Another Joke Thread

[Adelaide Tiger]

Not a joke but I found this funny.

Today was the Melbourne Cup horse race - the race that allegedly stops the nation- and after the race the presenter on ABC National Radio spoke to some bloke called Ian from the Northern Territory.  Ian had just organised a saltwater crocodile race day for the same day.  The crocs were about 1.6m long and ‘hired’ from a local farm.

Ian said that they had held three races.  The presenter asked Ian what were the names of the winning crocs.  I can’t remember the names of the first two winners but Ian said that the winner of the third race was Croc Sucker!  It must have gone over the presenters head as he just prattled on.

[The Hallucinating Goose]

2 hours ago, Adelaide Tiger said:

Not a joke but I found this funny.

Today was the Melbourne Cup horse race - the race that allegedly stops the nation- and after the race the presenter on ABC National Radio spoke to some bloke called Ian from the Northern Territory.  Ian had just organised a saltwater crocodile race day for the same day.  The crocs were about 1.6m long and ‘hired’ from a local farm.

Ian said that they had held three races.  The presenter asked Ian what were the names of the winning crocs.  I can’t remember the names of the first two winners but Ian said that the winner of the third race was Croc Sucker!  It must have gone over the presenters head as he just prattled on.

Crocodile racing! My kind of sport! Is there any footage of this out there?? 

[DavidM]

2 hours ago, Adelaide Tiger said:

Not a joke but I found this funny.

Today was the Melbourne Cup horse race - the race that allegedly stops the nation- and after the race the presenter on ABC National Radio spoke to some bloke called Ian from the Northern Territory.  Ian had just organised a saltwater crocodile race day for the same day.  The crocs were about 1.6m long and ‘hired’ from a local farm.

Ian said that they had held three races.  The presenter asked Ian what were the names of the winning crocs.  I can’t remember the names of the first two winners but Ian said that the winner of the third race was Croc Sucker!  It must have gone over the presenters head as he just prattled on.

Brave jockeys 

[Bearman]

Reminds me the story of the guy that entered his pet into a dog fight.

The organiser asked " what breed is that"

" A long nosed long tailed short legged terrier" came the reply. " Mind you some people call them crocodiles"

[Futtocks]

6 hours ago, The Hallucinating Goose said:

Crocodile racing! My kind of sport! Is there any footage of this out there?? 

Not only is there footage, but our Antipodean cousins have applied all their sophisticated wit to the naming of the competitors.

https://www.ntnews.com.au/news/northern-territory/2021-croc-races-at-berry-springs-tavern/video/fefa776dad4191e3a1bbb5acf4203def 

[Wiltshire Warrior Dragon]

A nurse told me that the biggest threat facing the NHS is 'Holby City'; actually, she might have said 'obesity'!

OK, I admit it.  My daughter and I saw Milton Jones in Winchester on Sunday evening.

[The Hallucinating Goose]

1 hour ago, Futtocks said:

Not only is there footage, but our Antipodean cousins have applied all their sophisticated wit to the naming of the competitors.

https://www.ntnews.com.au/news/northern-territory/2021-croc-races-at-berry-springs-tavern/video/fefa776dad4191e3a1bbb5acf4203def 

Brilliant! Fast little beggers aren't they?!

Without a doubt my new favourite sport because if there's one thing rugby league doesn't have its massive, slippery lizards!  ....oh wait. 

[graveyard johnny]

20 hours ago, Futtocks said:

Not only is there footage, but our Antipodean cousins have applied all their sophisticated wit to the naming of the competitors.

https://www.ntnews.com.au/news/northern-territory/2021-croc-races-at-berry-springs-tavern/video/fefa776dad4191e3a1bbb5acf4203def 

nothing like a good old laugh at the expense of god's creatures is there? - more animal exploitation antics in the name of entertainment - poor things were probably scared witless- Aren't the human race a lovely lot? now a crocodile wrestling with Jamie Oliver would be a different story 

Edited November 2, 2022 by graveyard johnny

[Stirlin]

Fool your neighbours into thinking you're giving your wife an orgasm by flushing the downstairs bog whilst she's upstairs taking a shower...

[Futtocks]

 

[The Hallucinating Goose]

I've been watching a lot of Zombie movies recently so I'm prepared in case it happens for real. Same reason I watch so much porn... 

[Bearman]

The bloke who invented  auto correct died yesterday,
His funfair is next monkey

Edited November 11, 2022 by Bearman

[The Hallucinating Goose]

I have recently developed a fear of over engineered buildings. 

It's a complex complex complex. 

[Bearman]

Good news guys !!!!!

As you get older your John Thomas grows in size.

ITS TRUE I can prove it.

When I was 20 in the 60's my old man was the size of a Mars bar

Now I'm in my 70's it's twice as big as one

[Futtocks]

 

[Bedfordshire Bronco]

On 06/11/2022 at 16:43, Stirlin said:

Fool your neighbours into thinking you're giving your wife an orgasm by flushing the downstairs bog whilst she's upstairs taking a shower...

That's got Viz top tips written all over it

[Stirlin]

Just now, Bedfordshire Bronco said:

That's got Viz top tips written all over it

Aye.

[Old Frightful]

[RayCee]

I'm always right. I always agree with my wife.

[Number 16]

A man in the pub asked me to name three Qatar players.

I said Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page and George Harrison.

[Old Frightful]

[Stirlin]

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?ref=external&v=1549731758877485

[JohnM]

[Stirlin]

Members of the RMT, Post Office workers and ambulance service staff have voted unanimously to walk out-out and go on strike-strike after a ballot was taken criticising the poor conditions they have to endure on picket line duty. Charlie Endbell who was on strike supporting the RMT was quoted as saying,
"The conditions on the picket lines are bleedin' awful. There's no wi-fi, we have to sit on upturned buckets in front of a smokey fire in an oil drum, the nearest betting office is a mile away and our Costa Coffee ordered via Deliveroo always arrives bloody cold. We've missed all the football and there's no place to charge our I-phones. We have no choice but to go on a further strike-strike until our pitiful picketing conditions are improved. All we ask for is a Winnebago RV for each picket line, access to decent wi-fi and taxis to and from Bet Fred and Costa Coffee and perhaps the British Army could come out with a mobile field kitchen and a decent celebrity chef to keep us fed during these cold months.....it's hard work being a picket so until our conditions are vastly improved, we're all out-out on strike-strike"

[DavidM]