Another Joke Thread

[Old Frightful]

[Futtocks]

One for @Farmduck

 

[Old Frightful]

[Old Frightful]

[tonyXIII]

18 hours ago, Old Frightful said:

Ha, ha. That is the funniest joke ever on here.

Am I missing something?

[Old Frightful]

3 hours ago, tonyXIII said:

Ha, ha. That is the funniest joke ever on here.

Am I missing something?

As is well known on here, I'm a bit pants at anything IT related but, quite often, when I put a photo on this thread it will disappear after a while.

Some sort of copyright jiggery pokery thing perhaps?

[Old Frightful]

[Futtocks]

 

[Bearman]

Two men were window shopping one of them said

" That's the one I'd get"

With that Polyphemus came round the corner and thumped him

[JohnM]

VG.

[Futtocks]

Happy Yorkshire Day to those who are of The Faith.

 

[Les Tonks Sidestep]

Wrong thread 

Edited August 2, 2023 by Les Tonks Sidestep

[Number 16]

A Royal Engineer dies.. and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has airconditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?" Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"

[graveyard johnny]

I thought removing the shell from my pet snail would make it faster but .......................... its made it more sluggish!

[Futtocks]

[Futtocks]

[Stirlin]

wrong thread

 

Edited September 26, 2023 by Stirlin

[RoyBoy295]

My mate told me that he failed his Aboriginal music exam.

I asked him digeridoo it 

[Stirlin]

Drinking to excess can often cause temporary memory loss or even worse, temporary memory loss

[Stirlin]

Ever since I was a child I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got problems, every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink.
"Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"One hundred fifty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.

"I'll sleep on it," I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street, he asked, "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?"

"Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup truck."

With a bit of an attitude he said, "Is that so? And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"


"He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody there now."

It's always better to get a second opinion

[Bedfordshire Bronco]

On 29/07/2023 at 16:46, Bearman said:

Two men were window shopping one of them said

" That's the one I'd get"

With that Polyphemus came round the corner and thumped him

Should have said Cyclops.....would have meant I didn't need to Google!

[gazza77]

A Trump supporter was seated next to an older woman on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

 

The old woman, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, 

 

“What would you want to talk about?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the man. “How about how they stole the election in 2020 and Donald Trump should be president.” 

 

“Okay,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

 

The man, visibly surprised by the old woman’s, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

 

To which the old woman replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss politics, when you don’t know s***?”

[Old Frightful]

[Gerrumonside ref]

1. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

[Futtocks]