Stirlin Posted September 1, 2022 Share Posted September 1, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, Mumby Magic said: Don't get it Can't remember posting that MM , probably after I had been to the pub. Never post with a full bladder. Edited September 1, 2022 by Stirlin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidM Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 So i’m lying in bed , all the lights off to save energy , and i hear a noise downstairs …i get up and shout down “ who’s there “ . A voice says “ im a burglar , I’ve broke in and I’m looking for money “ . “ OK “ I say , “ give me a minute and I’ll come and help you to look “ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stirlin Posted September 3, 2022 Share Posted September 3, 2022 Last month, the UN conducted a worldwide survey. The only question asked was, “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a huge failure. Why? Well... a) In Africa, they didn't know what ‘food’ meant. b) In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what ‘honest’ meant. c) In Western Europe, they didn't know what ‘shortage’ meant. d) In China, they didn't know what ‘opinion’ meant. e) In the Middle East, they didn't know what ‘solution’ meant. f) In South America, they didn't know what ‘please’ meant. g) And in the USA, they didn't know what ‘the rest of the world’ meant. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graveyard johnny Posted September 4, 2022 Share Posted September 4, 2022 the royal family has just got rid of princess dianas old 1980s escort for 640k- so how come Andrews wouldn't go for less than 12 million? 1 see you later undertaker - in a while necrophile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Future is League Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stirlin Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Frightful Posted September 7, 2022 Share Posted September 7, 2022 4 Hull FC....The Sons of God... (Well, we are about to be crucified on Good Friday) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Futtocks Posted September 10, 2022 Author Share Posted September 10, 2022 Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted. Ralph Waldo Emerson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Future is League Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Futtocks Posted September 11, 2022 Author Share Posted September 11, 2022 3 Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted. Ralph Waldo Emerson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adelaide Tiger Posted September 12, 2022 Share Posted September 12, 2022 A woman is walking hand in hand with her three year old daughter. Her daughter looks up to her mother and says ‘Mummy, mummy, why are your hands so soft’. The woman replied ‘It’s because I am only thirteen’. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Frightful Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 Hull FC....The Sons of God... (Well, we are about to be crucified on Good Friday) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidM Posted September 14, 2022 Share Posted September 14, 2022 (edited) The days are getting shorter … Edited September 14, 2022 by DavidM 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stirlin Posted September 14, 2022 Share Posted September 14, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Futtocks Posted September 19, 2022 Author Share Posted September 19, 2022 Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted. Ralph Waldo Emerson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Futtocks Posted September 21, 2022 Author Share Posted September 21, 2022 Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted. Ralph Waldo Emerson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolford6 Posted September 21, 2022 Share Posted September 21, 2022 (edited) Not exactly a joke, but from this week's Private Eye: Elizabeth Truss is an anagram of Sizeable Thrust It might be worth someone posting this on the Politics Thread. I'm banned for supporting Brexit and telling unwelcome truths. Edited September 21, 2022 by Wolford6 Under Scrutiny by the Right-On Thought Police Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Future is League Posted September 22, 2022 Share Posted September 22, 2022 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Futtocks Posted September 24, 2022 Author Share Posted September 24, 2022 Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted. Ralph Waldo Emerson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnM Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 Went to Boots for deodorant. The assistant asked "Ball or aerosol?" "Neither", I replied. "it's for my armpits." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Futtocks Posted September 25, 2022 Author Share Posted September 25, 2022 7 hours ago, JohnM said: Went to Boots for deodorant. The assistant asked "Ball or aerosol?" "Neither", I replied. "it's for my armpits." It works better with a Swedish accent. Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted. Ralph Waldo Emerson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Les Tonks Sidestep Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 "Help! I can't get my jogging trousers off!" "We'll have to perform an emergency trackybottomy" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Les Tonks Sidestep Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 Couldn't undo the buttons on my jumper so tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck. Now sitting in A&E waiting to see a cardyologist. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graveyard johnny Posted October 2, 2022 Share Posted October 2, 2022 my wife rose is leaving me because of my obsession with pens- bye rose see you later undertaker - in a while necrophile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnM Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 I never know whether to believe my mate or not. He's just told me that the Patron Saint of copying people into an email is... . . . . St Francis of a cc 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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