Dear Diary

[voteronniegibbs]

14 hours ago, JonM said:

Good luck!

My aunt and uncle decided last month to retire an downsize to the countryside and both handed in their notice at work. Less than three weeks later, they'd sold their house, bought one in the New Forest and actually completed and moved in.  Not sure where you find solicitors that work at that speed...

 

10 hours ago, Johnoco said:

Last time I moved house (into where I currently live) everything was pretty much done and dusted by September. We didn't move in until late December. We never got satisfactory answers as to why it was taking so long. 

A few years later my OH had to call at the same solicitors on a HMRC issue. She found her slumped over her desk ###### out of her head! Turns out she was a raving alcoholic and barely did any work. Which explained why it took us so long to move. She was declared bankrupt not long after. 

Moving house can be completely and unnecessarily stressful. Usually caused by the beureacrats time wasting 

[Bleep1673]

Just had 3 x winners at Goodwood Races, 1x loss, and in the Sussex Stakes I had Alcohol Free to win, 2nd e/w and 3rd to win, not a bad job. My Ladbrokes account at new year 2021 was down to £1.25, now it is just short of £100, although I only bet occaisonally, I bet for fun, not habit.

[The Hallucinating Goose]

This just gave me a bit of a chuckle when I was walking home. This just shows the attitude you have living round here. As I was walking home, there was a car up on a jack with a wheel missing. There was even a mechanic working on the car however, instead of thinking, 'that man is fixing that car', I just thought, 'someone must have nicked the wheel off that car!'

It makes me think of one of Dave Hadfield's old books where he says about away fan visiting Warrington's old place (I think it was Warrington, forgive me if it wasn't, haven't read the book in ages) when he said seasoned away fans knew not to drive to games there and park in the immediate streets around the ground because if you did, when you returned to your car later the wheels would have been replaced with piles of bricks!

[The Hallucinating Goose]

I think for the first time in my life I missed a meal today. I don't know how it could have happened seen as eating is the hobby I'm probably most passionate about! 

[Bearman]

On 13/08/2021 at 09:57, The Hallucinating Goose said:

This just gave me a bit of a chuckle when I was walking home. This just shows the attitude you have living round here. As I was walking home, there was a car up on a jack with a wheel missing. There was even a mechanic working on the car however, instead of thinking, 'that man is fixing that car', I just thought, 'someone must have nicked the wheel off that car!'

It makes me think of one of Dave Hadfield's old books where he says about away fan visiting Warrington's old place (I think it was Warrington, forgive me if it wasn't, haven't read the book in ages) when he said seasoned away fans knew not to drive to games there and park in the immediate streets around the ground because if you did, when you returned to your car later the wheels would have been replaced with piles of bricks!

I had a puncture in a rough area of Coventry. As I was changing the wheel a guy came up and opened the bonnet. I asked him what he was doing and he replied "If your having the wheels  I'm nicking the battery".

[The Hallucinating Goose]

1 hour ago, Bearman said:

I had a puncture in a rough area of Coventry. As I was changing the wheel a guy came up and opened the bonnet. I asked him what he was doing and he replied "If your having the wheels  I'm nicking the battery".

I was talking to one of the plumbers working on my house at the moment (won't tell you who he was but he was a close relative of a rugby league player) and he said he's got a colleague who lives in Oulton and he once had a headlight nicked off his car. Seriously, who nicks a headlight?

[The Hallucinating Goose]

I'm going bald which is rather odd because everyone in my family has a thick coat of feathers, parents, grandparents, everyone as far back as I remember, even pictures I've seen of relatives before that, there hasn't been one featherless member of the Goose household and yet I've started developing a small bald spot. For a couple of months I've thought it was just an awkward parting or where the barbers hand slipped last time I was there but I was in a changing room today, one of those with two mirrors and saw the back of my head. The feathers are definitely thinning, no question about it. Very curious. 

[Northern Eel]

58 minutes ago, The Hallucinating Goose said:

I'm going bald which is rather odd because everyone in my family has a thick coat of feathers, parents, grandparents, everyone as far back as I remember, even pictures I've seen of relatives before that, there hasn't been one featherless member of the Goose household and yet I've started developing a small bald spot. For a couple of months I've thought it was just an awkward parting or where the barbers hand slipped last time I was there but I was in a changing room today, one of those with two mirrors and saw the back of my head. The feathers are definitely thinning, no question about it. Very curious. 

Perhaps you have moulted every autumn, but never been in a two-mirrored changing room at the same time?

Have you also stopped laying? ( I will set the jokes up for you...)

[Farmduck]

4 hours ago, The Hallucinating Goose said:

I'm going bald which is rather odd because everyone in my family has a thick coat of feathers, parents, grandparents, everyone as far back as I remember, even pictures I've seen of relatives before that, there hasn't been one featherless member of the Goose household and yet I've started developing a small bald spot. For a couple of months I've thought it was just an awkward parting or where the barbers hand slipped last time I was there but I was in a changing room today, one of those with two mirrors and saw the back of my head. The feathers are definitely thinning, no question about it. Very curious. 

It could be worse. You could have Sebastopol syndrome

[JohnM]

On 13/08/2021 at 09:57, The Hallucinating Goose said:

This just gave me a bit of a chuckle when I was walking home. This just shows the attitude you have living round here. As I was walking home, there was a car up on a jack with a wheel missing. There was even a mechanic working on the car however, instead of thinking, 'that man is fixing that car', I just thought, 'someone must have nicked the wheel off that car!'

It makes me think of one of Dave Hadfield's old books where he says about away fan visiting Warrington's old place (I think it was Warrington, forgive me if it wasn't, haven't read the book in ages) when he said seasoned away fans knew not to drive to games there and park in the immediate streets around the ground because if you did, when you returned to your car later the wheels would have been replaced with piles of bricks!

I used to carry bricks in the boot. When in a dodgy area, I'd  take the wheels off and put the car up on my own bricks so the locals would leave it alone.

[tonyXIII]

4 hours ago, JohnM said:

I used to carry bricks in the boot. When in a dodgy area, I'd  take the wheels off and put the car up on my own bricks so the locals would leave it alone.

Come off it, John. You were a bricklayer who wanted to work from home.

[Derwent]

6 hours ago, JohnM said:

I used to carry bricks in the boot. When in a dodgy area, I'd  take the wheels off and put the car up on my own bricks so the locals would leave it alone.

I was once cycling through Greenbank in Whitehaven, put my arm out to turn left and somebody nicked my watch.....

[The Hallucinating Goose]

I had a dream last night that I was spreading goose fat on toast and eating it.

[Shadow]

17 minutes ago, The Hallucinating Goose said:

I had a dream last night that I was spreading goose fat on toast and eating it.

Could have been worse, you could be The Hallucinating Man 

[CornwallRL]

Had a dream last night....

[Josef K]

Dear Diary - do people still buy diaries and keep a journal Kenneth Williams Samuel Pepys style !!!!!!. 

[CornwallRL]

19 hours ago, Josef K said:

Dear Diary - do people still buy diaries and keep a journal Kenneth Williams Samuel Pepys style !!!!!!. 

They would do if you knew how to do a question mark??????????

[CornwallRL]

On 07/04/2021 at 11:42, Bleep1673 said:

May 3rd could be the last time in a long while that I have a bath, as my Section 21 Eviction notice expires, and there is nothing around here to rent,

Ah, that's the smell drifting westwards.

[CornwallRL]

Just now, CornwallRL said:

Ah, that's the smell drifting westwards.

Yeah, I know, longshore drift is east.

[CornwallRL]

A social media "influencer" has said she has been the victim of cyber flashing for 10 years. She has said she received hundreds of obscene images, change your name then? Wtf is an influencer doing complaining about being contacted? She is only complaining because her hits drew less than Lewis Hamilton. 

[CornwallRL]

10 years of cyber flashing, & now she complaining, she must have enjoyed 8 years, at least.

[Guest]

So I was buying some booze in the supermarket yesterday and the guy in front was paying for his stuff. Bit of a hold up….me drumming fingers….turns out his shopping came to £11.49 and he didn’t have enough money in his account to pay for it so was deciding what to put back. He wasn’t creating a scene and was clearly embarrassed by the situation, ie genuine. I told him to put them back on the till and I’d pay for them (it was only about £2). He was ridiculously grateful and I had to tell him it wasn’t really a big deal. As I left, he tried to shake my hand but thought again, what with covid around. I gave him another fiver and told him to have a good Christmas and to do the same for someone else one day. (I know, I know, philanthropist is my middle name)

 It sort of blew my mind that you wouldn’t have enough money in your account but I’d forgotten that I was once in that boat too. Moral is, if you can help someone do so. 
 

But I still don’t give to those jokers tapping on your car window at the lights.

[CornwallRL]

On 19/12/2021 at 09:23, Johnoco said:

 It sort of blew my mind that you wouldn’t have enough money in your account but I’d forgotten that I was once in that boat too. Moral is, if you can help someone do so. 
 

But I still don’t give to those jokers tapping on your car window at the lights.

I got my Universal Credit on Friday, after paying my phone & Internet bill, a must for job searches these days, paid £25 electric, £15 Gas, £22 H20, £18 TV Licence, £11.25, back council tax, £6.75 for a bottle of plonk for Xmas day, £600 rent, £40 credit card, I had £35 to spend on food until January 17th. Good job I had been putting £10pcm in a jam jar for Christmas. I still ended up £18o/d. Thank you DWP for the £10 Christmas bonus.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, CornwallRL said:

I got my Universal Credit on Friday, after paying my phone & Internet bill, a must for job searches these days, paid £25 electric, £15 Gas, £22 H20, £18 TV Licence, £11.25, back council tax, £6.75 for a bottle of plonk for Xmas day, £600 rent, £40 credit card, I had £35 to spend on food until January 17th. Good job I had been putting £10pcm in a jam jar for Christmas. I still ended up £18o/d. Thank you DWP for the £10 Christmas bonus.

So you get around £800 per month on UC? 

[The Hallucinating Goose]

1 hour ago, Johnoco said:

So you get around £800 per month on UC? 

He gets more on UC than I get working.