Another Joke Thread

[Bearman]

Thanks everyone for your concern and lovely messages. 
First off, I'm OK,  I was a bit shaken up though.
For those of you that aren’t aware, I was robbed at tesco petrol station earlier this morning.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police.

They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!
My money is gone however.
The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them,
“Yes, it was pump number 2.”

Be careful out there!

[tonyXIII]

7 hours ago, Bearman said:

Thanks everyone for your concern and lovely messages. 
First off, I'm OK,  I was a bit shaken up though.
For those of you that aren’t aware, I was robbed at tesco petrol station earlier this morning.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police.

They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!
My money is gone however.
The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them,
“Yes, it was pump number 2.”

Be careful out there!

You had me going there for a bit, Bearman.

Just wait till you get your next fuel bill! Then you'll know what daylight robbery really feels like.

Edited March 23, 2022 by tonyXIII

[JohnM]

I finally got fired from my job, even though I maintain that I always gave 100%. However, at the tribunal they said....

 

'That's not how you mark exams'

[M j M]

 

[DavidM]

Err …

[Stirlin]

[Stirlin]

[Stirlin]

[graveyard johnny]

3 minutes ago, Stirlin said:

unfunny - photoshopped rubbish 

[ckn]

[Futtocks]

 

[RayCee]

I put together this blog which mainly features jokes. This link is to the 'Funny' category. Fell free to wander about. I don't do much with it now (I'm not as funny as I was).

https://raycee12.blogspot.com/search/label/Funny

[The Future is League]

8 hours ago, RayCee said:

I put together this blog which mainly features jokes. This link is to the 'Funny' category. Fell free to wander about. I don't do much with it now (I'm not as funny as I was).

https://raycee12.blogspot.com/search/label/Funny

Love it

[The Future is League]

[RayCee]

11 hours ago, The Future is League said:

 

Whoever gets the patent will surely be flushed with success. 

[Stirlin]

[Stirlin]

[Stirlin]

[Yorks Tim]

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the
Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a
little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a
tie? They are only $5.

"The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not
need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must
find water first."

"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. 
I will show you that I am bigger than that. 
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. 
It has all the water you need. Shalom.

Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours
later he staggered back.

"Your brother won't let me in without a tie." 

[Stirlin]

Are dyslexic Fev supporters known as Cat Flappers ?.

[Futtocks]

 

[Stirlin]

[Old Frightful]

[The Future is League]

[Old Frightful]