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The cheesy B-Movie thread

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Just bought a ticket for the first ever RiffTrax Live show in the UK.

RiffTrax are three former Mystery Science Theater 3000 veterans, now doing their own movie-riffing thing. They are putting on two shows at the Prince Charles Cinema in London's greasy (sorry, glitzy) West End on the 15th of February. 

At tea-time, they are giving the treatment to 'Plan 9 from Outer Space'. Later that night, it'll be 'Samurai Cop', which is the show I've booked to see. Either one will be a treat, though.

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Starship Invasions (1977)

Canadian B-movie guff, with Christopher Lee and Robert Vaughn both slumming it more than usual. This is Ed Wood-level film-making, in the era of 'Star Wars'. Like the contemporary cash-in, 'Starcrash', it is gloriously inept stuff.

Lee (sporting possibly the most regrettable headgear of his long career) plays Rameses, the leader of a flying saucer fleet. They want to colonise Earth, after inducing the human race to commit collective suicide. Vaughn plays a UFO obsessive, who is recruited by the good aliens to combat Lee's baddies.


It starts with a farmer being abducted and seduced. Then, the aliens need a woman to study. Unlike the farmer, she gets stripped down to her undies for the examination. Both kill themselves later, as part of the bad guys' track-covering process.


Pie-plate flying saucers chase each other across the screen in wobbly trajectories for a bit. Exposition trudges onwards in some kind of death march. All the aliens communicate telepathically, as it was cheaper to dub dialogue on after filming without having to synchronise sound and vision.

At one point, the good guys' saucer has a computer malfunction, and one of the characters fixes the problem by using a pocket calculator. They were the big new gadget at the time, I suppose (kids, ask your grandparents what a 'calculator' is).

Then we get the epic space battle, which you or I could replicate with a black cloth, fishing line crockery and silver paint. Finally, one of the good aliens' robots destroys Rameses' suicide machine and most of his fleet. Rameses, rather than surrender, crashes his saucer into the Moon.

We stagger over the finishing line, with the aliens saving the life of Vaughn's wife, who had slashed her wrists. The aliens return to their undersea pyramid and all is well. Apart from the millions of people who killed themselves under the bad guys' influence, that is.

This movie lacks the brightly-coloured, headlong silliness of 'Starcrash', but is still good for giggles.


Edited by Futtocks

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Never too young to die (1986)

The Eighties gymnastics/martial arts crossover movie that isn't 'Gymkata'.

From IMDB: "A top secret Agent is murdered, so his estranged son, a high school gymnast, teams up with his dad's attractive female partner to stop the psychopathic hermaphroditic gang leader who killed him, and now plans a major terrorist attack."

And that's pretty much what you get. Gymnast boy Lance Stargrove is played by John Stamos and his mullet, teaming up with former Prince sidekick Vanity, after his dad (who really is played by George Lazenby) is killed. The bad guy is played by Kiss' Gene Simmons, who is enjoying himself here more than you might believe possible. Toothmarks in every piece of scenery stuff. Robert Englund is also in it, but only as a minor character.

Oh, and we have a bigly Eighties rockin' action theme too!
Stargrove! Flying like you've never flown.
Stargrove! Runnin' through a danger zone.
Stargrove! Are you gonna stand alone?

This is textbook schlock, and while Stamos emotes as much as a brick, Vanity's actually pretty good, as well as pretty. Simmons steals the show, of course. With a character like Velvet von Ragnar(!) to play, he pushes it as far as it'll go... then a little further.

Top it off with cut-price 'Mad Max' biker crazies and lots of explosions (because explosions are ace!), and you have some proper trashy entertainment.


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Who killed Captain Alex (2010)

Ugandan action/comedy/martial arts insanity, filmed on a budget of $200, which is as close to nothing as you can get. Apparently, the director has made movies before, but had to delete the old ones whenever a new project started, in order to free up disc space, as he couldn't afford more storage. He's used to working on that sort of budget, and he's got a lot of mates who'll pitch in as extras when they are needed. They also know their Karate, so the fight scenes are pretty well choreographed... unless they actually were beating each other up for real.

The basic plot can be found on Wikipedia.

It is so clear that everyone involved is having the best fun they've ever had in their lives, you just get swept up in it. They also throw in 'Video Joker' commentary, which ramps up the craziness ever more.

This is magnificent. Director Isaac Nabwana, take a bow! To make the movie, apart from selling everything he owned (as well as selling housebricks that he made by hand) for a camcorder, he built his own PC from junked spare parts to do the editing.

Oh, and there's a pan-pipe cover of 'Kiss from a Rose' on the soundtrack. I bet Seal's lawyers don't know about this. Keep it under your hat, okay?

Here is a fantastic article about the movie and the man who made it.

You can watch the whole movie on YouTube, or just a compilation of the action scenes.

Edited by Futtocks

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Just remembered - this forum used to post a whole load of insane news reports from the Uganda New Vision newspaper, often about the outrageous behaviour of boda-boda men.

Clearly, that country's sense of humour tends towards the unhinged.

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