Hammerless Nail

Well, if Blake Austin does win Man of Steel, they'll have to hold the award ceremony inside Jackson Hastings' back pocket, as that's the only place I've ever seen him.

Good old Oxford, always laughin' an' smilin'. Yes, Salford will lose Lui and Hastings. And then they'll get relegated. And then they'll go bust. And then an earthquake will open up a huge fissure that swallows the AJ Bell. And then there'll be a fire at RL headquarters and all documents pertaining to Salford - and only those pertaining to Salford - will be lost forever. And then it'll be discovered that the housing estate that stands on the site of The Willows and with streets named after former Salford players is actually built on a plague pit, and everyone there dies and the estate has to be demolished. And then a meteorite will crash into the city of Salford and destroy it. And then we'll all be soothed by the blessed balm of death. On that day - that glorious, glorious day - you'll be able to tell us that you're not just some bloke who suffers from Chicken Licken Pox, but you are, in fact, the Nostradamus of Salford's demise. Until then, enjoy the summer. Enjoy watching the team. Tell yourself that the club isn't just sitting there with its collective finger up its ###### (because it isn't) and try to stop talking down the club you claim to support. Now, I know you often like to finish on a song - you really are the forum's Morecambe & Wise - so here's one for you: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xZbKHDPPrrc

Phun phact: some number plates are blocked by the DVLA, even though they are in the correct format. This is why I've never been able to get my hands on P155 OFF or SH17 EAD. Shame. I've never really understood the point of personalised number plates, although I do enjoy the air of desperation that hangs over the low budget ones: the ones where the owner has carefully spaced the letters and numbers, perhaps thrown in a few black capped mounting screws, and then convinced themselves they can see their name in it. I.I.I4NK3R5.

Ace. So, in 36 hours, you've gone from the shrill "fire sale" to "a loss of quality". Let's give it another 36 and see if you can Statler and Waldorf your way to Salford winning Super League. Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately, the ##### I couldn't give about your grading of my response is large enough to swallow a galaxy. My only hope is that, in time, you'll be able to find it in your heart to forgive me for this.

Well, as the club has yet to announce who the new players are, it's impossible to make that judgment. A few contributors on here appear to be suffering with premature emasculation.

Your predictions of the impending Salfageddon seemed to be based on the implicit assumption that the club is haplessly sitting there with its collective finger up its ###### wondering what to do as players move on. Why do you assume that they won't be replacing these players? At the moment. the 'exodus', as you describe, it consists of four players (three if you include Calamity Derrell) moving on, with Jackson Hastings possibly being another departure. Meanwhile, there have been suggestions from the club that they already have seven new players signed up for next season with the possibility of more to come. Total RL has published a list of the players they believe will be at Salford next year (here). If this list is accurate, then you could argue they will be a bit weaker in the halves, but, I would suggest, as strong if not stronger in other positions. Significantly so in one case. It seems to me that there's a certain amount of confirmation bias when it comes to Salford, with any departures seized on as the start of the club's slide into the abyss, while any players coming in are often dismissed as not good enough before they've even set foot on the field (check out this corker). The trick - as always with Salford - is to wait and see what actually happens.

Oxford's ability to crank the Chicken Licken up to 11 whenever Salford are mentioned is a source of great wonderment. The deal hasn't even been completed yet, but you're already reaching for the razor blades and aspirin. Christ, it was the end of the world when BMM left, it was the end of the world when Michael Dobson retired, it was the end of the world when Gareth O'Brien left, it's the end of the ###### world every time a player leaves Salford. And yet there they are, fifth in the league and playing well. There's a bloke on the Salford forum called Russ (I don't know if you know him), but maybe the two of you could go for a drink some time. You could spend a fun-packed evening sitting in a dark corner of the vault nursing half a shandy each and watching the sky fall all around you.

Human beings are tribal creatures: we attach ourselves to groups that hold the same mores and values that we do, whether it be by blood ties or by shared interests. We all do it. People on this website are part of the "Rugby League fan" tribe. I suspect that Brexit is borne out of a desire for some to reinforce their British tribal identity (or, perhaps more specifically, their Engerlander tribal identity). What matters are the ties that bind, and not the externalities. In the post Brexit world, I'm sure there will be people languishing in hospital (probably just a field tent by then) having part of their stomach removed as a result of an e coli infection picked up from a US produced salmonella burger, who will be comforted by the thought that their stomach has been sacrificed in pursuit of a greater cause: Engerlanderness. When it comes to sporting tribal identities, it seems to me that there are, broadly speaking, two types of supporter: the ones who support the team when it's successful (effectively, they support the success rather than the team) and the ones who are there for the long haul: the ones who are entirely driven by their tribal identity. The few hundred hardy souls still following Swinton are doing so, I would suggest, because of tribal identity and not in the pursuit of success (I mean, it can't be the pursuit of success: the last time Swinton won anything of note, it was announced to the public by a town cryer reading from a roll of vellum). These are the core fans of Swinton: the people who follow them through thick and thin (mostly thin, in fact, entirely thin), and what they follow is their tribe: Swinton. Of course they want to see a successful team, but they want to see a successful Swinton. If they can't have that, they'll accept a struggling Swinton, and if they can't have that, they'll just be lost to the game: their tribe will no longer be their tribe. By changing the club's name to Manchester, that tribal identity is lost (it seems to come as a surprise to people from outside the area, but most people in the North-West don't particularly identify with Manchester). I think there's another problem with such a name change: Swinton isn't in Manchester, it's in Salford. The fans harbour dreams of returning to a stadium in Swinton, but how much support would the City of Salford be willing to give to a club that carries the name of the city next door? I would suggest (and hope) it wouldn't give them any. I believe the city helped the club with a loan a couple of years back. Would it do so to a club carrying the Manchester name. Again, I would suggest (and hope) that it wouldn't. If the Swinton club is to become Manchester, I think it would have to give up on ideas of a return to the borough of Swinton, in which case any last vestiges of that tribal identity will be lost for ever, and the remaining Swinton fans will go with it. You're then left with a club with few supporters, hoping that the Manchester brand will attract new ones. So why not leave Swinton as they are and just establish a separate club called Manchester?

Something that I'm sure will be of interest to fans of Fellini, Godard, Bresson, etc., but it appears work is about to start on a new Bill and Ted adventure. The worry is that this could suffer from the 'difficult third album' syndrome, and turn out to be totally heinous, but, at the moment, I'd give it a cautious https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-Dc6Pre77AY

I see this refereeing failure as a good thing. As anyone and everyone will tell you, these things even out over the course of a season. So, Salford will be approaching the all important end of season run in with plenty of bad refereeing decisions in the bank, ready to be cashed. There's going to be some really massive Salford victories coming up where even the most one-eyed of fans will be embarrassed by how referee assisted it was. In the meantime, perhaps they could learn how to deal with kicks into the in-goal area by doing something more than just wafting at the ball and missing, because I suspect that that would help them far more than the upcoming referee favouritism.

I've never really had a favourite quote. Until now. In today's Guardian (boooo! Lefty propaganda), John Crace describes Boris Johnson as "the thinking man's idiot and the idiot's thinking man". Introducing Mr Nail to Mr Head there.

Is the part about fringe and new parties not having access to the database definitely true? Mrs. Nail has received leaflets personally addressed to her from both the Brexit Party and UKIP. We're concerned that she might have forgotten to tick the 'Not a racist' box on the voter registration form.

That's true. One of the street views shows me walking down the road whereas in reality I'm sitting here writing this.

I see what you did there. If London are to stand any chance of staying in Super League, they need to keep within touching distance of the teams above them. By using your unique prediction gift, you've engineered a defeat for Leeds, thus ensuring they don't open up a gap. Clever. Very clever.

Given the remarkable foresight shown in your previous sneering prediction concerning Jackson Hastings and Salford, I would imagine Salford fans will find this latest effort quite reassuring. Oof! He then doubled down.