Christmas, New Year and depression

[graveyard johnny]

of course at this time of year we are all supposed to be at the height of jolliness and happiness beyond anything we could imagine according to how the script should go - BUT for some its a very different scenario - for some its been dark nights and dark mornings for weeks with a lot more to come , a spiral of darkness in fact - for some its just winter fatigue , stress and anxiety rolled in to one , a time of reflection of another year of nothing much but getting older and under achieving , added pressure of unrealistic expectations been pressured in to doing things you really dont want to do and be put in to situations you dont want to be in , enforced changes in to work and routine that are just not welcome, a longing for all the false pretence and commercialism  that has taken over the real meaning of the season to just go away - knowing new wars and troubles, death and destruction will be all in the news again as soon the last party balloon is popped - some just cant see the joy 

[Futtocks]

There are some useful contacts on this page: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/useful-contacts/ 

Not just MIND phone numbers either; the Samaritans, Papyrus, Hub of Hope, Campaign Against Living Miserably and many more.

[Padge]

A friend of mine posted this earlier on Facebook, people are willing to listen, talk if you reach out.

When I was a cllr I used to get people calling me on Christmas day to complain about a streetlight. After the first year I realised that wasn't why they called. They just wanted to speak to someone on Christmas Day. I welcomed the calls after that. Always made sure we had a conversation. Always ended on a nice note.

If you're feeling low, lonely or sad, give me a shout this Christmas period. I don't mind. Dunno if I can do much but I'll have a chat. Give me a shout. It's good for both of us.

 

[graveyard johnny]

for some this time of year is a huge magnification of time lost and wasted , lost loved ones and a time to dwell on regret and mistakes

[Futtocks]

38 minutes ago, Padge said:

When I was a cllr I used to get people calling me on Christmas day to complain about a streetlight. After the first year I realised that wasn't why they called.

In my last job, I had a few customers like that. The music business has more than its fair share of damaged people and it was always okay to let their calls run their course and let them feel fully vented.

[graveyard johnny]

3 minutes ago, Futtocks said:

In my last job, I had a few customers like that. The music business has more than its fair share of damaged people and it was always okay to let their calls run their course and let them feel fully vented.

what do you class as "DAMAGED PEOPLE" ?

[Futtocks]

15 minutes ago, graveyard johnny said:

what do you class as "DAMAGED PEOPLE" ?

There were some odd folk in the music business to say the least, and we made allowances. Quite a lot of it was down to the intense booze culture; we had quite a lot of high-functioning alcoholics in the business and a few more who weren't quite so high-functioning.

And a lot of them died in middle age. My address book is full of tombstones.

For instance, there was one customer who, if he called us and placed an order after "lunch", we'd always hold it 'til the next day, so he could cancel anything extravagant he might have asked for in his afternoon condition. It was never acknowledged, it was just the done thing.

Edited December 13, 2024 by Futtocks

[Padge]

18 minutes ago, Futtocks said:

There were some odd folk in the music business to say the least, and we made allowances. Quite a lot of it was down to the intense booze culture; we had quite a lot of high-functioning alcoholics in the business and a few more who weren't quite so high-functioning.

And a lot of them died in middle age. My address book is full of tombstones.

For instance, there was one customer who, if he called us and placed an order after "lunch", we'd always hold it 'til the next day, so he could cancel anything extravagant he might have asked for in his afternoon condition. It was never acknowledged, it was just the done thing.

You are Lunchtime O'Booze and I claim my £5.

[JohnM]

Different times back then, but in the late 1950s and early 1960s, the brass band in which I was a player used to go round various old folks home on Christmas morning playing a few carols for the residents. It was much appreciated. I believe that today, some care homes welcome visits to residents who may not have a family to visit them.   I don't know if there's any such places in any members area  Doing something like that might take one's mind off any feeling of the fundamental pointlessness of life. 

[Futtocks]

13 minutes ago, JohnM said:

Different times back then, but in the late 1950s and early 1960s, the brass band in which I was a player used to go round various old folks home on Christmas morning playing a few carols for the residents. It was much appreciated. I believe that today, some care homes welcome visits to residents who may not have a family to visit them.   I don't know if there's any such places in any members area  Doing something like that might take one's mind off any feeling of the fundamental pointlessness of life. 

Where my mum lives, small groups from the town's brass band play all around the neighbourhood in the days before Christmas, and it really is well-received.

[The Masked Poster]

Of course Christmas is a time when those who aren't having a good time of it, feel maybe even worse. Believe me, I know and have lived through it.

And I genuinely don't mean this in a "who gives a toss" way, seriously. But I don't think making people feel guilty about having a good time benefits anyone. The problems with loneliness etc will not go away over Christmas and if we are serious about addressing these issues, then we can do it all year round.

But I feel making people feel as if they are selfish for having a brief respite from life and enjoying a few days with no cares isn't the answer either. 

 

[gingerjon]

1 hour ago, The Masked Poster said:

But I don't think making people feel guilty about having a good time benefits anyone.

Is anyone doing that?

[The Masked Poster]

1 hour ago, gingerjon said:

Is anyone doing that?

Yeah I think so. I've read numerous posts on Facebook etc saying things like "sure, you're enjoying your Christmas but what about (insert terrible case)". It can only take away from what little enjoyment we can get in our lives. 

I'm definitely not saying I don't care, I do and strongly. But I feel the way to improve things is not to make others feel bad too. 

[gingerjon]

9 minutes ago, The Masked Poster said:

Yeah I think so. I've read numerous posts on Facebook etc saying things like "sure, you're enjoying your Christmas but what about (insert terrible case)". It can only take away from what little enjoyment we can get in our lives. 

I'm definitely not saying I don't care, I do and strongly. But I feel the way to improve things is not to make others feel bad too. 

Apologies - I thought you were meaning people on this thread.

[Gerrumonside ref]

I have mixed feelings about this Christmas as family members are having cancer treatment suddenly which has changed my plans.

I won’t, like the vast majority, be having the glitzy perfect commercial Christmas as advertised on our screens, but I console myself that it’s an illusion anyway.

Instead I’m trying to stay grounded and grateful for what I do have and make of it what I can and spread any extra kindness to others that I can muster.

Ultimately, your perspective is something you can control when life serves up curve balls at you.

It’s not an easy time for many, even for those who have all the ingredients like family and spare money to have an idyllic Christmas - but if you make of it what you can then nobody can take that away from you, I find.

And if you’re struggling to do that then please reach out for help.

[wroteforluck87]

Christmas where to begin.. 

For me the end of September is when the dread kicks in, I panic that me and my partner won't have Christmas sorted and the kids will be disappointed, we never fail and they are never disappointed but I can't get that in my head until we are over the line. I withdraw from any outings I may have planned, I haven't allowed myself go on a Christmas do with work in 8 years, I make up excuses why I can't attend any spontaneous get togethers, my psoriasis flares up and I become very short and snappy with people.. the Christmas dread genuinely puts my relationships with my partner, family and friends in turmoil.

My partner thinks I have Seasonally Adjusted Depression and I may have..

I feel foolish talking to people about how this time of year makes me feel when you have so many people getting through Christmas without loved ones and I assume for the majority of people it's the best time anyone could spend with thier families. I do feel that too myself once my anxiety has settled but the run up to it is awful and I'm aware it is something I'm putting on myself.

I have only ever told my partner and mum about my Christmas dread until now.. never thought I'd publicly sharing it on internet forum so if there is another poster on here who tortures themselves in a similar manner each Christmas your not alone..

hang in there

 

 

Edited December 16, 2024 by wroteforluck87

[Futtocks]

When my landlord did up the building I live in, he installed ceiling halogens in place of the old hanging tungsten filament bulb for the main room light.

As those halogens failed one by one over the years, I replaced them with LED equivalents which have lasted ever since, but I used "daylight" bulbs instead of the more yellow tint of the regular ones that ape traditional lightbulbs.

I also have an uplighter with a 150w-equivalent daylight bulb and it all makes the indoors light feel much more natural, especially during Winter. These can be good for S.A.D. sufferers.

[Mumby Magic]

Been trying to find the Mental Health thread from a couple if years ago with no success. It's pretty day of the year.  Do I enjoy it of course I do but it's easy to over think things. Dynamics means this year I can't have dinner with my partner plus it's had second Xmas without my mum, plus first at my parents since she passed. I try and look past that. I've 2 young lads 15 n 12, two trwat step kids and an amazing partner and supportive Dad. If I don't see them at all on one day of the year so be it. They are in my life and I'm lucky. I hope every one can find police and I'm a message away if anyone at anytime needs to chat. O and can someone fond the Mental health thread pls lol.

[CanaBull]

Finally after 4 years of being divorced/separated am finally learning to not dread christmas again.  Used to be a nightmare of eggshell walking because it wasn't perfect.  New place, new partner and new outlook, just take the time with us and my lad and enjoy the day whatever it may be, full on meal or pizza and a beer.

Was nice just to have the time on my own too, though I know that can be hard for some.  Boxing Day is our 'Christmas' this year, so can be about on here if people need a bit of a natter on Christmas Day itself.

[Mumby Magic]

11 hours ago, CanaBull said:

Finally after 4 years of being divorced/separated am finally learning to not dread christmas again.  Used to be a nightmare of eggshell walking because it wasn't perfect.  New place, new partner and new outlook, just take the time with us and my lad and enjoy the day whatever it may be, full on meal or pizza and a beer.

Was nice just to have the time on my own too, though I know that can be hard for some.  Boxing Day is our 'Christmas' this year, so can be about on here if people need a bit of a natter on Christmas Day itself.

Glad you're ok.