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Estranged family member

Phil
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Phil

Phil

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My son who we’ve not spoken to for seven years has got in touch out of the blue saying he’s made lots of mistakes but none of them are worth sacrificing his family for.

He contacted his sister about a month ago to say he wasn’t doing too well, she messaged him back but he deleted his message 

 It sounds really terrible but I’m sceptical and wondering what he’s after. Am I being really terrible here?

Edited by Phil

"Freedom without socialism is privilege and injustice, socialism without freedom is slavery and brutality" - Mikhail Bakunin

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tonyXIII

tonyXIII

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No, you're not. You are right to be sceptical. If you do decide to contact him, go slowly and carefully. You've no idea what he's been up to or what sort of friends he has made. I think you should make an effort (he has reached out to you), but be careful. Are you sure it is him or could someone else have got hold of his phone or even stolen his identity?

Definitely reach out to him, but meet him on neutral ground first. Be careful and good luck.

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Phil

Phil

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2 minutes ago, tonyXIII said:

No, you're not. You are right to be sceptical. If you do decide to contact him, go slowly and carefully. You've no idea what he's been up to or what sort of friends he has made. I think you should make an effort (he has reached out to you), but be careful. Are you sure it is him or could someone else have got hold of his phone or even stolen his identity?

Definitely reach out to him, but meet him on neutral ground first. Be careful and good luck.

Thanks Tony, yes it’s him, he alluded to things only he’d know.

His mother and I split when he was three, she comes from a reasonably well off family. He’s had everything on a plate and gradually over the years has burned all his bridges.

He owes his mother, grandmother and I thousands of pounds and really doesn’t seem to have a responsible bone in his body.

 It’s awful to say but there you are 

"Freedom without socialism is privilege and injustice, socialism without freedom is slavery and brutality" - Mikhail Bakunin

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gingerjon

gingerjon

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57 minutes ago, Phil said:

Am I being really terrible here?

You are absolutely right to be sceptical. If you're wrong, then it won't matter. But if you don't have your wits about you then it could go very badly.

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Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. (Terry Pratchett)

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Shadow45

Shadow45

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Posted (edited)
20 hours ago, Phil said:

My son who we’ve not spoken to for seven years has got in touch out of the blue saying he’s made lots of mistakes but none of them are worth sacrificing his family for.

He contacted his sister about a month ago to say he wasn’t doing too well, she messaged him back but he deleted his message 

 It sounds really terrible but I’m sceptical and wondering what he’s after. Am I being really terrible here?

I was estranged from my parents for 15 years. Literally lived around the corner from them. My mother dropped down dead. I went to the funeral helped carry the coffin, but then was ignored and not invited to the wake. 5 years latter my father had a stroke. I visited him in hospital every day and we kind of mended the broken bridges. However, he was discharged 10 weeks latter and suffered a massive heart attack the moment he got home and died. 

I don't know the reasons for the issues you and your son have. But from someone who's parents cut them off, mend those bridges, if possible, before time catches up with you all.

Edited by Shadow45
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graveyard johnny

graveyard johnny

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it all depends what the mistakes were and if he's matured as an adult since those "mistakes" - obviously none of us here know the ins and outs of the past so to try to give advice would not be the right thing- you seem very passionate about your causes phil and there cant be much more a thing to be passionate about but the welfare of your own kids - remember whatever he's done or said he's made from your DNA  and that may be part of the problem - hope it all works out for you mate - life's way too short

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see you later undertaker - in a while necrophile 

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graveyard johnny

graveyard johnny

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44 minutes ago, Vambo said:

Deleted because I decided against sharing this info.

sounds like u want to get something off your chest? u can always send a pvt message if u want mate

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see you later undertaker - in a while necrophile 

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Red Willow

Red Willow

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The answer probably lies within you. If something happened to him and you remain estranged would you be full of regret?

It will be a long road back but if you do decide to try maybe agree to meet somewhere just for a coffee. It's a bit like a first date (modern version) 

You may find you don't want more. At least you tried.

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Vambo

Vambo

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3 hours ago, graveyard johnny said:

sounds like u want to get something off your chest? u can always send a pvt message if u want mate

I'm fine but I appreciate your offer 👍

 

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