

In the library Cedric and handyman Groome carry large books, encyclopedias, and put them down on the table. Lord Collingford is there, looking at the pile of junk cluttering the room.
LC " amazing the rubbish one hangs on to isn't it"
Gr " yes My Lord "
Cd " Dad, if you were a hermit where would you live?"
LC " what a strange question, no idea, some sort of cave I suppose, why?"
Cd" just wondered"
Cedric runs off,
LC "where are you off to in such a hurry."
Cd " just out."

A small truck arrives at King's Farthing, the driver Mr Pickle gets out and rings the front door bell. He stares glaring at a flowering plant in the porch. He reaches for a handkerchief and lets out a sneeze.

Housekeeper Mrs Gowdy opens door.
MG " bless you Mr Pickle"
P " thanks Mrs Gowdy."
MG " your hay-fever is bad"
P " ruddy pollen, worst time of year for me"
MG " this way."
Pickle enters, meanwhile Cedric has reached edge of woods that surround mansion.
Cd " Catweazle?"
CW " here Owlface."
Catweazle is sitting up a tree on a branch.
Cd " what are you doing up there?"
CW " thinking "
Cd " what about?"
CW " magic."
In the library Mr Pickle is viewing the rubbish, his business is antiques and bric-a- brac.
Gr " I know it's junk Mr Pickle, but it's very high class junk"

Pickle points to tricycle,
P " and this?"
Gr" everything, this room is going to have the cavalry exhibition. That belonged to his Lordship's grandmother, campaigner for women's rights, but no sense of balance."
P " fanatic?"
Gr " no, just couldn't ride a two wheeler"
Pickle sneezes again,
Gr " bless you."
P " ta."

Catweazle is sitting on the grass eating the food Cedric has provided, bread.
Cd " finding you somewhere to live isn't going to be easy."
CW " we must cast the runes, they will tell us."
Cd " the runes?"
Catweazle stands holding small sticks, three in each hand, he walks a few yards arms outstretched.

Cd " what are you playing at, cowboys and Indians?"
CW " maggot! Sit thee down."
Cedric sits opposite Catweazle who throws the sticks up in the air.
CW " pax sax sarrax"
Catweazle studies the sticks fallen to the ground in a seemingly haphazard pattern, but not to Catweazle.
CW " the dragon shall flee, behold he guards a mighty cave"
Cd " what mighty cave?"
CW " and see thou there, an enchanted house, it will be my new home "
Cd " is that the lot"
CW " the lot?"
Cd " what about a few magic beanstalks and a couple of giants, ( dismissively) honestly Catweazle."
CW " thou does not believe thy twittering turnip"
Cd " what, dragons guarding magic caves and enchanted houses "
CW " woodlouse! Thy shalt see."
Catweazle marches off into woods, Cedric follows.
Back at King's Farthing Mr Groome is seeing Mr Pickle to the door. Pickle's truck at the back is piled high with the rubbish.
Pickle walks towards his truck, stops, and sneezes again.
Gr " bless you Mr Pickle"
P " ta."

Edited March 12 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Cedric and Catweazle have been walking for sometime, Cedric stops at a bush with white flowers and picks one, and hooks it into his jumper.
Cd " so where is this mighty cave?"
CW " tis not here"
Cd" I'm tired, we've walked for miles."
CW " bah ! tut tut "
A car horn is heard, Cedric looks over, across field to road and building beyond.
Cd" hey , we've walked to Bodford, there's the pub."
Mr Pickle's truck is parked outside,
Cd " you can get food in there"
CW " huh?"
Cd " I'm not allowed in, but you can get something. Get two packets of crisps and a bottle of pop."
Cedric hands Catweazle a few coins,
Cd " there won't be any change"
CW " nay I can't...."
Cd " crisps and pop, get cracking "
CW ( puzzled)" crack crack... crisps and pop."
In the pub the landlord Bill is behind bar, Pickle sitting on stool.

B " lucky you called, I'll have it down for you in a minute"
P " ta Bill."
Catweazle enters looking a bit nervous.
B " yes, can I help you?"
CW " pips and crop"
B " eh?"
CW " er...crops and pip?"
B " I'm sorry but I don't quite follow."
CW " two bags"
P " I think he wants some crisps."
CW " aye, crisps"

Pickle sneezes again, and moves a vase of flowers on the bar away from him. Catweazle misunderstanding, picks flowers out of vase.
CW " I thank thee"
Bill places two bags of crisps down in front of Catweazle, and takes back flowers.
CW " pop"
B " what?"
CW " pop.....pop."
B " lemonade or orangeade?"
CW " nay pop"
Bill bangs down bottle of orange drink, Catweazle puts coins on bar,
B " that's right, no change."
Somehow having succeeded in this mission Catweazle leaves pub, with Pickle and Bill staring after him.

[HawkMan]

Catweazle goes back to Cedric, sitting on grass on village green.
Cd " jolly good, put them down"
Cedric opens bottle of drink, it fizzes up out of bottle.
CW " it boils ! It boils !"
Cd " don't you like it fizzy?"
Catweazle leaps up in fear and notices something,
CW " look!"
Cd " what's the matter?"
Catweazle points to pub sign, a painting on the sign of a bull.
CW " behold the second sign of the zodiac, Taurus the bull."

Catweazle starts towards it, Cedric pulling him back.
CW " I will have it, unhand me"
Cd " don't you understand that's stealing."
CW "but it's the sign of the bull"
Cd " exactly, the old bull at Bodford and that's where it's staying."
Two men walk up to sign,
Cd " get down "
They duck behind Bush and continue arguing.
CW " without that I cannot fly"
At the sign are Bill and Pickle, Mr Pickle holding a ladder against sign as Bill climbs.
Cd " look, you're not having it and that's final."
CW " but I want it"
Cd " you can't have everything you want, it's bad for you"
CW " I beseech thee"
Cd " the sign stays where it is."
CW " I fear thee not."
Cd " if you take that sign it's not me you'll have to worry about."
Catweazle stands and gasps, the sign is gone.
Cd " what happened?"
CW " it is thou, thy magic has done this."
Cd " nothing to do with me, where is it?"
Catweazle takes his witch knife from around his neck and points it,
CW " it is near."

In the pub, Bill is showing Mr Pickle the new sign that will go up outside pub, a modern painting of a bull in garish colours.
B " fella from the Elderford Art School did it, more mature like."
P " hmmm, bit Picasso isn't it"
Outside Catweazle has climbed into the back of Pickle's truck, the old bull sign among the junk collected from King's Farthing.
Cedric anxiously sees Pickle walking out of pub towards truck.
Cd " get down, he's coming back."
Cedric darts out of sight, the truck starts up, and Catweazle still in the back as Mr Pickle drives off.

Edited March 12 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Cedric runs after truck as it speeds off.
About ten minutes later, the vehicle arrives at Pickle's business premises. The truck goes through wooden gates and into a covered yard.
Mr Pickle get out and goes to back of vehicle and starts unloading.
First he removes tricycle, and sees Catweazle crouching down holding on to bull sign from pub.
P " here, who are you?, don't be awkward."
CW " it is the sign"
P " I know it's the sign, get down"
CW ( in awe) " you know it's the sign?"
P " come on, get down."
CW " has thou more?"
P " more?"
CW " I seek them too"

Catweazle climbs down,
P " hop it"
Catweazle hops twice not amusing Pickle,
P " go on, get out of here."
Catweazle picks up pub sign and walks to door.
P " hey come back, that's mine"
CW " nay, it is mine"

The two struggle over sign, Pickle lets go as he sneezes, again. Catweazle loses balance and knocks into a table stacked high with crockery, most of which ends up smashed on the floor.
P ( shouts) " OH, MY LOVELY CHINA"
Cedric is still running, he arrives at the edge of Elderford High Street.
Meanwhile Pickle and Catweazle are really having a tussle over the sign. Pickle using a birch broom trying to hit Catweazle who is holding the sign in front of his face for protection. Pickle sneezes,
P " look mate, drop it will you, see look."
He puts down broom showing Catweazle he means him no harm.
P " but you're not having that sign."
Pickle sneezes yet again,
CW " thou has the nose itch of summer?" Give me the sign and I'll cure thee."
Catweazle takes out Adamcos his knife.
P ( alarmed) " hey put that knife away"
Catweazle waves knife, to and fro, in front of Pickle's face, slowly his eyes grew heavy and then close.
CW " nose ease thy sneeze, no itch as now, nose take thy ease, new nose are thou."
Pickle wakes,
CW " where does thy keep them?"
P " eh?"
CW " the magic signs"
P " oh the signs er...yes...don't tell anyone but I keep them in there."
CW " has thou all of them?"
P " yes"
CW " then thou can fly?"
P " oh yeah, like a bird"
CW " then fly for me".
P " I will in a minute, but wouldn't you like to see the signs first?"
Catweazle eagerly nods,
Pickle points to free standing cupboard and opens door, Catweazle peers in, and Pickle shoves him in and locks door.
At that moment Cedric runs in.

[HawkMan]

Pickle is agitated and says to Cedric,
P " he's mad, he attacked me, I'm going to phone the police"
Pickle marches off, Cedric can hear Catweazle from inside cupboard, cursing away, he opens door.
CW" Owlface! He tricked me, he lied"
Cd " buzz off quickly"
CW " I am no bee"
Cd " I told you something like this would happen, he's going to phone for the police."
Cedric sees tricycle,
Cd " here use this"
Cedric gets on to demonstrate how to use it.
Cd " you hold these,( handlebars) and use these ( pedals)."

Catweazle gingerly gets on, he quickly gets the knack of it, and pedals towards door, scoops up pub sign puts it in wicker basket attached to tricycle and pedals off into street.
Pickle returns,
P " police will be here in a minute"
Cd " he's gone"
P " gone! Goodness me, he's mad, raving about magic and wanting me to fly. He even said he'd cure me of my hay-fever if I gave him an old inn sign"
Cd " perhaps it was just a joke?'
P " oh no, he's mad, even drew a knife on me"
Pickle sees flower stuck in Cedric's jumper, he gets handkerchief ready, but no sneeze comes.
P " that's funny, it's gone, my hay-fever."
Pickle takes flower and sniffs it ,
P " it's definitely gone. ( laughing) IT'S GONE ! He did it, the old fella, he must be a faith healer or something"
Pickle walks off,
Cd " where you going?"
P " to call the police, tell them it was a mistake, if he's cured my hay-fever he can have whatever he wants."

Catweazle on his tricycle is speeding down a country lane a smile on his face, he's enjoying the experience. He turns a bend, a car is coming towards him, he turns handlebar and closes his eyes and hopes for the best. The tricycle leaves road, down a steep embankment, Catweazle is flung off. Both he and the bike are at the bottom of the bank....on a railway line.
Standing Catweazle eyes his surroundings, and sees the entrance to a tunnel.
CW " the mighty cave."

He picks up tricycle, puts inn sign back into basket and walks into tunnel.
Five seconds later he runs out screaming, a train hurtles by.
Catweazle watches it go from trackside.
CW " twas the dragon, the runes did not lie"
He re- enters tunnel, and out the other side, and sees a single side track, overgrown with grass, leading off of main tracks.
He follows the track, now obviously disused, and ends up at a deserted and dilapidated station.

Catweazle climbs up onto platform
CW " an enchanted house"
He enters waiting room, now disused , full of junk, dust and cobwebs. He takes Touchwood his toad out of robe pocket.
CW " our journey is over Touchwood, this is our new home. Here we shall gather the signs of the zodiac, and make great magic."
The old disused station is Duck Halt.

Cast;
Catweazle....Geoffrey Bayldon
Cedric.....Gary Warren
Lord Collingford......Moray Watson
Groome......Peter Butterworth
Mrs Gowdy......Gwen Nelson
Mr Pickle......Bill Owen
Bill....Jerold Wells

Edited March 12 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S2 E3- THE HEAVENLY TWINS
In Duck Halt, the disused railway station home of Catweazle, he is happily singing as he draws a chalk circle on the floor. He is reciting the flying spell, recently discovered at King's Farthing in the secret cellar.
CW (sings) " twelve are they that circle round , if power you seek they must be found. Look for where the thirteenth lies, mount aloft the one who flies."
Touchwood his toad looks impassively on from his Wellington boot home, and croaks.
CW " Touchwood thou web footed wart, there is no magic in thee. ( sighs), Yes I too am hungry, ( hears noise) tis the boy, come hither Owlface."
Cedric enters, in a grey suit with tie,
Cd " I can't stop"
CW " stop what?"
Cd " don't be awkward, look at me, my birthday and they made me put this on."
CW " have thou food?"
Cedric hands Catweazle a foil package, Catweazle opens it to reveal sandwiches.
Cd " you know they've invited half the kids from miles around, I mean it stops being my birthday doesn't it, just an excuse for a bunfight"
CW " bunfight!?"

 

In the main drawing room at King's Farthing, handyman Groome is at a film projector making adjustments as Lady Collingford comes in carrying party balloons. She accidentally lets one go and it floats upwards and is stuck on the ceiling.
LyC " oh look!"
Gr " you'll never get that down"
LyC " no but you might"
Gr " oh yes I might"
LyC " thank you Groome."

 

Groome winces, he fell for that, Dotty goes over to projector screen opposite room.
LyC " have you seen Cedric?"
Gr " no my Lady"
LyC " I wonder where he is....( touches screen)..isn't this a little...."
Gr " NO DON'T TOUCH IT!"
The screen collapses,
LyC " well it wasn't very safe like that was it Groome? ( anxious) I do hope everyone comes. You are sure that thing ( projector) is safe Groome?"
Gr " quite safe your Ladyship, look."
Groome switches on projector, it smokes then goes out with a bang.
At Duck Halt,
Cd " wow, 900 birthdays"
Catweazle has finished his chalk circle, the circle sub divided into 12 sections.
CW " so it is done, the houses for the twelve signs of the zodiac."
Cd " if power you seek they must be found."
CW " aye, is so, today I seek the sign Gemini, the heavenly twins"
Cd " the Rossington girls are coming to my party, they're not very heavenly though."
CW " thy magic book will tell me where to look."
Cd " no you must keep away from the house today, it's too dangerous."
Cedric walks to door, and sighs.
Cd " I ask you, not one present I really wanted."
After Cedric leaves Catweazle picks up Touchwood and looks into toad's face,
CW " we too have no present we really want eh Touchwood?"

Groome is working to repair the projector, Dotty comes along,
LyC " don't bother Groome"
Gr " it's busted"
LyC " is it, well never mind , go and get changed. Mrs Gowdy has had a wonderful idea, a magician, she said he was marvellous , they had him for the Sunday school party. I'll go and give him a call, he's name is Verdanti."

Edited March 13 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

In the woods Catweazle holding fishing rod approaches river, he stops and spies a gentleman sitting on grass, fishing line in the river , dozing off in the sun. Next to him is a radio, an announcer says,
" that was the weather forecast, now back to the cricket."
Catweazle creeps up to man , suddenly the cricket commentator says, " HE'S OUT."
Catweazle lets out a shriek of alarm, the gentleman wakes.
V " good afternoon.'
Cricket commentary carries on, " the score is now 217 for 9"
Catweazle puzzled as to the location of the voice, looks around him bemused.
V " are you looking for something?"
Catweazle finally realises the source of the voice,
V" it's just my transistor."
CW " thy sister!?"
V" trans.....sistor"
CW " thou have entranced thy sister!?"
The man switches the radio to a music channel.

CW " O, tis the magic of electrickery."
V " yes I suppose you could say that yes."
CW " thou art a magician"
V ( smiles) " oh fancy you recognising me, yes I'm Verdanti. Where have you seen me work, the Silver Threads, or erm...the Institute"
CW " show me thy magic"
V ( patting pockets) "don't know if I've got anything....oh wait a minute."
Verdanti produces a foam ball from pocket.
V " this isn't a bad bit of magic"
Verdanti squeezes ball in hand and suddenly it's gone, Catweazle impressed.
CW " aha..tis gone"
V " I just say the magic words , Abracadabra and hocus pocus."
Verdanti puts hand behind Catweazle's ear, and hey preto ball is in his hand.
Catweazle delighted,
CW " canst thou keep a secret?"
V " what about?"
CW " I too am a great magician, sometimes, I trick thee not."
V " of course it's a very nice hobby."
CW " has thou any magic books?"
V " oh yes of course."
CW " will thou show them me?"
V " well they're only for professional purposes you know, members of the magic circle"

 

 

CW " aha! The magic circle"
V " you've heard of it"
CW " I work in it"
V " oh really?"
CW " aye, SHEMPAMPERASH Salmy Dalmy Adonay."
Catweazle pulls out Touchwood from robe pocket,
CW " tis Touchwood"
V " er....yes you've shaken me, you really have I never would have taken you for one of us. What name do you work under?"
CW " Catweazle"
V " Catweazle? Can't say it rings a bell, before my time perhaps."
C ( knowing smile) " aye."
V " of course I get it now. You've been working today haven't you?"
CW " aye"
V " that's why you're wearing that gear, at first I thought you were bonkers"
CW " nay, Catweazle"
V " oh very good you do comedy as well."
CW " how goes the fish?"
V " oh poor, just not biting today"
CW " has thou cast a spell?"
V " no just a fly...ha ha"
CW (in awe) " fly!!?"
V " it's better after the rain"
Catweazle waves his hand over his home made rod saying,
CW " fish fish fish, for thee I wish, do not look, but bite my hook."
V ( smiles) " yes I like that, cute"
Catweazle casts his rod into the water, almost immediately pulling out a fish.
Verdanti astonished, Catweazle proudly grins.

Edited March 13 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Cedric runs into the hall at King's Farthing, Dotty is there in the hall.
LyC "oh there you are, where have you been? People will be arriving soon"
Cd " sorry "
LyC " oh everything's going wrong, your film show is off, Groome busted the projectile, broken it"
Cd " projector"
LyC " isn't that what I said, your father has locked himself in his study, and the magician's gone fishing."
Cd " what did you say?!"
LyC " the magician's gone fishing."
Cd " how did you find out about him?"

 

LyC " Mrs Gowdy told me"
Cd " Mrs Gowdy! Does she know?"
LyC " of course she gave me his phone number."
Cd " HIS WHAT!?"
LyC " and I spoke to his wife"
Cd " HIS WIFE!"
LyC " oh do stop repeating everything I say, and she said she's sure he'll be able to come"
Cedric stares open mouthed,
LyC " Verdanti darling, instead of the film show."

At the river, Verdanti packs away his gear, Catweazle has caught quite a few fish.
V " my word you have done well, handy living near a river. If you'd like to pop back to my shop I could show you my disappearing box. Mrs Vance will be out, Thursday early closing, bingo"
CW " shempamperash."

Catweazle looks around Verdanti's magic and joke shop.
On the counter is a fake rubber hand, knobbly fingers, claw like nails, it's a glove, Verdanti puts it on,
V " we sell a lot of these"
CW " urgh!"
V " make a lot of money on stinkbombs too, especially at end of term. Oh I've got something that'll amuse you."
Catweazle sees a metal sheath on counter top, he pulls top off to reveal a curved knife.
CW " tis thine?"
Verdanti takes knife,
V " ah yes"
Verdanti holds a length of rope,
V " you have here, look carefully if you please, one piece of rope. ( cuts rope in two) You have here two pieces of rope, ( tying two pieces together), now watch closely, and voillah!"
Verdanti using his magician's skill, removes knot and as Catweazle says,
Cw" one piece! haha."
Catweazle pulls out his knife Adamcos,
CW " I have Adamcos"
V " oh how does that work?"
Verdanti tries to touch knife ,Catweazle pulls it away,
CW " AARRGGHH "
V( nervous) " copyright eh, don't blame you. ( reads note left by phone) Oh I've got a booking, children's party, 4.15, oh got to get going or I'll be late. Do forgive me if I disappear for a moment I must change."
CW " ( in awe) " change?!"
V " well I can't do it like this, wouldn't feel right without my tails."
CW " tails !?"
V " oh ....mustn't forget Percy"
Verdanti picks up cardboard box, opens it and takes out a white rabbit.

V " magician without a rabbit is like a cowboy without a horse. Children love a rabbit, especially a small one, beautiful creatures aren't they. Look pop him and all this stuff ( points) in the case would you, the big stuff is already in the car, won't be a minute."

Catweazle starts packing away gear, all the magician's paraphernalia, Catweazle non plussed by all this weird stuff, a wand that turns into a bunch of flowers, the Tommy Cooper style wine bottle trick, Catweazle picks wine bottle to put in case, he does this and looks again, still a bottle sits on table, picks this one up, puts it in case, still a bottle sits on table !, a few minutes later Verdanti reappears, dressed in a black cape, top hat, false moustache.
CW " who art thou?"
V" pretty quick eh, presenting Verdanti magician extraordinaire."
Catweazle approves with a gleeful cackle.
V " sorry about the rush, pop in anytime you like, pull the door shut after you."
Verdanti leaves carrying a large suitcase with his tricks inside, but not everything has gone in as he expected. After Verdanti has left Catweazle reaches behind counter and picks up Percy the rabbit, he has kept it for.....what?

 

 

Edited March 13 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

In the grounds of King's Farthing about 20 children are playing musical chairs, while Groome is on the piano playing as the kids run around chairs.
Dotty goes up to one of the mothers helping out.
LyC " Lucy tell Mrs Gowdy to get ready for tea, and ask her if she's seen Cedric."
Dotty goes over to kids,
LyC " quiet everybody, tea, this way."
The kids run over to long table set out on lawn, Groome stops playing piano as kids run passed.
LyC " oh Groome I do hope that conjurer gets here soon.
Verdanti arrives at the gates of King's Farthing, not too far behind on his tricycle is Catweazle.

Verdanti enters hallway, Dotty greets him,
LyC " Verdanti?"
V " at your service Lady Collingford"
LyC " thank goodness, this way."
Catweazle sneaks in to hallway carrying cardboard box, he places it on table, a present for Cedric. He hears footsteps and hides behind a suit of armour as Groome enters, followed by an extremely flustered Dotty.
LyC " CEDRIC? Oh Groome make sure Mr Verdanti has all he needs"
Gr " yes My Lady."
LyC" CEDRIC? I know he's hiding somewhere, so childish. Please find Cedric Groome, ( seeing box on table) oh another present."
Catweazle waits till both Dotty and Groome go, then he quietly goes upstairs into Cedric's bedroom and over to movable column that when turned reveals entrance to secret passage. He is about to turn it when panel in wall opens and Cedric steps out holding book.
CW " Thou has the magic book, give it to me".
Cd " what are you doing here?"
CW" I have a thing for thee".
Cd " I'm not swapping whatever it is."
Catweazle tries to open panel, Cedric blocks him.
Cd " you're not going down there ever again."
Cedric sits on bed,
Cd " you might as well know, when I first found the secret room I thought the Collingford treasure was down there."
CW " treasure?"
Cd " yes, gold goblets and a chalice, it's famous, but it's not there."
A knock on the door, Groome is outside.
Cedric opens secret panel, he and Catweazle hide inside passage.
Groome enters, sees no one and leaves, and Cedric and Catweazle come out. Cedric has a brass instrument on his bed, Catweazle picks it up, puzzled by it, then drops it on the floor. Groome hearing this comes back in to see Cedric smiling at him.
Gr" just been in here"
Cd " oh, I didn't see you."
Gr " I looked under the bed"
Cd " what for?"
Gr " if you ask there's more than one magician in this house. Her Ladyship wants you, immediate."
Cd " just coming."
Groome leaves, Catweazle pops up from behind bed,
Cd " now sssshhhh."

Verdanti is in the dining room, alone, getting ready to perform when Catweazle creeps in.

 

 

 

V " Mr Catweazle! don't say they've made a double booking, happened before to me you know, at a children's party, double booked with a sword swallower, never forget it, poor chap had hiccups."
Catweazle tries to leave,
V " don't go, a good assistant makes a show. We're all set up in the garden, I'll run through the programme with you, you'll know them all I'm sure....I know the cabinet trick, I've got it in the car, we'll do it as a grande finale."

Edited March 13 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

All the kids sing happy birthday to Cedric at the table in the garden,
LyC " blow out the candles Cedric"
Cedric looking fed up blows out candles on cake.
LyC " have you made a wish?"
Cd ( sighs) " oh yes mother."
LyC " now then everyone there's a magician under the big tree to show you all lots of magic."
The kids run off cheering, Cedric reluctantly gets up, Dotty gives him the box left by Catweazle.
LyC " someone left this, don't know who, there's no card."
Cd " I've a rough idea who"
LyC " come on let's join the others."

Dotty and Cedric arrive at the tree, Catweazle is standing next to Verdanti.
LyC " oh good, his assistant was able to come."
Cedric open mouthed in astonishment as he joins kids sitting around tree for the show to begin.
Verdanti goes through his routine, including vanishing milk poured into jug, kids applaud, and then holler with laughter as Catweazle inadvertently gives away the secret.

The next trick certainly interests Catweazle; Verdanti has two dolls houses, and places two dolls in one house saying,
V " these are not only twins but heavenly twins."
CW " heavenly twins!!"
The dolls are angels in design with little halos on their heads.
Verdanti opens dolls house to show twin dolls have disappeared, and reappeared in other house. Catweazle spies Verdanti's suitcase on ground, open containing more of the dolls, he shows them to the kids revealing Verdanti uses multiple dolls, the kids laugh, Verdanti agitated, gives a weak laugh.

 

 

Edited March 13 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Verdanti picks up box containing Percy the rabbit, Catweazle grimaces, he knows what's coming. Verdanti opens box and shows everyone the box is empty.
V " now let's bring Percy my rabbit out"
Verdanti puts hand in box and pulls out nothing,
V " you can't see Percy because he's what?"
Kids " invisible "
V " that's correct, now I'll put him back in, say the magic words Abracadabra and here he is."
Verdanti pulls out a bunch of bananas, Verdanti looks flustered. Cedric realises that Catweazle has done this, he opens his " present", the box left in hall and pulls out Percy.
Cd " is this Percy?"

 

 

The kids applaud. Verdanti again flustered carries on ,
V " er yes well Percy does get everywhere".
Verdanti pushes metal magic cabinet to front of audience.
V " now my assistant will climb into this perfectly ordinary box"
Catweazle climbs into box,
V" he will now crouch down inside, ( to CW) crouch down."
Catweazle crouching inside metal box,
V " I will now secure top enclosing my assistant inside."
Verdanti closes top, Catweazle's head sticking out of top of box.
V" very few men have been able to withstand the swords of sheherazade."
Verdanti picks up two swords rattling them against each other,
V " I will now pass no fewer than eight swords into the cabinet and through the body of my assistant."
Catweazle whimpers terrified, Verdanti leans over box and whispers,
V" don't overdo it, old ham."
Verdanti puts the first sword in, Catweazle gets to his feet, still encased in the box,
CW " THOU WILL KILL ME! AAARRRGGGGHH "

Catweazle runs off across the lawn, Verdanti in pursuit brandishing sword.
V" come back!"
The kids all laugh as does Dotty and even Cedric sort of smiles.
LyC " no wonder he was such a success at the Sunday school party."

At Duck Halt Cedric using a saw cuts Catweazle out of box. Catweazle climbs out, holding two twin dolls.
CW " I thank thee, see I have found the heavenly twins"
Cd" hmmm, thought that was what you were after, I expect he has others, poor old Verdanti."
CW " he sought to kill me"
Cd " I don't blame him, you ruined his act."
Catweazle sees Cedric has brought the magic book belonging to his great grandfather found in the secret chamber in King's Farthing.
CW " my magic book, I thank thee, and my magic red bubble."
A red balloon floats in the air, Catweazle stares at it in awe,
CW " tis a wonder"
He picks up lighted candle to get a better look.
Cd " be careful !"
With a bang the balloon bursts as the flame touches it.
CW " tis gone!"
Cedric picks up remains of it,
Cd " here it is "
CW " trick me not Owlface, where is my magic bubble?"
Before Catweazle's astonished face Cedric blows him up another red balloon.

 

CW "I thank thee my brother."
Cd " you made my party, thanks for coming."
Cedric leaves, Catweazle turns to Touchwood,
CW " Touchwood, tis a good youth, and see my magic bubble, it flies"
Catweazle releases balloon, and it slowly drops to the floor.
CW( screwing up face) "ill favoured Owlface! NOTHING WORKS!"

Cast;
Cedric......Gary Warren
Catweazle......Geoffrey Bayldon
Dotty.......Elspet Gray
Groome.....Peter Butterworth
Verdanti.....Paul Eddington

Edited March 13 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S2 E4 - THE SIGN OF THE CRAB

In Duck Halt, the abandoned railway station that is home to Catweazle, he is reciting the rhyme, the flying spell he translated from the cellar of Kings Farthing, written on the wall by Cedric's great grandfather.
CW " twelve are they that circle round, if power you seek they must be found. Look for where the 13th lies, mount aloft the one who flies. Today I search for the sign of the crab"
Cedric enters waiting room carrying a plastic shopping bag.
CW " morning Owlface "
Cd " morning Catweazle "
CW " what has thou brought me?"
Catweazle rummages in bag.
CW " carrots, bananas, cheese."
Cd " can't stay long, I've got to get back"
CW " aye, I must get back too"
Cd " home I mean, not to Norman times"
Catweazle continues to pull out food from bag, while Cedric picks up Catweazle's magic book.
CW " eggs....butter"
Cd " what is this book exactly?"
CW " all the magic, it is the key of Solomon. Spells, charms , curses, invocations, potions, how to make rain, raise whirlwinds, find treasure"
Cd " what about the lost treasure of the Collingfords, reckon you can find that?"
CW " er....nay"
Catweazle unwraps some newspaper to reveal a crab, and is overjoyed.

CW " ah..see!! The sign of the crab, I thank you Owlface."
Cd " give it back....it's not for you."
Cedric grabs crab back.
CW " tis the sign I seek"
Cd " you ought to be ashamed of yourself."
CW " jackdaw! It was I that found it."
Cd " that's not finding it's stealing. It's time you knew the difference."
CW ( angered) " thou are not my brother."
Cd " we are having this for lunch."
CW " get thee hence"
Cd " alright I will, you're spoilt, that's you're trouble, you're completely spoilt."
Cedric walks towards door,
CW ( shouts)." SCALLION!"
Cd " no more stealing."

Edited March 14 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Meanwhile in the sitting room of King's Farthing Inspector Pugh from the local constabulary is making notes in his notepad as he questions Lord and Lady Collingford, Cedric's parents about a burglary at the residence.
P " where was the stolen property?"
LC (points to mantelpiece) " over there Inspector"
P " I see, can you give me a full description?"
LC " yes of course, the big one stood in the middle, it's got two handles, one on each side, one with a dent in it, then a silver bowl thing on the right."
LyC " no the left dear, the candlestick was on the right, next to that creepy looking inkwell."

Inspector Pugh stops his scribbling looking weary.
P " forgive me, I do have to give an accurate description, I can't put down creepy looking inkwell. "
LC " no of course you can't Inspector, do try to be accurate Dotty darling."
LyC " yes dear, shall we start again."
LC " very well, and then two County team awards next to them"
LyC " large silver goblets."
LC " then four individual awards next to them."
P " forgive me showing my ignorance, what were they all for?"
Lord Collingford is taken aback, surely everyone knows!
LC " what d'you mean, what were they all for, they were for croquet of course."

Cedric is in the grounds of Kings Farthing heading back home when the Housekeeper Mrs Gowdy appears.
MG " Cedric "
Cd " hello Mrs Gowdy"
MG " come on , they want to see us."
Cd " who?"
MG " the police."
Cd " the police?!"
MG " yes, we've been burgled."
Cd" when?"
MG " last night, everything's gone from the sitting room mantelpiece, the cups, the candlesticks, even that nasty old inkwell"
Cd " what nasty old inkwell?"

In the sitting room Inspector Pugh carries on with the interviews.
P " now Mrs Gowdy, you discovered the theft?"
MG " that's right Inspector, after breakfast when I came to see to the room"
P " I see, did anyone call at the house yesterday that you do not know?'
MG " well, there was an old tramp."
Cedric immediately thinks....Catweazle
Cd " an old tramp!?"
LC " sssshhh"
P ( to Mrs Gowdy) " go on"
Cedric runs out of room saying, " excuse me"
P " did he cry?"
MG " cry? As a matter of fact he did"
P " Tearful Ted."
LC " I beg your pardon?"
P " Tearful Ted, alias Sam Thompson, one of the cleverest thieves in the country."
LC " good heavens."
P " always works in a disguise, milkmen, tramps, sometimes even policemen."

[HawkMan]

A man in his thirties, straggly ginger haired, looking every inch a tramp, runs onto the platform of Duck Halt, and into the waiting room, surprising Catweazle.
CW " get gone!"
It is Tearful Ted carrying a sack containing the stolen silver from Kings Farthing.
TT "eh?"
CW " hence, it is my castle"
TT " do you live here?"
CW " be gone or I'll blast thee"
TT " steady on, I didn't know it was your gaff, I was just looking for a place to kip."
CW " gaff!? kip?"

Ted sits down clutching sack and starts to cry.
TT " I've got no one in the world you see, no mates, nobody. ( blubs) It is very hard when no one understands you, no one to help you when you're down and out."

Catweazle isn't sympathetic,
CW " thou blubbering blowfly, thy will turn the milk. What wet eyed wiffler is this Touchwood?"
Catweazle points to sack,
CW " what has thou got there?"
TT " it's all I've got in the world brother."
CW softens his stance,
CW " brother? My brother in magic? Does thou follow the mysteries? Does thou make magic?'
TT " er......oh yes for sure, I've been at it for years."
CW " and I, 900 years"
TT " ( humouring)" 900, really, well well, you don't look a day over 65."
CW " has thou magic in thy sack?'
TT " yes that's right."
CW " will thy show me?"
TT " er, no no, I better not?'
CW " demons?"
TT " that's right, it's full of them, little green ones, very nasty."
Catweazle suddenly is alarmed and hisses.
CW " tttsss, tttssss..someone comes."
Tearful Ted looks out through the crack in the door, Cedric is running onto the station platform, Ted runs over to the back window and starts climbing out.

CW ( holding sack)" what about thy magic.?"
TT " hide it, I'll collect it tonight. Don't open it"
Catweazle gingerly hides sack among the junk piled up in this disused waiting room.
CW " nay brother, Demons."

[HawkMan]

Cedric enters looking seriously glum.
CW " Owlface?"
Cd " alright where are they?"
CW " what sayest thou?"
Cd " you know what I mean."
CW " nay"
Cd " don't fool me, you broke into King's Farthing last night and took Dad's cups"
CW " cups?"
Cd " yes I knew it was you when Mrs Gowdy said about the old tramp."
CW " huh?"
Cd ( shouts) " now hand them over, the cups"
CW " cups?"
Catweazle gets two mugs and offers them to Cedric.

Cd " don't try and fool me, the silver cups."
CW " silver cups? Oh aye.."
Catweazle next offers Cedric an empty sardine tin. Cedric is not amused.
Cd " alright if you won't own up"
Cedric searches the waiting room , rummaging around the junk.
Cd " it's no good Catweazle, this time you've gone too far."
Cedric spies the sack, Catweazle grabs it.
Cd" give it to me"
CW " it's not mine to give"
Cd " I know it isn't."
CW " it is my new brother's, I have done with thee."
Cd " what are you talking about now."
CW " he bade me to guard it. Do not open it, inside are little green demons."
Cd " you'll have to do better than that "
Cedric opens sack and pulls out large silver challis, then other items of silver. Catweazle looks perplexed, Cedric realises the truth.
Cd " you really didn't know? You didn't steal them?"
CW " nay."

Back at King's Farthing, Pugh and Lord Collingford
P " you see my Lord I understand the criminal mind"
LC " oh do you?"
P " our job isn't it?"
LC " yes I suppose it would be"
P " you take Tearful Ted for instance, it has been known for him to do the same place two nights running"
LC " beggar's got a nerve!"
P " indeed he has My Lord indeed he has. He might come back tonight you see just when you're not expecting him."
LC " how very alarming."
P " but we shall be."
LC " shall be what?'
P " expecting him"
At Duck Halt Catweazle angered by events.
Cd " don't you see, if you were caught with these you'd be sent to prison, locked up, and the real thief goes free."
Catweazle opens his magic book,
CW ( angry) " I will raise demons, he will be blasted by the 77 plagues of Adremilik"

At King's Farthing,
P " well I'll leave two of my men on look out tonight and I'll keep an eye out myself"
LC " that's very good of you Inspector "
P " well we might catch him red handed, oh by the way, leave a window open."