They Don't Make TV Series For Kids Nowadays Like This/ 1.The Feathered Serpent/2. Catweazle/3.Ace Of Wands/4.THE GHOSTS OF MOTLEY HALL/ 5. TIMESLIP

[HawkMan]

At Hexwood Carrot is showing his Dad his collection of Nathaniel Wheeler books.
C " then he walked across the Gobi Desert, that's this one , Round In Circles."
George looks at book,
G " fantastic "
C" the only one I haven't got is Drums Across Africa, but that's out of print."
G " I had no idea you were such a fan"
C " it's good isn't it, you can borrow it if you like."
The phone rings, George goes into hallway to answer it.
G " Hexwood Farm, George Bennett here."
Up " George call off the hunt, Boy's back....no I didn't find him Wheeler did, extraordinary chap quite different to what I imagined. See you later George. "

Upshaw returns to dining room, Catweazle has armed himself with a knife in one hand and a silver soup tureen lid in the other.
CW " GAB GABBA AGABBA."
Up " what's that?"
Catweazle leaps nimbly onto table,
CW " SHEMPAMPERASH!"
He bangs knife against lid, as if they are sword and shield.
Up " I'm afraid I only speak Swahili old chap.
CW ( jumping off table) " release boy"
Up " that's enough, Boy's alright where he is."
CW " RELEASE HIM! "
Up " a joke's a joke, put that thing down my dear fellow."
CW " thou sorcerer thou pig's bladder."
Catweazle looks pretty fierce as he advances towards Upshaw who backs away panicking and shouting,
Up " COOTE COOTE! WHEELER'S RUN AMOK"
CW " call the witch, thou has no power over me"
Up " you've been pushing the boat out a little far old man"
Coote runs in,
Up " TACKLE HIM COOTE, BRING HIM DOWN!"

 

 

Catweazle turns to face her, then drunkenly sways,
CW " the walls spin ! I am bewitched"
He collapses across settee out to the world.

 

At Hexwood Carrot is dressed in a suit as is George,
G" 6 o'clock, ready? Got your autograph book?"
C " yes"
Sam comes in,
S " ready Mr Bennett "
G " thank you Sam."

Catweazle is asleep in the conservatory, Coote creeps in holding his robe on a hanger, she looks for somewhere to hang the smelly thing, goes to cage, and foolishly opens door slightly to hook hanger over door frame, she leaves, and Boy gets out again and scampers off.

Coote goes back to Upshaw,
Ct " he's still sleeping."
Up " just as well, kept going on about wanting to shoot Boy, couldn't make it out Coote."
Ct " seems very unbalanced to me."
Up " Africa does that to a man you know."
The doorbell rings, Coote runs off, and Upshaw apparently not affected by Africa, or so he'd say, turns on his turntable to listen to marching music, then proceeds to march around the room saluting to no one in particular.

Edited March 9 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Coote shows Carrot and George in,
G " thank you Miss Coote"
The music blares out,
Up " George, Edward, good of you to come. Wheeler's out"
G " out?"
Up " in there, out cold, very good year the 59."
G "it must be"
C " can I see the monkey then?"
Up " he's in there as well, still if you creep in I don't suppose Wheeler will wake up."
Carrot goes into conservatory and into cage looking for monkey, he then hears snoring, turns to see Catweazle.
C " Catweazle? What are you doing here?"
Catweazle awakes , sees Carrot inside cage,
CW ( delighted) " thou has changed, thou has changed!"

C ( looking down at his suit) I thought I better change. Why are you dressed like that for?"
CW " ask me not."
C " where's the monkey?"
CW " thou mean the sorcerer?"
C " you haven't let it out have you, he'll murder you."
CW " MURDER?!"
Carrot unhooks the hanger with the robe on it and hands it to Catweazle.
C " you better get going quickly"
Carrot bundles him out pronto.

Upshaw to George,
Up " want to see Wheeler?"
G " yes okay."
They go in , see Carrot, but no Catweazle or monkey in cage.
Up " where's Wheeler, where's Boy?"
The phone rings, Upshaw answers it,
Up " Upshaw here, what..( doorbell rings) COOTE!......I see...I understand yes..goodbye. ( puts down phone) That was Wheeler, can't come, lost in Guildford"
G " then who was?..."
Up " no idea old chap."
Sam comes in holding Boy,
S " here we are Sir"
Up " Boy!"
S " he was sitting on your gatepost, little blighter bit my ear."
Up " Edward, want to hold him?"
C " yes please "
Carrot takes hold of Boy, as it climbs onto his shoulder, everyone laughs.


Back at Castle Saburac Carrot is tieing up the clothes Catweazle had on at Upshaw's into a bundle.
C " I'll leave them at the doorstep"
CW ( sorrowful) " I will never seek other magicians"
C " he's bound to find them there."
CW " I will not enchant thee again, or steal thy hens."
C ( laughing) " and no more monkey business."

Cast;
Catweazle.....Geoffrey Bayldon
Carrot......Robin Davies
George.....Charles Tingwell
Sam......Neil McCarthy
Upshaw.....Peter Butterworth
Coote......Dorothy Frere

Edited March 9 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S1 E10 - HOUSE OF THE SORCERER 

Catweazle is in the woods near his Castle Saburac water tank home. He is looking for Touchwood his toad, when he sees a strange sight, strange to him.
Naturalist Professor Fitton is crouching down in the woods, tape recorder slung over his shoulder, and a high tech ( for 1970) microphone attached. In front of him on the ground is Touchwood, and Fitton is attempting to record croaking. Unfortunately Touchwood is not obliging and silently sits there. Catweazle moves closer and sees this , he is anguished, what is happening to Touchwood?
C( whispers) " Touchwood "
Fitton can't hear as he is wearing headphones, and realising that the toad isn't playing ball ,he walks off.
Catweazle picks up Touchwood, strokes it, agitated at whatever Fitton was doing. He decides to follow Fitton through the woods.

Meanwhile at Hexwood Farm, Sam the hired hand is having an awkward conversation with George Bennett, the boss.
G "but why Sam?"
S " I need a change I reckon."
G " a change? You've been with me for 12 years"
S " I know boss, I think that's the trouble."
G "I thought you liked working here."
S " I do, at least I did, you see Mr Bennett I've never done anything, been anywhere."
G " why suddenly now?"
S " well, I ain't never really been cut out for farming."
G " I've never heard anything so stupid."
S " what d'you mean stupid?"
G " you've been in farming all your life "
S ( raising voice) " I'm stupid am I?!"
G " I didn't say that."
The shouting starts from both of them.

S " YES YOU DID I HEARD YOU"
G " I ONLY MEANT"
S " I WOULD BE STUPID IF I STOPPED HERE, BECAUSE THERE'S NO FUTURE IN IT."
G " ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RUN THIS FARM!"
S " I DIDN'T SAY THAT"
G " WHEN I WANT YOUR OPINION..."
S " YOU DON'T EVER PAY ATTENTION"
G " CONTROL YOURSELF "
S " DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
G " ALRIGHT WOODYARD YOU'RE FIRED"
S " NO I'M NOT I'M GIVING IN MY NOTICE"
Carrot has heard all this and is staring dumbfounded at this.
S " goodbye Carrot."
Sam storms out,
C " Dad, what happened?"
G " KEEP OUT OF THIS."
Carrot turns to his tortoise Beelzeebub,
C" what's got into them Be-elzy."

Edited March 9 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Fitton meanwhile has arrived at his caravan parked deep in the woods. He enters, not realising that Catweazle has followed. Catweazle ,tries to peer in through window, when he hears footsteps nearing. He hides at back of caravan as Sam comes up to door and knocks, Fitton replies.
F " come in"

Sam enters, Fitton is sitting at a worktop, the whole place is full of expensive looking machines, including recording devices, all part of Fitton's work as a naturalist and author, he's a sort of cut price David Attenborough.
Fitton turns on a tape player and a loud piercing scream is heard.
Catweazle outside hearing this is terrified, and runs off,
CW " aaarrghhh."
Inside Fitton turns off player,
F " startling isn't it, that's a screech owl of course, got that in the Orkneys, took me a month, I ended up in hospital with exposure and malnutrition. Would you like to hear it again?"
S " er...no I don't think so thank you Mr Fitton. I got those batteries you wanted."
F " oh good good"
S " I gave up my job at the farm"
F " you won't regret it."
S " I hope not."
F " you'll love Iceland, I was there in the spring with my last assistant. That was an unfortunate business."
S " what was?"
F " well we were recording in a volcano, poor Jasper, I have the recording somewhere."
S " I don't think I want to hear it"
F "no of course not, it's not as if you even knew him."

Fitton connects a microphone to his recorder and puts it in front of Sam.
F " say something."
S ( quietly) " hello"
F " louder"
S ( shouts) " HELLO"
Fitton pulls off his headphones grimacing.
S " sorry."
F " go on"
S " this is Sam Woodyard speaking."
Fitton turns off tape machine,
F " fine, have you found anyone for Vanishing Britain?"
S " oh yeah, I had a word down the pub the other night. Old Wally said he might come up."
F " is he an Octogenarian?"
S " er..no I think he's a methodist."
F " no no"
S " he knows lots of songs and jokes though"
F " oh no, it's folk lore I'm after."
S " is it?"
F " yes, you see many old people are positive treasure houses of folk material."
S " are they?"
F " yes, never mind, anyway where did you say those badgers were?"

Edited March 9 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Catweazle still fretting and agitated climbs into his water tank home, Castle Saburac, Carrot is there.
CW " O Master, Master save me save me, the woods, a sorcerer, killing murdering."
C " eh?"
CW " fiend, terrible horrible."
Catweazle kneeling and wailing,
C " get up"
CW " gab gabba agabba"
C " calm down"
CW " thy Sam is no more"
C ( alarmed)" what!?"
CW " the vile fiend has devoured him."

Back at the farm George Bennett is on the phone,
G " so I've got to find a replacement immediately Tom, any ideas?"

Carrot has poured Catweazle a mug of water from the bottled supply he gives him.
C " here, now tell me what happened "
CW ( calmer)" a demon his house on wheels."
C " house on wheels, you don't mean a caravan?"
CW " then thy Sam cometh."
C " go on"
CW " ask me not brother "
C " go on"
CW " then he goeth in, and then, then"
C " and then yes?"
CW " the sceams brother, the dreadful screams."
C " you're imagining things, who'd want to kill Sam?"

 

In Fitton's caravan , a tape recording is playing, of bird song.
F " it's all done by having patience, bags of endless patience, ( plane noise on tape).
( Shouts) AEROPLANES AEROPLANES!!"
S "what?"
F " I'm sorry, you see the fact is, I can't stand them. They ruined my only recording of the yellow bellied supsucker."
S ( humouring)" did they?"
F " I tell you what, we'll build a hide then they won't know where we are."
S " what, the aeroplanes?"
F " of course not, the badgers"
S " but I haven't brought my boots"
F " that's alright you can have Jasper's"
Fitton takes a pair of boots from a cupboard, Sam takes them.
F " go on, let's see if they fit."
Sam puts them on,
S " yes I think so."
F " good, forward "
Fitton thrusts a spade in Sam's hand and leaves caravan, Sam looking a bit down follows.
S " more blooming digging."

Back at Castle Saburac,
C " just show me where it is then."
CW " nay, he will kill us"
C " bet you've got it all wrong anyway, you usually have....come on. Look Catweazle two magicians should be able to fix him eh?"
CW " mayhap"
Catweazle crouches down,
CW " first, widdershins."
C" eh?"
CW " widdershins brother widdershins."
C " what are you babbling about."
CW " we need protection, has thou never heard of widdershins?"
Carrot shakes head,
CW "tis beyond belief."
Catweazle turns anti clockwise in a circle while crouching, round and round, faster with each completed circle. This water tank they're in is not particularly stable, and as Catweazle goes round and round the whole tank shakes. Carrot clings on to support as the vibrations reach a frightening level. Thankfully Catweazle stops and falls on his back exhausted.
CW " round and round the spell is wound. Now I am ready"
C ( laughing) " oh yeah, you look it!"
CW ( to toad)" come Touchwood my brave warrior, into battle."
C " a bit small for battle isn't he?"
CW " he may be small but he has a heart of a lion."
# widdershins- old Scottish anticlockwise or counter to the sun's movement.

Edited March 9 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

In the woods Sam has a dug a hole, Fitton sits on rock reading, and then passes comment,
F " needs a bit of camouflaging. I'll get the equipment, shan't be long."
Fitton walks off, Sam doesn't look happy, this is no better than working at the farm.

Meanwhile Carrot and Catweazle arrive at the caravan.
C " what's it doing here? Are you sure it was Sam."
CW " I know the clod"
C " door's open....come on"
CW " nay, tis a trap."
C " alright I'll go"
Carrot goes in as Catweazle keeps watch outside. Carrot sees the recording equipment, a map of The U.K. on the wall with red pins attached to it marking various places, and then SAM'S SHOES on the bed.
C " CATWEAZLE!"
Catweazle runs in holding stick,
C " look they're Sams...but..but IT CAN'T BE!"

They see Fitton returning through window, Carrot grabs Sam's shoes and scarpers.
Catweazle not so quick, he hides in cupboard as Fitton enters.
Unfortunately Touchwood starts croaking, Fitton hears this and looks around to see where the noise is coming from. More croaking as Catweazle desperately mouths at Touchwood to keep quiet.
But the cupboard door is opened as Fitton stares astonished at his visitor.
F " what an earth are you doing here? Come out"

CW ( pleads)" spare me!"
F " you haven't taken anything have you?"
CW " nay"
Fitton points to his beloved equipment,
F "or touched any of this?"
CW " nay."
F " well come on man, what are you doing here?"

CW ( terrified) " S..S...Sam"
F ( happy) " oh, you're Wally, you've come to record, good. Come and sit down."
Fitton leads Catweazle to a stool,
F " your courage failed you did it? Never mind, it's quite painless."
Fitton grabs a notepad,
F " first I'll take a few details....now Mister...er....Mister....what's your name?"
CW " Catweazle."
F " Oh right, Wally Catweazle, how old are you?"
Catweazle looks non plussed.
F " oh you've forgotten have you, never mind. Now just tell me all about yourself."
Catweazle places microphone in front of Catweazle.
F " just pretends it's not there, it won't bite you."

Fitton presses button on tape machine and the Screech Owl is heard. Catweazle screams,
CW " aaarrghhh, will thou murder me?"
F " of course not. Listen old fellow, I want to record you, don't you understand?"
Catweazle shakes head,
F " for posterity, you are part of an England that is gone."
CW " aye tis true, long gone."
F " that's better, you see I want you to take me back into the past."
CW " nay Master I have tried and tried in vain."

Edited March 9 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

George Bennett is on the phone again trying to replace Sam.
G " is he on the phone Bob? Oh he wouldn't be....oh you have....hang on ( opening notepad)...yeah...18 Rabbit Lane, that's off Bridge Street isn't it? Thanks Bob, anyone else?"
Carrot runs into house,
C" DAD DAD"
G " on the phone."
Carrot runs into hallway up to Dad,
G " what's the matter?"
C " Sam has been murdered! ( holding shoes) look at these"
G " for heavens sake Carrot."
C" I found them, they're his."
G " I'm on the phone."
C ( shouts) " he's buried in the woods."
G ( phone) " I'm sorry what were you saying."
C " YOU'VE JUST GOT TO BELIEVE ME!"
G " please Carrot."
C " SAM'S DEAD I TELL YOU."
G " sorry I'll phone you back"
George ends call,
C " it's true I found his shoes in the caravan."
G " what caravan?"
C " you just gotta phone the police."
G " hold it Carrot calm down"
They go into living room.

 

G " sit down Carrot, now suppose you tell me the whole thing from the beginning."
C " well there was this caravan"
G " where?"
C " in the woods near Kingfisher lake, we...I went in and found these, and I know they're Sam's, and he's been murdered, and the man buried him."
G " what man?"

C (excitedly) "some sort of spy, and the place is full of radio equipment, there's a map on the wall with flags and things. Sam must have found out, that's why he left us, to run away and they've got him."
G " is that it, are you finished?"
C "yes Dad, you don't believe me do you?"
G " no I'm not saying that, just that before we call the police I better take a look myself."
Carrot gets a shotgun from a cupboard, George takes it.
G " he's trespassing anyhow in that wood. You stay here, that's an order."

Meanwhile Sam has finished digging the badger hide, and camouflaged it with twigs and leaves. He sits in hole, arms crossed fed up.
Meanwhile Fitton is carefully explaining the tape recording machine to Catweazle.
F " you see the tape goes around the head, and then when you want to wind back..."
CW ( excitedly) " wind back?"
F " that's all there is to it you see, shall we get on?"
CW " wind back!? Will thoust wind me back?"
F " as soon as we've finished."
Fitton turns machine on and Sam's voice is heard.
S " Hello this is Sam Woodyard speaking."
Catweazle thumps machine,
CW " where art thou?"

F " he's on there" ( the recorder)
CW " is he?"
F "now for heavens sake, sit down and I'll put you on there"
Catweazle leaps up in terror,
CW " aaarrghhh...."
Catweazle grabs tape from spool and pulls and rips tape out of machine.
F " WALLY STOP IT!"

Catweazle then accidentally bashes into another player, the Screech Owl is heard.
CW "AAARRRGGGGHH"
Catweazle runs out of caravan dragging tape with him, unravelling from the spool on Fitton's machine.
F "WALLY....COME BACK...YOU LUNATIC"

Edited March 9 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Carrot is alone in the kitchen reading a book when Sam comes up behind him.
S " hello Carrot"
Carrot jumps up in surprise and reaches out and gently touches Sam on the arm.
C " you're real."
S " of course I'm real!"
C " you're not a ghost?"
S " don't be daft."
C " I thought you were dead!" ( points to shoes on table)
S " what...oh you've been up there have you? Do you reckon your Dad will have me back?"
C " yeah of course he will"
S " where is he?"
C " oh crumbs!"

George, shotgun crooked over arm approaches caravan about to go in when the car pulling it starts up, Fitton is at the wheel.
G " just a minute"

Fitton winds down the car window,
F " if you're another of Sam Woodyard's lunatics, tell him one was enough."
G " what did you say?!"
F " this whole venture was doomed, I can see that now. One of Fitton's failures, but that's how we learn. Oh well....onwards"
Fitton drives off leaving George perplexed.

Back at Castle Saburac Catweazle sits , turns to Touchwood,
CW "oh Touchwood wouldst that he wound me back to our own time."
Catweazle looks at piece of recording tape he still has,
CW " but I still have thee O foolish Sam. I command thee...speak....no..what was it the sorcerer said?"

Catweazle places tape on his forehead,
CW " passed the head, ( moves tape across his forehead)....passed the head....nothing.  (Frustrated).Nothing works!"

Cast;
Catweazle.....Geoffrey Bayldon
Carrot....Robin Davies
George....Charlie Tingwell
Sam......Neil Mccarthy
Fitton.....Bernard Hepton

Edited March 9 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S1 E11- THE FLYING BROOMSTICKS 

Catweazle has been foraging in the woods, for birch brooms , the ones depicted as used by witches ie besoms. He has three of them and arriving back at Castle Saburac, the water tower he lives in, climbs the ladder carrying brooms.
Meanwhile near Hexwood Farm George Bennett and son Edward aka Carrot are waiting at roadside with the tractor, George calls out,
G " Sam, coming "
S " won't be a minute boss "
Farmhand Sam is in a clearing putting out a fire they lit to burn farm waste, he is holding a birch broom. Carelessly Sam not being watchful lets the end of the broom catch fire
he stamps on it to put it out, then joins the others.
S " broom caught fire"
Carrot " how did that happen?"
S " don't know, spark must have set it off"
G " fire out Sam?"
S " is now"
The tractor moves off , Sam driving, Carrot sitting next to Sam, George stays behind to close the gate to enclosure. A police car pulls up, the sergeant at the wheel winds down window.
Sgt " Hexwood Farm?"
G " yes that's right "
Sgt " you might be able to help me mate, I'm looking for the owner "
G " yes"
Sgt " where can I find him "
G " here, I'm the owner "
Sgt " I do beg your pardon sir"
G " my name is George Bennett "
Sgt " sorry sir I didn't realise"
G " can I help you sergeant "
Sgt (getting out of car) " perhaps you can sir, that's something I hope to ascertain shortly sir"
Sgt Bottle notices burnt broomstick propped up along fence, the one Sam burnt.
SB " they've struck again. Look at that sir, examine it, notice anything peculiar about it?"
G " er..well it's been burnt"
SB " exactly sir, burnt, and very recently"
Bud Tingwell is George Bennett and John Junkin is Sgt Bottle.

 

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

In the water tank that is home Catweazle is puzzled.
C " why does the spell not carry me away Touchwood. We must try again with five broomsticks "
Touchwood the toad hiccups.
C " ah... has thou the hiccups dear heart. I will cure thee . Hiccup Shniccup, rise up, rise right up. That will cure thy hiccup "
Touchwood hiccups again.
C (annoyed)" thy must drink from other side of thy dish"
Geoffrey Bayldon is Catweazle.

Carrot and Sam are in an outhouse at the farm sorting out apples, putting them in pallets ready to be sold to local outlets.
Carrot looking out of window sees Sgt Bottle pull up in his police car, his father with him.
Ct " look Sam"
S " oh blimey , I bet he's looking for me "
Ct " what for?"
S " old sgt Cordon would have just reminded me, but I don't know about this new bloke "
Ct " what d' you mean?"
S " my car, the licence has run out, I saw him looking at it outside the market this morning "
Ct " d'you think you'll get summoned "
S " I expect so"
Robin Davies is Carrot, Neil McCarthy is Sam.

 

In the barn Sgt Bottle and George are talking.
SB " not the sort of case I'm used to coming from the metropolis. However I'm gradually piecing it all together "
G " go on"
SB " it was last week they started to go, I had only been here three days"
G " what started to go?"
SB " brooms"
G " brooms?"
SB " yes Mr Bennett sir, birch brooms or besoms , 18 from the forestry, 4 or 5 from private homes and 10 from Mr Randy Lee's caravan, he makes them you know "

 

 

G " surely sergeant it's some kind of hoax isn't it?"
SB " ah yes Mr Bennett that's what I thought at first, a hoax. But we recovered 4 of them today and they were all burnt, and all tied together"
G " well yes, that is a bit odd I must admit "
SB " it's more than odd it's sinister "
G " oh ?"
SB " you see Mr Bennett underneath, underneath, these country people are still very primitive "
G ( stiffly)" are they indeed!"
SB " oh yes, the veneer is quite thin"
G " what's this got to do with ...."
SB " superstitions die hard, old beliefs linger "
G " old beliefs?"
SB " pagan rights "

In the outhouse,
Ct " don't worry Sam, he's probably come about something else"
S " you think so"
Ct " may have"
S " no I reckon he's after me"
Ct " you've got a guilty conscience "
Back with Bottle and George,
SB " who owns that car outside "
G " Sam, he works for me"
SB " the man who burnt that broom?"
G " that's right "
SB " then the net is tightening"
G " what d'you mean?"
SB " that car was found where we found the other burnt brooms"

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

In the outhouse,
Ct " hey, he's gone"
S " good job too"
Ct " here comes dad"
George enters,
G " er.... how's it going in here Sam"
S " okay boss"
Ct " dad, what did the policeman want?"
G " well, it's a little difficult to explain....er Carrot would you take the empty crates to the barn"
Ct " yes dad"
Carrot leaves carrying crates, George turns to Sam as soon as Carrot is out of earshot.
G " actually he wanted a word with you Sam"
S " yeah I knew it"
G " what?!"
S " bound to catch me in the end"
G " you mean you admit it!?"
S " not much point in denying it "
G " I don't know what to say, I didn't think that sort of thing went on anymore, at least not round here"
S " there's thousands that they don't catch"
G " yes but Sam, I can't imagine you, you seem so down to earth"
S " don't worry Mr Bennett they won't shoot me"
G " well he wants to see you at the station. You better leave the apples, and run along now"
S " thanks boss "
Sam leaves, and Carrot returns to see his father glum looking, head in hands.
Ct " dad what's up?"
G " Sam is in trouble, serious trouble, and he doesn't seem to realise it"
Ct " about the car?"
G " no I wish it was , you see a lot of brooms have been stolen and burnt, and apparently Sgt Bottle has got the idea it's to do with witchcraft "

 

Alarm bells ring for Carrot.
Ct " witchcraft !.....oh crumbs."
Carrot dashes out.
G ( shouting)" Carrot...don't be a fool...come back"

Catweazle is in the woods next to his water tower home, Castle Saburac. He has lit a fire.

C " come spirits raise me up, come hither glamour chops, harken to me demi gorgon "
He is grumpy, the gods will not make him fly, his ultimate dream.
C " disobedient devils may a plague rot thee, why will they not obey me. And I am fast running out of broomsticks. Well now I will try five."
Carrot turns up on his bike and stays hidden behind tree and watches Catweazle going through this absurd ritual.
Catweazle has 5 brooms tied together , he dips them into fire, lighting the ends of all 5, then says as he straddles them,
C " five brooms I ride thee, five fold power thy spirits guide me. Leap through the fire, take me away. Salmy Dalmy Adonay "
Catweazle leaps over fire, brooms between his legs and ends up face down in the mud"
Ct( smiles) " what do you think you're trying to do"
C ( angry) " keep away thy lump, thy itch, NOTHING WORKS!!"
Ct " you're a menace Catweazle an absolute menace. You're to blame aren't you, it's your fault Sam's in trouble, this proves it"

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Sam arrives at the small village police station, one officer on desk duty.
Ch " hello Sam"
S " hi Charlie, how's your mother?"
Ch " much better, she'll be out next week"
S " what's this new sergeant like?"
Ch " you'll find out ,(points) in there "
Sam knocks on door of interview room and enters.
John Tordoff is Charlie Cooper

Sgt Bottle is sat behind desk.
SB " sit down "
Sam nervously sits at desk.
SB " Mr Woodyard isn't it?"
S " yeah that's right"
SB " (points to broom propped up at desk) is this yours"
S " erm.. don't know, could be....do you want to see my licence?"
SB " that's enough impertinence from you. Could you identify it positively "
S " what d'you mean, they all look alike don't they"
SB " in more ways than one "
Sam notices a load of brooms stacked against the wall.
S " are you collecting them?"
SB " have you lit the beltane fire?"
S " (puzzled) " the which fire!?"
SB " oh you admit it then?"
S " eh?"
SB " lighting the witch fire. Are you responsible for burning this broom ?"
S " no crime in that is there "
SB " not anymore alas, you're very lucky to be living nowadays Woodyard instead of 400 years ago"
S " WHAT!!?"
SB " how many of you are doing this"
S " doing what?"
SB " holding sabbats in the woods"
S " holding what !?"
SB " sabbats , sabbats, I've done my homework you know "

In Castle Saburac Carrot is not happy with Catweazle.
Ct " you took those brooms didn't you, why d'you want so many "
C " to jump through the time fire"
Ct " you're potty, it can't work"
C " it shall, it must"
Ct " no not even if you had a 100 broomsticks "
C " can thy find 100 for me"
Ct " NO, What about Sam?"
C " Sam, Sam, sing a different song thy magpie "
Ct " okay I'll tell them it was you, I'll give you away. "
Catweazle has a witch knife around his neck called Adamcos, that he got Carrot to swear on soon after they first met, to pledge loyalty.
C " no you won't you are my brother in magic, you have sworn on Adamcos "

 

Ct " okay why don't you help me"
Catweazle reaches for a banana to peel, Carrot grabs it and picks up a whole bunch.
Ct " okay if you won't help, no more bananas or corned beef. In fact no more food at all"
Catweazle picks up bow he's made.
C " I will not starve"
Ct " you couldn't even hit our barn with that "
C " nay, my aim is true"
Catweazle points and Carrot sees hanging up skins of dead rabbits that Catweazle has caught.

The phone rings at the police station front desk, Charlie picks it up
Ch " police station "
G " George Bennett here, Hexwood farm, I'm ringing up about Mr Woodyard, is he still with you?"
Ch " yes he is Mr Bennett "
G " he's been there 2 hours, it's ridiculous, I've known the man for years"
Ch " there's nothing I can do about it sir, he's still being interviewed "
G " can I speak to sergeant Bottle?"
Ch " I'm afraid not Mr Bennett I've been told not to disturb him"
G " very well I'm coming down to sort this out, it's gone beyond a joke "

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Back at Castle Saburac,
Catweazle throws his magic book away angrily.
C " Rapkyn has deceived me"
Ct " so how about it ?"
C " drip drip drip, you will wear me away"
Ct " well will you help me "
C " nay"
Carrot thinks for a moment and then takes a harmonica out of his pocket and plays instrument. Catweazle looks at awe as he hears Carrot playing tune.
Catweazle goes to grab it, Carrot pulls it away,
Ct " well..?"
C( kneels) " master what must I do?"

Sam still being interviewed by Bottle.
S " I don't know anything about witchcraft, and I didn't take those brooms . I thought you wanted to see me about my car insurance "
SB " you must think I'm stupid or something. You're staying here until I get to the bottom of this , I'm not having this going on in Westbourne "
S " they're ain't nothing going on"
SB " how many in the coven"
S " how many what in the oven"
SB " COVEN COVEN!! That's what you call it isn't it. 13 isn't it. I shudder to think what abominable practices you people are getting up to"
S (angry)." NOW LOOK HERE!"
SB " I only hope I've uncovered it in time"

In Castle Saburac Catweazle has got his bow and hands arrow to Carrot who ties a letter he has written to arrow with elastic band.
Ct " ready?"
C " aye my brother "
Ct " let's hope we don't get caught "
C " guard well Touchwood "
They both leave, climbing up ladder and out of water tank.
Meanwhile Sgt Bottle takes out a notebook and pencil.
SB " now Mr Woodyard where were you on the night of Friday the 13th?"
S " in bed I should think "
SB ( writing) " in bed I should think "

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Carrot and Catweazle are in churchyard opposite police station.
Ct " through that open window "
C " right my brother"
Catweazle aims the arrow carefully and fires..... and misses....the arrow smashing glass as it goes through a closed window.

Charlie Cooper jumps in surprise as arrow thuds into desk. He pulls it out and removes note attached to it. Sgt Bottle runs out of interview room.
SB " what's happening "
Ch " look sir"
Bottle grabs note and reads it aloud.
SB " Sam is innocent set him free, in the churchyard there I'll be. Signed touchwood, they're coming out into the open at last "
Ch " who are sir?"
SB " keep watch here, we've got 'em rattled Cooper, we've got them rattled!"

 

Carrot and Catweazle await in churchyard,
Ct " suppose he doesn't come, suppose it doesn't work "
C " thy flap eared rabbit, I will not fail thee"
Sgt Bottle walks into churchyard ,
Ct " he's coming, give it all you've got"
Bottle and Catweazle meet face to face.
SB " I have reason to believe I've just received a communication from you on an arrow"
C " 'tis true"
SB " I must warn you that if you are connected to the disappearance of approximately 30 brooms I must ask you to accompany me to the station "
C " thy belted pudding!"
SB " pardon"
C " learn the mysteries"
SB " here, what are you looking at me like that for"
Catweazle points two fingers at Bottle and says words in Latin. Bottle falls asleep.

In the station Sam sits uneasily in Sgt Bottle's office, meanwhile back in the cemetery;

C " now wake, go follow what I have said"
Bottle wakes up and walks back to police station.

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Charlie has entered the interview room and chatting with Sam.
S " how long is this going on for Charlie "
Ch " don't ask me"
S " where's he gone"
Ch " churchyard "
S " is he always like this"
Ch " what d'you mean, he's only been here for a few days"
S " been here too long if you ask me, fellow is round the bend"
The desk bell rings, Charlie goes to desk to see George Bennett.
Ch " hello Mr Bennett "
G " is Woodyard still here?"
Ch " I'm afraid he is sir"
G " this is ridiculous, what does your sergeant think he's playing at"
Sgt Bottle comes back in, a silly grin on his face, he opens interview room door.
SB " you can go Mr Woodyard, you can go"
Sam leaves and sees George,
S " hello boss"
G " Sergeant Bottle....a word please "
SB (grinning) " time gentleman please"
G " what?"

Sgt.Bottle starts singing and doing a little dance shuffle backwards into his office.
 (singing) "if you want to know the time ask a policeman , the proper city time, ask a policeman"
Bottle retreats into interview room and closes door.
G " I think he's ill"
Suddenly a crashing noise is heard from inside room. The door is opened and everyone looks astonished as Bottle is standing on chair with a broom between his legs. What an earth did Catweazle do to him?

 

 

At Castle Saburac,
Ct " no more brooms promise Catweazle "
C " I swear it, it is not the way, I am done with Rapkyn. He tried to fool me with false magic, but I will find a way"
Ct " what d'you mean"
C " I will get back to my own time, even if it takes to doomsday"
Ct " you never give up do you? Anyway here's a present for you"
Carrot hands him the harmonica, which Catweazle puts up to his mouth ,and at first sucks it.
Ct " no no, you blow into it "
Catweazle blows, and a tuneless racket is heard, enough for Touchwood the toad to immediately retreat into the wellington boot that is its home!!
The End

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S1 E12 - THE WISDOM OF SOLOMON 

Catweazle is alone in the woods picking berries, he stops, a sad look on his face.
C " 9 days Touchwood and still the young sorcerer comes not, I choke in this unknown world. A fish out of water Touchwood
(looking)...Touchwood...Touchwood where art thou?"
Geoffrey Bayldon is Catweazle.

Touchwood, Catweazle's toad is on the ground at Hexwood Farm, in the middle of the yard. A schoolboy in uniform on bike rides into the yard, not Carrot, but a kid named Arthur. He sees toad and picks it up. Carrot also in school uniform rides in.
A " hey look at this bloody great frog"
Ct " frog?...that's a toad "
Carrot recognises it and tries to pick it up, Arthur grabs it pushing Carrot over, and runs towards the barn.
Ct ( shouts) " what d'you think you're doing "
Carrot enters barn, Arthur is sitting on bale of hay with Touchwood.
Ct " come on hand it over"
A " not likely, I saw it first"
Ct " please"
A " no I want him"
Ct " what for?"
A ( grinning) " experiments "
Robin Davies is Carrot.

George Bennett and Sam are at the other end of the yard, Sam attending to Lulu the tractor.
G " boys should be back soon, I wonder if teas ready."
S " boss I know it's none of my business, but are they going to be here for long?"
G " well now it's term time, I've got to have someone to look after the house. You just have to grab who you can get these days. You don't like her do you?"
S " well it's not just the way she talks to me, that's just plain ignorant. But I reckon she's got a funny look about her. My mum's cousin had a horse that looked liked that, we had to shoot it!"
Bud Tingwell is George, Neil McCarthy is Sam.

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

In the barn,
Ct " look Arthur I'll buy him off you"
A " no dice, it's not for sale, it's my frog"
Ct " ten bob"
A " how much ?"
Ct " ten bob"
A " you ain't got ten bob, Mum said you Bennetts have got nothing except for the farm, and that's falling to bits"
Ct " then why did you come here then"
A " wasn't for choice I'll tell you that. You're stuck up you are, and so is your Dad"
Arthur a seemingly nasty boy, picks Touchwood up by the back legs and bounces him up and down in the air.
Ct " don't do that!"
A " frogs can't feel anything, they're cold blooded "
Ct " how about my telescope "
A " what d'you mean?"
Ct "you can have it if you give me Touchw...the toad, and ten bob"
A " you're barmy "
Ct " I mean it, well?"
A " done...here "
Carrot takes Touchwood and runs off.
Freddie Foote is Arthur.

In the farmhouse kitchen, George is at the dining table and his new housekeeper Mrs Skinner plonks a plate of food down in front of him. She is a rather severe looking woman.
G " thank you Mrs Skinner, yes it's just what Carrot's needed, someone of his own age living on the farm."
Sk " you'll find Arthur is such a helpful boy, ever so conscientious "
G " how's he getting on at school?"
Sk " hard to say after one week, he's so shy , takes after me of course. All very sensitive in our family, especially my brother although we don't get to see poor Sid that often"
George isn't eating the food in front of him.
Sk " do you like black pudding?"
G " erm...yes very nice"
George tentatively starts the meal.
Patricia Hayes is Mrs Skinner.

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Arthur enters dining room,
G " hello Arthur "
A " Mr Bennett "
G " glad school is over for the week?"
A " oh yes"
G " where's Carrot?"
A " don't know Mr Bennett, I told him it was tea time and everybody would be waiting "
Sk " such a good boy"
A " I tried to make him come with me but he just ran off"
G " did he?"
The smirking lying sod sits down!

Mrs Skinner gets the food for her Arthur as Carrot walks in.
Ct " sorry I'm late" ( he sits)
A grimacing Mrs Skinner has to get up to get Carrot's food, which she bangs down in front of him.
A " where d'you put him Eddie?"
Ct " that's my business "
G " put what?"
A " Eddie found a frog by the gate"
Ct ( shouts) " stop calling it a FROG, IT'S A TOAD "
G " you'll have to do something about your temper my lad"
Sk " temper temper "
A " I found him really but Eddie's given me his telescope for it, and ten bob"
G " for a toad! Whatever for?"
A " just didn't want me to have it did you Eddie "
Carrot grabs Arthur by the lapel with one hand while clenching fist with the other.
G " CARROT THAT'S ENOUGH. Go to your room"
Carrot leaves glaring at Arthur.
Sk " are you alright dear"
A " yes I think so"
Sk " I can't have your son bullying Arthur like that, you know he isn't strong "
G " he won't Mrs Skinner I'll see to that "
Arthur gets up,
G " where are you going Arthur?"
A " to see Eddie "
G " I'd leave him alone for a while if I were you"
A " well I'd like to find out why I've upset him"
G " got more patience than I have."

 

The smirking Arthur enters Carrot's room.
A " I've come for my telescope and the ten bob"
Carrot hands them over,
Ct" get out of my room"
A " what are you going to do with it Eddie?"
Ct " what?"
A " the frog"
Ct " that's my business "
A " take it to your hideout?"
Ct " what d'you mean"
A " in the woods somewhere isn't it "
Ct " I haven't got a hideout "
A " yes you have, Sam said you have, says you're always going off somewhere in the holidays. Said you'd take me along"
Ct " look you've got the telescope, now get out"
A " alright I can take a hint, you think you're so high and mighty, but I'll show you, you see if I don't "

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Outside in farmyard Arthur is hiding behind wall, as Carrot comes out of house. Carrot opens his school satchel, Touchwood is inside, he gets on his bike and pedals off.
Mrs Skinner enters living room,
Sk " Mr Bennett can I have a word , that is if you're not busy of course "
G " no Mrs Skinner what is it?"
Sk " I don't want anymore unpleasantness you see, and I don't think we can stay on if there's going to be anymore trouble . I don't think my nerves could stand it"
G " Mrs Skinner, Carrot's a good boy really "
Sk " I've had rather a lot of trouble in my life, with my husband going off and all"
G " please Mrs Skinner it'll be all straightened out"

 

 

Inside Castle Saburac, Catweazle's water tank home he is agitated as he searches for Touchwood.
C " oh Touchwood where art thou, thy crawling belly ache."
Carrot descends ladder,
C " ah, tis the boy"
Catweazle opens his book of spells and nonchalantly hums, pretending not to have missed Carrot, who places Touchwood on the opened book.
Ct " here"
C ( delighted) " Touchwood!"
Ct " he was at the farm. You owe me ten bob and a telescope "
C( to Tw) " scallion, why did thou stray"
Ct " if he's going to wander off, (laughs) you better get him a lead"
C " where has thou been "
Ct " schools started again "
C " has thou brought more firesticks?"
Ct " you never listen do you, I said school started again. And we've got the Skinners "
C " tis a plague?"
Ct " I'll say, I wish I knew how to get rid of it "
C " has thou no cure"
Ct " it's people Catweazle "
C " oh....there's no cure for people "
Ct "Dad's new housekeeper and their son, a couple of creeps"
C " they creep!?"
Ct " I'd just like Dad to hear what they say behind his back, he'd soon chuck them out "
C " let us plague them with demons "
Ct " I think the demons would get the worst of it , well I better get back"
C " thou has changed my brother "
Ct " school uniform yeah, it's just that the holidays are over "
C " nay , the days of holly are yet to come "
Ct " I'll try and get here tomorrow "
C " thou will not forget the firesticks "
Ct " if I can make it"
C " thou will bring bananas?"
Suddenly a noise is heard, someone is climbing up ladder into tank.
Ct " quick hide!"

 

 

Arthur climbs down into tank,
A "said I'd find you didn't I "
Arthur looks disgustingly at surroundings , Catweazle hidden from view.
A " what a dump, what d'you want to come up here for? I'm going to tell your Dad about this right now. This is the end of your little hideout mate "

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Arthur and George next morning are on the tractor, Carrot looking miserable as sin, Arthur a smirk on his face. Sam in his old banger of a car drives into yard for another days work.
S " morning Mr Bennett "
G " morning Sam"
S " morning Carrot "
No response,
S " what's up with him?"
G " he's in disgrace, know where he's been going?"
S " no where?"
G " up in the old water tank"
S " he ain't!?"
A " Arthur caught him up there last night"
S " well it ain't safe, you ought to thank your lucky stars it didn't come down around your head"
G " exactly, apparently he's been using it as a hideout all summer"
S " I tell you what , I've got a 6 foot plank, I'll lash it to the bottom, stop anyone going up there"
G " good idea, come on Arthur let's go."

The tractor sets off , George turns to Carrot.
G " as far as you're concerned the woods are out of bounds"

 

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Sam goes into the barn, Carrot follows.
S " I thought you had more sense than to choose a place like that"
Ct " what are you going to do Sam?"
S " I'm going to make sure no one else can get up there"
Ct "do you have to do it now?"
S " well you heard your Dad, now where did I put that plank"
Sam leaves barn, Carrot is about to follow when he hears croaking, Touchwood?
Ct " Touchwood?"
C" boy"
Ct " Catweazle, what are you doing here?"
C " I've come to avenge Touchwood, where is the young snake ?"
Ct " helping Dad, his mum's in the kitchen getting breakfast "
C " tis well"
Catweazle hand Carrot a milk bottle with a brownish liquid in it.
C " see"
Ct " what is it?"
C " the wisdom of Solomon "
Ct ( sniffing)" pongs a bit"
C " tis as thou wished, thy father shall see them as they are. Give them a drink of this and they will speak from their black hearts "
Ct " it's not poisonous?"
C " nay, it will draw out their poison, now I shall return to my castle "
Ct " no you can't, you can never go back"
C " never go back!?"
Ct " you couldn't get up there, Sam's fixing the ladder so no one can get up"
C ( exasperated) " nothing works! Where can I go"
Ct " the hayloft is about the only place, it's a bit risky but we'll have to chance it"
The sound of the returning tractor is heard Carrot runs out.

Carrot hides the bottle behind his back as George and Arthur return, and get down off the tractor.
Ct "Dad?"
G " just showing Arthur around "
Ct " can I help"
G " no, and stop moping about, go and give Mrs Skinner a hand with breakfast, we'll be about 5 minutes "

In the kitchen Mrs Skinner is beating eggs in a bowl when Carrot walks up to her.
Sk " what do you want? Don't stand there staring, I can't bear it"
Ct " I've come to help you Mrs Skinner "
Sk " that's a change, where's Arthur "
Ct " he's helping Dad"
Sk " is he indeed, your father expects a lot from us I must say....well go on, lay the table."
Carrot gets cutlery out of drawer and opens fridge and takes out bottle of orange juice.
In the dining room he pours juice into each glass.
Then picks up Catweazle's potion in the milk bottle. From the kitchen Mrs Skinner calls out,
Sk " by the way Edward, you know that turtle of yours"
Ct " it's not a turtle it's a tortoise "
Sk " well whatever it is, it's not very hygienic keeping it in your bedroom, I've put it in the cellar "
Carrot pours potion in the glass meant for Mrs Skinner but before he pours some for Arthur, Mrs Skinner comes in, Carrot quickly hides bottle.
Sk " it's ready, go and call them in"

Carrot goes into yard ,
Ct " Dad Arthur breakfast ready"

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

At the dining table,
G ( sniffing milk jug) " oh dear"
Sk " something wrong?"
G " I'm sorry but this milk seems to have turned "
Mrs Skinner sniffs it and agrees,
Sk " oh dear..right I'll get some more"
George picks up his orange juice and drinks, Mrs Skinner returns with fresh milk.
G " er....I don't think I want any cornflakes now after all"
Mrs Skinner bangs jug down on table trying to stay calm.
Sk " would you like more orange juice, I don't much care for the stuff myself "
Mrs Skinner hands George her glass of juice, the doctored one, Carrot with look of horror as his Dad puts glass towards mouth.
G " oh that erm black pudding that was good"
He realises the emphasis might imply nothing else she's cooked was good.
G " I mean ...that was good"
Sk ( to Arthur) " would you like your eggs dear"
A " yes Mum"
G " I'd like mine too if I may"
George is about to drink juice, when Carrot desperate for a diversion knocks his glass of juice over table.
G " you clumsy fool"
Ct " sorry Dad"
G " get a cloth"
George now sniffs at glass of juice,
Sk " what is it now?"
G " I'm not sure"
Mrs Skinner takes glass and drinks the lot!
Sk " it all comes from the same bottle you know, nothing wrong with it at all "
In the barn Catweazle is jubilant,
C " now thou enchanted be, let thy crooked tongues wag thee"

Mrs Skinner puts a plate of scrambled eggs in front of George, it looks revolting very runny.
G " er...I'm sorry Mrs Skinner but suddenly I don't feel hungry"
Mrs Skinner picks up her empty glass and hurls it across room smashing against wall and let's rip.

Sk " MEN! YOU GREAT BULLY. YOU THINK YOU'RE LORD OF THE MANOR DON'T YOU"
G " look here Mrs Skinner"
A " I think she's having one of her turns"
Arthur looks flustered.
Sk " YES, YOU'D HAVE HIM DOWN THE MINES IF YOU COULD, DOWN THE MINES"
G " eh ?"
Sk " I'VE WORKED MY FINGERS TO THE BONE FOR YOU "
G " don't be ridiculous you've only been here a week"
A " Mum please "
Sk ( to Arthur)" Shut up, ( to George) so now I'm ridiculous am I?"
Carrot is trying hard not to laugh.
G " you better go and calm down Mrs Skinner "
Sk " I AM PERFECTLY CALM"
George stands up,
Sk " KEEP AWAY FROM ME, YOU DARE TOUCH ME AND I'LL GO STRAIGHT TO THE POLICE "
G " you're hysterical "
Sk " how dare you, it's as well for you Arthur isn't a little bit bigger"
A " what!!"
Sk " DON'T ANSWER BACK "
A " I didn't say anything "
Sk " YOU DID YOU DID"
G " I've had enough of this "
Sk " YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH "
G " YOU BETTER GO"

Sk " DON'T WORRY I'M GOING. I'M NOT STAYING HERE A MOMENT LONGER. Come on Arthur, poor little boy. You wait till my sister in Margate hears of this. Poor Arthur, never would have brought you here if I'd known we'd be treated like this "
They leave, Carrot mustn't laugh, his Dad looks annoyed in the extreme.
Ct " what are you going to do Dad?"
G " get them out of here as soon as possible"

Carrot runs into barn excitedly, Catweazle eager for news.
Ct " we did it, we did it "
C " we are avenged?"
Ct " they're already packing, it's fantastic"
C " their tongues were loosened?"
Ct " you're not kidding, what's in that stuff?"
C " pennycress, bloodroot, toadflax, and wormwood "
Ct " no wonder it worked, got all your bits and pieces?"
C " aye my brother "
Ct " I'll take you to your new castle"
Catweazle with his sack of belongings follows Carrot across farmyard to ladder on the side of barn leading to hayloft. Carrot goes first,

Catweazle hand his sack up to Carrot as he climbs ladder, but slips and falls into water tank next to barn. Catweazle is submerged for a second or two, then stands up in tank. Sam walks into yard, Carrot pops his head into barn out of Sam's eyeline. Catweazle suddenly disappears !! Winks out of view, for a second or two , then comes back.

Catweazle " winks" out of view again, as Sam turns the corner and walks passed the tank, Catweazle then winks back into view again. Carrot pops his head out of hayloft hatch , then down ladder and helps Catweazle out of tank and into loft.
Catweazle sits mesmerised, as if in a trance, then snaps out of it

Ct " are you alright, did Sam see you?"
C " water always water"
Ct " what d'you mean?"
C " the Earth, the sky , all was water. There was a moment my brother, such a moment, I was alone, the Earth melted away"
Ct " don't worry everything's alright, we got rid of them, I'll be back"
Carrot climbs down into yard and runs up to Sam.
Ct " SAM SAM THEY'RE GOING "
S " Who?"
C ( shouting joyfully )" the Skinners, they're going"
Alone in the hayloft Catweazle strokes his beloved toad,
C " a fish out of water Touchwood, a fish out of water....water...( suddenly realising)..of course, thou fool Catweazle, thou fool, water, there lies thy magic, there lies our way home!"
Catweazle laughs joyfully, the way home is clear to him now.
THE END

Edited March 10 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

SERIES 1 FINAL EPISODE 

13. THE TRICKERY LANTERN 

 

Recently two events have changed Catweazle's immediate future. He has lost his water tower home in the woods after Carrot's dad George ordered Sam the farmhand to lash a plank of wood up against the ladder leading up to the tower after Carrot was discovered in the tower. Meaning Catweazle has now been hidden by Carrot on the farm itself, in the hayloft. Secondly Catweazle has realised water, ie the lake is the way home. He came by water and surely that can carry him home.

Catweazle is at the lake's edge, holding his toad Touchwood.
C " see Touchwood, it is the way we came, and the way back. And yet I fear it, so cold so deep. Courage....courage Catweazle, come Touchwood "
He slowly wades into the water, walking knee deep, then stops.
C " what of the evil Normans? A magic weapon. I will beg one from the young sorcerer...( smiles)...a magic weapon"

Sam and Carrot are in the barn, Carrot is showing Sam an electric lantern, a powerful torch, the beam of light shining as Carrot demonstrates it.
Ct " it's got a terrific beam"
S " your dad will like that "
Ct " hope so"
S " how's his foot"
Ct " not hurting so much "
S " when's the doctor coming?"
Ct " should be here now, said he'd be here after lunch "
S " time that old fella give it up if you ask me, your dad would do better calling a vet."
Neil McCarthy and Robin Davies are Sam and Carrot.

 

Edited March 11 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

George Bennett is in bed, foot in plaster, attended to by Flo, carrying a tray with a cup of tea on it.
F " anything else dear?"
G " yes, I want to get up"
F " oh dear, you were just like this with chicken pox."
G " chicken pox?"
F " when you were nine "
G " nine?..really Flo you can't possibly remember that "
F " I can, of course I can George, mother let me stay up and read you Treasure Island. And it was then that I first saw the Hexwood ghost, don't you remember?"
G " oh yes...the Hexwood ghost..er..Flo?"
F " yes dear?"
G " thanks for coming down "
F " well one can't desert a brother when he's put a fork through his foot"
Bud Tingwell is George, Hilda Braid is Flo.

 

Catweazle has climbed down from the hayloft, the upper tier of the barn, out of a side hatch, down a ladder and into the yard. Carefully making sure he is not seen, he runs into an outhouse, where Sam keeps various tools for the farm. Catweazle looks for his " magic weapon ", he sees a welding helmet, and picks it up in awe.
C " the helmet of Barackiac "
He puts helmet on and leaves outhouse.

Geoffrey Bayldon is Catweazle.

In the farmhouse kitchen, Flo is busy icing a cake, when Carrot enters carrying a cardboard box with the lantern in it in one hand and a small milk churn in the other.
Ct " here it is "
F " thank you dear"
Flo takes churn over to kitchen sink and looks out of window and let's out a deep breath " aaahhh"
Catweazle is in the centre of the yard ,welding helmet on.
Ct " what's the matter?"
F " sorry dear I've seen it again "
Ct " seen what?"
The doorbell suddenly rings,
F " that'll be the doctor "
Flo leaves, Carrot goes over to window just in time to see Catweazle removing helmet and running back to hayloft.

George in bed reading when there's a knock on the door.
G " come in"
F " George it's the doctor"
G " come in old chap "
Flo enters with a pretty female doctor much to George's surprise.
J " hello Mr. Bennett I'm Jane Matthews "
G " er...how do you do"
J " didn't Doctor Bullfinch tell you"
G "no, what"
J " I'm his new partner "
G " oh..I see"
J " he doesn't seem to have mentioned I was coming to anyone "
G " well...he is getting bit vague isn't he?"
J " yes...now then let's have a look at that foot"
Eileen Moore is Dr Jane Matthews.

Edited March 11 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

Carrot carrying his cardboard box, has joined Catweazle in the hayloft and is rather angry.
Ct " what have you been up to. I thought I told you to stay away from the yard. ( grabs helmet)..that's Sam's "
C " it is to protect me"
Ct " what else have you pinched?"
Carrot sees an old mail sack,, its full of stuff Catweazle has collected, he goes to look inside it, Catweazle grabs it.
C " tis mine...tis mine all mine"
Carrot grabs it back and pulls out of it a bicycle pump.
Ct " so that's where it went. I've been looking for this everywhere "
C " give it to me "
Ct " only if you promise to keep away from the house and stop pinching "
C " soon I shall be gone"
Ct " that's not a bad idea"
Carrot takes a banana out of his back pocket,
Ct " here"
C " aha....thank you "
Catweazle starts eating,
Ct " where?"
C " what sayest thou?"
Ct " where are you going?"
C " back to my own time , ( points to box)..what has thou there?"
Ct " dad's birthday present "
Carrot takes lantern out of box and switches it on, Catweazle in awe as the beam of light plays around loft.
C " electrickery?"
Ct " yes that's right....here"
Catweazle takes light and sweeps arc beam around loft. Then shines it in Carrot's face.

 

Ct ( shielding eyes) " hey...careful"
Catweazle looks in awe at Carrot flinching from light.
C " it will drive away the Normans "
Carrot takes light back,
Ct " careful don't want it broken "
C " give it to me "
Ct " course not, it's for dad"
C " I beg thee"
Ct " no Catweazle "
C " I beseech thee"
Carrot puts lantern away in box"
C " art thou my brother?"
Ct " wish you stopped calling me your brother, you're too old to be my brother "
C " come I will bargain with thee"
Ct " oh no,I'm not swapping "
Catweazle pulls slipper out of sack.
C " see"
Ct " you've got a nerve.....that's mine!"
C " tis mine"
Ct " hand it over......I'm going to have a good sort through this lot"
Carrot takes sack,
C ( angry) "thou jackdaw "
Ct " look who's talking, don't worry you'll get it back, I don't want your stuff. I keep you out of trouble, clothe you, feed you, look after you, then you turn round and pinch half my things"
Ct ( shouts) " go go! Before I blast thee"
Ct " alright I will "
Carrot puts box in sack then picks up sack and starts climbing down ladder to yard.
C " YOU ARE A NOTHING I SEE YOU NOT"
Ct " GO JUMP IN A LAKE!!"
When Catweazle is alone,
C " aye thy young fox I will, when I have thy trickery lantern "

Edited March 11 by HawkMan