Cult TV Episode Guides

[HawkMan]

      INSIDE NO. 9

Anthology series created by and starring Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton. Thirty minute episodes containing a mystery or conundrum and usually a twist ending. Each story set in a location numbered 9,a house,or a train carriage maybe, or some building or other. Locations used include a Restaurant,  Ski Chalet, Pedalo, but usually a flat, house or building numbered nine.  Multiple genres feature, you never know what you'll get. I will be  careful about avoiding spoilers. 

 

S1 E1 SARDINES 

Rebecca and Jeremy are having their engagement party at Rebecca's father Andrew's large country house where, as children, Rebecca and her brother Carl played sardines, hiding in a huge wardrobe. The company revive the game with Rebecca finding Jeremy's nerdy work colleague Ian, the first one in the cupboard. They are joined by the uptight Carl and his saucy boyfriend Stu, Jeremy's ex-girlfriend Rachel with toy boy Lee, and ex-nanny Geraldine, who mistakenly believes she is a guest, and not a hired hand. Married guests Mark and Elizabeth go for sex on the bed before being surprised and beckoned into the wardrobe. Everybody is reluctant to admit 'stinky' John for obvious reasons. Andrew then joins the group and Geraldine reminds him of a shameful family secret from years ago when he was alleged to have wronged a young boy. There is only one sardine left to enter the wardrobe. Is there perhaps a link with this incident the family hoped was forgotten?

 

Edited April 13 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S1 E2 A QUIET NIGHT IN

Inept burglars Eddie and Ray manage to break into the beautiful country mansion where millionaire Gerald and his wife Sabrina are arguing over the television remote. After an accident with one of Gerald's dogs and avoiding being caught by the housekeeper they fill a suitcase with the spoils and are about to escape when they find that Gerald has killed his wife. Wonderfully choreographed as the two burglars rob the place while narrowly avoiding the quarrelsome couple. Mayhem ensues after the arrival of the deaf and mute cleaning product salesman, Paul.

 

Edited April 13 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

  S1 E3 TOM AND GERRI

Tom is a teacher with aspirations to be a writer. Whilst his actress girlfriend Gerri is away on tour he gets a visit from Migg, a homeless man returning his wallet, and invites him for a drink. To Gerri's annoyance Migg encourages Tom to jack in his job to concentrate on his writing and, as she moves out, Migg moves in. The two men live a lazy, unhygienic life-style with cleanliness and washing up secondary to creative discussions. Then Tom's work colleague Stevie arrives, with some disturbing news.

Is Tom having a nervous breakdown, is Migg imaginary?

Edited April 13 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S1 E4 LAST GASP

Sally, from the Wish-Maker charity, arranges for singer Frankie J Parsons to perform at the ninth birthday party of Graham and Jan's terminally ill daughter Tamsin. Unfortunately Frankie drops down dead, having blown up a balloon for Tamsin. Graham wants to sell the balloon on the Internet as it contains Frankie's breath and pocket the proceeds. Sally and her aggressive assistant Si want the money to go to their charity. As both sides argue Frankie is seen to be alive after all, requiring drastic action. Tamsin, however, is determined to free his soul - and whatever contains it.

Edited April 13 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S1 E5 THE UNDERSTUDY ( based loosely on Macbeth)

Shy Jim is the understudy to arrogant actor Tony Warner, whose Macbeth is a West End success. Jim, supported by girlfriend - and fellow understudy Laura - would love the chance to take the part himself and when Warner has an accident, apparently caused by being drunk, on stage, Jim gets his opportunity, becoming a star. Nineteen months later Jim, now a name actor, gets a visit from the wheelchair-bound Tony Warner. He also has another visitor, a devoted admirer who, unbeknown to him, went to great lengths to give him his taste of fame.

Edited April 14 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S1 E 6.  THE HARROWING 
.
A story with a out and out scary end. Katy , a young girl is asked to babysit for weirdo siblings Hector and Tabitha who have to go out and leave brother Andras upstairs in bed.
The house is kept at freezing point temperature with pictures of hell depicted on the walls. Katy is alone and Andras upstairs is stirring, a boy chained to his bed for 40 years!

Edited April 14 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S2 E1 LA COUCHETTE 

A night train crosses France with mixed group of passengers in couchette number nine. Loutish drunk Jorg noisily annoys uptight professor Maxwell before bickering marrieds Kath and Les Cook arrive, to be joined by sweaty Australian back-packer Shona with free-loading lay Hugo in tow. As they are about to have sex a body tumbles from the top bunk but, for various reasons, some passengers are reluctant to immediately report the death. When the train arrives at its stop the motive of one of them becomes clear.

 

 

S2 E2 THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTINE 
Twelve little sketches telling the story of Christine around Xmas time , her life with husband, child and parents and friends. But something is wrong, the sketches seem contradictory, characters having died, are seen again later, and a strange man cradling her child keeps appearing in her flat.
A staggering ending totally unexpected.

Voted the favourite episode of Inside No9 by fans. Reece Shearsmith admitted this slightly annoys him because "it's not really Inside No9...it's not funny".

Edited April 14 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S2 E3 THE TRIAL OF ELIZABETH GADGE

 

In the mid seventeenth century professional witch-finders Warren and Clarke arrive at the village of Little Happens to preside over the trial of Elizabeth Gadge. She is accused of consorting with the devil by her daughter and son-in-law but claims that they want her cottage and has logical explanations for their accusations. Fanatical Warren wants a quick guilty verdict and the subsequent fee but the kindlier Clarke is beginning to doubt the integrity of their calling and may be able to save Elizabeth whom he see as the victim of covetous perjurers. Events will show which of them is right.

 

 

S2 E4 COLD COMFORT 
Location - call centre.
The entire episode fed to us a through a CCTV feed . In a crisis support centre, new Samaritan worker Jim takes a difficult call from a suicidal teenage girl, leading him to lose his temper with an elderly caller,  an old lady crying about her missing  cat. She in turn kills herself. The family want revenge.

Edited April 14 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S2 E5 NANA's PARTY
Location - suburban house
Paramedics arrive at the house , and in flashback we see the events that lead to the situation.
Angela is giving a party for her 79 year old mother, husband John is planning a practical joke on Angela's drunken sister's husband Pat. John crouches under the table hidden by the tablecloth, with his head sticking up through a hole in the table up under a hollow 'false' cake, the idea being Jim will burst out of the cake. But an argument starts, a knife is drawn .....the cake is hit.

Edited April 14 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S2 E6 SÉANCE TIME

Location -Victorian Villa
Tina visits a Madam Talbot for a seance, or so she thinks, but it's a set up for a tacky tv show, hidden cameras fake fx etc.,  hosted  by a long term presenter,  still bitter having his beloved show axed from mainstream TV because of an unfortunate incident involving a child wetting themselves in fear on prime time  tv. But it's just a hidden camera show, but no-one told a real spirit who turns up.

 

 

 

 

Edited April 14 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

SERIES 3

S3 E1 THE DEVIL OF CHRISTMAS 
Location - ski chalet
A family on holiday arrive at the chalet with their tour guide.
A picture on the wall depicts an evil looking figure, dressed in black, a goblin kidnapping a child at Xmas. The guide reveals this is The Krampus, an evil version of Santa....
Suddenly we hear the director giving comments, talking about the plot and acting etc., the picture freezes and rewinds and plays . We are watching a recording being played back of an old 70's movie. But why? Who is the director talking to?

 

S 3 E2. THE BILL
Three northerners take Craig , a southerner out for a Tapas meal, but end up arguing about paying the bill. A fierce argument ensues with everyone insistent they want to pay..A scuffle breaks out, a knife drawn, the waitress is slashed in the throat! Hells bells now what!

Edited April 14 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S3E3. THE RIDDLE OF THE SPHINX
Student Nina breaks into the office of classicist professor Squires at Uni. Squires compiles the varsity cryptic crosswords under the pseudonym The Sphinx.
He and the girl spend an uncomfortable time as she explains why she's there.
A real double double twist in the tale, as someone else enters with murder in mind and cannibalism! Hey, he's even got his own portable cooking set so he can slice and fry a bit of Nina's flesh!!!
Location -professor's study.

 

S3 E4 EMPTY ORCHESTRA 

To celebrate Roger's promotion his office colleagues join him for a karaoke competition. As deaf Janet looks on bossy Connie goes head to head with sweet-natured Fran and is annoyed when DJ Duane favours Janet. A text is received to say Fran faces the sack before Janet takes the mike, somewhat shakily but still ends the evening with Duane. Roger then explains that one of the group faces voluntary redundancy, leading to a surprise announcement.

90% of dialogue here contained in the karaoke songs  cast sing, in other words,  virtually a musical.

Edited April 14 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S3 E5. DIDDLE DIDDLE DUMPLING 
A disturbing tale, a married man finds a single shoe outside his house and is determined to find the owner.
He advertises it on line, sets up a blog, leaves his job , to find the owner of this unremarkable black shoe. His marriage disintegrates but on he goes, but why?
Location - suburban house ( number 9 is not a location here, but the shoe size).

 

S3 E6 PRIVATE VIEW 

 

Reality TV star Carrie, visually-impaired soft porn author Patricia, sniffy art teacher Maurice, health and safety freak Kenneth and elderly fan Jean are all invited to a private art exhibition to see Fragments, the last work of deceased artist Elliot Quinn and are greeted by heavily-tattooed waitress Bea. As the evening progresses the guests are systematically slain with only two left alive. One of them reveals to the other their deadly motive for revenge on the members of the party but which one of them will survive?

 

Edited April 14 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

   SERIES 4

S4 E1 ZANZIBAR

At the hotel Zanzibar bellboy Fred welcomes prince Rico and his minder, the treacherous Henry. The prince's double Gus brings girlfriend Amber to the hotel whilst suicidal Mr Green also checks in. Henry aims to dispose of Rico, helped by prostitute Tracey but Amber falls for another guest Robert. Much confusion results before order is restored and the twins are reunited. Whole script in iambic pentameter.

Edited April 15 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S4 E2. BERNIE CLIFTON'S  DRESSING ROOM 

80's small time comedy duo ' Cheese and Crackers Reunite after 30 years to perform one last time. Recriminations on both sides " We weren't even as good as Mike and Bernie Winters"
Everything goes well in rehearsals until the incident that split them is mentioned, something happened in Bernie Clifton's dressing room.
Location - church hall ( no.9 is a numbered wicker basket containing their props).

 

Edited April 15 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S4 E3. ONCE REMOVED 
Removal man Spike arrives to get a job done at number 9 and walks into a horrific murder incident. One dead body is under a dust sheet, another rolled up in a carpet, another shot dead in the toilet.
How did this happen? A caption says " ten minutes previously" the next bit takes place earlier, then we go back another ten minutes, and yet again, the story told in reverse chronology. Very bizarre. Will we find out why the murders took place and why was the husband wearing a pink nightie and oven gloves!
David Calder of Star Cops appears as a senile inhabitant of the house in his own dream world, thinking he is Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Location- suburban house ( actually no.6 disguised as 9). 

S4 E4. TO HAVE AND TO HOLD 
Married couple are going to renew their vows. But the husband seems more interested in doing jigsaws and concentrating on his wedding photo business. In the cellar that is used as a darkroom something odd is going on. The husband takes down crates of Pot Noodles but doesn't eat them
Location - suburban house.

 

 

Edited April 15 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S4 E5....AND THE WINNER IS 

Location BAFTA jury room (no.9 jury)
Six tv/theatre personalities discuss the best actress award.
We have a hip director, a drunken American actress, a struggling writer, an old school actor, a journalist and a member of the public.
The discussions soon veer away from the business in hand and deteriorate into bitching about each other. A funny episode with a surprise ending when one of the jury wasn't as they appeared to be, but instead was just playing a role, but why? With Dr Who's Mickey , Noel Clarke, and Zoe Wannamaker.

S4 E6 TEMPTING FATE

Location - Boarded up flat (no.9)
Social services workers in protective bio hazard overalls turn up in a flat of a deceased old man to sort out his belongings. The flat stinks, is stock full of rubbish, a dead rat under the kitchen sink. Evidence emerges that Frank the geezer in question had won millions on the lottery but was living in this filth. In the safe is a package sealed up with " Do not open" written on it and a VHS tape. The three council workers decide to open it, and is revealed to be a bronze statue of a hare. The tape is a suicide message from Frank stating he got the statue from Jaipur in India, and it's cursed. It can grant three wishes, but it's malevolent. Frank wished for his wife to be slimmer and she got cancer and faded away, he also wished for money hence his lottery win, his third wish isn't revealed yet. The tape ends with him climbing onto a stool and hanging himself.
Two of the council team are experienced old hands at this but with them is a lippy youth on work experience, she grabs the hare and wishes for riches, which then they find hidden in a monopoly game box.
Then the troubles really begin as bizarre occurrences take place. Is it the hare or is it just fate? An explosive ending as the horror of the dead Frank's third wish is revealed.

 

 

Edited April 15 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

 

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL (live)

   DEADLINE 

When Arthur finds an old mobile phone in his local graveyard, he makes the mistake of trying to contact the owner. But some mysteries are best left unsolved, and as Halloween draws near Arthur is plunged into a nightmare of his own making. It seems that no good deed can go unpunished, in this world or the next.

A live special, broadcast live on BBC2. However after a few minutes the broadcast is halted by technical issues. BBC announce that due to this fault a previous episode will be broadcast.   BUT THIS ALSO GOES WRONG! The TV image is affected by shadowy figures...

SERIES 5

S5 E1. THE REFEREE'S  A W***ER
A football ref officiating at his last game, with two assistants of dubious ability, runs into trouble as the game , a vital relegation crunch match, descends into chaos and rioting. An unexpected twist as to why this has happened and the ref's motives.

 

S 5 E2. DEATH BE NOT PROUD 
This is an unexpected delight as Shearsmith and Pemberton's dysfunctional mother and son characters from Psychoville , Maureen and David Sowerbutts, reappear in a coda to that series popping up in this series. We left David (Pemberton) with his dead mother (Shearsmith) left in his bath being preserved by ice. What happens next.

 

Edited April 15 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S5 E3. LOVE'S GREAT ADVENTURE 
This one I struggle to get into. A family with problems at xmas do the best they can. Story told day by day as an advent calendar is opened, to mark the date of each scene, but door number 9 is skipped, what happened on December 9 ? The family's drug dealing son is the main cause for concern.

 

S5 E4. MISDIRECTION
This is class. A brilliant tale of how a magician stole another guy's trick and gets his comeuppance. Years after stealing the trick from a now dead rival, and building his fame and fortune with the trick that involves levitating a chair, the thief is confronted by the dead rival's son.

 

Edited April 15 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S5 E5. THINKING OUT LOUD 
This is another masterpiece. All the episodes of this series take place in a place numbered 9, hence the title of the show, but here something is wrong, as various characters talk direct to camera about their fears, lives, etc., all in different places, one in an American State Penitentiary. Can't reveal too much about this without spoilers. I learnt though about a severe psychological disorder and it effects one of the characters here. As she says herself....amazeballs.

S5 E6. THE STAKEOUT 
Two cops on a stakeout in their car in a cemetery at night. The previous partner of the senior cop died in mysterious circumstances in this graveyard. Will it happen again? Horror pastiche of mixed quality. 

 

Edited April 15 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

 

       SERIES 6

S6 E1. WUTHERING HEIST
A story done in the style of Commedia Dell'arte, a storytelling style of Italy in the 16th to 18th centuries. An exaggerated comedic style similar I suppose to pantomime, where all the players wear caricature masks. The fourth wall is broken at the start when a character explains to the viewers that as this is the 6th series of inside no.9 the writers should be allowed a bit of self indulgence. A gang are planning a bank heist, which usually has the participants in masks, so a perfect subject drama for commedia Dell'arte. Plenty of laughs as the bungling gang plan the raid. More fourth wall breaking as the gang boss has to go through the plan more than once for those viewing on BBC I player.

S6 E2  SIMON SAYS 
A dark tale no doubt influenced in its writing by the furore at the end of Game Of Thrones, where fans didn't like the ending.
A fanatical fan of a tv show called the 9th circle, a fantasy epic, records on his mobile phone the show's creator in a scuffle outside a pub, in which a knife is drawn and the victim dies. The fan turns up at the creator's flat and threatens to show his evidence to the police unless he agrees to write another season of the 9th circle, and use the fans plot ideas. An unusual case of blackmail. A double twist at the end when it's revealed the pub scuffle wasn't all it seemed.

 

Edited April 15 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S6 E3 LIP SERVICE 
A man desperate to save his marriage, or at least know if it's saveable, hires a lip reader to check if his wife is having an affair. In a hotel room opposite where the wife is meeting a client as part of her job as an image consultant, the husband and lip reader are set up. The girl lip reader with binoculars and reporting to the husband what is being said. However the husband finds proof the lip reader was keeping tabs on him even before he contacted her company to hire her. Something is going on that he doesn't know about.

S6 E4. HURRY UP AND WAIT 
20 years previous in a small close knit English community baby Ryan went missing, taken from his pram, never seen again, presumed dead. Now a tv drama is being made recreating those events trying to uncover what could have happened to Ryan. A family living in a mobile home have for a fee allowed their home to be used as a green room, where the actors rest until they're needed for that day's filming. The actor playing a policeman stays for a few hours with the family and begins to suspect the family and their odd daughter may have had something to do with the disappearance. The daughter in her twenties still carries a dolly around with her, and uses hair removal cream on her face....odd.

Edited April 15 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S6 E5. HOW DO YOU PLEAD ?
A dying man receives palliative care from a team of nurses, one of them a male nurse confides to the patient that he is motivated to care for people because of a school incident many years ago, when he witnessed a boy choking to death on a tangerine and couldn't help. The patient a former top defence barrister confesses that he made his name and fame by a con. He got a murderer off by producing a photo clearing his client, but the photo was a fake and he knew it. But he will soon pay the ultimate price, he made a pact to get the photo and propel him to fame and money, and at midnight he must give up his soul to.....the devil!! A twist when we find out the tangerine incident wasn't exactly as the nurse said it was.

S6 E6. LAST NIGHT OF THE PROMS
A  family watch the last night of the Proms. Two sisters, their husbands, their alzheimer's affected father and a teenage son all watch the tv broadcast of the classical music proms, and family secrets better left unsaid are revealed. An Arabic looking man, possibly an illegal immigrant enters the house, and strange things happen. Food in the kitchen all eaten gets miraculously replenished, the water the son is drinking makes him drunk, and the stranger has blood in the palms of his hands from wounds. So, water into wine, food miraculously appearing, and a bearded Arabic man with wounded hands.....all points to...it couldn't be could it?

 

Edited April 15 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

WARNING, SPOILERS AHEAD
For SERIES 7 I will be covering it in greater depth , deservedly so as IMO it's the best....so far.

S7 EI  MERRILY MERRILY

Laurence has organised an afternoon on a pedalo with former college chums, Darren and Callum. Joining them uninvited is Donna, Darren's latest girl friend.
As they pedal out to the centre of the lake a hooded figure watching them from an island on the lake centre.
As they reminisce about happier times it's obvious that life hasn't really worked out for any of them. Laurence is still at the same college, now teaching the exact same course he graduated in, Darren reveals he got thrown out of college because of dyslexia, and Callum wanted kids, but his only " girls" are his pet dogs. Donna quips that her life is going OK, probably because
" I didn't go to f******college "
The pedalo becomes stranded in the middle of the lake caught up in weeds, and as darkness falls Laurence reveals why they're really here. His wife Bonnie recently died, and he has her ashes in a leather holdall. He wanted his mates here because they were with him when he first met Bonnie and attended their wedding and now he's going to scatter her ashes. Suddenly Laurence jumps into the water with the holdall and swims to the island.

Later on the island Laurence has created a shrine to Bonnie, including candles and a photo of her. Back on the pedalo the other three are still stranded when Callum opens Laurence's sports bag to reveal an empty packaging from a product called "Ashes To Flashes- Funeral Fireworks "
The sky is lit up by Fireworks, Laurence has mixed Bonnie's ashes with the fireworks. After , he lays down at the shrine , the cold biting into him , as he prepares to die.
The next morning Laurence finds himself in a rowing boat, the hooded man , face concealed, but he has a deep voice and a beard, is rowing him to shore.
Laurence asks where his mates are, the hooded figure replies, " they're safe , on the other side."
At the shore the hooded man extends his hand for payment, Laurence starts choking but then coughs up a gold coin to pay the Ferryman. On the shore he smiles as Bonnie greets him.

Edited April 15 by HawkMan

[HawkMan]

S7 E2  MR KING 
Alan Curtis arrives at a school in Wales to take up a teaching position, teaching 10 year olds. The headmaster Mr Edwards introduces him to the class and the kids are a moody lot, pining for previous teacher Mr King, who has sent the kids a postcard from his new home in Australia. Edwards gets one of the kids Ceri to read the card out in class.
The days go by and Alan is surprised the kids know nothing of global warming or climate change and Alan feels pressure as the kids constantly refer to Mr King and how wonderful he was.
Then trouble, Ceri a little girl accuses him of talking about Michael Jackson and playing with boys bottoms. The head Mr Edwards has a chat in the classroom after school and confirms the allegation made and Ceri has drawn a picture of Alan's penis that she claims he showed her.
Mr Edwards asks Alan if he can see his todger and compare it to the drawing, or he'll get the police involved. Alan reluctantly agrees and lowers his pants while Edwards takes a polaroid picture with an old camera. This fits in with the school generally, being behind the times, Edwards calls Emails, Bmails. Strangely the cleaning lady Winnie saw Edwards taking the picture of Alan's penis and thinks nothing of it.
Alan suspects something sinister is going on as Ceri was lying but why is the question.
He borrows the keys to Edwards office from Winnie and enters Edwards office unseen. In a filing cabinet he sees a folder marked Mr King, inside are photos of previous teacher's penises, and the postcard Ceri read out from Mr King was posted in Cardiff not Australia. Also the staffing records show no Mr King has ever taught in the school.
Alan gets on the phone to Edwards and accuses him of covering up sexual abuse in the school. Edwards is in the school grounds and says he'll meet him for a talk.
In the classroom the kids want to show Alan their rehearsal for a forthcoming assembly ' play' about the environment.
Alan sits on his chair as the kids begin the play , the lines all about green issues and recycling. Alan is pleased, but when he tries to stand his arms are stuck to the chair with superglue. The kids play turns disturbing, about sacrifice to appease the gods of nature.

The kids then superglue Alan lips together as Edwards comes in, urging the kids to carry on. He tells the terrified Alan that the school has been sacrificing to nature for years and he is to be the new Mr King. Edwards takes out a corn dolly and slips it into Alan's pants over his penis which Edwards says is wonderfully sheathed ( not circumcised) as nature intended. The kids don pagan masks and Winnie enters with a barleycorn mask that she places on Alan's head, he is the new corn king and Winnie says he'll ensure a wonderful crop of leeks at the harvest. The kids carry Alan's chair out as tambourines are played and flutes too. As the procession moves out we see a kid's painting on the wall, a dismembered head hanging from a tree branch, dripping blood.
A very dark tale indeed, but not really original, yep, The Wicker Man gets the Inside Number 9 treatment, but enjoyable.

Edited April 15 by HawkMan