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Another Joke Thread


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The previous one seems to have disappeared. Ah, well...

 

"We are easily breakable, by illness or falling, or a million other ways of leaving this earthly life. We are just so much mashed potato."  Don Estelle

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A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a bloodbank. The receptionist asks the rabbit, "What blood type are you?" The rabbit replied, "I'm probably a type-O."

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I've decided to sell all my copies of "Osteopathic Weekly", "Chiropractor News" and "Which Physio".

If anyone is interested, I have lots of back issues...

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England RU Coach Eddie Jones : "I spent a bit of time up at Hull and I like the full back there Connor, he's a tough, skilful player"

Jake Connor : "I've never played Union, it doesn't look that hard, you never say never but it looks too boring for me"

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May be an image of 1 person and text that says "The teacher who put fck boris on that wall is a legend.. ATH P Cr Si Rg Fu Ck Pe Dp R Is with Butnot in the classroom because that's clearly nonsensical TI Dm"

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England RU Coach Eddie Jones : "I spent a bit of time up at Hull and I like the full back there Connor, he's a tough, skilful player"

Jake Connor : "I've never played Union, it doesn't look that hard, you never say never but it looks too boring for me"

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Paddy and Murphy out in the woods. Paddy says “I’m busting for a shiiite but have no toilet paper” Murphy says “Well do you have £5?” “Yes” says Paddy…”well use that then”…..”good idea” says Paddy and off he goes. 
 

Paddy comes back, covered in  shiitte, hands etc. “WTF have you been doing?” says Murphy. “Well have you ever tried wiping your ass with 2 £2 coins and 2 50p’s?”

Edited by Johnoco
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10 hours ago, CanaBull said:

Caught this on Reddit:

In the US it's called a Booster Shot, in the UK it's called a Borcestershire Shot.

Doesn't really work that does it cos Borcestershire would be pronounced Buster-shuh not booster. Americans thinking they're being funny even though its basically just stereotyping and xenophobia which I personally find quite offensive, especially when it's coming from an American. Not content with brainwashing their own people into believing they are the greatest country in the world, they have to put down other countries as well... Egotistical a**eholes... 

Edited by The Hallucinating Goose
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4 hours ago, The Hallucinating Goose said:

Doesn't really work that does it cos Borcestershire would be pronounced Buster-shuh not booster. Americans thinking they're being funny even though its basically just stereotyping and xenophobia which I personally find quite offensive, especially when it's coming from an American. Not content with brainwashing their own people into believing they are the greatest country in the world, they have to put down other countries as well... Egotistical a**eholes... 

It was always Wuster with me, just like the Seabrook crisps or, if we were in finer company it would be pronounced 'Leeanperrins' 😆

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May be an image of 1 person and text that says "The teacher who put fck boris on that wall is a legend.. ATH P Cr Si Rg Fu Ck Pe Dp R Is with Butnot in the classroom because that's clearly nonsensical TI Dm"

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England RU Coach Eddie Jones : "I spent a bit of time up at Hull and I like the full back there Connor, he's a tough, skilful player"

Jake Connor : "I've never played Union, it doesn't look that hard, you never say never but it looks too boring for me"

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Just now, Bearman said:

2 tamil brahmin men get onto a bus in New York. They sit down & engage in an animated conversation. 

The lady sitting next 2 them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears 1 of them say the following:

_"Emma cums first._
 _Den I ######._
 _Den two asses ###### together._
 _I ###### once-a-more!_
 _2 asses, they ###### 2gether again._
 _I ###### again and pee twice._
_Then I ###### one lasta time."_

The lady can't take this any more and shouts "You foul- mouthed Indian, in this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our personal lives however extraordinary they are."

"Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. "I am a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."

(I swear you're gonna read this again) . 😂😂😂

Well that didn’t work. I’ll try again

 

2 tamil brahmin men get onto a bus in New York. They sit down & engage in an animated conversation. 

The lady sitting next 2 them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears 1 of them say the following:

_"Emma cums first._
 _Den I cumm
 _Den two asses cumm together._
 _I cumm once-a-more!_
 _2 asses, they cumm 2gether again._
 _I cumm again and pee twice._
_Then I cumm one lasta time."_

The lady can't take this any more and shouts "You foul- mouthed Indian, in this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our personal lives however extraordinary they are."

"Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. "I am a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."

(I swear you're gonna read this again) . 😂😂😂

 

 

 

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Ron Banks

Bears and Barrow

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"We are easily breakable, by illness or falling, or a million other ways of leaving this earthly life. We are just so much mashed potato."  Don Estelle

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May be an image of text that says "Hello doctors surgery, thanks for waiting, how can i help?"

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England RU Coach Eddie Jones : "I spent a bit of time up at Hull and I like the full back there Connor, he's a tough, skilful player"

Jake Connor : "I've never played Union, it doesn't look that hard, you never say never but it looks too boring for me"

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4 mates were coming up to their 40th Birthdays. They decided to celebrate with a drink and a meal. They chose Weatherspoons in Uttoxeter because it had cheap beer, ok food and the bar maids were easy on the eye.

Fast forward 10 years to their 50th and they decided to do it again. They chose Weatherspoons in Uttoxeter because it had cheap beer, ok food and there was easy parking.

Fast forward to their 60th and they chose Weatherspoons in Uttoxeter because it had cheap beer, ok food, parking and there was no music.

Fast forward to their 70th and they chose Weatherspoons in Uttoxeter because it had cheap beer, ok food, easy parking, no music and there was a lift to the toilets.

Another 10 years go by and they are coming up to the big 80.

They chose the Weatherspoons in Uttoxeter because they had never been there before.

 

( pendants please note I know Weatherspoons hasn't been going that long)

 

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Ron Banks

Bears and Barrow

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Don’t know if this will pass the moderators but here goes.

A father walks by his son’s bedroom and sees the lad playing with himself.  Concerned, the father goes into the bedroom and says ‘Son, if you keep doing that you will go blind’.

The son replies ‘Dad, I am over here!’

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