The cheesy B-Movie thread

[chuffer]

Lol

[tim2]

I had 90 minutes to kill last night so I went to see "Big Game" with Samuel L Jackson as the US President having to bale out of Air Force 1 when it gets shot down over Lapland.

 

It's got really good production values but the plot, script and some of the acting is straight out of the B-movie handbook.

 

Also, I caught 2 minutes of "Big Ass Spider" on ScyFi channel. Oh dear.

[craig hamilton]

Anyone seen Nazis at the Centre of the Earth ? That is an enjoyable but awful film.

[C H Calthrop]

Anyone seen Nazis at the Centre of the Earth ? That is an enjoyable but awful film.

Is that the follow up to Iron Sky?

[craig hamilton]

Is that the follow up to Iron Sky?

 

Don't think it's a follow-on, rather a similar premise just they are hiding under the Antarctic ice not the moon.

[Hornetto]

I remember when I was a nipper watching this gem as the support film for "Viva Knievel". Can't remember much of the plot - only that I laughed until I ached http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069697/.

 

Even now, when I see my mate Mark that I went with (we were about 11 or 12), we still recall laughing till we were nearly sick at this film.

[Futtocks]

I remember when I was a nipper watching this gem as the support film for "Viva Knievel". Can't remember much of the plot - only that I laughed until I ached http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069697/.

 

Even now, when I see my mate Mark that I went with (we were about 11 or 12), we still recall laughing till we were nearly sick at this film.

I've never even heard of that film. Must give it a try.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7llb8mTynzU

[Futtocks]

Oh, excellent! There's a documentary about the making of 'Manos: the Hands of Fate'. Possibly the very worst film ever made.  

 

Edited May 24, 2015 by Futtocks

[Futtocks]

Eegah, a truly dreadful mashup between the teen and caveman genres.

 

Richard 'Jaws' Kiel plays the title role, but the biscuit is taken by the two teen leads, who stink the celluloid up something rotten.

 

 

[Futtocks]

Agent Double 007, aka OK Connery, aka Operation Kid Brother. Released in 1967, despite protests from the parole board.

 

Yes, this is a Bond ripoff. And Connery's in it. Well, Neil Connery. That's Sean's little brother. No, really! Bernard 'M' Lee and Lois 'Moneypenny' Maxwell also appear, but their characters are called Commander Cunningham and Miss Maxwell (original!).

 

Neil looks a bit like his brother. Only a bit, but with a beard and a dubbed-on American accent, although he's supposed to be a Brit. His character is called - wait for it - Neil Connery! And there are references to his secret agent brother, which makes no sense when you think about it for oooh 3 picoseconds.

 

Neil's character is a top-notch plastic surgeon, lipreader, archer and hypnotist... oddly enough, the exact bizarre skillset (no more and no less) required to carry out this humungous farting rectum of a mission.

 

There's also a Netto Rosa Klebb and a few other genre clichés that obviously didn't quite trip the plagiarism alert. But nothing too expensive-looking.

 

The plot makes even the worst Roger Moore-era turkeys look coherent. The SPECTRE equivalent, THANATOS, use various preposterous methods to steal the wherewithal to build a machine that will stop all machines. This doesn't stop the machine that stops the machines, by the way. That would make far too much sense.

 

Ho hum, anyway... the Bad Guy (who played Emilio Largo in 'Thunderball') swans about in various gold lamé muu-muus and fetish outfits, groping his skimpily-dressed henchbabes. Chief babe is Daniela Bianchi, who was in 'From Russia with Love'.

 

You may realise that this was a deliberate (and cheap) tie-in, as it was released by United Artists, just like the proper Bond films. Reasons why they did it are still unclear.

 

Anyhoo, Connery foils Baddie, the secret HQ explodes for no apparent reason, the end.

 

 

[C H Calthrop]

This isn't a movie but it is cheesier than an Italians food cupboard. It is either a work of reality tv genius or a mash up of the deluded leading the bewildered. Either way it is only a matter of time before Dave picks it up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgX1ZkBMTWc

[Futtocks]

'Robot Holocaust' - A hero called Neo battles an evil computer who has enslaved humans to provide power for it.

 

13 years before 'The Matrix'. But without the production values.

[Futtocks]

Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam, aka "The Turkish Star Wars". I'd known about this film for years, but today I finally got to watch it.

 

There was a bit, early on, which I thought almost made sense... then I watched that bit again, and it didn't.

 

ALL the space footage is nicked from 'Star Wars', despite nearly all of the film being based on Earth. Or a bit of it. That part is unclear. But every now and then they break up the Earth-based ramblings with completely random bits of Tie fighter v X-Wing action.

 

The music is filched from 'Indiana Jones' and 'Flash Gordon', there are many feral orange teddy bears and a lot of bouncing. And one of the 'dead' children seems to have trouble stopping himself from giggling.

 

Long hand-to-hand combat scenes, involving Krap Fu moves, 'Judo Chop' dismemberment of the aforementioned teddy bears, mummies, nunchuck-wielding Chelsea Pensioners, clunky robots and sundry other characters in papier-maché heads.

 

Continuity cockups a-go-go; I mean, how many times exactly did the Earth get blown up? The same stock footage appearing again and again, especially the X-Wing attack on a Death Star which isn't actually mentioned in the plot. Due to aspect ratio differences between the Turkish film and the stolen George Lucas footage, it's more of a Death Egg.

 

Batcrap crazy. Makes 'Manos: the Hands of Fate' look like a cinematic masterpiece. And that was made for a bet.

[Futtocks]

Ooh! Just sampled a few scenes and this stinks the place out magnificently!  Here's the badmovies.org review: http://www.badmovies.org/movies/megaforce/

 

MST3K may have gone, but Rifftrax have revived the concept, with the input of some of the original guys. It turns out that Rifftrax fans have been requesting a treatment on 'Megaforce' for a while now.

RiffTrax have just announced that they have given 'Megaforce' the full treatment.  

[Futtocks]

RiffTrax have just announced that they have given 'Megaforce' the full treatment.

BTW, if you haven't watched it (and WHY not?), let me nutshell this train wreck of unintentional camp.

 

Barry Bostwick (Rocky Horror Picture Show), Michael Beck (The Warriors) and Persis Khambatta (Star Trek: The Motion Picture) populate this wonderful turkey.

 

Bostwick in particular will want to forget this movie, as he sports ultra-bouffy hair, a headband and some regrettably tight gold lamé jumpsuits. Very "Lion Bee Gee".

 

Khambatta sounds like she was fed her script one word at a time, while Beck gives it some Cletus-style "yee-haw" country boy action.

 

Meanwhile, Edward Mulhare pretends he doesn't know that the producers really wanted Michael Caine but couldn't afford him.

Edited August 1, 2015 by Futtocks

[C H Calthrop]

BTW, if you haven't watched it (and WHY not?), let me nutshell this train wreck of unintentional camp.

 

Barry Bostwick (Rocky Horror Picture Show), Michael Beck (The Warriors) and Persis Khambatta (Star Trek: The Motion Picture) populate this wonderful turkey.

 

Bostwick in particular will want to forget this movie, as he sports ultra-bouffy hair, a headband and some regrettably tight gold lamé jumpsuits. Very "Lion Bee Gee".

 

Khambatta sounds like she was fed her script one word at a time, while Beck gives it some Cletus-style "yee-haw" country boy action.

 

Meanwhile, Edward Mulhare pretends he doesn't know that the producers really wanted Michael Caine but couldn't afford him.

If I was ever the type to go in fancy dress to a CC final then I would go as Commander Ace Hunter. 

[Futtocks]

If I was ever the type to go in fancy dress to a CC final then I would go as Commander Ace Hunter. 

[C H Calthrop]

I really want to live in a world where men can dress like this on a daily basis and be saluted for their rugged individualism.

[Futtocks]

Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam, aka "The Turkish Star Wars". I'd known about this film for years, but today I finally got to watch it.

 

There was a bit, early on, which I thought almost made sense... then I watched that bit again, and it didn't.

 

ALL the space footage is nicked from 'Star Wars', despite nearly all of the film being based on Earth. Or a bit of it. That part is unclear. But every now and then they break up the Earth-based ramblings with completely random bits of Tie fighter v X-Wing action.

 

The music is filched from 'Indiana Jones' and 'Flash Gordon', there are many feral orange teddy bears and a lot of bouncing. And one of the 'dead' children seems to have trouble stopping himself from giggling.

 

Long hand-to-hand combat scenes, involving Krap Fu moves, 'Judo Chop' dismemberment of the aforementioned teddy bears, mummies, nunchuck-wielding Chelsea Pensioners, clunky robots and sundry other characters in papier-maché heads.

 

Continuity cockups a-go-go; I mean, how many times exactly did the Earth get blown up? The same stock footage appearing again and again, especially the X-Wing attack on a Death Star which isn't actually mentioned in the plot. Due to aspect ratio differences between the Turkish film and the stolen George Lucas footage, it's more of a Death Egg.

 

Batcrap crazy. Makes 'Manos: the Hands of Fate' look like a cinematic masterpiece. And that was made for a bet.

BTW, here's the link to a version with English subtitles: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajM3lS8d20U

[C H Calthrop]

 There's something out there. That... that witch in the cellar is only part of it. It lives... out in those woods, in the dark... something... something that's come back from the dead.

Bruce CHEESE 'O' RAMA Campbell

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unnLg1TPCYM

Edited August 3, 2015 by C H Calthrop

[Futtocks]

 There's something out there. That... that witch in the cellar is only part of it. It lives... out in those woods, in the dark... something... something that's come back from the dead.

Bruce CHEESE 'O' RAMA Campbell

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unnLg1TPCYM

Oh boy... that could be great or awful. Or, preferably, both.

[Futtocks]

'Brute Man', starring the unforgettable Rondo Hatton.

 

[C H Calthrop]

'Brute Man', starring the unforgettable Rondo Hatton.

 

The Creeper.

[Futtocks]

The very same - in fact, in The Brute Man, he is referred to as "The Creeper".

[Futtocks]

The 'Star Wars' holiday special.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4CtXcjib4o

 

Guest stars: Bea 'Golden Girls' Arthur, comedian Art Carney, Jefferson Starship and Harvey 'Blazing Saddles' Korman. Korman plays three characters - a 4-armed female TV chef, a barfly who drinks through the top of his head and a malfuntioning computer help file.

 

99% of the dialogue in the first 10-15 minutes is pure, unsubtitled Wookie. Stick with it. If you like pain.

 

Art Carney plays either a shopkeeper or a pornographer. Or both. Whatever he is, his 'Life Day' present to Ol' Dirty Grandpa Wookie seems a bit fruity at first, but then turns into a tame musical number.

 

When Bea Arthur (as the landlady of the cantina) gets her musical spot (not really connected to the rest of the film), it all goes a bit Weimar...

 

Han Solo and Chewbacca have walk-on (sit-on) parts, padded with stock space battle footage. Mild jeopardy ensues, because those stormtrooper outfits were lying around and needed using.

 

Towards the end there's a sort of quasi-mystical bit that doesn't really make any sense. Then the more expensive cast members actually make an appearance instead of their earlier phoned-in segments.

 

Princess Leia sermonises... and then sings. It doesn't go well.

 

Decidedly odd. And remarkably bad. However, no Ewoks and no Jar Jar Binks, which is a plus, although there is a baby Wookie called 'Lumpy' as far as I can tell, who is as tedious as you might expect.