Another Joke Thread

[Bearman]

A priest is giving a young nun a lift home from church one day... and as he's shifting gears, he rests his hand on the nun's knee... The young nun looks up at the priest and says: "Father, remember Luke 14:10." -The priest withdraws his hand, embarrassed. 

Next time they stop at a light, he places his hand a little higher up on her thigh. The nun says: "Remember Luke 14:10, Father." The priest apologizes: "The flesh is weak", he says... 

So he drops her off and when he gets home, he reaches for his Bible and he flips to Luke 14:10. "Friend, come up higher, then shalt thou have glory."

D’oh!!

[CanaBull]

What did the cannibal do after she dumped her boyfriend?

She wiped her bum.

[DavidM]

Man goes into a pet shop and says ‘ I’d like to buy a wasp ‘. The manager says ‘we don’t sell wasps ‘.  The man replies ‘well you’ve got one in the window ‘ 

[The Future is League]

[Gerrumonside ref]

10 hours ago, Mumby Magic said:

My mate has called his daughter Shania. That don't impress me much.

If it makes you happy, it can’t be that baaaad.

[Mumby Magic]

13 hours ago, Gerrumonside ref said:

If it makes you happy, it can’t be that baaaad.

Thats Sheryl Crow.

[RoyBoy295]

Bought a boat today. I didnt really need it, but there was a sail on

[Mumby Magic]

I think psychology is mental.

[CanaBull]

Vatican issued a statement bemoaning the influx of feral felines giving kisses to visitors.  You would have thought they would have liked roaming cat licks.

[Futtocks]

 

[Moose]

[Futtocks]

 

[Mumby Magic]

If you had a job in South Korea and left it for a job in North Korea. Would that be a bad Korea move?

[DavidM]

4 hours ago, Mumby Magic said:

If you had a job in South Korea and left it for a job in North Korea. Would that be a bad Korea move?

Yes , or you’ve been kidnapped 

[Futtocks]

1 hour ago, DavidM said:

Yes , or you’ve been kidnapped 

And forced to direct a cruddy kaiju movoe: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulgasari 

[The Hallucinating Goose]

18 hours ago, DavidM said:

Yes , or you’ve been kidnapped 

Personally I think the best way to enter North Korea is by surfboard. 

[Bearman]

One for Robin

BBC Breaking News South Yorkshire

Police have found £12 million worth of cocaine, 6 AK47 assault rifles and 200 live hand grenades at a house behind the library in Rotherham.

Residents are to be shocked as they didn't know there was a library in Rotherham

Edited November 7, 2021 by Bearman

[DavidM]

Man dies very unexpectedly 401 years ago , shocking his family …

[Futtocks]

 

[Futtocks]

 

[Bearman]

My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the delivery guy knocked on the door to see if were ok

[Bearman]

A Scouser is doing really well on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. He's got to £125,000 with all his lifelines.

Jeremy: OK, for £250,000 which of the following was one of the Great Train Robbers was it:

Ronnie Biggs
Ronnie O'Sullivan
Ronnie Corbett
Ronnie Wood

Take your time

Lad:  I'll take the money Jeremy

Jeremy: Are you sure, you've still got 3 lifelines

Lad:  I'm sure Jeremy, I'll take the money.

Jeremy: OK audience, give him a big round of applause, but before you go I'm sure you'd like to know the answer.

Lad:  I know the answer Jeremy.

Jeremy: You know the answer? You've just turned down a quarter of a million quid, are you mad? are you mental?

Lad: I may be mental Jeremy but I'm no grass.

[Exiled Townie]

[Futtocks]

 

[The Future is League]