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People who go on quiz shows ans say "no pressure" when they are up against it .It`s a phrase that these people cant help but say , almost as trite as "it was an emotional roller coaster" as if  they have a string in their back that you pull to get the usual knee jerk response .

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18 hours ago, The Hallucinating Goose said:

People who go on quiz shows and use the excuse, "it's before my time" when they get a question wrong. What so you're not able to find out about stuff that happened before you were born? Have these people never watched a documentary or read a book or anything? 

  • Bradley Walsh: "Name the television naturalist the 'RichardAttenborosaurus' dinosaur is named after."
  • Contestant: "Erm... pass."
  •  
  • Anne Robinson: "In the Lord's Prayer, what word beginning with 'H' meaning 'blessed' comes before 'be thy name'?"
  • Contestant: (quietly) "Howard."
  • Anne: "Pardon?"
  • Contestant: (louder) "Howard."
  •  
  • Ben Shephard: "Between 1991 and 1999, Peter Schmeichel was the goalkeeper for which English football club?"
  • Contestant: "Germany?"
  •  
  • Ben: "What day is Christmas Day traditionally celebrated in the UK?"
  • Contestant: "Wednesday."
  •  
  • Alexander Armstrong: "Who was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald in Dallas?"
  • Contestant: "JR."
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5 minutes ago, Jasper said:
  • Bradley Walsh: "Name the television naturalist the 'RichardAttenborosaurus' dinosaur is named after."
  • Contestant: "Erm... pass."

Errrm.... wasn't Richard Attenborough a director, NOT a naturalist? 😁

 

6 minutes ago, Jasper said:
  •  
  • Alexander Armstrong: "Who was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald in Dallas?"
  • Contestant: "JR."

I'm 100% certain Lee Harvey Oswald didn't assassinate anybody 🤓

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13 hours ago, RoyBoy295 said:

Females of all ages going to the shop in onesies, pyjamas and dressing gowns.

Get dressed you lazy skanky tramps

 

People using US phrases and terminology.

I think you’ll find these ladies to whom you refer are lazy slappers 

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  • 1 month later...

I'm getting really fed up with a group of people I'm going to call knowledge snobs (don't know if there's a more established phrase). These are people who know a fact you don't and when you can't answer a question on it and get a question wrong they either look at you with utter disgust, tut and roll their eyes and even laugh and make fun of you. Or they'll do all these things tbh. 

I could literally wipe the floor with these people when it comes to geography, history, law, rugby league and several other topics but just because I get a question wrong or don't know the answer to a question within a subject I have absolutely no interest in whatsoever but they do, that apparently makes me a target of ridicule and I am treated like I am utterly stupid. Phrases such as, "I can't believe you don't know (insert obscure fact hardly anyone knows)! Where have you been all your life! Everyone knows that!" (actually only about 1 in million people will know). 

These are the same people that will be so egotistical when they mention a band you haven't heard of or a film or TV show you've never heard of. Again, in that instance they will put you down and use phrases such as, "I can't believe you don't know who (insert incredibly obscure indie band here) are!" 

As I say, I'm getting really fed up with these kinds of people. 

Edited by The Hallucinating Goose
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Must be a day for spam calls. 

No 1, purtaining to be BT. 

"Your broadband appears to getting blocked by other IP address" 

"Really, that doesn't sound good. Please can you tell me what broadband is though, as it's not a word I've come across before" 

*click* as overseas caller hangs up. 

No 2 - ambulance chaser 

"You were involved in a car accident recently and may want to claim for your injuriees" 

"Really, I never realised that. When was it? I must have blacked out." 

"OK, may a slip or fall, maybe at work. Or one of your relatives" 

"No, I'll stick with the car accident for now. What happened to me and when?" 

*click* as caller with UK accent hangs up. 

And yes, I am registered with TPS... 

Edited by gazza77
Grammer

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I got a multipack of boosts . They’re small to begin with but the packet is a quarter bigger than the bar . The bar is absolutely minuscule . Size of chocolate bars nowadays is an absolute disgrace . Small is becoming tiny . They should be debating this in parliament . And bags of crisps , don’t get me started 

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1. One response I give when someone unwanted calls me.  "I don't know how you are doing this. I don't have a phone." 

2. "This is a secure MoD line. Please hang up immediately or there will be serious consequences for you." 

3. For accident lines, go past the intro until you are put through to someone who asks for dryad ils, then say the accident happened in 1941 over France  or somesuch. 

 

Edited by JohnM

Four legs good - two legs bad

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On 10/09/2020 at 13:31, gazza77 said:

Must be a day for spam calls. 

No 1, purtaining to be BT. 

"Your broadband appears to getting blocked by other IP address" 

"Really, that doesn't sound good. Please can you tell me what broadband is though, as it's not a word I've come across before" 

*click* as overseas caller hangs up. 

No 2 - ambulance chaser 

"You were involved in a car accident recently and may want to claim for your injuriees" 

"Really, I never realised that. When was it? I must have blacked out." 

"OK, may a slip or fall, maybe at work. Or one of your relatives" 

"No, I'll stick with the car accident for now. What happened to me and when?" 

*click* as caller with UK accent hangs up. 

And yes, I am registered with TPS... 

The last one of these was a new variant of Number 1: “Hello, this is Virgin Media, your internet router is causing problems, I need to help you fix it”. (We’re not with Virgin Media)

I responded with heavy breathing and “Do you want to be my friend?” in the creepiest voice I could generate.

Silence.

They tried again.

I responded “Are you pretty?”

*click* (from them)

I’m running out of new ideas on how to get that *click*

"When in deadly danger, when beset by doubt; run in little circles, wave your arms and shout"

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35 minutes ago, ckn said:

The last one of these was a new variant of Number 1: “Hello, this is Virgin Media, your internet router is causing problems, I need to help you fix it”. (We’re not with Virgin Media)

I responded with heavy breathing and “Do you want to be my friend?” in the creepiest voice I could generate.

Silence.

They tried again.

I responded “Are you pretty?”

*click* (from them)

I’m running out of new ideas on how to get that *click*

So, it's you, ckn!  Please stop it, and for the record, I am plug ugly!

For a new idea, try, "I like rugby league.  Do you?"

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1 minute ago, Wiltshire Warrior Dragon said:

So, it's you, ckn!  Please stop it, and for the record, I am plug ugly!

For a new idea, try, "I like rugby league.  Do you?"

“Can you fix my TV signal, every time I put rugby union on it seems to freeze for one minute in every two?”

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"When in deadly danger, when beset by doubt; run in little circles, wave your arms and shout"

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1 hour ago, The Hallucinating Goose said:

Answer the phone and say in a distraught tone,

"I've killed my wife and dumped her body in the river. It's not my fault! The voices made me do it! I'm heartbroken, I love her! I can't take this anymore!" 

Scream manically and then pop a balloon. 

*click* 😁

And then you realise mistakenly that it was your mother in law calling to say hello 😄 

I met my wife at university, a couple of years later she was doing dental nursing work for her dad during the summer, she often called for some reason or another and we used to have a running joke going where I’d make a sexist comment. One time, I saw the dental surgery number and responded with “what do you want this time, woman?”. I got “Oh hello Craig, it’s (mother in law to be)”, she was their practice manager and was calling to invite me over for dinner that night. Cue lots of explanation that I wasn’t really a misogynistic thwaite...

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"When in deadly danger, when beset by doubt; run in little circles, wave your arms and shout"

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30 minutes ago, ckn said:

And then you realise mistakenly that it was your mother in law calling to say hello 😄 

I met my wife at university, a couple of years later she was doing dental nursing work for her dad during the summer, she often called for some reason or another and we used to have a running joke going where I’d make a sexist comment. One time, I saw the dental surgery number and responded with “what do you want this time, woman?”. I got “Oh hello Craig, it’s (mother in law to be)”, she was their practice manager and was calling to invite me over for dinner that night. Cue lots of explanation that I wasn’t really a misogynistic thwaite...

One of my favourite jokes of recent times. 

A man was digging a hole in his back garden when he came across an old wooden box. Using a screwdriver, he managed to break the lock on the box and open it where he discovered it was filled to the brim with gold coins. Immediately he shot into the house to show his wife... And then he remembered why he was digging the hole... 

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40 minutes ago, ckn said:

And then you realise mistakenly that it was your mother in law calling to say hello 😄 

Result!

  • Haha 1

"We are easily breakable, by illness or falling, or a million other ways of leaving this earthly life. We are just so much mashed potato."  Don Estelle

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 02/08/2018 at 18:07, tonyXIII said:

I don't know if this is a rant, but it is related to smart meters.

I've recently seen loads of adverts on TV along the lines of: Fred had a smart meter installed and, with the energy he saved, he was able to power his mobility scooter for 1200 miles.

That has to be ######! Changing the device that measures your energy consumption cannot, of itself, reduce your energy consumption. As a trained scientist, I am confident in my logic. Can someone point out a flaw in my logic? Please? Because my blood pressure rises every time I see these lying adverts.

 

I have just been offered a free 2nd generation meter from my powered supplier.

Is it worth having one?

Ron Banks

Bears and Barrow

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2 hours ago, Bearman said:

I have just been offered a free 2nd generation meter from my powered supplier.

Is it worth having one?

If it's free, then it probably is worth it.

There could be other reasons to have a smart meter, but just having a smart meter will not save you money. You have to reduce your electricity consumption in order to pay less. If, for example, the smart meter allowed you to use more environmentally friendly electricity*, such as wind generated, and the environment is important to you, then get one and enjoy your environmentally friendly electricity.

* I don't think it can.

Rethymno Rugby League Appreciation Society

Founder (and, so far, only) member.

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On 12/09/2020 at 12:52, ckn said:

The last one of these was a new variant of Number 1: “Hello, this is Virgin Media, your internet router is causing problems, I need to help you fix it”. (We’re not with Virgin Media)

I responded with heavy breathing and “Do you want to be my friend?” in the creepiest voice I could generate.

Silence.

They tried again.

I responded “Are you pretty?”

*click* (from them)

I’m running out of new ideas on how to get that *click*

Start a discussion about a structure change in the British RL system. 99% of the time it will work just hope to god Parksider doesn’t work in a call centre. 

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