Hammerless Nail

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  1. I know what you mean, particularly now that the Nostradamus of Chiswick has predicted a comfortable win for Salford. The only certainty in this game is that the post-match discussion - if such it can be called - on here will be about the attendance rather than the action.
  2. Hammerless Nail

    The ideal Super League roster for 2022

    Now this is the thing that irritates me about our sport: people who can't take expansion seriously. These expansion threads are an ideal opportunity for people to share their #### fantasy lists made up of random cities (but not Salford or Wakefield because we hate them), along with the smaller towns of St Helens, Wigan and Warrington for a bit of added glamour. Off-worlding and establishing a club on the Moon is definitely a case of running before you can walk. We shouldn't be even thinking of introducing alien species into the sport until we've conquered all the Earth's species. With a bit of determination, there's no reason why we couldn't have a Super League like this by 2022: New York London Paris Munich The so-called ‘Kleenex-Klubs’ because names like this tend to get people all tumescent. They bring the added advantage of allowing the sport to replace ‘Abide With Me’ as its anthem with ‘Pop Musik’ by 1970s one-hit wonders M. Manchester City Red Devils The former Salford club, rebranded. The Manchester club runs two teams, each with its own squad of players and its own purpose built 400,000 capacity stadium, with the club’s final position in the league being determined by averaging out the points obtained by each of the two teams. This ‘two teams, two stadia’ set up is necessary in order that all Manchester fans can get to see their team in action, because, as anyone from outside the area will tell you, everyone – but everyone – in the whole western side of the UK (and large parts of London too) identifies with Manchester. Oh yes indeed they do. Wasps A link up with the Rugby Union team, but with the Rugby League comprised of actual wasps. Fast and elusive, but with limited ball handling skills and almost non-existent defence. Think: Kieran Dixon. Squidnes Vikings A team of squid. Naturally, because of their need to play underwater, their home pitch has an artificial surface. Traditionalists complain that this gives them an unfair advantage, but fail to note that they are hugely disadvantaged when playing away games, as their players tend to just lie around on the pitch gasping for air and occasionally lifting a limb in a half-hearted attempt at a tackle. Not entirely different to a similarly named team from the ‘all-human’ era. Mayfly Wolves A team of mayflies who adopted the Wolves nickname because of their similarities to a team from the ‘all-human’ era for whom, just like the mayfly, it was ‘always their year’ and for whom, just like the mayfly, that year ended all too soon. Bulls Bradford A team of bulls. Big, direct, skill-less. Brian Noble is persuaded to stop mangling the English language on TV and is brought back as coach because of his experience with this type of team. Bull KR A second team of bulls. They don’t really add anything to the competition, but their fans insisted they should be included’ so you can have derby matches’. Only once we have a league that looks like that should we even consider going to the Moon.
  3. Hammerless Nail

    Widnes sign Charlie Gubb

    Have Widnes got a policy of signing players who sound like they should be characters in Last Of The Summer Wine? First Wellington Albert, now Charlie Gubb.
  4. I think a few people would be pretty disappointed if that were true, but, after last night's performance, at least Salford fans can be cautiously optimistic; much more so than Leeds fans. I spoke to a few on the way out, and they were very down about their team's prospects. I wouldn't be as certain as you seem to be about Salford though. One result does not a season make. That said, some of the injured players are set to return and, perhaps more importantly, Jackson Hastings was almost unplayable, and provided the direction and spark that Salford have been missing since Michael Dobson retired; an absolute whirlwind debut that ended all too soon, as he left the field with a hamstring twinge after 20 minutes, by which time Salford had already run in four tries. (We know, courtesy of a piece of expert analysis conducted by one of the forum's experts, that Jackson Hastings would only set the A.J. Bell on fire if he was drunk. Well, last night, he must have been absolutely bladdered.) However, as always with Salford, it's best to wait and see.
  5. Hammerless Nail

    Chinese investment in Salford?

    Well, well. It looks like the forum is manstruating again: that process it goes through every month where someone comes along to tell us that Salford should rebrand as Manchester. This idea invariably comes from people who live outside the area and who would not, themselves, support a Manchester team, but nevertheless appear to know exactly what us locals' motivations and sentiments are towards our club and city; or at least what they think they should be. The fact that two of the people pushing this idea of big cities being a better branding opportunity seem to have London connections suggests that self-awareness doesn't feature prominently in their personal skillsets. Equally invariably, the evidence supporting this change of name is based on that most rigourous of research tools: 'it stands to reason'. In the other corner, we have real, empirical evidence that the remaining Salford fans would just walk away if the club changed its name (courtesy of a survey the club belated undertook following the adverse reaction to the proposed change last year). Instead of 'where does the next generation of fans come from?', the question would then become 'where does the current generation of fans come from?' 'Ah', they say, 'but look! look! Manchester United! They're not in Manchester and they get huge crowds'. Do you know why Manchester United get huge crowds? It's not because the word 'Manchester' is sprinkled with stardust - I suspect half their fans couldn't find Manchester on a map if someone put a big ring around it for them; it's because they're successful. We're now seeing the same thing with Manchester City. After years of bobbling around the lower reaches, they're now winning trophies and bringing in the punters. They're watching City because City are now watchable. Meanwhile, back in the city of Salford, the local football team - Salford City FC - have risen from being an amateur club to now be on the verge of a place in the football league, and their attendances have risen accordingly. Do you know how they achieved this miracle? Not by rebranding as 'Manchester', but by being able to offer their fans and potential fans something to cheer about: a little bit of success. Do you know what will bring the punters in at Salford RL? A successful team, something to cheer about, together with a bit of marketing. Salford have won cock all for 42 years, and haven't reached a Challenge Cup final in 49. In spite of that near half century of utter mediocrity, they're still capable of pulling in around 2000 punters. Some of those people are too young to have seen their team win anything, but they still turn up, week in, week out. Perhaps, instead of indulging in some 'Manchester in Super League' #### fantasy with the Salford club as the spankerchief, we should ask whether any other club, faced with such a barren spell, would be able to pull in bigger numbers. I would suggest not. Meanwhile, 5000 Salford fans turned up to watch them play in the Challenge Cup semi-final last year. Salford people are no different to anyone else: they'll watch a successful, entertaining team, playing in the big games. So, instead of criticising and coming up with cod-marketing ideas, maybe we should congratulate the club on still being able to pull in 2000 loyal fans, despite offering them little in return, and ask ourselves how many punters a successful Salford team could be capable of pulling in.
  6. Hammerless Nail

    Jackson Hastings.

    Hastings...Battle...c'mon, work with me here...Battle of..... In a similar vein, the people who have decided he will be the worst player ever to play in Super League will be absolutely jonesing for Salford to lose his debut game 10-66.
  7. Hammerless Nail

    Fantastic Maketing Plan

    As this is clearly and specifically a Salford problem, I assume the tenants who will occupy this new office space will be forced to temporarily relocate every time Sale play so the bar can be reinstated. What a palaver.
  8. I can see your point, but I don't think the picture is quite so straightforward. Whilst it's true that, on the one hand, the only players who don't dream of one day playing for Warrington are the ones that are already there, living that dream, it's also true that - at least to the best of my knowledge - Rob has not expressed an intention to become homesick at some point during 2019, so I'm not sure the Australian half-back transit lounge that Warrington are carefully cultivating will be particularly appealing to him.
  9. Hammerless Nail


    That's different though. Whereas the definition of tea cake varies across the country, the definition of a muffin is fairly consistent. This means it can be used in national advertising campaigns, like this one:
  10. Hammerless Nail

    Marwan Koukash

    Why the wrong club and the wrong time? What would you say was the right club and the right time? Broughton Rangers in the early 20th century perhaps? If club takeovers were restricted only to the right club and the right time, there'd be an awful lot of unowned clubs in rugby league right now, including Warrington. The problem with Marwan at Salford is that he lurched from balls up to balls up, and the problems just escalated. Some of the early balls ups could be put down to his inexperience and to the failure of the people who were supposed to be advising him. Later on, though, he started to produce balls ups that were all his own, sometimes aided and abetted by apparent petty RFL intransigence (dropping the academy), sometimes completely self-inflicted (the proposed Manchester name change). I don't know that he would have behaved differently at any other club at any other time. The frustrating thing is that with that experience behind him, if (and it is still if) he got involved with another club, he'd probably make a much better job of it now. Equally frustrating is that the new trust seems to be doing all the things that the club should have done under Marwan (and, to some extent, under John Wilkinson before him), but didn't. It's engaging with the community in a way that I don't think it has before, forging links with schools, clubs, community groups, etc, forming a stronger partnership with the Salford Red Devils Foundation, planning to bring the academy back. Unfortunately, it's hampered by a lack of funds and with the legacy of some big contracts that were renewed before Marwan decided to step aside. If it can get through this season, I think we'll see a stronger club emerge over the next few years. The problem is that things are looking a bit precarious at the moment, and, if they lose their Super League status, some of these initiatives may never bear fruit. I think that would be a shame.
  11. I've never quite understood why we fans expect the team to applaud us at the end of a match - I don't expect shop staff to give me a warm round of applause after I've bought something frpm them - but it now seems to be something we demand. That said, I disagree with your assertion about the Salford players. One or two of them did seem to get involved in interminably long on-field conversations with their opponents and I didn't stick around long enough to see if they did their duty by us, but the rest of them did come over. All in all, I would class myself as "satisfied or very satisfied" that the players showed sufficient level of obeisance in recognition of my efforts of watching them flog their tripes out for 80 minutes.
  12. No, but then I also wouldn't expect a team lying seventh in the league, just two points ahead of the team in eighth (at start of play) to go to the eighth placed team and come away with a win, and certainly not by some of the fanciful margins predicted on this thread.
  13. Hammerless Nail

    One Club Men

    Malcolm Alker was a one club man, although I believe he sometimes favoured the machete.
  14. Christ Oxford, your constant negativity about Salford would get the Laughing Policeman phoning the Samaritans. Are things really that bad? They've got a better pack than last year and the same three quarters (minus Vatuvai, of course). They've also got the same lack of strength in depth they had last year, which wasn't helped by Marwan's decision to scrap the U19s academy (a dreadful decision, and one that the new board have said they intend to reverse). In fact, overall they've probably got slightly more depth than last year, but it's all in the forwards. They were luckier with injuries last year than they have been so far this year. A third of the first choice seventeen were missing yesterday, resulting in a half-back playing fullback and no hooker in the squad. However, the biggest problem by far is the gigantic Michael Dobson shaped hole in the attack. It's like they're playing without a brain. A bit like Zak Hardaker. Fix that (not easy, I know) and they should be a lot better.
  15. Hammerless Nail

    why no RED devils at st helens?

    Back in the days when televisions were the size of a small new-build terraced house, the pictures were drawn in lines rather than by pixel. 405 lines was one of the formats used (the other was the superior 625 lines). 405 lines was, I think, mostly for black and white TV. It meant that each picture broadcast consisted of 405 lines, which in turn meant that it wasn't particularly clear, certainly not when compared to the HD TVs of today. Anyhoo, back to the tale... Hull's change strip is predominantly pink, with the black appearing as indistinct lines within it. I doubt Salford could do anything similar (i.e.produce a design with much red in) because any such design would likely clash with the Wigan and Saints main shirts. As for the devil in the badge, well, yes, I think it would have been better. However, the club's mascot is a devil, and I think they'd be better served using that as a marketing device rather than the badge. Even better would be to have something worth marketing and then to actually market it, regardless of badge design or mascot. Under Marwan, you could argue that they had the makings of the first of these, but they did next to nothing to market it (in fact, they pretty much engaged in negative marketing, and were driving people away). The new regime at the club now appears to be really getting out into the community and doing the things that I suspect other clubs take for granted, and they do seem to make plenty of use of the mascot. It's just a shame that the team isn't quite as strong this year.